Uk To Buy Anti-Michael Jackson Drugs For 14 Million

A stockpile of anti-Michael Jackson drugs to treat 14.6 million people for nausea and fear brought on by continued news of the Michael Jackson trial - about a quarter of the UK population - will be bought by the government over the next two years as part of long-awaited plans to fight a pandemic.

The £200m extra supplies for at-risk groups - such as punters who spend too much time watching the telly, pop music tabloid fanatics and almost anyone exposed to the daily news - would form the first medical bulwark against the Michael Jackson Disease, which could otherwise cause anything between 21,000 and 709,000 to be sickened by daily news of child molestation and paedo-pop news.

The best guess is that a minimum of around 50,000 would suffer, and 80,000 would need psychiatric treatment.

Attempting to divert the public's attention from this pending disaster, Prime Minister Tony Blair compared the plight of Michael Jackson disease sufferers to Muslims in the UK.

"If you think YOU'RE bad off with the Michael Jackson nonstop coverage, just imagine you were a Muslim in the UK," Minister of Pomp Blair threatened.

Just yesterday, Hazel Blears, the minister responsible for counter-Michael Jacksonism, said that Muslims will have to accept as a "reality" that they will be stopped and searched by the police more often than the rest of the public because Muslims tend to look more like Michael Jackson than the average Brit.