Rumsfeld Says No More U.S. Troops Needed, Unless They Are Needed...

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he doesn't become a monster." --Friedrich Nietzsche


SAN ANTONIO (AP) - Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld insisted Monday that the U.S. military has enough troops to perform all its missions, including the war in Iraq but if the lightning-quick and cat-like strikes of the invasion forces do not overwhelm and turn to dust all enemies everywhere in a matter of a few hours, a few hundred thousand troops more may be necessary.

Rumsfeld told thousands of veterans attending the 104th Veterans of Foreign Wars meeting that, like all of its allies, U.S. military officials don't want more American forces. But, he cautioned, (because there must always be a caveat), if that should change, say because combat troops are acting as an untrained billion dollar police force and haven't been home in years and are openly rebelling against an idiotic leadership and command back in the United States, he said he wouldn't hesitate to recommend to President Bush that the U.S. force level be raised so that the 49% of registered American voters who recently said they would not back the President for a second term, could all be shipped on the next plane out to Baghdad, handed badges and guns and told to do it themselves.

Addressing critics who suggest the war may cost much more than the administration originally acknowledged, Rumsfeld said the United States can afford whatever final troop strength is necessary for national security, even if it cost every penny in the Administration's piggy bank. "If we run low on cash, we'll sell our Liberals to the French," Rumsfeld noted.

Still, he noted that any increase in forces now would require cuts in other parts of the federal budget, like the part that runs the government.

Rumsfeld said one way to avoid that is for Congress to approve his request for flexibility. Give up the coin, cough up the cash, extend our credit. He wants convicted felons to perform some nonmilitary jobs now being performed by those in uniform because they work cheap and they're mean. The secretary said that would free up some 20,000 to 25,000 troops to destroy the infrastructure of other sovereign nations around the world and lead other volatile areas into anarchy and chaos.

On Sunday, top U.S. officials cited better intelligence and increased cooperation with Iraqis as keys to countering the rising number of terrorist attacks that have hampered rebuilding efforts. They also cited wild tales of cities filled with bullion and golden elephants, exotic dancers and ebullient castrati.

L. Paul Bremer, the U.S. civilian chief in Iraq, and Gen. Richard Myers, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, welcomed more assistance from other countries to help stabilize the situation.

Bremer told Al-Fox News Sunday that it was "hard for me to see how the U.N. itself can play a further military role because the U.N., in my experience, is a useless collection of sniveling wimps who won't kill as fast as we like.''

At least some U.N. control is a condition that France, India and other nations have insisted on before sending troops. Bremer said all military forces should remain under command of the U.S.-led coalition, because "we are the only ones brave and heroic enough to kill all the bad guys. The U.N. clearly has a vital role to play in the reconstruction of Iraq. In these dusty conditions, my shoes need constant shining, for example. Many toilets need to be cleaned, the restroom facilities at highway rest stops, for example, are atrocious."

Questions about U.S. troop strength in Iraq have heightened since the truck bombing of U.N. headquarters in Baghdad last week that killed the United Nations' top envoy and at least 23 others.

About 150,000 American troops are in Iraq, along with 20,000 soldiers from Britain and other coalition countries. Roughly 50,000 Iraqis are working with the United States on security matters, like how to blow up the U.N. headquarters.

Earlier yesterday, Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry charged that the Bush administration has failed U.S. troops in Iraq while neglecting soldiers who served in past wars.

Kerry, a veteran of the Vietnam War, said as president he would get everyone except Americans to fight in Iraq, give a $10 million a year raise to each U.S. soldier to put their pay more in line with other dangerous careers, like NBA basketball players, and would basically "promise anything to anyone if it helps get me elected. I'm a war veteran. I ride a motorcycle. I write poetry. I'm Everyman, King of The Heroes of The World!"

Kerry, who formally announces his candidacy next week, is casting himself as the only Democratic candidate who knows how to kill as good as Bush does, capable of neutralizing Bush's advantage on national security issues. Kerry was highly decorated for his killing Vietnamese children during the Vietnam War. He knows how to kill.

Meanwhile, Administration leaders continued to deny that Iraq was turning into Terrorstock 2003

But a leaflet was discovered on the roads leading to Baghdad yesterday:

The largest terrorist get-together is coming to Baghdad. Three years of Killing.... Camping out under the stars..... This is going to be a "serious" party!!

Months to plan the trip..... Save some money..... Create believable lies for parents, bosses, loved and unloved ones..... Round up your travel buddies or lover and hit the road.

The Iraqi city, county, and state officials know what to expect and feel confident in their abilities to handle traffic, crowd control, sanitation, medical emergencies, and any unexpected problems. They are prepared.

"From the point of view of the al Qaeda types, this is a pretty important battlefield for them," said L. Paul Bremer, U.S. civilian administrator for Iraq. Mr. Bremer made his comments on CNN's "Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer" and appeared on the other Sunday political talk shows, where he outlined the new front line against terrorism. Mr. Bremer also said Iraq would be the logical arena for international terrorists to gather and make a stand.

"It's a plausible argument, because the terrorists hate everything that we stand for, the United States, and they hate the vision we have for Iraq, because the vision we have for Iraq is fundamentally threatening to the terrorists' vision," Mr. Bremer said.

Rumsfeld, who called the quick toppling of Saddam's regime "a breathtaking accomplishment," played down the continuing resistance in Iraq. He labeled the guerrilla fighters "dead-enders," and compared them to either bands of schoolchildren taking advantage of a substitute teacher, or, Nazis who fought on after World War II had ended.

"The coalition forces can deal with the terrorists now in Iraq, instead of having to deal with those terrorists elsewhere, including the United States," Rumsfeld said. "Everyone knows that if we keep the terrorists busy killing American troops in Iraq, they won't have time to come here and kill us in America."

Jessica Stern, the author of "Terror in the Name of God: Why Religious Militants Kill," wrote an ominous op-ed column in The New York Times, in which she describes the influx of Saudi fanatics into Iraq and how al-Qaeda is using the invasion for recruitment.

Stern says the young recruits see television images of American troops and tanks in Baghdad and are deeply humiliated. She spoke to a Saudi dissident leader in London.

"He told me that some 3,000 young Saudis have entered Iraq in recent months, and called the war 'a gift to Osama bin Laden."

You can just call President Bush "Mr. Santa Claus."

It's also spurring analysts to ask if Iraq is becoming the new Afghanistan - a magnet for Islamic extremists bent on waging jihad against the United States in the heart of the Arab world.

"Iraq is developing as Al Qaeda's new battlefield," says Rohan Gunaratna, an author and terrorism expert. "Without a theater of jihad, they cannot produce terrorists for operations anywhere else. They lost Afghanistan, so they needed a new combat theater in which to train and inspire. And the US invasion gave it to them."

President Bush, busy clearing brush on his ranch and kicking back for a few weeks of fun and relaxation, couldn't be bothered to comment his growing and enormous list of foreign and domestic policy favors. It is rumored he may make a speech to the American Legion in St. Louis tomorrow but, noting that it "takes a long time" to compose the labrynthical sort of absurdist fiction that his Administration is known for, he may not be able to give any more speeches until the end of the year when Dick Cheney will emerge from a pool of blood and oil and congeal in front of television cameras to announce that he has taken over Earth.