donderdag, augustus 21, 2003

HACKER ALERT: Bush Team Launches Grassroots-Oriented Campaign Website

An amusing new and entertaining site filled with all the traditional lies and obfuscations you've come to know and love and even a couple of new ones, has been launched on the dying landscape of the internet like a cannon shot across the universe. It's called Bush-Cheney 04, a wonderful domain where the sick and the demogogically shifty congeal and prevail.

It's a cold and lonely world out there for neophytes but the guys and gals at Bush-Cheney 04 have put together an astonishing collection of all of the classic distortions of fact, revisionist history and outright lies the Bush Administration has mustered since the call to Invasion 2003 and it has all the earmarks of a classic in the making.

First of all, this is no five and dime presentation. You might begin your stroll at the George Bush Online Store where you can purchase such classics as the Viva Bush t-shirts and g strings. If you ask at the counter, you might be able to find one of the few remaining Fuck Bush t-shirts but don't let Dick Cheney know. He's still upset that copies of the docket of his DWI case in Wyoming haven't been selling better.

One of my favorite sections is the "Weekly Photo" shot which today shows President Bush lending a hand to help dig mass graves for Iraqi civilians. I can't wait for the t-shirts to become available online.

A crazy poll to test the ignorance of voters asks: How many working families are benefiting from President Bush's Jobs and Growth Act? (the punchline is that the multiple choice answers do not provide answers lower than 12 million!!)

(Upon further review, it's quite possible there was some coding problems from the website designers who actually meant to ask, if 12 million is the answer, "How many corporate whores are benefiting from President Bush's Jobs and Growth Act?" or "How many working families are out on the streets begging for money because of President Bush's Jobs and Growth Act?", but its difficult to tell the true motivations behind the poll.

The same can be said for the Quick Vote which asks us Which part of President Bush's compassionate conservative agenda is most important to you?

Is that like a Quick Vote which asks: Which part of your body would you most like to have clamps and electrodes attached to in order to receive your 2004 volts of compassionate conservativism?

The Web site also includes a feature designed specifically for “bloggers.” Supportive bloggers can place a unique news feed box on their Web site that instantly posts news items onto their weblog the moment is updated. Bloggers who do not support President Bush in loud and officious colors and use words of infatuation and unquestioning support will be tracked down, one by one and placed into the custody of Almighty God's Attorney General, John Ashcroft.

Although not explicitly stated but otherwise heavy-handedly implied, visitors are encouraged to "Keep America Strong" by signing up to be a Bush Team Leader and donate not only your money, but your flesh and blood. If the computer registers your yearly income at over $ 2.5 million, a special pop-up video ad is generated which features a guffawing President slapping his knee with the dismembered limbs of Iraqi children killed by errant American missiles during the "Liberation" of Iraq with the admonition that "Killing Isn't Cheap. Pay Up Or Move To Another Tax Bracket"

Perhaps most touching is the President's personalized message to his website's visitors entitled "A Charge To Keep" which is a compelling and simultaneously haunting manifesto about the ins and outs of the campaign trail, the ying and yang of killing and the thrill of partisan politics.

A Charge to Keep
By President George W. Bush

Thank you for taking the time to visit my campaign website. I appreciate your interest and involvement. Together we are laying the groundwork for an indestructible hegemony that will bloom to fruition next year. Thank you in advance for the emails of love and support that Jesus has told me you will send, the phone calls Jesus has told me you will make, the clearly Christian signs of support you will put in the yards of your Arab neighbors and set fire to, and the other grassroots activities that will support our re-election and help us achieve victory by squashing, muting or killing every last vestige of protest from the terrorist-loving mouths of your cowardly countrymen who opposed this great Leadership.

My campaign is going to take a hopeful and optimistic message to the American people: We want to kill. Yet at the same time, we want profits. I hope you will show your support by taking action in your community. Spy on your neighbors, report suspicious activity, especially any words spoken against the Administration or any refusal to praise Jesus, attend church regularly and steal from the poor to give to the rich.

Vice President Cheney and I are focused on the nation’s top priorities – our nation's upper class have suffered through tremendous struggles and they need our help, we also need to create an even more confusing security apparatus which will pay lip service to fighting terrorism while simultaneously working with a steadfast and dogged determination to rip every last privacy right from the cold, dead hands of the people who do not support us, and of course, we have to teach the editors of our nation's media outlets how to emulate the wonderfully successful Fox News Channel in how to report fiction as fact and vice versa. The War on Terror requires it. We will continue to earn the confidence of the American people or we will send John Ashcroft after them to keep this nation prosperous, strong and secure.

I came to office to make problems, to pass them on to other Presidents and other generations. I came to seize opportunities and not let them slip away. In the last two and a half years, our nation has learned the value of killing and a zest for being lied to, and I am proud of all of you.

On September 11, 2001, terrorists declared war on the United States, and we have taken the fight to the terrorists although they don't seem to realize it yet. Although we haven't captured or killed any of the top terrorists I vowed to capture dead or alive, we have killed many innocent civilians that were getting in the way of Democracy in Iraq and we have captured or killed many low level "terrorists" or people we think are terrorists anyway, and well, we've spent alot of your money so we must be getting somewhere. Just remember, success in this war on terrorism isn't something you're just going to hear about. It will come in many shapes and forms. Just trust me on that one. We're winning. In Iraq, America and the coalition partners your tax dollars bought and paid for, temporarily removed a brutal dictator and replaced him with instability, chaos and anarchy. We are working with the Iraqi people and other nations to wreak as much havoc as possible while bungling as many opportunities as we have available in an enormous and unprecedented failure to build a free, democratic and peaceful Iraq that no longer harbors illegal weapons or supports terrorists.

This administration has proposed and signed into law historic legislation – including constitutional reform which surreptiously takes away the standard privacy rights of most citizens, tax relief for our nation's wealthiest people because they need more money and if you know what's best for you, you'll agree. We have worked to advance our agenda of Pax Americana by applying the worst and most dangerous ideas to the task of helping our fellow citizens in need. We are rallying any and all armies, regardless of cost to ensure that every person, every child and family, and every community can enjoy broadcasts of invasions of sovereign nations and revel in the lies and screaming hypocrisy blaring out at you from every direction.

There is still much work to be done in Washington. We are working to weaken health care for all Americans because frankly, it's just too damned costly and if you believe in Jesus Christ as your savior, you don't need health care anyway because Jesus will take care of you. We will continue to expand economic opportunities for our favorite friends and those who pledge the most money to our reelection campaign, and I will not be satisfied until every American is out looking for work, whether there are any jobs out there or not. This administration is committed to expanding the wealth of its richest and smallest percentile across the globe, for our own security and for the benefit of ourselves alone. We believe that this nation is the home of Jesus Christ and the defender of Jesus Christ, and we will keep this charge of history.

We intend to make good use of every day that we have the opportunity to take advantage of the ignorance of the American people, and hope that through our efforts we will be fortunate enough to continue to serve.

Praise Jesus!

Your President,

George W. Bush

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