donderdag, maart 31, 2005

Terry Schiavo Still Not Dead And Doesn't Need Feeding Tube
Sainthood Not Far Down The Road

Despite the US Court of Appeals declining for the fifth time to intervene in the case, it appears that Terry Schiavo does not need a feeding tube to stay alive and that the iron will and prayers of the good Christians of America and Jesse Jackson, will suffice until saner, more compassionate minds and hearts prevail.

Although it has now been 13 days since her feeding tube was removed and over a week and a half since Congress failed to stick it back in, and whilst Schiavo was weak from lack of nutrition, according to all reports her organs were functioning Wednesday and she was still alive.

Less than two years ago, this same Terry Schiavo experienced a miracle after doctors were ordered to reinsert her feeding tube following legislative flurry and gubernatorial intervention on her behalf but the stakes are raised now and the longer she goes on living without her precious little tube, the more beatific she becomes.

A group called Family is so excited about her ability to live without her feeding tube that she is being considered as a doll of One of the Original Saints, the proceeds of which will go toward funding more Christian organisations that use their outraged morality as an excuse to interfere with the American political system.


Meanwhile, in a crass display of the pecking order of Christianity, whilst America tries to starve Terry Schiavo to death with no feeding tube, The Pope was being fitted for his own nasal feeding tube.

Vatican officials were at a loss to explain why Terry Schiavo could continue living without her feeding tube but the mighty and omniscent Pope required a feeding tube to stay alive.

An anonymous source within the Schiavo family scoffed at the news, noting "Our precious little Terry can live without a feeding tube, why can't the Pope? What kind of weakling is he anyway?"


While the Pope needs a feeding tube and Terry Schiavo doesn't, testimony in the Michael Jackson child-molestation trial continued on with a weighty presentation on the definition of cuddle.

Flight attendant Cynthia Bell took the stand to talk about what she observed between the singer and the accuser during a flight back from Miami on Jackson's private jet. Prosecutors asked Bell if she ever saw Jackson "cuddling" with the accuser, and she said she saw him put his arm around the boy while listening to music. When asked if she considered that cuddling, Bell said, "It depends on what your definition of cuddling is."

She did not comment on what the her definition of "child rape" or "kiddy porn" is.


And finally, in a pique of irony, it is reported that whilst Terry Schiavo continues to live without her feeding tube and the Pope continues to live WITH his feeding tube, Andrew Toti, the man who saved President Bush Number One, died.

Toti whose many inventions included an automated chicken plucker and a pop-top beer can and who was credited with inventing the Mae West flotation device, could simply not be saved after suffering a fall a few months ago.

Thousand of sailors and airmen during World War II owed their lives to their trusty Mae West, including a young Navy pilot, Lt. j.g. George H. W. Bush. Shot down over the Pacific on Sept. 2, 1944, the future president managed to stay afloat until he was spotted by passing planes and then rescued by a submarine. "Please tell [your father] a grateful Navy man who benefited from his invention sends his best wishes," he said in a message to Mr. Toti's daughter at a ceremony in the inventor's honor last fall.

zondag, maart 27, 2005

Crowds Hope For Easter Blessing From Terri Schiavo

Pilgrims and tourists headed to Terri Schiavo's hopsice on Easter Day in hopes that though ailing she would be strong enough, despite nine days without food or water, to appear to the crowds and deliver an Easter Sunday blessing.

For the first time since the Florida Supreme Court dismissed a request from the parents' attorney to have their daughter's feeding tube reinserted, both the Pope and Terri Schiavo were skipping Easter Sunday Mass at midmorning.

The Pope is skipping out because he continues his convalescence following two recent hospitalizations for breathing crises and Terri Schiavo can't make it because doctors do not expect Schiavo to live beyond next Friday so there are more pressing matters on her mind, like damn, I wish I had a Big Mac.

The Vatican said the legal fight to prolong the 41-year-old woman's life is drawing to an end and that that since surgeons inserted a tube in John Paul's throat to help him breathe, the pontiff has uttered only a few words in public.

Odd, isn't it? In Florida, the doctors removed tubes from a 41-year-old woman in a vegetative state in order to starve her to death, not to keep her alive, and in the Vatican, the doctors are inserted tubes to help the Pope breath and keep him alive.

Let that be a lesson kids. If you want decent medical attention, it's better to be the Pope.

donderdag, maart 24, 2005

The Icelandman Commeth

The Free Bobby lobby must be happy.

Chess legend Bobby Fisher is headed to Iceland after finally being freed from eight month's detention in Japan.

Iceland's Parliament voted to award citizenship to Mr. Fischer, a tribute to his epic cold war match in 1972 in Reykjavik against the Russian Boris Spassky.

He has tried to seek political asylum and to renounce his US citizenship, and announced plans to marry Miyoko Watai, head of the Japanese chess association, with whom he had been living in Japan.

Iceland is a close US ally, and as the only non-armed member of Nato depends on Wash ington for its defence. Reykjavik's actions won praise from Fischer's supporters. "Very few countries would have the courage to do what Iceland has done," said John Bosnitch, head of the Committee to Free Bobby Fischer.

Fisher was in detention for trying to leave the country using an invalid passport which was a initially a backhanded way for Japan to do America's bidding. The American government wanted him as Fischer is wanted in the U.S. for playing an exhibition match against Russian Boris Spassky in 1992 on the resort island of Sveti Stefanin. The match was held in violation of sanctions imposed on the former Yugoslavia. Of course, if it had been one of VP Cheney's war-for-profit buddies at Haliburton, violating sanctions would have been ignored but unlike war-for-profit cronies of Cheney, if convicted in the U.S., Fischer could face 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine.

The granting of citizenship will only protect Fischer to an extent. Iceland, like Japan, has an extradition treaty with the U.S. and Washington could continue to seek his arrest.

Fischer was characteristically defiant as he arrived at the airport to be free of Japan.

"I won’t be free until I get out of Japan. This was not an arrest. It was a kidnapping cooked up by Bush and Koizumi," he said, referring to US President George Bush and Japanese prime minister Junichiro Koizumi.

Asked why he thought the US had pursued him for so long, Fischer replied, "It’s a Jew-controlled country," and launched into an anti-Semitic tirade.

As he walked towards the airport entrance, he turned, unzipped his trousers and acted as if he was going to urinate on the wall.

Fischer, meanwhile, says he will launch a $200m civil suit against the US government for wrongful imprisonment and emotional harm.

Of course, with the unnaturally expensive prices of Iceland, he might need every penny.

Fisher's legend is well documented by The Guardian's Stephen Moss:

"Many believe Fischer to be the greatest player of all time. Kasparov, who himself retired recently at the age of 41, had a higher official rating, but that may be misleading - there is an element of inflation in ratings over time. One thing is certain: a match between the two would be a media sensation. Even if they played now, it would be a multimillion-dollar event. How galling it must be for active grandmasters that the world is focused entirely on these two retired rogue bulls of the board. Fischer v Kasparov in Reykjavik some time next year? Why not? See you there!"

By the way, have a listen to Lazy Susan's song about Bobby Fisher. via One Good Move

dinsdag, maart 22, 2005

America: Full of Holes
Dithering Congress Wrong on All Counts, More Die

Oh, the sweet irony.

Was it just last week that America's Congress was underscoring its own uselessness and flair for wasting tax dollars with its rubber pitbull impression of an "investigation" of baseball's steroid policy? And get this, they did it because they were concerned that a few teens on steroids had committed suicide.

Then this weekend, in a fit of misguided Christian Fundamentalism, they rush President Jesus Bush from his extended Easter holidays to sign their new bill into law all in order to "save the life" of ONE vegetative, brain-damaged woman.

And for what?

So they can stand with their collective thumbs up their collective arses on gun control after yet another American teen goes on a shooting rampage at school.

Where are the special legislative sessions and new bills passed now?

Where is President Jesus Bush's magical pen to pass new bills into law on gun control?

Nowhere of course because Americans love their guns and they want to keep dirty little secrets like gun control laws, silent.

So here's to America, a big cuppa hypocrisy and getting every shooting rampage death they deserve.

Now the only question is where Überjackass, Charlton Heston when it comes time to self-righteously pontificate on the utility of Americans love for guns and killing?

And let's hear it for President Jesus Bush and Congress.

One brain-damaged life saved, 10 more healthy Americans killed.

Well done.

zondag, maart 20, 2005

The Poem Politic 10: A Note for Future Historians

When writing of us, state
as your first premise
You will never understand us
otherwise, say that we

cherished war

over peace and comfort
over feeding the poor
over our own health
over love, even the act of it
over religion, all of them, except
perhaps certain forms of Buddhism

that we never failed to pass bills of war
through our legislatures, using the pressures
of imminent invasion or disaster (potential)
abroad as absolution for not spending moneys
on projects which might make us happy or even
save us from clear and evident crises at home

Write of us that we spent millions educating
the best of our youth and then slaughtered them
capturing some hill or swamp or no value and
bragged for several months about how well they died
following orders that were admittedly stupid, ill-conceived

Explain how the military virtues, best practiced
by robots, are most valued by us. You will never come
to understand us unless you realize, from the first,
that we love killing and kill our own youth, our own great
men FIRST. Enemies can be forgiven, their broken bodies
mourned over, but our own are rarely spoken of except in
political speeches when we "honor" the dead and encourage
the living young to follow their example and be gloriously
dead also

NOTE: Almost all religious training, in all our countries,
dedicates itself to preparing the people for war.
Catholic chaplains rage against "peaceniks," forgetting
Christ's title in the Church is Prince of Peace;
Baptists shout of the ungodly and the necessity of
ritual holy wars while preaching of the Ten Commandments
each Sunday; Mohammedans, Shintoists look forward
to days of bloody retribution while Jews march
across the sands of Palestine deserts, Rabbis
urging them on . . . .


Will expose our children, our homes to murder and
devastation on the chance that we can murder or devastate
FIRST and thus gain honor. No scientist is respected whose
inventions help mankind, for its own sake, but only when
those discoveries also help to destroy, or to heal soldiers,
that they may destroy other men and living things

Be aware that
Destiny has caught us up, our choices made
subtly over the ages have spun a web about us:
It is unlikely we will escape, having geared
everything in our societies toward war and combat.
It is probably too late for us to survive
in anything like our present form.


If you build monuments let them all
say that, as warning, as a poison label
on a bottle, that you may not ever
repeat our follies, feel our griefs.

--Keith Wilson

fr. Graves Registry & Other Poems

zaterdag, maart 19, 2005

I Haven't Written Fuck All Lately

Why not?


One: Insane Clown Posse.

Two: Osdorp Posse.

What else is there? Writing bitterly about politics? Ills of society? Good prolo PC writing?


woensdag, maart 09, 2005

Jackson Defense Reveals Al Qaida Link And False Testimony
Child Molestation Part of Ongoing Government Investigation

SANTA MARIA, California -- Michael Jackson's defense attorney Tuesday went after the brother of the teenage boy accusing the pop star of child molestation, alleging that the boy was a member of Al Qaeda and that the molestation was part of an ongoing "investigation" into the boy and his brother's links with terrorism.

Under cross-examination from defense attorney Thomas Mesereau Jr., the brother also admitted Tuesday that he had thought about voting against Bush in the 2004 election, even though he wasn't eligible to vote.

In a dramatic exchange, Mesereau told the jury that the magazine that the brother had been long plotting with unidentified Al Qaeda members in Afghanistan and Iraq to vote against Bush in the 2004 election AND to blow up Neverland.

"I'm telling you, I'm innocent!" the brother shouted angerly, as he held up a bin Laden placard.

The brother, now 14, repeatedly claimed an absence of memory in response to Mesereau's questions, saying that given his school work and tests, "most of that stuff leaves my memory."

"I know everything happened," the brother said of the alleged Al Qaeda plots, the potential bombing of Neverland and the his connection with terrorists. "I just don't remembers details ... not all the details."

The defense cross-examination of the brother will resume Wednesday morning, after court adjourned early Tuesday afternoon.

After watching his attorney successfully challenge his accuser's brother on the stand, Jackson "felt better today, at court's end, than he did yesterday, but still couldn't smell his own finger no matter how far he pushed it up his nose" his publicist, Raymone Bain, said in a statement.

During the brother's testimony, Jackson worked out the choreography of his next video and stared at the boy, nodding his head from time to time with a look of pleasure and turning the pages of a few child porn magazines.

On Monday, the accuser's brother testified that on two occasions in early 2003, he had walked into Jackson's bedroom at Neverland and started masturbating with one hand over pictures of 9/11, while his other hand was down his sleeping brother's pants.

"It's too bad that the brother of one of my victims appears to be a member of Al Qaeda," Michael Jackson said through a press release later in the day. "And if it weren't for me molesting these kids and finding out which ones are the terrorists and which ones aren't, well, America just might not be the free Jesus-loving Democracy it is today. I shudder to imagine the possibilities."

vrijdag, maart 04, 2005

Blog Sweep

Considering the hottest topic of late appears to be self-bashing reconcilliation from the world's amazed population as in: "gee, maybe it WAS a good idea to destroy Iraq and kill 100,000 civilians - just LOOK at all the wonderful Democracy sprouting up like weeds in a Middle East hothouse!", I thought it might be fun to ignore the new for awhile and get back to a very abbreviated version of da Roots:

Dylanland via Far Afield:

"Wait, who's that near the exit? Woody Guthrie stretched out on a hospital gurney. A legend and he's still alive. And where is he? New York! Things are coming together.

Give your ticket to the nurse at the door, who escorts you to the side of the master's bed. He's in pretty bad shape, but still a gentle soul with time for a fan. "The tune isn't important," he tells you. "Take anything and make a few changes and you've got a new song. It's the words that matter." Stealing isn't looked down upon in folk music. Hell, it's an honored tradition. Look at Ramblin' Jack Elliott. By all rights he should be famous. If he wrote better lyrics he probably would be. You've got his voice and a way with words. You can do this."


Nuke Syria:

via Empire Notes and The Carpetbagger Report:

Now we know where Rep. Sam Johnson (R-Texas) thinks the weapons of mass destruction are buried: in Syria, which he said he'd like to nuke to smithereens.

Speaking at a veterans' celebration at Suncreek United Methodist Church in Allen, Texas, on Feb. 19, Johnson told the crowd that he explained his theory to President Bush and Rep. Kay Granger (R-Texas) on the porch of the White House one night.

Johnson said he told the president that night, "Syria is the problem. Syria is where those weapons of mass destruction are, in my view. You know, I can fly an F-15, put two nukes on 'em and I'll make one pass. We won't have to worry about Syria anymore."

The crowd roared with applause

Gawd, how I love it when Texans talk tough. Apparently for some, this new Domino Democracy Theory isn't happening fast enough. Nuke 'em Horns!


Disney Is For Drunkards

Or so noted by Modern Drunkard Magazine, a cerebral take on drinking in kiddy parks. via growabrain


And Now For Something Completely Serious

take the World Book Day Quiz and discover how little you might remember of what you've read. via Maud Newton who also provides a link for Defining Bullshit.


Blogging Commish

It might be hard to believe without the introduction of stringent time-management skills but even EU Commissioner Margot Wallström has time to blog these days, albeit, not much time, judging by the entries. Judging by the comments, many people taking the time to comment have less than sympathetic views about the EU and its bloggers.
linked via Euophobia.

It also got me to wondering why American President Jesus Bush doesn't have his own blog. After all, how hard can it be to write down and misspell a few monosyllabic slogans whilst rupturing the English language or to capture a little impropmptu snickering?

There IS a BushBlog but unfortunately, the Great President is too busy making the world safe for Jesus to bother adding his own entries.

Other people, like David Corn's Bush Lies, are more than happy to do it for him,


Oops, back on track again. Must be time for more of Get Your War On:

"In ten years, when Iran and Iraq have merged to form the new nation of Islamospooky, Paul Wolfowitz will slap his forehead so hard his brains will fly out the back."

Brains? I always thought it was just a junkyard collection of misfiring synapses...

woensdag, maart 02, 2005

Uk To Buy Anti-Michael Jackson Drugs For 14 Million

A stockpile of anti-Michael Jackson drugs to treat 14.6 million people for nausea and fear brought on by continued news of the Michael Jackson trial - about a quarter of the UK population - will be bought by the government over the next two years as part of long-awaited plans to fight a pandemic.

The £200m extra supplies for at-risk groups - such as punters who spend too much time watching the telly, pop music tabloid fanatics and almost anyone exposed to the daily news - would form the first medical bulwark against the Michael Jackson Disease, which could otherwise cause anything between 21,000 and 709,000 to be sickened by daily news of child molestation and paedo-pop news.

The best guess is that a minimum of around 50,000 would suffer, and 80,000 would need psychiatric treatment.

Attempting to divert the public's attention from this pending disaster, Prime Minister Tony Blair compared the plight of Michael Jackson disease sufferers to Muslims in the UK.

"If you think YOU'RE bad off with the Michael Jackson nonstop coverage, just imagine you were a Muslim in the UK," Minister of Pomp Blair threatened.

Just yesterday, Hazel Blears, the minister responsible for counter-Michael Jacksonism, said that Muslims will have to accept as a "reality" that they will be stopped and searched by the police more often than the rest of the public because Muslims tend to look more like Michael Jackson than the average Brit.