donderdag, augustus 28, 2003

Don't Send More Troops, Send Spinach!
"I'm strong to finish 'cause I eats me spinach"

Popeye the Sailor Man

It's a well-known fact that when times were rough or things were looking grim for him against his antagonists, Popeye Ate Spinach to summon an eerie, inner strength to defeat his enemy. These days, with all the pundits blustering and bellowing their opinions about whether or not America should send more troops into the quagmire, and with American soldiers getting picked off by snipers and grenade rockets and hidden bombs every day, it seems clear something needs to be done.

Therefore, Desultory Turgescence hereby announces its belief that instead of sending more troops, the Bush Administration should send the existing troops planeloads of Popeye Spinach to fight off the evil terrorists.

This will help appease both sides of the partisan scale: Of course, the first reaction of the terrorist-loving liberals is, logically: America shouldn't have invaded Iraq and sent all those troops in the first place, why should they send even more?

It's a sticky situation because the Bush Administration, which has a perfect record when it comes to being WRONG about foreign policy, domestic policy, the war on terror, and the American economy, sides with their natural enemies, the terrrorist-loving liberals, when it comes to sending more troops to Iraq. Neither of them thinks there should be more troops sent to Iraq.

Something about that right there should tell you automatically that it's a dumb idea because that is, in essence, the slogan of the Bush Administration:

If It's A Stupid Idea, It's Probably Ours!

On the other hand, the guru of non-partisan Iraq evaluations, Tom Friedman, continues to whine that there aren't enough American sitting ducks and terrrorist targets shipping over to Iraq. He recounts a story about a civilian directing traffic in Baghdad to illustrate the need for more American troops in Iraq: "This man (who was directing traffic) came to mind as I thought about the debate over whether we have enough troops in Iraq. The truth is, we don't even have enough people to direct traffic."

Hmmm. Just a little less than two weeks ago, during the 2003 Blackout, civilians were directing traffic also. Does this mean that we need more American troops in New York City too? Shall we call in the UN troops to take care of the gridlock at Times Square?

In fairness to Friedman, his argument is better than just throwing more troops in the fire. It's a special kind of troop that should be thrown into the fire. He goes on to note "Yes, we need more boots on the ground, but we also need the right mix: military police, experts in civilian affairs and officers who know how to innovate. Sure, there is still a guerrilla war to be won, but the main task today for U.S. soldiers in Iraq is political: helping towns get organized, opening schools and managing the simmering tensions between, and within, different ethnic groups."

(This madman apparently still believes that if they just had enough troops/administrators to turn the lights on in Baghdad and keep the air-conditioning running, all the mean old terrorists will magically go away!)

Besides, according to the loveable lunatic, Alan Dershowitz the UN has itself, as well as the terrorists to blame for last week's terror attack:

"For more than a quarter of a century, the U.N. has actively encouraged terrorism by rewarding its primary practitioners, legitimating it as a tactic, condemning its victims when they try to defend themselves and describing the murderers of innocent children as "freedom fighters." No organization in the world today has accorded so much legitimacy to terrorism as has the U.N."

The problem with this logic is that it only explains the problem, it doesn't solve it. Please to take partisan, pro-Israeli agenda to another forum, Mr. Dershowitz, like the Complaints Department.

Spinach Is Cheaper Than Troops

Setting aside the "troops are human beings too" argument which would question how sending more troops would prevent more troops from being killed, there is also the problem of money.

U.S. civil administrator in Iraq, Paul Bremer told The Washington Post that Iraqi revenue would not be enough to cover the bill for economic needs that he described as ''almost impossible to exaggerate.'' Explaining the huge cost of the project, Bremer said it would cost $2 billion just to meet current electrical demand and an estimated $16 billion over four years to deliver clean water to all Iraqis. The figures, which must be added to the $4 billion the Pentagon spends each month on military operations in Iraq, offer the latest evidence that the price of the Iraqi occupation is growing substantially, The Post reported.

Now compare those overwhelming costs to the price of a spinach seed. Virtually nothing! So by sending spinach, or even spinach seeds, not only are you saving American lives, but you are helping make American troops stronger! All this for the low low price of a seed of spinach! What a bargain for the American War Consumer!

Better still, if you're low on cash, you can always get it on credit. As Robert Samuelson of the Washington Post notes on America's 60-Year Credit Binge:

"One reason Americans could spend freely is that they went deeper into debt. Indeed, the democratization of debt is a great story of the late 20th century. In 1946, just after World War II, consumer debt amounted to 22 percent of household after-tax income, reports the Federal Reserve. (That is, for every $10,000 of income, there was $2,200 of debt.) Now debt is almost 110 percent of income. More families borrow, and debtors have more debt in relation to income."

No wonder that the Congressional Budget Office warned that federal finances have worsened and that continued spending and tax trends threaten to dig a deeper and longer federal budget deficit. Holtz-Eakin said as his office projected that the current federal budget will run a $401 billion deficit this year, and rise to $480 billion next year, the largest deficits in the nation's history.

If you don't want to go into debt, maybe you should just become a CEO Whore for an airline. In the midst of an airline industry meltdown allegedly so profound that they had to beg the American government for a handout, it is reported that:

"Delta Air Lines, Northwest Airlines and Continental Airlines gave their chief executives raises after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks even as they laid off a total of 33,000 workers, according to a study by two nonprofit groups.

The attacks cost the industry as much as $2 billion in lost business, according to a Washington University study. As revenue plunged and Continental's Gordon Bethune, Delta's Leo Mullin and Northwest's Richard Anderson cut jobs, they received raises of $1.2 million to $3.4 million, the study by the Institute for Policy Studies and United For a Fair Economy found.

Wouldn't you just love to see this greedy pig's head on a pike just outside the airport? Or maybe this debauched glutton's entrails spread across the runway like oleo?

Truth Gets In Way Of President Bush's Fantasy World

Meanwhile, WAY over on the other end of the scale, weighing in on the debate, Mr. Bush Tuesday said to retreat in the face of terror would only invite further and bolder attacks on U.S. led forces. He also stressed that coalition troops are confronting terrorists in Iraq, in Afghanistan and other places so terror will not spread to the streets of America.

As usual, President Bush's Fantasy World differs substantially from reality. Sometimes that's just because he's an ignorant puppet doing the bidding of more insidious and mal-intentioned flesh eaters like Dick Cheney or Paul Wolfowitz or Rummy and sometimes, it's because he can't seem to tell the truth.

Yeah, we can always be sure he's going to protect the streets of America. We can always count on Rocket Scientist President Jesus Bush to make sure that the streets of America are safe. Just like he did after 9/11 when the White House instructed the Environmental Protection Agency to lie, give the public misleading information, and tell New Yorkers it was safe to breathe when reliable information on air quality was not available:

"When the EPA made a September 18 announcement that the air was 'safe' to breathe, it did not have sufficient data and analyses to make such a blanket statement," the report says. "Furthermore, the White House Council on Environmental Quality influenced . . . the information that EPA communicated to the public through its early press releases when it convinced EPA to add reassuring statements and delete cautionary ones."

I like that. Keep the news happy and upbeat. It's a shame Fox News can't be our only source of information in the world. You know why? Because if it were, we'd never have to hear all this pissing and moaning about troops dying one by one in Iraq or listen to any debates about whether we should send spinach or ten million American actors in soldier's uniforms and Big Macs to Iraq because America would have already won the war again. Just like they did already last May.

I don't have photoshop myself but I'm sure there will be plenty of fun had with the latest Saddam Wanted Poster.

President Bush's email via Je Blog

9/11 television archive

Internet Archive

Online Literature Library via The Ultimate Insult

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