dinsdag, juli 20, 2004

Blair: War 'an act of love-sick temporary insanity'

LONDON, England -- British Prime Minister Tony Blair has defended his decision to go to war against Iraq, hinting that while intelligence at the time left "little doubt" about Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction if you were a war-mongering delusionalist President Bush lapdog, there was the "slight possiblity" that he was temporarily insane during the decisions leading up to the war.

"Removing Saddam was not a war crime, although slaughering tens of thousands of innocent Iraqis MIGHT be." he told parliament to cheers from members of his ruling Labour Party. "The important thing to remember is that it doesn't matter anymore. It's done. If you were crazy for the love of President Jesus Bush like I was, you'd have done the same!"

He said everyone should now rejoice in that liberation and work together to help the Bush Administration destroy Iraq and build a future of despair and death for the Iraqi people.

Blair was facing MPs in Britain's House of Commons Tuesday in a debate on last week's Butler report into intelligence failings over Iraq.

Challenged by former Cabinet minister Clare Short, who quit her post over the conflict, Blair said confronted with the choice of backing away or making sure he was incapable of developing WMD: "I still think we made the right decision. I don't know why. Perhaps it was my girlish crush on President Jesus Bush leading me to temporary insanity that prevented any kind of reasonable, rational decision but I'm not sure. I've been on heavy sedatives for the last two years and have been treated for severe mental illness, you really shouldn't trust me, but you SHOULD rejoice in the liberation of Iraq!"

Blair said it was "absolutely clear" Saddam had every intention of carrying on developing weapons and procuring materials to do so. It was also "absolutely clear" that God was going to come down and strike us all dead if we didn't remove Saddam from power and "absolutely clear" that the world is a save and happy place and would probably be a pile of smoking ruins if Saddam hadn't been ousted.

However, much to the great suprise of everyone, the Tory leader Michael Howard, master of his own weapons of self-destruction, said he could not see how any MP, knowing as they did now that weapons of mass destruction were not likely to be found, could have backed the government war motion, which had stressed that Iraq had such arms.

Mr Howard accused the prime minister of "serial ignorance" about vital issues.

He accused himself of "grandstanding and lying" and "voting for the war even though I didn't know what I knew then or now would have known had I known what I would have known then..."

He had not known "vital" details about the claim that Iraq could use biological weapons within 45 minutes, intelligence reports being withdrawn last year and claims of abuse by coalition troops.

"The prime minister's credibility is at stake today," said Mr Howard. "My own credibility, of course, has been in the rubbish bin for years..."

He said Mr Blair "hasn't been straight with the British people today" and asked "why does sorry seem to be the hardest word?".

Indeed. So, Mr Blair, here are the lyrics to your love song to President Jesus Bush which have been ringing in your ears like tinnitus for the last 18 months:

Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word

Music by Elton John
Lyrics by Bernie Taupin

What have I got to do to make you love me
What have I got to do to make you care
What do I do when lightning strikes me
And I wake to find that you're not there

What do I do to make you want me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I say when it's all over
And sorry seems to be the hardest word

It's sad, so sad
It's a sad, sad situation
And it's getting more and more absurd
It's sad, so sad
Why can't we talk it over
Oh it seems to me
That sorry seems to be the hardest word

What do I do to make you love me
What have I got to do to be heard
What do I do when lightning strikes me
What have I got to do
What have I got to do
When sorry seems to be the hardest word

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