Nothing Going On At Department of Defense

It seems incredible that with the United States military engaged in actions in Afghanistan and Iraq, with U.S. defense spending exceeding the combined total of the next 22 largest military spenders, nothing was going on Monday at the
old Department of Defense.

That's right, if you went on Monday to the the home of the cherubic Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld and the monkey-eared Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz, looking for some excitement, you'd have been sadly disappointed.

The web site says so. "What's New in DefenseLINK?"

Nothing.

There are "No items for today" on their website. No items? There are also "no public or media events on their schedules"!

What gives?

I thought maybe Rumsfeld might be too busy scratching out some new poetry like Fifty Cent working out his latest profound lyric:

How you gonna take this? Like a Man or a bitch?

You gon’ get it on nigga or you gon’ snitch?

I represent niggas in the hood gettin’ rich

Man, I stack chips and I unload clips

from That Ain't Gangsta

Noooo, The Donald is busy with other things. It seems the boys over at the DOD have got a few other problems other than covering up their own lies and coming up with pyramid schemes on how to profit from terrorism:

For one, there's an outbreak of a mysterious "pneumonia-like illness that has claimed the lives of two American soldiers in Iraq. This is news to hush up quickly. Two U.S. soldiers serving in Iraq have died after their major organs failed. Seven others have reported similarly serious symptoms, although overall about 100 cases have been diagnosed since March 1. Fifteen of the 100 soldiers were ill enough to require ventilator support.

The Army believes Spc. Neusche had been suffering from "pneumonia."

Pneumonia? Good one.

Mark and Cindi Neusche of Montreal, Mo., told the Sunday Telegraph that their son had lapsed into unconsciousness less than an hour after writing a letter to them in his tent. He had begun to complain of a sore throat and difficulty in breathing, and had been making his way to the field dressing station at the camp when he came across a medic, muttered a few words and collapsed at his feet.

Here are some "noninfectious causes" of pneumonia.

In this whacky new environment of gambling on terrorism, here are two simple things you can bet on for sure:

1. If the White House or its US military tells you it "believes" something, like soldiers suddenly collapsing and dying of head colds, you can be sure that it isn't true. Do you think the military would come right out and say, oh, well, it's just a bit of depleted uranium. We'll have it cleaned up in a jiffy?

2. If the White House or its military or its military's officials deny something, you can be sure that it's true.

For example, just yesterday, the Washington Post reported that Secretary of State Colin Powell and his top deputy had given notice they wouldn't serve a second term under President Bush.

Predictably, shortly thereafter, both the White House AND the State Department spokesmen issued a denial. Hmmm. What did you think they'd say? Yeah, Colin Powell has finally figured out what a bunch of megalomaniacal courtesans he's been runnin' with?

Hey, maybe it was all a big misunderstanding. Maybe it was FCC Chairman Michael Powell, not Colin Powell, who is quitting.

Regardless of who can stomach another term of Bush and who can't, al Qaeda maintains that American
cannot protect itself and the CIA found that the voice on the tape is "most likely" that of al Qaeda leader Ayman al-Zawahiri.

"We haven't identified who actually submitted the tape," Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said Sunday on CNN's "Late Edition with Wolf Blitzer." "But [coming] from a terrorist, threatening American interests is not really surprising."

Yeah. Ho hum.

Here, we can tune in again to Fifty Cent's timely lyrics for some insight:

"I rock shit ‘cause I stay on that block shit

that 9mm Ruger to your knot shit

see the difference is I’m real and you not, kid

I still stash crack money in my sock, shit

ya’ll niggas wanna pop shit? I pop clips

leave with your blood on my mink in the drop Six"

Let's hear our old Rappin' Rummy answer that one.