maandag, december 29, 2003

IrElAnD, tHe ROaD tO rEcOvErY

A fine little holiday which shuts down all of Ireland but a handful of pubs and a a few bus routes: Say hello to St. Stephen's Day, Ireland's equal to England's Boxing Day?

In Ireland, St. Stephen's Day is the day for "Hunting the Wren" or "Going on the Wren." Originally, groups of small boys would hunt for a wren, and then chase the bird until they either caught it or it died from exhaustion. The dead bird was tied to the top of a pole or holly bush, which was decorated with ribbons or colored paper.

Early in the morning of St. Stephen's Day, the wren was carried from house to house by the boys, who wore straw masks or blackened their faces with burnt cork, and dressed in old clothes (often women's dresses.) At each house, the boys sing the Wren Boys' song. There are many versions and variations of this song, including the following:

The wren, the wren, the king of all birds,
On St. Stephen's Day was caught in the furze,
Although he is little, his family is great,
I pray you, good landlady, give us a treat.

My box would speak, if it had but a tongue,
And two or three shillings, would do it not wrong,
Sing holly, sing ivy--sing ivy, sing holly,
A drop just to drink, it would drown melancholy.

And if you draw it of the best,
I hope in heaven your soul will rest;
But if you draw it of the small,
It won't agree with these wren boys at all.

Of course, in Desultory Turgescence Land, St Stephen's Day is an excuse to wander vast passages of Galway in a vain search for the perfect pint of Guinness.

Failing that, there's always Irish Whiskey to get one through the day.

woensdag, december 24, 2003

Finally! America Confesses!

U.S. Discovers Its First Suspected Case of Mad Cow Disease

A sick cow slaughtered about two weeks ago near Yakima, Wash., has tested positive for mad cow disease in early laboratory results, the first such case in the United States, the secretary of agriculture said on Tuesday.

Hang on, sorry. I thought they meant Mad President Jesus Pig Disease. Not this time around I'm afraid. Hohoho. Have a very Scary Christmas as you listen to President Jesus Bush perform The Night Before Christmas clearly on some form of Hillbilly Heroin.


O'course when he isn't misreading xmas poems for little kiddies, President Bush has been very busy with the celebration of Hanukkah 2003:

"I've asked the photographers here this evening because I'm told you all are smack dab in the middle of Hanukkah, which officials in the White House Department of Faith tell me is just a fancy Hebrewish word for "Celebrate the Murder of Christ." No matter – the Constitution still grants you folks the right to practice your peculiar faith here in America. And I'm bound to respect that, even though it strikes me as a bit odd that I am up here lighting this Mendora thing, when Christians are not yet free to ignite crosses in Israel. But that day will come. Oh yes, indeed!"


Speaking of which:

Israël: des soldats d'élite refusent de servir dans les territoires

"Nous ne donnerons plus nos vies pour l'oppression dans les territoires et la négation des droits de l'homme de millions de Palestiniens, et nous ne servirons plus de boucliers aux implantations" juives dans ces territoires, ont-ils ajouté dans une lettre. "Nous ne corromprons pas plus longtemps l'humanité que nous avons en nous en menant les missions d'une armée d'occupation (...). Autrefois, nous avons combattu pour une cause juste (mais aujourd'hui), nous avons dépassé la limite de l'oppression d'un autre peuple", précisent les réservistes, expliquant qu'ils "ne franchiront plus cette limite... " Bravo. via Je Blog


If you weren't convinced yet that the terrorists are coming to America for some more fun and destruction, the fact that this was allowed to happen just shows you how vulnerable we all are:

"An explosion rocked a dairy Tuesday, blowing the roof off the center section of the plant, starting a fire and injuring two people."

Need we say more?

dinsdag, december 23, 2003

The In Crowd

"We say outright: these are madmen, yet these madmen
have their own logic, their teaching, their code, their God
even, & it's as deepset as it could be."

— Dostoyevesky

More indications of the mental incapacity of our Fear of An Angry White America are in: Bush is More Popular Than Ever:

The poll also found that 63 percent thought the war was justified even if the United States did not find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

A cool ninety six percent of Americans thought that George Bush was the second coming of Christ and the final judgement day was upon us.


I believe this might make the prime ingredients for the old corporate Yuletide blender this year.

It's Saddam shame to die for a lie.

maandag, december 22, 2003

Dream Songs - 50

In a motion of night they massed nearer my post.
I hummed a short blues. When the stars went out
I studied my weapons system.
Grenades, the portable rack, the yellow spout
of the anthrax-ray: in order. Yes, and most
of my pencils were sharp

This edge of the galaxy has often seen
a defence so stiff, but it could only go
one way.
–Mr Bones, your troubles give me vertigo,
& backache. Somehow, when I make your scene,
I cave to feel as if

de roses of dawns & pearls of dusks, made up
by some ol’ writer-man, got right forgot
& the greennesses of ours.
Springwater grow so thick it gonna clot
and the pleasing ladies cease. I figure, yup,
you is bad powers.

Dream Song 46

I am, outside. Incredible panic rules.
People are blowing and beating each other without mercy.
Drinks are boiling. Iced
drinks are boiling. The worse anyone feels, the worse
treated he is. Fools elect fools.
A harmless man at an intersection said, under his breath: “Christ!”

That word, so spoken, affected the vision
of, when they trod to work the next day, shopkeepers
who went & were fitted for glasses.
Enjoyed they then an appearance of love & law.
Millenia whift & waft–one, one–er, er . . .
Their glasses were taken from them, & they saw.

Man has undertaken the top job of all,
son fin. Good luck.
I myself walked at the funeral of tenderness.
Followed other deaths. Among the last,
like the memory of a lovely fuck,
was: Do, ut des.

Berry xmas, man

For no reason other than the best one: because I think so, the xmas posts are in memory of my favorite American poet,
John Berryman.

let the berryment begin:

the 8th of his Dream Songs:


The weather was fine. They took away his teeth,
white & helpful; bothered his backhand;
halved his green hair.
they blew out his loves, his interests. ‘Underneath,’
(they called in iron voices) ‘understand,
is nothing. So there.’

The weather was very fine. They lifted off
his covers till he showed, and cringed & pled
to see himself less.
they installed mirrors till he flowed. ‘Enough’
(murmured they) ‘if you will watch Us instead,
yet you may saved be. Yes’

The weather fleured. They weakened all his eyes,
and burning thumbs into his ears, and shook
his hand like a notch.
They flung long silent speeches. (Off the hook!)
They sandpapered his plumpest hope. (So capsize.)
They took away his crotch.

As Safe as Dry Gauze for Covering Long-Term Central IV Catheters in Haemodialysis Patients

"The capture of Saddam is a good thing which I hope very much will keep our soldiers in Iraq and around the world safer, but the capture of Saddam has not made America safer.'' Howard Dean directly contradicting the pollyannish doggerel from the lips of President Jesus Bush as several Democratic presidential contenders who sought to burnish their foreign policy credentials after Saddam was captured like a fox in a hole.

Alot of idiots, let's say for example the inexpliquable little whiner with the Joe Lieberman wince who jealously grumbled that Dean was living in a "spider hole of denial" for not jumping out to wave his President Jesus Bush for Life flag and celebrate the capture of Saddam, acted like a pack of jackals salivating around a corpse when Saddam was captured.

Lieberman, chief idiot of the campaign to "sort of" unseat President Jesus Bush but not in any offensive way to his favorite right wing steering committee of the Democratic Party, apparently in all seriousness and candor, remarked:

"I fear that the American people will wonder if they will be safer with him as president if Howard Dean cannot understand why the capture of Saddam Hussein has made America safer.''

If America is so bloody safe now, according to war apologists like the impish little Lieberman, then why has the terrorism threat level been raised to my favourite color, orange yet again?

Federal officials said yesterday that because fresh intelligence suggests al Qaeda is planning multiple catastrophic terrorist attacks in the United States, they were raising the national threat alert status to "high risk," or code orange, a step administration officials previously had said they were reluctant to take except in the most unusual circumstances.

"The strategic [intelligence] indicators, including al Qaeda's continued desire to carry out attacks against our homeland, are perhaps greater now than at any point since September 11th," Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said at an impromptu news conference yesterday. "Information indicates that extremists abroad are anticipating near-term attacks that they believe will rival, or exceed, the attacks in New York [and] at the Pentagon."

Well, so much for the party for the capture of Saddam.

Here's your chuffin safe America, dedicated to the eternal optimist or bitter sycophant, Joe Lieberman:

"I encourage you to continue with your holiday plans," Ridge said. "Gather with your family and friends. . . . We will show the terrorists this holiday season both our goodwill toward our fellow men, and our readiness and resolve to protect our families."

Yeah, that'll show them! Run and hide and celebrate your holidays in spider holes!

zondag, december 21, 2003


"On the day when there was a full chamber-pot under the breakfast table I decided to leave. The place was beginning to depress me. It was not only the dirt, the smells, and the vile food, but the feeling of stagnant meaningless decay, of having got down into some subterranean place where people go creeping round and round, just like blackbeetles, in an endless muddle of slovened jobs and mean grievances. The most dreadful thing about people like the Brookers is the way they say the same things over and over again. It gives you the feeling that they are not real people at all, but a kind of ghost for ever rehearsing the same futile rigmarole. In the end Mrs Brooker’s self-pitying talk — always the same complaints, over and over, and always ending with the tremulous whine of ‘It does seem ‘ard, don’t it now?’ — revolted me even more than her habit of wiping her mouth with bits of newspaper. But it is no use saying that people like the Brookers are just disgusting and trying to put them out of mind. For they exist in tens and hundreds of thousands; they are one of the characteristic by-products of the modern world. You cannot disregard them if you accept the civilization that produced them. For this is part at least of what industrialism has done for us. Columbus sailed the Atlantic, the first steam engines tottered into motion, the British squares stood firm under the French guns at Waterloo, the one-eyed scoundrels of the nineteenth century praised God and filled their pockets; and this is where it all led — to labyrinthine slums and dark back kitchens with sickly, ageing people creeping round and round them like blackbeetles. It is a kind of duty to see and smell such places now and again, especially smell them, lest you should forget that they exist; though perhaps it is better not to stay there too long."

George Orwell from The Road to Wigan Pier


A priceless find proves where Saddam's true loyalties lie: Saddam
via Jack Bog's Blog

vrijdag, december 19, 2003

Useless Observation Whilst Walking Along the River Avon #209

Comparative Lyrics: The Illusion of Escaping Your Problems Through Infatuation and Vehicle Travel.

Springsteen's "Born to Run" ca. 1975

Together Wendy we'll live with the sadness
I'll love you with all the madness in my soul
Someday girl I don't know when
we're gonna get to that place
Where we really want to go
and we'll walk in the sun
But till then tramps like us
baby we were born to run

versus Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car"

you got a fast car
and I got a plan to get us outta here
I been working at the convenience store
managed to save a little bit of money
we wont have to drive too far
just 'cross the border and into the city
you and I can both get jobs
and finally see what it means to be living

Now, let's try the other ear:


Wendy let me in I wanna be your friend
I want to guard your dreams and visions
Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims
and strap your hands across my engines
Together we could break this trap
We'll run till we drop, baby we'll never go back
Will you walk with me out on the wire
`Cause baby I'm just a scared and lonely rider
But I gotta find out how it feels
I want to know if love is wild
girl I want to know if love is real


I remember we were driving driving in your car
the speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
city lights lay out before us
and your arm felt nice wrapped round my shoulder
and I had a feeling that I belonged
and I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

of course, Henry Miller didn't have the limitations of music to write to so he's allowed a little more liberal expansion of language when he writes:

"Life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestioningly. Everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. What seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with an open mind. Every moment is a golden one for him who has the vision to recognize it as such."


Because we've not reached the full compliment of the 21st century here at Desultory Turgescence and still DEVELOP film instead of pumping them out instantly from a digital device, we're still waiting for photos of Stratford Upon Avon during Christmas. Actually, they're still in the camera. But they will be snapped someday soon. In the interim, I was able to find at least one or two shots more industrious people have taken:

christmas shopper traffic, stratford-upon-avon

and yes, it looks like a terrorist fire in the city centre but is actually supposed to be a tree

Pretty lame depictions all around but even should the photos be snapped and developed, o, where to put them without paying to upload images on this glorious site?

Of course, if the evil electricity-doers have their way, there won't be any bloody light or power for Xmas anyway. Perhaps we'll have to call on Pippin the Christmas Pig to save us all.


American Girl in Italy claims she is going to follow up on this writing thing. Shall we reserve judgement until after the New Year?


Let The Mad Scape Goats Loose

"put my baby on the flat car
got to burn down the caboose
get 'em all jacked up on whiskey
then we'll turn the mad dog loose"

Tom Waits Hang on St Christopher

Everyone's favorite pseudo terrorist of the year, the man confined to a South Carolina brig without access to an attorney for 19 months, has been released from his dark hole in the abyss of the American justice system.

"A federal appeals court ruled Thursday that President Bush does not have the power to declare an American citizen seized on U.S. soil an "enemy combatant" and hold him indefinitely in military custody.

Now, I know this must be a typo because everyone KNOWS that President Jesus Bush is omnipotent and can do whatever he wants, wherever and whenever he wants to do it. Think he's going to listen to a little pissant like a federal appeals court judge?

""The President's inherent constitutional powers do not extend to the detention as an enemy combatant of American citizens without express congressional authorization," the court concluded in a decision signed by Judges Barrington D. Parker and Rosemary S. Pooler. "Padilla will be entitled to the constitutional protections extended to other citizens."

Sounds like these two judges might be some of them-thar terrorist agitator-types. If you're not sure, you can always consult Mrs Betty Bowers' Terrorist Watch to spot them anywhere, anytime.


Baghdad Burning has jumped on board with some observations on the Saddam capture:

"The electricity only returned a couple of hours ago. We've been without electricity for almost 72 hours- other areas have it worse. Today we heard the electricity won't be back to pre-war levels until the middle of next year.

We heard about Saddam's capture the day before yesterday, around noon. There was no electricity, so we couldn't watch tv. The first sign we got that something abnormal was occurring was the sound of a Klashnikov in the distance. I remembering pausing in my negotiations with E. over who should fill the kerosene heaters and listening hard to the sounds of shooting. I grabbed the battery-powered radio and started searching the stations, skipping from one to the other. I finally located a station that was broadcasting in Arabic and heard that Saddam may have been caught."

donderdag, december 18, 2003

Hostage Saddam

According to DEBKAfile analysts there are seven anomalies about the state of Saddam's hiding place to point to one conclusion: Saddam Hussein was not in hiding; he was a prisoner.

"After his last audiotaped message was delivered and aired over al Arabiya TV on Sunday November 16, on the occasion of Ramadan, Saddam was seized, possibly with the connivance of his own men, and held in that hole in Adwar for three weeks or more, which would have accounted for his appearance and condition. Meanwhile, his captors bargained for the $25 m prize the Americans promised for information leading to his capture alive or dead. The negotiations were mediated by Jalal Talabani’s Kurdish PUK militia.

These circumstances would explain the ex-ruler’s docility – described by Lt.Gen. Ricardo Sanchez as “resignation” – in the face of his capture by US forces. He must have regarded them as his rescuers and would have greeted them with relief.

From Gen. Sanchez’s evasive answers to questions on the $25m bounty, it may be inferred that the Americans and Kurds took advantage of the negotiations with Saddam’s abductors to move in close and capture him on their own account, for three reasons:

A. His capture had become a matter of national pride for the Americans. No kudos would have been attached to his handover by a local gang of bounty-seekers or criminals. The country would have been swept anew with rumors that the big hero Saddam was again betrayed by the people he trusted, just as in the war.

B. It was vital to catch his kidnappers unawares so as to make sure Saddam was taken alive. They might well have killed him and demanded the prize for his body. But they made sure he had no means of taking his own life and may have kept him sedated.

C. During the weeks he is presumed to have been in captivity, guerrilla activity declined markedly – especially in the Sunni Triangle towns of Falluja, Ramadi and Balad - while surging outside this flashpoint region – in Mosul in the north and Najef, Nasseriya and Hilla in the south. It was important for the coalition to lay hands on him before the epicenter of the violence turned back towards Baghdad and the center of the Sunni Triangle.

The Pot Calling the Kettle Black

"He's a deceiver, he's a liar, he's a torturer, he's a murderer. I can't imagine why he would change his attitude," President Jesus Bush told reporters in Washington referring to Saddam Hussein. "I'd be very cautious about relying upon his word in any way, shape or form."

Hmmm. It's already established that Bush is a Liar.

You could certainly make the argument that Bush is a Murderer.

In fact, "Bush, murderer" is a pretty popular chant in some parts.

Now the evidence of Bush being a torturer, well, one need only look at the liberal ranks in America to see the case being made and as Orwell wrote in "1984":

"Always there will be the intoxication of power, constantly increasing and constantly growing subtler ... If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face — for ever."


Please don't kill me Mister Bush!


So, if you're looking for a bigger enemy of humanity than President Jesus Bush, you need only look towards General Zod and his views on xmas:

"As you can see, I heard that this "Santa Claus" was making an appearance at a local mall. So I met him there, and ended the matter. I must ask you humans a question however: Why do you choose to celebrate an obese man in a hideous suit who has the stench of cheap liquor on his breath? The odor was so strong that even I, the great General Zod, chose to cover my nose while ending his life. Revolting.

Your Santa Claus is dead and I roasted his reindeer over an open fire (Non ate them shortly after). From this day forth, I am your new Santa. SANTA ZOD!"

I'm surprised President Jesus Bush hasn't thought of this one yet: even Santa is a terrorist.

President Santa Bush. Merry Deathmas.

woensdag, december 17, 2003

And Death Shall Have No Dominion

Dylan Thomas

And death shall have no dominion.
Dead men naked they shall be one
With the man in the wind and the west moon;
When their bones are picked clean and the clean bones gone,
They shall have stars at elbow and foot;
Though they go mad they shall be sane,
Though they sink through the sea they shall rise again;
Though lovers be lost love shall not;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
Under the windings of the sea
They lying long shall not die windily;
Twisting on racks when sinews give way,
Strapped to a wheel, yet they shall not break;
Faith in their hands shall snap in two,
And the unicorn evils run them through;
Split all ends up they shan't crack;
And death shall have no dominion.

And death shall have no dominion.
No more may gulls cry at their ears
Or waves break loud on the seashores;
Where blew a flower may a flower no more
Lift its head to the blows of the rain;
Though they be mad and dead as nails,
Heads of the characters hammer through daisies;
Break in the sun till the sun breaks down,
And death shall have no dominion.

dinsdag, december 16, 2003

WMDs of the Mind
"Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried." --Mae West

Not that this comes as shocking news but from the horse's mouth, Saddam himself, on the topic of WMDs, says: "No, of course not. The US dreamt them up itself to have a reason to go to war with us."

Chris Bunting quoting an article in Time quoting an unnamed intelligence officer.

While it is noted with glee that Saddam was captured without resistance, which to Big Brave Jesus Christ Bush, is akin to cowardice (as Bush should well know, having fought in SO many battles himself - jeez, the battle against booze, the battle against cocaine addiction, the battle against stupidity - all resolved through Jesus Christ. In any case, it should be pointed out that Saddam was captured in the same area back in 1959 and refused to resist even back then. Had he fought it out and died in a gun battle in 1959, who would have been around to be the pawn in Jesus Bush's little make Dick Cheney's oil-rich mates, hmmmm?

I've looked it up but apparently, there is no true, grassroots FrEE SADDAM! websites popping up just yet. Trust me lambs, it's only a matter of time.

Meanwhile, Howard Dean, leading candidate to unseat President Jesus, declared that "the capture of Saddam Hussein has not made America safer."

"The difficulties and tragedies which we have faced in Iraq show the administration launched the war in the wrong way, at the wrong time, with inadequate planning, insufficient help, and at the extraordinary cost, so far, of $166 billion..."

What do you think, will the word spider hole become the mot de passe for the exclusive rights into the Not-So-Secret Club of "I Told You So?"

Salam Pax says of the capture:

"I want a fully functioning Saddam who will sit on a chair in front of a TV camera for 10 hours everyday and tells us what exactly happened the last 30 years. I do not care about the fair trial thing Amnesty Int. is worried about and I don'r really care much about the fact that the Iraqi judges might not be fullt qualified, we all know he should rot in hell. but what I do care about is that he gets a public trial because I want to hear all the untold stories.

Sure to be a big pitstop for nonstop tourist attractions: To creep and crawl inside Saddam's Lair:

"He had food, of course - tins of cheap luncheon meat and fresh fruit - and I found his last books in a hut nearby: the philosophical works of Ibn Khaldun, the religious - and pro-Shi'ite - doctrines of the Abassid theorist Imam al-Shafei, and a heap of volumes of Arab poetry.

There were cassettes of Arabic songs and some cheap pictures, of sheep at sunset and Noah's Ark crowded with animals.

But this was no resistance headquarters, no place from which to run a war or start an insurgency."

Pity. For more on the implausibility of Saddam directing the anti-Amurrrrican campaign from a series of holes in the ground:

"There is no doubt that the gloating in both the White House and the media will continue for many days to come. Having demonized Hussein as the equal of Hitler, his apprehension is treated as a milestone in the birth of a “free” and “democratic” Iraq. This interpretation of events evades a number of inconvenient questions.

The first was posed by a reporter at the press conference held at the headquarters of the Coalition Provisional Authority in Baghdad to announce the capture. “Was it possible to run the guerrilla war from a hole underground,” he asked.

The answer is clearly no: Saddam Hussein was not some mastermind coordinating attacks that have risen recently to the level of 55 a day across the entire territory of Iraq. He was a hunted individual, apparently moving from place to place and preoccupied with his own survival. US military sources noted that no communications equipment, even cell phones, were found with Hussein and two companions.

One Good Move suggests that Saddam looks alot like Dennis Miller. Maybe so, but Saddam is certainly funnier.

And finally, for some perspective on the matters of the day, The Spoof has the exclusive comments of Saddam on his currents state of health:

“You know, I feel good. I’ve been working out and watching what I eat and eight months on the run can really melt the pounds off. I’m showered and shaved and ready to meet with my old friend and ally George Bush Sr. I have some things to say to him about his son. That kid is a snot.”

maandag, december 15, 2003

for all the little Saddams going gently into that night, a dedication:

from the Tehran Times (who else?) comes the following ditty on Uncle Saddam's capture:

"There was something very suspicious about the sudden fall of Baghdad, despite the presence of a battle-hardened regular army, many irregular loyalists, and deep bunkers. In addition, the fact that Saddam spent eight months on the run eluding the occupying forces was also a mystery, as is his capture.

Taking into consideration the fact that Saddam could only travel in 15 percent of Iraq’s territory, coupled with the activities of local militias opposed to his rule and the U.S.-led coalition troops, who tracked down and killed his sons Uday and Qusay, it seems that the U.S. knew the exact whereabouts of the dictator all along and postponed his capture as part of a preplanned scheme to tighten the siege on him and his staunch loyalists."

Is that to accuse the Jesus Christ-loving Bush Administration of a cynical, Machiavellian heresies in the market of truth? Hmmm. Interesting and further:

"After the coup, Saddam imposed an eight-year war against the Iranian people after having received the green light from the U.S. According to CIA documents, U.S. satellites and AWACS gave the Iraqi army information about the movements of the Iranian armed forces. Moreover, a large number of U.S. and other Western companies facilitated Saddam’s chemical weapons program, which produced weapons that were later used against Iran. Citing an example, current U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld traveled to Iraq several times and met with Saddam Hussein.

Taking all this into consideration and the planned scenario of the so-called campaign against terrorism, which was initiated after the suspicious September 11 attacks by the White House hawks, which was engineered with the purpose of dominating the world, especially the Islamic world, it would be naïve if one were to think that the occupiers would allow the oppressed Iraqi people to decide the fate of the dictator of the century.

Now, we should say “Saddam is finished” because his role in implementing the plots of the mafia of world powers has come to an end. He will vanish in U.S. detention and will never be allowed to speak freely."

And the band played on...

vrijdag, december 12, 2003

International Law? I'd Better Start A Bombing Campaign! (President Jesus Bush Has A Laugh)

In some ways, the glee is reminiscent of a Hitlerian jig; President Jesus Bush wowing them over here in Europe with his gleeful Comedy Club compassion.

The Independent reports:

"George Bush poured fuel on the flames of the Iraq contracts dispute yesterday with a sneering dismissal of a suggestion by the German Chancellor that the decision to bar Germany, France Russia and Canada from bidding might violate international law.

"International law? I'd better call my lawyer," the American President joked in response to a reporter's question at the White House.


More funny quotes from the Bush Fire Administration:

When a judge in Germany freed a 9/11 suspect after the German federal police had provided information, apparently taken from the interrogation of a top al Qaeda planner in U.S. custody, that the defendant had no advance knowledge of the plot, the United States naturally, piqued, (no Jesus Bush jigs over this one, I'm afraid):

As reported by the Washington Post,

"In Washington, Attorney General John D. Ashcroft told reporters that he was "disappointed that the case in Germany has taken the turn it has taken." He added that "fortunately, in the United States, we enjoy a legal structure which anticipates the need for protecting both national security and adjudicating the innocence or guilt of individuals who are charged."

Let that read, from the perspective of General Asscraft, "Fortunately in the United States, we enjoy a legal structure which allows us to ignore the legal rights of its own citizens and do, basically, anything we want to anyone we want to do it to, all in the hallowed name of the war on terrorism. Buaaahahah! Democracy, American-style!"


While the halfwit population in America appears to have trebled over the course of the last several years, in England, Tony Blair is having such a hard go of it, he's now had to call upon his imaginary friend for love and companionship. Apparently, his relationship with President Jesus Bush is too bloody expensive. His visit to England a few weeks ago cost the British taxpayers £4.1 million.

Of course, in realistic terms, this means Bush's visit cost about 4 wars worth of cash.


O Living Always, Always Dying
Walt Whitman

O living always, always dying!
O the burials of my past and present,
O me while I stride ahead, material, visible, imperious as ever;
O me, what I was for years, now dead, (I lament not, I am content;)
O to disengage myself from those corpses of me, which I turn and
look at where I cast them,
To pass on, (O living! always living!) and leave the corpses behind.

donderdag, december 11, 2003

Coffee Song

Way down among Brazilians
Coffee beans grow by the billions
So they’ve got to find those extra cups to fill
They’ve got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil

You can’t get cherry soda
’cause they’ve got to fill that quota
And the way things are I’ll bet they never will
They’ve got a zillion tons of coffee in Brazil

No tea or tomato juice
You’ll see no potato juice
The planters down in Santos all say no no no

The politician’s daughter
Was accused of drinking water
And was fined a great big fifty dollar bill
They’ve got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil

You date a girl and find out later
She smells just like a percolator
Her perfume was made right on the grill
Why they could percolate the ocean in Brazil

And when their ham and eggs need savor
Coffee ketchup gives ’em flavor
Coffee pickles way outsell the dill
Why they put coffee in the coffee in Brazil

So your lead to the local color
Serving coffee with a cruller
Dunking doesn’t take a lot of skill
They’ve got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil

words: bob hilliard/music: dick miles

woensdag, december 10, 2003

No Christmas For War Foes

4 Injured In Suicide Attack by Christmas Tree

WASHINGTON — The Pentagon has decided to bar nations that did not support the war in Iraq from celebrating Christmas this year, according to a directive released Tuesday.

In response to this announcement, 31-metre (100 feet) tall Christmas tree threw itself down upon a market filled with holiday shoppers in Prague's ancient Old Town Square injuring four people.

Prague rescue officials said the tree, which had been expressing anger at the Bush Administration throughout the morning, went plunging down into the stalls of several vendors at the market.

Marek Uhlir, a spokesman for the Prague rescue department, said two people suffered broken bones when the tree landed on them, while two others, including a child, had cuts and bruises.

Meanwhile the Christmas For Blood ruling, in a memo from Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, excludes Russia, Germany, France and other non-members of the coalition from celebrating Christmas or "any festive equivilent thereof" until further notice. It is the strongest U.S. retaliation yet against war opponents.

Only "good Christians" from Iraq, the United States and its coalition partners — 63 nations in all — will be allowed to open presents, sing carols, go shopping and sit on President Santa Bush's lap to be awarded major contracts to rebuild the electrical and water systems and the housing, transportation and oil infrastructures. Britain, Spain, Italy and many Eastern European countries will be able to celebrate Christmas.

A Pentagon spokesman said the order does not prohibit people from the excluded countries from drinking eggnog or buying Christmas presents for the nations that participated in destroying in Iraq and other unsavory Yuletide acts.

When the United States and Britain failed to win United Nations support for the war in March, U.S. officials warned they might retaliate against war critics.

In recent months, however, U.S. diplomats have moved to ease tensions with France, Germany and Russia as the U.S.-led occupation in Iraq has encountered difficulties and international help has been sought.

The administration said the ruling is not designed to punish and should not slow efforts to win broad support. A Pentagon official, who did not want to be identified, said banned nations can still send troops or money and become eligible: "We'd welcome their support."

Naturally, communist pinko, terrorist-loving, anti-American Democrats were quick to criticize the move, saying it conflicts with administration efforts to broaden international support for the coalition. Last week, Secretary of State Colin Powell and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld were in Europe seeking help in Iraq from NATO.

"At the very time the secretary of State and secretary of Defense were at NATO requesting greater allied participation in Iraq and Afghanistan, we stick a finger in the eye of those whose help we are seeking," said Delaware Sen. Joseph Biden, the senior Democrat on the Foreign Relations Committee.

Reaction was unavailable from European capitals, though a French diplomat in Washington said the French think Christmas is a stupid holiday anyway and weren't going to celebrate it in either case.

In his memo, the Administration Automoton Wolfowitz said restricting the celebration of Christmas IS NECESSARY FOR THE PROTECTION OF THE ESSENTIAL SECURITY INTERESTS OF THE United States" Anyone who disagrees with this, of course, is a terrorist and should be killed immediately, he added subtextually.

dinsdag, december 09, 2003

Did I expect George Bush to fuck it up as badly as he did?

Nahhhh. From the mouths of babes and now the lips of Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry, poet and motorcycle hero, the everyman of every voter, who now apparently wants to corner the hiphop vote, interviewed in Rolling Stone:

Did you feel you were blindsided by Dean's success?

"Well, not blindsided. I mean, when I voted for the war, I voted for what I thought was best for the country. Did I expect Howard Dean to go off to the left and say, "I'm against everything"? Sure. Did I expect George Bush to fuck it up as badly as he did? I don't think anybody did."

Naturally the voting vox have their panties in a bunch over the foul language and tsktsk, isn't it worse than blowjobs and killing innnocent civilians, but the bigger concern should be the fact that he didn't think anybody thought Bush'd fuck it up as badly as he did -- Hell, even Emily Dickinson was aware of it!

Part Four: Time and Eternity
Emily Dickinson


LET down the bars, O Death!
The tired flocks come in
Whose bleating ceases to repeat,
Whose wandering is done.

Thine is the stillest night,
Thine the securest fold;
Too near thou art for seeking thee,
Too tender to be told.


Swing Low....

Yesterday was a day to celebrate in London. In fact, hundreds of thousands of England supporters paid tribute to their heroes at a victory parade in central London. Police estimated that 750,000 supporters made the trip to central London, making the day the largest sporting celebration of its kind in the United Kingdom

As The Independent notes:

"In Oxford Street the impact was astonishing. As the buses rolled under Marble Arch and swung into the street, the density of the crowds plainly stunned the players. Halfway down Oxford Street the people starting singing "Swing Low, Sweet Chariot" and, from every side street, they came running, businessmen in pin stripes, elegant lady denizens of Mayfair, shopgirls. A copper blew his whistle in long, jubilant blasts.

In Regent Street, the pavements and the rooftops and the balconies were jammed. A man in an Australian shirt waved that country's flag defiantly at the chariot, and the players laughed and cheered and nobody tried to storm his balcony. Hamley's toy store was not above a little bit of salesmanship - a great banner hung from its building, announcing: "The finest toys salute the finest boys in the world." At New Zealand House, the pain of All Black defeat had receded enough for a generous declaration: "100 per cent pure congratulations." Then, after the thronged old heart of the empire, Piccadilly Circus, there was Trafalgar Square and the great array of red and white, and the media calls and the receptions at Buckingham Palace and Downing Street. But you had to believe the heart, and the strength, of the day was in the streets, in the interaction of a people and its heroes. Whatever else happened, you knew that had been perfect.

In a pub in Shepherd's Market an ageing man, not unemotional, recalled a time of his youth when, as a member of a bomber crew which had to make a crash landing, he was obliged to walk with his crewmates through a town centre in Lincolnshire for a train that would take them back to base. They were were, of necessity, wearing their flying gear and something remarkable happened. People came out of their shops and their offices and applauded. The old man said that he had never felt such a sense of a nation as one, of such a strong bonding. He said that he heard more than an echo of that in the streets of London yesterday. Maybe everyone needs their heroes, on a battlefield or in the skies or a sports pitch."

Cup Runneth Over

Don't look now but the Dogfish Head Craft Brewery out of Milton, Delaware has a beer out called World Wide Stout which has a staggering 23% alchohol by volume. The world's strongest dark beer, it is brewed using six different yeast strains over seven months and then aged. "Dark, rich, roasty, and complex, World Wide Stout has more in common with a fine port than a can of cheap, mass-marketed beer."

And to think, I learned all this sitting in a pub in the understated village of Kineton thumbing through one of the copies of the Warwickshire CAMRA newsletter.

I'm still wondering: "Did I expect George Bush to fuck it up as badly as he did?"

"This is still a dangerous world. It's a world of madmen and uncertainty and potential mental losses."
-- Our Hero and Savior, President Bush, at a South Carolina oyster roast; quoted in the Financial Times, Jan.14, 2000

Speaking of fucking up, who'd have thought Nigel France, the landlord at the Kings Head in Southworld, Suffolk, could?

Nigel France is the idiot who decided to sell beer in either half-pint measures - served in a 12 oz glass - or a two-pint pitcher in his pub. WHY would someone do this, you might wonder...He said at home he wouldn't allow beer to slop over the top of a glass and onto his floor or table and he would not allow it in his pub. So there:

"The reason I don't sell pints is very simple," he said. "I just can't stand the stains, the rings and the stickiness left on the counter by pint glasses filled to the brim. I don't believe anyone at home gets a pint and fills it to the brim and lets the beer run down the sides, carries it dripping across their floor and then makes the Olympic logo on their tables and I don't like to do it in a public house," he said.

But Adnams Brewery was less than happy about his decision to remove the pint - a measure regarded as "synonymous" with traditional values. Managers travelled to the Kings Head pub in High Street, Southwold, for talks and informed him of their decision to terminate the tenancy agreement if he refused to back down.

"I can't believe such a drama can be created by something so insignificant," said the father-of-two. "I haven't served pints for 13 years and I don't serve a pint in my present establishment and because of that Adnams has given us notice.

"The 12oz measures I serve leave plenty of room for an attractive head. It's no more or no less than that. It's not rocket science. Only a minority of Neanderthal macho-males need the pint that badly.

"There must be more important things in a public house than the brimful pints - like service, standards and atmosphere. We're not disappointed. If Adnams want us out we'll go. We are just stunned that they could get into such a lather over it."

Adios, moron.


by Orhan Veli Kanik

Toward the coming on of evening, in winter time,
At the window of a sick man's bedroom-
I'm not the only one to be so alone;
It's dark on the sea, the sky is dark, too.
Funny, how the birds are behaving tonight!
Don't mind that I'm poor, that I'm alone in the world;
-Toward the coming on of evening in winter time-
I too in my time have had my love affairs.
To be famous, to have women, to make money-
In time one gets to know the world as it is.

Is it because we're to die that we have these regrets?
What were we, what happened to us in this world,
In this mortal old world, except evil?
We shall be rid of our dirt at our death,
With death we'll get to be good men at last.
Being famous, having women, making money, and all-
We'll forget all that when we die.

Translated by David Garwood (1982)


maandag, december 08, 2003

Een Prinses

So, Maxima, daughter of one implicated in Argentina's dirty war, has bestowed a baby girl of her own to the good people of Holland.

"Maxima and I are proud and happy to announce the birth of a healthy baby girl," a beaming Prince Willem-Alexander said. "She's like a cloud."

Hmmm. Wonder what kind of cloud he had in mind. Perhaps something like this?

"The most potent
weapon in the hands of
the oppressor is the
mind of the oppressed."

— Steve Biko

The voting age may be lowered to 16 in England because the government believes doing so would re-engage young people in politics.

Does that mean Eminem will be the next Prime Minister?


Must cop to some official jealousy about this weekend: a what a wonderful blizzard in NYC over the last few days. How I yearned to look out my window and see big, wet flakes falling down.

"It's the biggest storm ever in the first 10 days of December, at least since they started keeping records in 1869," Manhattan weather historian Steve Fybish said.

Meanwhile, here in Warwickshire, one must rely upon mere videos of snowfall for such pleasures.


That isn't to say we aren't don't have some excitement today as up to half a million supporters are expected to flock to central London on Monday for England's Rugby World Cup victory parade.

Odd, they've lined the streets of Birmingham and the big shopping districts of London with armed coppers to "scare off" the big terrorist plot everyone has been waiting for and yet, here we are, lining the streets with half a million people celebrating as though there were no possibility of London Terrorism. It must be my warped thinking but it was the first thought upon hearing a half a million celebrating: boom.


vrijdag, december 05, 2003

Don't Look Now, The Arseholes Are Creeping In!

As a refugee from the anti-smoking wars in NYC, it is dismaying to see that the disease of legislated morality is spreading like an ebola of the mind.

First, we must change all plans and rush to Ireland before New Years Eve if we ever want to see it in its natural state again because beginning on the first of the year, Ireland will become the first EU country to ban smoking in pubs.

Enveloped in a cloud of smoke and clutching a glass of Ireland's most famous export, Leslie -- a 54-year-old builder with the mannerisms of a left-bank philosopher -- says: "This is not America. Over here it's part of our culture to drink and smoke.".

Not any more, Paddy. Just drink and shuddup, yea. Smoking is baaaaad for you, dontcha know? And thank GOD we have an absolutely brilliant load of government bureaucrats throughout the world who couldn't pass a law to help society to save their pathetic, slinking lives of corruption and thievery but can damned well mumble the same hymns and slogans over and over again if it helps save the bloody nation from death by smoking and GOD ONLY KNOWS how cancer is ONLY CAUSED by smoking, not by oh, let's say the burning of fossils fuels, such as gasoline in cars or coal in power plants, that create air pollutants such as ozone, airborne particles small enough to be inhaled, carbon dioxide and other gases. Or the shite and preservatives they put in food to make it more convenient for our busy lives to have five seconds for a tastily-nuked meal to shove down our healthy traps.

"God help the fellas from the Department of Health who have to enforce the ban," says one local drinker, tucking into his second pint of Guinness before lunch.

Coming on the heels of this is the ribald quackery are the arseholes at the Lancet who are calling for a jihad against smoking, whining that the Government should all be our morality nannies and calls on the Government to ban tobacco to "save the lives of hundreds of thousands of people" and make tobacco an illegal product.

Ohhh dear, save hundreds of thousands of people! We must enlist for this straight away but tell me dear Mullahs good vicars, why not insist upon a smoking ban now, everywhere, forever? Why not insist that everyone eat yogurt and meditate over the bible or over medical journals or over good health and we all pray for good karma and no giant meteors to strike us and that we all live for ever and ever, billions of years even, Amen, because if we stop all those mean old tobacco smokers from smoking, we could save BILLIONS of useless lives straight away!

"If tobacco were an illegal substance, possession of cigarettes would become a crime, and the number of smokers would drastically fall. Cigarette smoking is a dangerous addiction. We should be doing a great deal more to prevent this disease and to help its victims. We call on Tony Blair's government to ban tobacco," it says.

Better still, let's read what the Lancet says about Desultory Turgescence's favorite jackal-in-waiting, George W. Bush:

"Since Sept 11, 2001, President Bush's main preoccupation has become the safety of the American people. Their health is taking a back seat. While searching for weapons of mass destruction abroad, Bush is in danger of ignoring the real and proven effects of a harmful agent found in his country--tobacco. The evidence that tobacco products kill or disable is incontrovertible. "

Yes indeed, let's keep our priorities straight, shall we?

Jaysus! Don't they realize there is War on Terror being fought? (mumblemumble...)

If you're not convinced, have a look in the streets of Birmingham these days. Think all those armed police are patrolling the streets to fight off the evils of tobacco?

Hopefully, this anti-smoking hysteria will die out like the smoldering butt of a cigarette in an ashtray so we are not all forced to move from country to country like a caravan of smoking gypsies in search of less draconian anti-smoking regulations.

And if you have to, BURN your copies of the Lancet like a good ole Hamlet cigar in order to save the planet from more moralistic stupidity bleeding through.

Chanson du Jour:

Career Opportunities
The Clash


The offered me the office, offered me the
They said I'd better take anything they'd got
Do you wanna make tea at the BBC?
Do you wanna be, do you really wanna be a cop?

Career opportunities are the ones that never knock
Every job they offer you is to keep you out the dock
Career opportunity, the ones that never knock

I hate the army an' I hate the R.A.F.
I don't wanna go fighting in the tropical heat
I hate the civil service rules
And I won't open letter bombs for you

Bus driver....ambulance man....ticket inspector

They're gonna have to introduce conscription
They're gonna have to take away my prescription
If they wanna get me making toys
If they wanna get me, well, I got no choice


Ain't never gonna knock

dinsdag, december 02, 2003


Bruce Cockburn

Here comes the helicopter -- second time today
Everybody scatters and hopes it goes away
How many kids they've murdered only God can say
If I had a rocket launcher...I'd make somebody pay

I don't believe in guarded borders and I don't believe in hate
I don't believe in generals or their stinking torture states
And when I talk with the survivors of things too sickening to relate
If I had a rocket launcher...I would retaliate

On the Rio Lacantun, one hundred thousand wait
To fall down from starvation -- or some less humane fate
Cry for guatemala, with a corpse in every gate
If I had a rocket launcher...I would not hesitate

I want to raise every voice -- at least I've got to try
Every time I think about it water rises to my eyes.
Situation desperate, echoes of the victims cry
If I had a rocket launcher...Some son of a bitch would die