False Alarm: Dripping Blood and Oil From His Corporate Gob, Cheney Still Lives
Non-christians and the rest of the world who do not have shares in Haliburton were given a brief moment of excitement yesterday when it was reported that the metal-hearted Veep, anti-Christ Cheney underwent tests at a hospital after complaining of shortness of breath.
Mr. Cheney, 63, was taken to George Washington University Hospital from his home on the grounds of the Naval Observatory early Saturday afternoon after telling his cardiologist, Dr. Jonathan Reiner, that he had been coughing heavily and having trouble catching his breath, it was reported.
Tick tick, Dick. Sadly, another false alarm. Would have been real reason for hope if both Cheney AND Arafat went down in the same week.
*****
Slapping The Other Cheek examines the play by religious nutters to help President Jesus Bush determine just how extreme his love is for all things Christ-like:
"Bob Jones III, president of the fundamentalist college of the same name, has written a letter to the president telling him that "Christ has allowed you to be his servant" so he could "leave an imprint for righteousness," by appointing conservative judges and approving legislation "defined by biblical norm."
"In your re-election, God has graciously granted America - though she doesn't deserve it - a reprieve from the agenda of paganism," Mr. Jones wrote. "Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil. You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ." Way harsh."
From the If A Chimp Can Be President textbook, two Columbia University psychologists have taught monkeys to discriminate computer-generated images containing as many as nine objects and to respond to them in ascending order, with a success rate well above what would be predicted by chance.
"Though monkeys do not recognize the word 'two' or the symbol '2,' they share with humans the capacity to master simple arithmetic, on at least the level of a two-year-old child. We don't have direct evidence yet, but it seems likely that these monkeys, and other non-human primates, can calculate."
Or even vote for president in America.
*****
So, if you've always wanted to be a "real" American, here's your chance:
Attention Citizens Living In God's Country Without His Permission, The President Cordially, Yet Strenuously Invites You to Accept the Lord Jesus Christ as Your Personal Savior – Before it is Too Late.
And happy days to discover Landover Baptist, where the worthwhile worship.
Watch out for the "doomed teenage fag".
*****
Locally, it appears my favourite MP, the bike-riding blonde bear Boris Johnson, has been sacked.
The MP for Henley and editor of The Spectator was "relieved of his duties" as shadow arts minister and party vice-chairman, said a spokesman for the Conservative leader, Michael Howard.
*****
I am a horse
I travel in a train
that is overcrowded
in my compartment
each seat is taken by a woman
with a man sitting on her lap
the air is unbearably tropical
all the travellers have an enormous appetite
they eat without ceasing
suddenly the men
begin to whimper
and long for the maternal breast
they unbutton the women's blouses
and suck the fresh milk to their hearts' content
I alone do not suck
nor am I suckled
nobody sits on my lap
because I am a horse
immense and upright I sit
with my hind-legs up on the train seat
and comfortably lean
on my fore-legs
I whinny a raucous neigh neigh neigh
on my breast glitter
the sex buttons of sex appeal
in neat little rows
like the glittering buttons on uniforms
oh summertime
oh wide wide world
--Hans Arp
tr, Harriett Watts
in *Three Painter-Poets: Arp, Schwitters, Klee*
[Baltimore: Penguin Books, 1974]
zondag, november 14, 2004
vrijdag, november 12, 2004
World's Ugliest Terrorist Finally Dead
It's not unlikely that before too long, President Jesus Bush, once he rises from his post reelection hangover, will rush to the pulpit to claim victory yet again, this time for his Administration's deciding role in the death of Yasir Arafat, the world's ugliest terrorist.
Of course, the fact that President Jesus Bush had nothing to do with his death will not stop him from making wild claims that he personally killed him. After all, President Jesus Bush has a long history of distortion and outright lies to be proud of and adding one more to the heap should only make his legacy that much more profound.
But for a change, the issue today is not President Jesus Bush. It is Yasir Arafat, the world's ugliest terrorist and long recognised "leader" of the Palestinian people and their quest for a homeland of their own once they'd accomplished their peaceful mission of killing all Jews in Israel.
Sadly enough, his death is not just a blip of news in a world filled with killing, but an opportunity for blind people to mourn and glorify his death. For example, the Washington Post begins it's obit of him:
"For virtually his entire adult life, Yasser Arafat had one dream, and he pursued it with such energy and zeal--some would say fanaticism--that he came to personify the dream itself.
The dream was of self-determination and statehood for the Palestinian people, and in the end he did not live to see it."
So much for truth-telling in the media.
This lovely paen to a disgusting, did I mention world's ugliest, terrorist and murderer of women and children does not mention that "the Palestinian people" MIGHT have had a state all the way back in 1948. Unfortunately, in their infinite wisdom, the Arab Coalition surrounding Israel immediately declared war on the nascent state of Israel and then were trounced in a humiliating military defeat. So much for the Palestinian state.
I won't be able to believe, not even after stomaching the last four years of lies and deceits and still swallowing, that outside of Palestine, Arafat's death means anything than the death of the world's ugliest terrorist. He was certainly no uniter for the Palestinian people other than to unite them in an idiotic and futile gesture at ridding the world of Israel.
So whilst some newspapers obits will sing with remorse over Arafat's death, it is important to recall that Arafat, who founded the Palestine Liberation Organization in 1964, was instrumental in developing a Palestinian political culture centered on rejecting the Israeli state to the point of self-spiting absurdity, centered on anti-Semitism and most importantly, centered on decades of terrorism that has done nothing to improve the lot of the Palestinian people and everything to drive them deeper and deeper into obscurity.
And lest we forget about Arafat's many "accomplishments", one might refer to The Boston Globe's Jeff Jacoby, who highlights one of Arafat's earlier accomplishment:
"In May 1974, three PLO terrorists slipped from Lebanon into the northern Israeli town of Ma'alot. They murdered two parents and a child whom they found at home, then seized a local school, taking more than 100 boys and girls hostage and threatening to kill them unless a number of imprisoned terrorists were released. When Israeli troops attempted a rescue, the terrorists exploded hand grenades and opened fire on the students. By the time the horror ended, 25 people were dead; 21 of them were children.
Thirty years later, no one speaks of Ma'alot anymore. The dead children have been forgotten. Everyone knows Arafat's name, but who ever recalls the names of his victims?
So let us recall them: Ilana Turgeman. Rachel Aputa. Yocheved Mazoz. Sarah Ben-Shim'on. Yona Sabag. Yafa Cohen. Shoshana Cohen. Michal Sitrok. Malka Amrosy. Aviva Saada. Yocheved Diyi. Yaakov Levi. Yaakov Kabla. Rina Cohen. Ilana Ne'eman. Sarah Madar. Tamar Dahan. Sarah Soper. Lili Morad. David Madar. Yehudit Madar."
Hopefully, Arafat's Nobel Peace Prize doesn't melt in hell.
*****
And in a final twist of irony, Jewish towns in the disputed territories have been forced to purchase bulletproof buses to protect passengers against Palestinian terrorist guns. Now, the Jerusalem Post reports, the Israeli Foreign Ministry has asked local authorities to let Palestinians use the buses to ride to Yasser Arafat's funeral in Cairo. Ha!
No dice, says the Council of Jewish Communities in the West Bank and Gaza Strip: "We are not ready to honor an abominable murder [sic] who spilled the blood of many Jews."
It's not unlikely that before too long, President Jesus Bush, once he rises from his post reelection hangover, will rush to the pulpit to claim victory yet again, this time for his Administration's deciding role in the death of Yasir Arafat, the world's ugliest terrorist.
Of course, the fact that President Jesus Bush had nothing to do with his death will not stop him from making wild claims that he personally killed him. After all, President Jesus Bush has a long history of distortion and outright lies to be proud of and adding one more to the heap should only make his legacy that much more profound.
But for a change, the issue today is not President Jesus Bush. It is Yasir Arafat, the world's ugliest terrorist and long recognised "leader" of the Palestinian people and their quest for a homeland of their own once they'd accomplished their peaceful mission of killing all Jews in Israel.
Sadly enough, his death is not just a blip of news in a world filled with killing, but an opportunity for blind people to mourn and glorify his death. For example, the Washington Post begins it's obit of him:
"For virtually his entire adult life, Yasser Arafat had one dream, and he pursued it with such energy and zeal--some would say fanaticism--that he came to personify the dream itself.
The dream was of self-determination and statehood for the Palestinian people, and in the end he did not live to see it."
So much for truth-telling in the media.
This lovely paen to a disgusting, did I mention world's ugliest, terrorist and murderer of women and children does not mention that "the Palestinian people" MIGHT have had a state all the way back in 1948. Unfortunately, in their infinite wisdom, the Arab Coalition surrounding Israel immediately declared war on the nascent state of Israel and then were trounced in a humiliating military defeat. So much for the Palestinian state.
I won't be able to believe, not even after stomaching the last four years of lies and deceits and still swallowing, that outside of Palestine, Arafat's death means anything than the death of the world's ugliest terrorist. He was certainly no uniter for the Palestinian people other than to unite them in an idiotic and futile gesture at ridding the world of Israel.
So whilst some newspapers obits will sing with remorse over Arafat's death, it is important to recall that Arafat, who founded the Palestine Liberation Organization in 1964, was instrumental in developing a Palestinian political culture centered on rejecting the Israeli state to the point of self-spiting absurdity, centered on anti-Semitism and most importantly, centered on decades of terrorism that has done nothing to improve the lot of the Palestinian people and everything to drive them deeper and deeper into obscurity.
And lest we forget about Arafat's many "accomplishments", one might refer to The Boston Globe's Jeff Jacoby, who highlights one of Arafat's earlier accomplishment:
"In May 1974, three PLO terrorists slipped from Lebanon into the northern Israeli town of Ma'alot. They murdered two parents and a child whom they found at home, then seized a local school, taking more than 100 boys and girls hostage and threatening to kill them unless a number of imprisoned terrorists were released. When Israeli troops attempted a rescue, the terrorists exploded hand grenades and opened fire on the students. By the time the horror ended, 25 people were dead; 21 of them were children.
Thirty years later, no one speaks of Ma'alot anymore. The dead children have been forgotten. Everyone knows Arafat's name, but who ever recalls the names of his victims?
So let us recall them: Ilana Turgeman. Rachel Aputa. Yocheved Mazoz. Sarah Ben-Shim'on. Yona Sabag. Yafa Cohen. Shoshana Cohen. Michal Sitrok. Malka Amrosy. Aviva Saada. Yocheved Diyi. Yaakov Levi. Yaakov Kabla. Rina Cohen. Ilana Ne'eman. Sarah Madar. Tamar Dahan. Sarah Soper. Lili Morad. David Madar. Yehudit Madar."
Hopefully, Arafat's Nobel Peace Prize doesn't melt in hell.
*****
And in a final twist of irony, Jewish towns in the disputed territories have been forced to purchase bulletproof buses to protect passengers against Palestinian terrorist guns. Now, the Jerusalem Post reports, the Israeli Foreign Ministry has asked local authorities to let Palestinians use the buses to ride to Yasser Arafat's funeral in Cairo. Ha!
No dice, says the Council of Jewish Communities in the West Bank and Gaza Strip: "We are not ready to honor an abominable murder [sic] who spilled the blood of many Jews."
woensdag, november 10, 2004
Attorney General Asshat Resigns, Noting: Mission Accomplished
Office of the Attorney General Asshat
November 9, 2004
Message from the Attorney General Asshat to Justice Department Employees
Nearly four years ago in my first message to the Justice Community, I wrote to each of you of my goals for this noble Department: to "rid America of disbelievers, heretics, heathens, girly-men and terrorist sympathisers who don't support our gallant troops and to reconfigure the American justice tradition so that justice will be available to all who embrace Jesus Christ as their saviour and destroy those who don't."
Today I write to you at the close of my time as the Attorney General Asshat, gratified that together we have accomplished our goals and given America a new hope in Jesus Christ our saviour.
On November 2nd, I submitted to the President my intention to resign from the office of Attorney General Asshat of the United States, effective upon confirmation of my successor. As I take leave of this high office, I am filled with gratitude to you, the men and women of the Department of Justice, for an extraordinary period of service that has ushered in an extraordinary era of injustice and insecurity for the American people. We live today in an America that can kill innocents abroad at will, in an America that is safer and morally stronger than ever before; an America
where freedom is not a promise but threat, not a dream but a disaster. I say: "Mission Accomplished".
In partnership with the American people we have compiled a record of all anyone who has checked out a library book about topics we disapprove of, we've launched massive proceedings against internet bong sales, and know what everyone who we don't like is doing at any given moment of the day, an achievement that is remarkable if judged merely by peacetime standards.
But for a time of war, we have surpassed even my wildest dreams ever since I lost to the dead Senator of Missouri four long years ago.
For three years since the worst attack in our nation's history, and in defiance of all expectations, America has systematically eroded the rights of her citizens and simultaneously, has not endured another major terrorist attack. Violent crime is at its lowest rate in three decades because we've locked up all the coloured men. We have engineered double-digit reductions in the rates of sexual assault, robbery and assault because we have locked up all the coloured men. Gun crime prosecutions are at a record high and violent crimes committed with guns are at a record low. Drug use among the nation's youth is declining as they learn that Jesus is the only drug they need. Corporate criminals are facing justice, such as more and unimagineable wealth and prosperity, and corruption has been restored to the nation's marketplace. America's values, as set forth in our Constitution, reflected in our laws, and cherished in our hearts, have been honored and defended.
Now let's all pray to Jesus Christ and have a nice celebration by finding more citizen rights to erode, more ways to spy on our neighbors, more and improved ways of locking up or killing anyone who doesn't love God and embrace our fundamentalist doctrines.
Amen.
*****
In a related story:
ASHCROFT NAMED AMBASSADOR TO MARS Leaves Justice Department After Justice Department Vanishes
Moments after resigning his post at the Justice Department, Attorney General John Ashcroft was tapped for another big job in the Bush administration, being named the United States’ first-ever ambassador to Mars.
“I can think of no one better suited to being ambassador to Mars than John Ashcroft,” said President Bush in a brief statement. “He has been preparing for this job for his entire life.”
Mr. Ashcroft said that he was motivated in part to resign from the Justice Department because the Justice Department no longer existed.
The Department, which had been gradually disappearing over the past three and a half years, completely vanished over the weekend, Mr. Ashcroft said.
“Once I saw that the Justice Department was, in fact, no longer there, I said to myself, ‘Mission accomplished,’” Mr. Ashcroft told reporters.
In Washington, speculation ran rampant that Mr. Ashcroft’s lightning-rod status had motivated the White House to shift him to a role where he could do little damage, serving as ambassador to a presumptively unpopulated planet.
But Mr. Ashcroft quickly dispelled all such talk, telling reporters that he had ambitious plans to turn Mars into a penal colony “that will be the envy of the solar system.”
One White House aide, on condition of anonymity, had this to say about Mr. Ashcroft’s new posting: “At least when John’s on Mars we won’t be able to hear him sing.”
Elsewhere, Teresa Heinz Kerry announced today that she would embark on a three-week tour of the red states, stopping in each state to cuss out random voters.
via The Borowitz Report
*****
Lastly, join the fun, apologies accepted:
Sorry Everybody
via Bloggerheads
Office of the Attorney General Asshat
November 9, 2004
Message from the Attorney General Asshat to Justice Department Employees
Nearly four years ago in my first message to the Justice Community, I wrote to each of you of my goals for this noble Department: to "rid America of disbelievers, heretics, heathens, girly-men and terrorist sympathisers who don't support our gallant troops and to reconfigure the American justice tradition so that justice will be available to all who embrace Jesus Christ as their saviour and destroy those who don't."
Today I write to you at the close of my time as the Attorney General Asshat, gratified that together we have accomplished our goals and given America a new hope in Jesus Christ our saviour.
On November 2nd, I submitted to the President my intention to resign from the office of Attorney General Asshat of the United States, effective upon confirmation of my successor. As I take leave of this high office, I am filled with gratitude to you, the men and women of the Department of Justice, for an extraordinary period of service that has ushered in an extraordinary era of injustice and insecurity for the American people. We live today in an America that can kill innocents abroad at will, in an America that is safer and morally stronger than ever before; an America
where freedom is not a promise but threat, not a dream but a disaster. I say: "Mission Accomplished".
In partnership with the American people we have compiled a record of all anyone who has checked out a library book about topics we disapprove of, we've launched massive proceedings against internet bong sales, and know what everyone who we don't like is doing at any given moment of the day, an achievement that is remarkable if judged merely by peacetime standards.
But for a time of war, we have surpassed even my wildest dreams ever since I lost to the dead Senator of Missouri four long years ago.
For three years since the worst attack in our nation's history, and in defiance of all expectations, America has systematically eroded the rights of her citizens and simultaneously, has not endured another major terrorist attack. Violent crime is at its lowest rate in three decades because we've locked up all the coloured men. We have engineered double-digit reductions in the rates of sexual assault, robbery and assault because we have locked up all the coloured men. Gun crime prosecutions are at a record high and violent crimes committed with guns are at a record low. Drug use among the nation's youth is declining as they learn that Jesus is the only drug they need. Corporate criminals are facing justice, such as more and unimagineable wealth and prosperity, and corruption has been restored to the nation's marketplace. America's values, as set forth in our Constitution, reflected in our laws, and cherished in our hearts, have been honored and defended.
Now let's all pray to Jesus Christ and have a nice celebration by finding more citizen rights to erode, more ways to spy on our neighbors, more and improved ways of locking up or killing anyone who doesn't love God and embrace our fundamentalist doctrines.
Amen.
*****
In a related story:
ASHCROFT NAMED AMBASSADOR TO MARS Leaves Justice Department After Justice Department Vanishes
Moments after resigning his post at the Justice Department, Attorney General John Ashcroft was tapped for another big job in the Bush administration, being named the United States’ first-ever ambassador to Mars.
“I can think of no one better suited to being ambassador to Mars than John Ashcroft,” said President Bush in a brief statement. “He has been preparing for this job for his entire life.”
Mr. Ashcroft said that he was motivated in part to resign from the Justice Department because the Justice Department no longer existed.
The Department, which had been gradually disappearing over the past three and a half years, completely vanished over the weekend, Mr. Ashcroft said.
“Once I saw that the Justice Department was, in fact, no longer there, I said to myself, ‘Mission accomplished,’” Mr. Ashcroft told reporters.
In Washington, speculation ran rampant that Mr. Ashcroft’s lightning-rod status had motivated the White House to shift him to a role where he could do little damage, serving as ambassador to a presumptively unpopulated planet.
But Mr. Ashcroft quickly dispelled all such talk, telling reporters that he had ambitious plans to turn Mars into a penal colony “that will be the envy of the solar system.”
One White House aide, on condition of anonymity, had this to say about Mr. Ashcroft’s new posting: “At least when John’s on Mars we won’t be able to hear him sing.”
Elsewhere, Teresa Heinz Kerry announced today that she would embark on a three-week tour of the red states, stopping in each state to cuss out random voters.
via The Borowitz Report
*****
Lastly, join the fun, apologies accepted:
Sorry Everybody
via Bloggerheads
maandag, november 08, 2004
Christians Waste No Time In Destroying America
Well just a few days after 51% of Americans affirmed their love and devotion for the great warrior against terrorism, President Jesus Bush, his followers are already busy at work transforming the nation into Jesus Freak Central.
Out with the old, in the with the new. And the best thing for Red State Americans is that now, they won't have to bother with difficult subjects like science, for example because their bibles will tell them all they need to know. At least that's what the school officials in Grantsburg, Wisconsin think. ,They've decided to revise the science curriculum to allow the teaching of creationism, which should thrill science teachers everywhere - now they won't have to prepare a curriculum! Jesus has done it for them!
Members of Grantsburg's school board believed that a state law governing the teaching of evolution was too restrictive. The science curriculum "should not be totally inclusive of just one scientific theory," said Joni Burgin, superintendent of the district of 1,000 students in northwest Wisconsin. "Jesus IS science when you think about it, so we don't really need to worry about the rest. Jesus will take care of it"
*****
Bush Expected To Press For Overhaul Of Tax Code
WASHINGTON -- President Bush has signaled he wants to produce a major overhaul of the federal tax code in his second term to ensure that who make alot of money can make more and people who don't make alot of money stay that way.
Experts see many political and practical difficulties if Bush takes a more radical approach to tax reform by adopting a law which allows for the nation to "show how much they love Jesus" by paying an increase in taxes for those making under $100,000 while the wealthiest one percent of the nation, including oil and military-related corporations, will be exempt from all tax in the future.
But many analysts believe that, at the very least, any Bush rewriting of the tax code is likely to exempt the elimination of taxes except for "commies, East Coast liberals, girly-men and people of colour who aren't already token minstrel cabinet members. To many conservatives, this would be a step in the right direction but does not go far enough.
"Not only should they have to pay higher taxes, these liberal terrorist-lovers, but they should also have their heads chopped off," House Speaker Dennis Hastert threatened.
Major tax overhaul seems unlikely, some analysts say, noting that Congress and the two parties are divided on the question and that true reform would remove precious tax breaks for many powerful interests that worked hard to get them.
In addition, many Democrats and moderate Republicans oppose changing the essential philosophy of the income tax system: the more you make, the higher your tax rate, winkwink.
At this point, the shape of a tax-overhaul plan is nothing more than guesswork because Bush is far from settling on any package. But he has said he wants an overhaul that brings in the same amount of revenue as the current system.
Well just a few days after 51% of Americans affirmed their love and devotion for the great warrior against terrorism, President Jesus Bush, his followers are already busy at work transforming the nation into Jesus Freak Central.
Out with the old, in the with the new. And the best thing for Red State Americans is that now, they won't have to bother with difficult subjects like science, for example because their bibles will tell them all they need to know. At least that's what the school officials in Grantsburg, Wisconsin think. ,They've decided to revise the science curriculum to allow the teaching of creationism, which should thrill science teachers everywhere - now they won't have to prepare a curriculum! Jesus has done it for them!
Members of Grantsburg's school board believed that a state law governing the teaching of evolution was too restrictive. The science curriculum "should not be totally inclusive of just one scientific theory," said Joni Burgin, superintendent of the district of 1,000 students in northwest Wisconsin. "Jesus IS science when you think about it, so we don't really need to worry about the rest. Jesus will take care of it"
*****
Bush Expected To Press For Overhaul Of Tax Code
WASHINGTON -- President Bush has signaled he wants to produce a major overhaul of the federal tax code in his second term to ensure that who make alot of money can make more and people who don't make alot of money stay that way.
Experts see many political and practical difficulties if Bush takes a more radical approach to tax reform by adopting a law which allows for the nation to "show how much they love Jesus" by paying an increase in taxes for those making under $100,000 while the wealthiest one percent of the nation, including oil and military-related corporations, will be exempt from all tax in the future.
But many analysts believe that, at the very least, any Bush rewriting of the tax code is likely to exempt the elimination of taxes except for "commies, East Coast liberals, girly-men and people of colour who aren't already token minstrel cabinet members. To many conservatives, this would be a step in the right direction but does not go far enough.
"Not only should they have to pay higher taxes, these liberal terrorist-lovers, but they should also have their heads chopped off," House Speaker Dennis Hastert threatened.
Major tax overhaul seems unlikely, some analysts say, noting that Congress and the two parties are divided on the question and that true reform would remove precious tax breaks for many powerful interests that worked hard to get them.
In addition, many Democrats and moderate Republicans oppose changing the essential philosophy of the income tax system: the more you make, the higher your tax rate, winkwink.
At this point, the shape of a tax-overhaul plan is nothing more than guesswork because Bush is far from settling on any package. But he has said he wants an overhaul that brings in the same amount of revenue as the current system.
zaterdag, november 06, 2004
Picking Up The Pieces
Only yesterday, President Jesus Bush's favourite poodle, PM Tony Blair urged his fellow Europeans to "face up to the reality and bow and kneel before your master", a call that was roundly rejected by one of the many remaining voices of sanity in Europe, French President Chirac, who compounded his opposition to appeals for closer cooperation between the US and Europe in Mr Bush's second term by snubbing an EU summit lunch for Ayad Allawi, Iraq's interim prime minister, and urging Europe to act as a counterweight to American hegemony "in a world that's more multi-polar than ever".
Chirac is probably just jealous that he doesn't have a legion of idiotic, Jesus-loving voters to back him up but nevertheless, I think we can agree: (at least 50% of) Americans Is So Stupid.
Killing Flies
Desultory Turgescence's favourite quote of the week comes from the interim president of Iraq, Ghazi al-Yawar, has rejected the coalition's plans to launch an all-out assault on the rebel-held town of Falluja.
Mr al-Yawar told the Kuwaiti daily al-Qabas: "I completely disagree with those who see a need to decide [Falluja] through military action."
He added: "The coalition's handling of this crisis is wrong. It's like someone who fired bullets at his horse's head just because a fly landed on it; the horse died and the fly went away."
Well, Mr al-Yawar, wake up and smell another four years of bullets.
*****
How Many God-Fearing Republicans Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
Kudos to the group called Yes Bush Can, who over the last several weeks of the election provoked numerous loyal Republicans to happily sign a pledge in which, among other things:
1. They agreed to host a permanent nuclear waste storage facility in their neighbourhood.
2. Promised not to have sex before marriage.
3. Specified which branch of the military they would prefer their children to join to fight America's forthcoming war against North Korea.
"That's what's amazing about the discourse in this country," says Mike Bonnano, one of the two absurdists behind Yes Bush Can. "People are so used to complete absurdity that nothing surprises them any more."
It also illustrates that the blind will keep on following blindly. The depth of peoples' faith, either religiously or politically, knows no bounds.
*****
What Isn't To Love?
We decided to do a samplying of some of the other bloggers listed on our links side and it appears some people are not as satisfied as others about the American election results:
Four More Fears
"This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves; finally just lay back and say it -- that we are really just a nation of 220 million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."
Hunter S. Thompson, Fear And Loathing On the Campaign Trail, November, 1972. via Whiskey Bar
Four More Years by Lyssas Lounge envisions new condoms with the warning label "Say No To Sex and Yes To Jesus", via A Fistful of Euros.
Wow. It appears to be confirmed. Have a look at Comparison of IQ and Voting Patterns in the US - many thanks, via JuliusBlog. A comparison of Jesus Freaks and IQ would be as fascinatingly predictable as well, I reckon.
The Unbearable Darkness of Being by Lakshmi Chaudhry:
"On Tuesday, the largest turnout in recent history couldn't save us from defeat. Democracy won and so did George Bush. And all the Monday morning quarterbacking doesn't change the sad fact that the truth did not set us free. Nearly 52 percent of all Americans preferred to simply ignore reality to keep their faith in God and the man who is only too happy to play messiah.
This is now their White House, their Senate, their House of Representatives, and very likely their Supreme Court. It's their country." - via De Leeskamer
You might wonder: Will The Election Change Literary Culture? as they have at mediabistro, via Maud Newton -- it might do, for those Americans wishing to expatriot themselves to Canada, to have a look at this map of The United States of American and Jesusland. Laugh through your tears...
Meanwhile, 525 Reasons To Dump Bush notes that "The future of this site is unclear. We've talked about adding another ten to the URL, turning our attention to Congress, and calling it 535 Reasons to Keep an Eye on Democracy, but we are, understandably, ready for a break from daily updates."
Perhaps it's time to start an "Americans Out of America!" campaign.
"We say outright: these are madmen, yet these madmen
have their own logic, their teaching, their code, their God
even, and it's as deepset as it could be." — Dostoyevesky, via One Good Move who also provides a link to Jon Stewart reporting on the world's reaction to Dubs election, angry to violently angry, and on his "make-believe arrogance."
"Bush and Cheney- what a pair!
Who said life isn't fair?
While Iraq gets tanks and occupation-
You have idiots to run your nation!" Election Condolences for Hallmark or Yahoo greetings, via Baghdad Burning/Riverbend.
Steve Bell's take on Four More Years via Fat Buddha - hang in there, mate, at least Bush won't be running the Blues into the ground.
If you can't get at Bush, there's always the Osama bin Laden Stress Doll: Punch him! Crush him! Twist him! Stab him! via Je Blog.
"TV Catalunya has posted a forum where people can give their opinions about the US elections. Here are a few of them. The original Catalan is first, in quotations; my translation follows.
"Em sembla lamentable que haguem d'aguantar l'imbècil mes gran del mon quatre anys mes. Felicitats als ignorants i analfabets; els seus vots sí són vàlids."
I think it's terrible that we have to put up with the biggest imbecile in the world four more years. Congratulations to the ignorant and illiterate; their votes do count.
"i l'altre es l'insult amb motiu, i aquests menja-hamburgueses ara per ara se'ls mereixen tots, només un poble com ells, després de veure TOTES les desgracies que ha fet Bush, el tornarien a votar per "campechano i cristià"... s'ha de ser BURRO."
Another thing is an insult with a good reason, and those burger-eaters deserve all there are right now, only a people like them, after seeing all the bad things Bush has done, would vote for him again because he's "friendly and Christian"...they must be stupid."
More via Iberian Notes.
NB: For the record, although I think "hamburger-eaters" is funny, my experience has always been that even liberals eat hamburgers, the non-vegans anyway, so perhaps it should be clarified that it is the "Jesus-loving hambuger-eaters" in particular. That way I'm free to gourge myself without fear of retribution from TV Catalunya viewers.
Killer Cola
Although once the slogan for Coca Cola was "Coke Adds Life", it appear they can now add the slogan Coke Adds Death to their stable of slogans.
It appears that instead of paying hefty fees to international chemical companies for patented pesticides, farmers in India are reportedly spraying their cotton and chilli fields with Coca-Cola.
In the past month there have been reports of hundreds of farmers turning to Coke in Andhra Pradesh and Chattisgarh states.
Gotu Laxmaiah, a farmer from Ramakrishnapuram in Andra Pradesh, said he was delighted with his new cola spray, which he applied this year to several hectares of cotton. "I observed that the pests began to die after the soft drink was sprayed on my cotton," he told the Deccan Herald newspaper.
*****
Lastly, quite an evening here in Inkberrow last night for Guy Fawkes Night. The new horse was quite dazzled by fireworks display and equally jittery confounded by the enormous bonfire in the acreage out behind us but survived the night. As did we and our homemade mulled wine.
Only yesterday, President Jesus Bush's favourite poodle, PM Tony Blair urged his fellow Europeans to "face up to the reality and bow and kneel before your master", a call that was roundly rejected by one of the many remaining voices of sanity in Europe, French President Chirac, who compounded his opposition to appeals for closer cooperation between the US and Europe in Mr Bush's second term by snubbing an EU summit lunch for Ayad Allawi, Iraq's interim prime minister, and urging Europe to act as a counterweight to American hegemony "in a world that's more multi-polar than ever".
Chirac is probably just jealous that he doesn't have a legion of idiotic, Jesus-loving voters to back him up but nevertheless, I think we can agree: (at least 50% of) Americans Is So Stupid.
Killing Flies
Desultory Turgescence's favourite quote of the week comes from the interim president of Iraq, Ghazi al-Yawar, has rejected the coalition's plans to launch an all-out assault on the rebel-held town of Falluja.
Mr al-Yawar told the Kuwaiti daily al-Qabas: "I completely disagree with those who see a need to decide [Falluja] through military action."
He added: "The coalition's handling of this crisis is wrong. It's like someone who fired bullets at his horse's head just because a fly landed on it; the horse died and the fly went away."
Well, Mr al-Yawar, wake up and smell another four years of bullets.
*****
How Many God-Fearing Republicans Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
Kudos to the group called Yes Bush Can, who over the last several weeks of the election provoked numerous loyal Republicans to happily sign a pledge in which, among other things:
1. They agreed to host a permanent nuclear waste storage facility in their neighbourhood.
2. Promised not to have sex before marriage.
3. Specified which branch of the military they would prefer their children to join to fight America's forthcoming war against North Korea.
"That's what's amazing about the discourse in this country," says Mike Bonnano, one of the two absurdists behind Yes Bush Can. "People are so used to complete absurdity that nothing surprises them any more."
It also illustrates that the blind will keep on following blindly. The depth of peoples' faith, either religiously or politically, knows no bounds.
*****
What Isn't To Love?
We decided to do a samplying of some of the other bloggers listed on our links side and it appears some people are not as satisfied as others about the American election results:
Four More Fears
"This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves; finally just lay back and say it -- that we are really just a nation of 220 million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable."
Hunter S. Thompson, Fear And Loathing On the Campaign Trail, November, 1972. via Whiskey Bar
Four More Years by Lyssas Lounge envisions new condoms with the warning label "Say No To Sex and Yes To Jesus", via A Fistful of Euros.
Wow. It appears to be confirmed. Have a look at Comparison of IQ and Voting Patterns in the US - many thanks, via JuliusBlog. A comparison of Jesus Freaks and IQ would be as fascinatingly predictable as well, I reckon.
The Unbearable Darkness of Being by Lakshmi Chaudhry:
"On Tuesday, the largest turnout in recent history couldn't save us from defeat. Democracy won and so did George Bush. And all the Monday morning quarterbacking doesn't change the sad fact that the truth did not set us free. Nearly 52 percent of all Americans preferred to simply ignore reality to keep their faith in God and the man who is only too happy to play messiah.
This is now their White House, their Senate, their House of Representatives, and very likely their Supreme Court. It's their country." - via De Leeskamer
You might wonder: Will The Election Change Literary Culture? as they have at mediabistro, via Maud Newton -- it might do, for those Americans wishing to expatriot themselves to Canada, to have a look at this map of The United States of American and Jesusland. Laugh through your tears...
Meanwhile, 525 Reasons To Dump Bush notes that "The future of this site is unclear. We've talked about adding another ten to the URL, turning our attention to Congress, and calling it 535 Reasons to Keep an Eye on Democracy, but we are, understandably, ready for a break from daily updates."
Perhaps it's time to start an "Americans Out of America!" campaign.
"We say outright: these are madmen, yet these madmen
have their own logic, their teaching, their code, their God
even, and it's as deepset as it could be." — Dostoyevesky, via One Good Move who also provides a link to Jon Stewart reporting on the world's reaction to Dubs election, angry to violently angry, and on his "make-believe arrogance."
"Bush and Cheney- what a pair!
Who said life isn't fair?
While Iraq gets tanks and occupation-
You have idiots to run your nation!" Election Condolences for Hallmark or Yahoo greetings, via Baghdad Burning/Riverbend.
Steve Bell's take on Four More Years via Fat Buddha - hang in there, mate, at least Bush won't be running the Blues into the ground.
If you can't get at Bush, there's always the Osama bin Laden Stress Doll: Punch him! Crush him! Twist him! Stab him! via Je Blog.
"TV Catalunya has posted a forum where people can give their opinions about the US elections. Here are a few of them. The original Catalan is first, in quotations; my translation follows.
"Em sembla lamentable que haguem d'aguantar l'imbècil mes gran del mon quatre anys mes. Felicitats als ignorants i analfabets; els seus vots sí són vàlids."
I think it's terrible that we have to put up with the biggest imbecile in the world four more years. Congratulations to the ignorant and illiterate; their votes do count.
"i l'altre es l'insult amb motiu, i aquests menja-hamburgueses ara per ara se'ls mereixen tots, només un poble com ells, després de veure TOTES les desgracies que ha fet Bush, el tornarien a votar per "campechano i cristià"... s'ha de ser BURRO."
Another thing is an insult with a good reason, and those burger-eaters deserve all there are right now, only a people like them, after seeing all the bad things Bush has done, would vote for him again because he's "friendly and Christian"...they must be stupid."
More via Iberian Notes.
NB: For the record, although I think "hamburger-eaters" is funny, my experience has always been that even liberals eat hamburgers, the non-vegans anyway, so perhaps it should be clarified that it is the "Jesus-loving hambuger-eaters" in particular. That way I'm free to gourge myself without fear of retribution from TV Catalunya viewers.
Killer Cola
Although once the slogan for Coca Cola was "Coke Adds Life", it appear they can now add the slogan Coke Adds Death to their stable of slogans.
It appears that instead of paying hefty fees to international chemical companies for patented pesticides, farmers in India are reportedly spraying their cotton and chilli fields with Coca-Cola.
In the past month there have been reports of hundreds of farmers turning to Coke in Andhra Pradesh and Chattisgarh states.
Gotu Laxmaiah, a farmer from Ramakrishnapuram in Andra Pradesh, said he was delighted with his new cola spray, which he applied this year to several hectares of cotton. "I observed that the pests began to die after the soft drink was sprayed on my cotton," he told the Deccan Herald newspaper.
*****
Lastly, quite an evening here in Inkberrow last night for Guy Fawkes Night. The new horse was quite dazzled by fireworks display and equally jittery confounded by the enormous bonfire in the acreage out behind us but survived the night. As did we and our homemade mulled wine.
woensdag, november 03, 2004
PRAISE JESUS AND DROP THE BOMBS!
Lucky Americans Confirm Another Dollop Of Bush Is In The Cards
By a majority, Americans confirmed yesterday their love of guns, morality, bible thumping and most of all, President Dubya, as the hundreds of millions of Americans chose another four years of their heady and marvelous successes in the war on terror.
I for one, am happy to see America finally coming out of the closet.
Finally we are free to see America, happily, as it is: filled by a majority with the kind of small-minded oblivion we've all come to love so much here on earth in the last few years. We can be proud that there is a nation of people over there who openly embrace the baser aspects of human kind and more importantly, the lowest common denominators:
Fear and Jesus.
It is Fear and Jesus who won the day. The votes may tally up for Bush and for Kerry but that's all Americans seem to be able to digest these days. Fear of terrorism and faith that President Jesus Bush, the general of the Jesus Army of Democracy will grind the heathen Muslims into the earth like grinding out a filterless Camel into a stone ashtray.
The trailor parks of America are rejoicing!
The Evangelical places of worship will heave with excitement!
Lovers of guns, country music, being born again, moralistic venom, the gouging out of thinking, the sweet embrace of ignorance, all signs pointing in the direction:
Hell, sweet hell for the non-believers.
maandag, november 01, 2004
HAPPY ELECTION DAY, YEA CRAZY BASTIDS
I would like to draw your attention to an article I wrote back in auld days when a pretty little cross-eyed and buck-toothed bird called Ms Rice was urging us to support the invasion of Iraq and at the same time urging Saddam to realise the jig was up, urged us simultaneously realise that Time Is Running Out.
And time is running out.
You Americans have the fate of the world on your shoulders.
The papers in England are filled with your election, afraid no doubt, that England's chippy twerp might have to switch laps from Bush to Kerry, might have to take his poodle act somewhere else where people still believe in 45 minute myths and the dimensions of the word "evil".
I am listening to a Belgian radio station as I type this. Radio Brussels. Once an hour, they have the news and the news, even in Brussels, is the election in America.
So time is running out on our faith.
*****
Not even the great minds of Desultory Turgescence can come up with a winner in this one. But we bet that the winner will not be the American people.
We've read many articles over the last three and a half years about Bush and his Administration. The question for Americans to ask themselves is whether they prefer to be conservative as a nation or open as a nation.
We hope against logic that the election's results won't in more litigation, more abortions of the electoral process, more lack of sense.
*****
Many Happy Returns
Many thanks to the very capable Shelby Long for his insights on the World Chess Championship and for filling in for the Desultory Turgescence staff whilst the Home Offices were in the process of moving from Location A to Location B. Suffice it to say that Inberrow is sating the palate quite nicely.
In our absence, America has inched closer daily to the final countdown of the election which will likely have no forseeable end and though true that much bile has crept up with the round-the-clock advertising assaults and the insults of lies and distortions of both candidates, we're saving the usual political sarcasm and assaults for tomorrow, or as you Earthlings like to call it, Election Day.
In the interim, whilst sweeping up and setting up, enjoy this Keats poem which fills in nicely around the edges for this time of year:
TO AUTUMN
1.
SEASON of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
For Summer has o'er-brimm'd their clammy cells.
2.
Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
Drows'd with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook;
Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.
3.
Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,--
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
And touch the stubble plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the river sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The red-breast whistles from a garden-croft;
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.
--John Keats
Many thanks to the very capable Shelby Long for his insights on the World Chess Championship and for filling in for the Desultory Turgescence staff whilst the Home Offices were in the process of moving from Location A to Location B. Suffice it to say that Inberrow is sating the palate quite nicely.
In our absence, America has inched closer daily to the final countdown of the election which will likely have no forseeable end and though true that much bile has crept up with the round-the-clock advertising assaults and the insults of lies and distortions of both candidates, we're saving the usual political sarcasm and assaults for tomorrow, or as you Earthlings like to call it, Election Day.
In the interim, whilst sweeping up and setting up, enjoy this Keats poem which fills in nicely around the edges for this time of year:
TO AUTUMN
1.
SEASON of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
For Summer has o'er-brimm'd their clammy cells.
2.
Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
Drows'd with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
Steady thy laden head across a brook;
Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.
3.
Where are the songs of Spring? Ay, where are they?
Think not of them, thou hast thy music too,--
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
And touch the stubble plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
Among the river sallows, borne aloft
Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
The red-breast whistles from a garden-croft;
And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.
--John Keats
donderdag, oktober 07, 2004
The Unknown
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.
--Donald Rumsfeld
fr. Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing
As we know,
There are known knowns.
There are things we know we know.
We also know
There are known unknowns.
That is to say
We know there are some things
We do not know.
But there are also unknown unknowns,
The ones we don't know
We don't know.
--Donald Rumsfeld
fr. Feb. 12, 2002, Department of Defense news briefing
vrijdag, oktober 01, 2004
"THE FUTURE BELONGS TO FREEDOM, NOT TO FEAR"
It's probably sad that the moment I heard that line uttered tonight, I immediately knew it didn't come from the pen of a president or a presidential candidate, but some intellect in the silent background making peanuts and getting no credit.
*****
I wrote notes because I got well high (as anyone should, when watching a presidential debate) - so here they go, not in any particular partisan fashion:
1:55 am - Some talking head mentions that the debate "strips" the candidates of their advisors and their multi-million dollar election machines.
1:57 am- I switch to fair and balanced FOX whose talking heads go on about "mano a mano" and the question on everyone's lips is "what are we looking for?"
2:02 am- "This is it," says Wolf Blitzer from CNN. No one is on stage yet but I wonder who will be the first to enter. As it turns out, after Jim Lehrer's opening ceremonies, Bush comes out first, strident, hand-shaking, a man among men.
(now after here, I lose already the time markers, so I'll just write the comments:)
They show a countdown box to the debate. I am immediately reminded of when some networks had a count down clock before the invasion of Iraq.
I learn that Jim Lehrer is a 9 time vet of this sort of moderating presidential debates.
I start trying to calculate in my head, is that 9 times each election or 9 times over 9 elections - so I think 9 times 4 years in between debates is 36 years and then I start wondering if it's possible that Jim Lehrer has been moderating presidential debates since he was 13.
Who is on the commission of the presidential debates? They have a commission, but they don't mention themselves anywhere.
They ask the crowd to be silent and I wonder how they will manage that in these charged times, but they do, monitor themselves - well perhaps there was a big man with a bludgeon coercing them, but the cameras weren't focusing on that of course, SHHHHHH, just the two people wanting to be president.
Immediately, I recognise Kerry's most read words: "I'll Never..." do this or that.
A person who says never is not being honest.
*****
Fuck, I have these notes written all over the page I wrote on and they're all highlighted and starred and circled, etc because each of it seemed at the time, important. In hindsight, who knows?
*****
One thing is that Lehrer asks great questions - the bit about asking Bush to comment on his "opponent's" character was almost entrapment. But they both came out of that round well, praising one anothers' daughters and kissing each others' arses.
"Our prayers are with...if free nations stop terror..."
Kerry comments, using hot key words, ouch, "outsourcing" military that failed in Tora Bora to kill Osama -
"Plan for victory" - good one, both say it and it means equally nothing.
Kerry with a devastating blow, quotes Bush's own father's book about Iraq and what a mistake invading Iraq would be to take it because of the chaos it would cause resultantly. Ouch.
Bush says we'll love our allies but we'll protect ourselves at home first.
Duh, who the fuck wouldn't - now Kerry is hammering home, protect sure, but HOW? Your way or mine?
Bush's most canned statement: "WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS BUT IT'S HARD WORK"
An empty vessel. I'm wondering to myself, is anyone SEEING this? Bush stuttering around even his favourite clichés, staring off into space, fighting the good fight.
Kerry keeps mentioning 90% of the dead troops in Iraq are American and 90% of the money spent on Iraq is American. There is no coalition. Powerful point.
Suddenly they acknowledge that they're both Elis - oh, please can this be a happy moment in American political history - that both candidates are Yale graduates??!! -- Hoo-Haa! Where are the Ivy League cheerleaders?
Very important distinction we'll all have to make our minds up about:
Kerry says Bush is Certain, but even when you're certain you can be wrong.
Bush's reply is HE has "core values" -
SO there you go Blue -
What is it? Certainty or Core Values?
*****
Nuclear proliferation - I leave this debate realising what a great new talking point it is for everyone. Kerry introduced it and Bush followed, in a reluctant, unprepared sort of way.
Somehow, in the debate of American security, Bush brings back the missile defence thing. Can any of you Bush lovers out there explain the logic of that one?
How many missiles were they on 9/11, I forget...
Both of them close with bible quotes, or mention god or something - mumbo jumbo pandering to those assholes busy fucking up America on the Christian Right and in the South and Midwest of America. Shame on you all.
*****
Worst part is the talking heads aferwards. That they bathe in their partisan responses, that they make their living off it, that they have no integrity, that they prefer to be caracatures rather than intellects.
Shame on them too. Maybe even behead them. :)
Well that's it, the wrap up from American tv I watched in Shakespeare's Country.
A pile of rubbish.
And the more we learn to appreciate the finer palate of rubbish, the more happy we will be to consume it.
There's your presidential elections.
threefour, chachacha
The Staff at Desultory Turgescence wishes you all a happy election.
It's probably sad that the moment I heard that line uttered tonight, I immediately knew it didn't come from the pen of a president or a presidential candidate, but some intellect in the silent background making peanuts and getting no credit.
*****
I wrote notes because I got well high (as anyone should, when watching a presidential debate) - so here they go, not in any particular partisan fashion:
1:55 am - Some talking head mentions that the debate "strips" the candidates of their advisors and their multi-million dollar election machines.
1:57 am- I switch to fair and balanced FOX whose talking heads go on about "mano a mano" and the question on everyone's lips is "what are we looking for?"
2:02 am- "This is it," says Wolf Blitzer from CNN. No one is on stage yet but I wonder who will be the first to enter. As it turns out, after Jim Lehrer's opening ceremonies, Bush comes out first, strident, hand-shaking, a man among men.
(now after here, I lose already the time markers, so I'll just write the comments:)
They show a countdown box to the debate. I am immediately reminded of when some networks had a count down clock before the invasion of Iraq.
I learn that Jim Lehrer is a 9 time vet of this sort of moderating presidential debates.
I start trying to calculate in my head, is that 9 times each election or 9 times over 9 elections - so I think 9 times 4 years in between debates is 36 years and then I start wondering if it's possible that Jim Lehrer has been moderating presidential debates since he was 13.
Who is on the commission of the presidential debates? They have a commission, but they don't mention themselves anywhere.
They ask the crowd to be silent and I wonder how they will manage that in these charged times, but they do, monitor themselves - well perhaps there was a big man with a bludgeon coercing them, but the cameras weren't focusing on that of course, SHHHHHH, just the two people wanting to be president.
Immediately, I recognise Kerry's most read words: "I'll Never..." do this or that.
A person who says never is not being honest.
*****
Fuck, I have these notes written all over the page I wrote on and they're all highlighted and starred and circled, etc because each of it seemed at the time, important. In hindsight, who knows?
*****
One thing is that Lehrer asks great questions - the bit about asking Bush to comment on his "opponent's" character was almost entrapment. But they both came out of that round well, praising one anothers' daughters and kissing each others' arses.
"Our prayers are with...if free nations stop terror..."
Kerry comments, using hot key words, ouch, "outsourcing" military that failed in Tora Bora to kill Osama -
"Plan for victory" - good one, both say it and it means equally nothing.
Kerry with a devastating blow, quotes Bush's own father's book about Iraq and what a mistake invading Iraq would be to take it because of the chaos it would cause resultantly. Ouch.
Bush says we'll love our allies but we'll protect ourselves at home first.
Duh, who the fuck wouldn't - now Kerry is hammering home, protect sure, but HOW? Your way or mine?
Bush's most canned statement: "WE'RE MAKING PROGRESS BUT IT'S HARD WORK"
An empty vessel. I'm wondering to myself, is anyone SEEING this? Bush stuttering around even his favourite clichés, staring off into space, fighting the good fight.
Kerry keeps mentioning 90% of the dead troops in Iraq are American and 90% of the money spent on Iraq is American. There is no coalition. Powerful point.
Suddenly they acknowledge that they're both Elis - oh, please can this be a happy moment in American political history - that both candidates are Yale graduates??!! -- Hoo-Haa! Where are the Ivy League cheerleaders?
Very important distinction we'll all have to make our minds up about:
Kerry says Bush is Certain, but even when you're certain you can be wrong.
Bush's reply is HE has "core values" -
SO there you go Blue -
What is it? Certainty or Core Values?
*****
Nuclear proliferation - I leave this debate realising what a great new talking point it is for everyone. Kerry introduced it and Bush followed, in a reluctant, unprepared sort of way.
Somehow, in the debate of American security, Bush brings back the missile defence thing. Can any of you Bush lovers out there explain the logic of that one?
How many missiles were they on 9/11, I forget...
Both of them close with bible quotes, or mention god or something - mumbo jumbo pandering to those assholes busy fucking up America on the Christian Right and in the South and Midwest of America. Shame on you all.
*****
Worst part is the talking heads aferwards. That they bathe in their partisan responses, that they make their living off it, that they have no integrity, that they prefer to be caracatures rather than intellects.
Shame on them too. Maybe even behead them. :)
Well that's it, the wrap up from American tv I watched in Shakespeare's Country.
A pile of rubbish.
And the more we learn to appreciate the finer palate of rubbish, the more happy we will be to consume it.
There's your presidential elections.
threefour, chachacha
The Staff at Desultory Turgescence wishes you all a happy election.
donderdag, september 30, 2004
American Presidential Debate
A brief advance summary of the text of tonight's presidential debate, exclusively from the staff at Desultory Turgescence:
Presidential Candidate John Kerry: WHY?
President Bush: Because I said so and because if I'm not president, you will all die terrible deaths because of terrorists. Just remember: 9/11 9/11. Be berry berry afraid!
These
are the desolate, dark weeks
when nature in its barrenness
equals the stupidity of man.
The year plunges into night
and the heart plunges
lower than night
to an empty, windswept place
without sun, stars or moon
but a peculiar light as of thought
that spins a dark fire--
whirling upon itself until,
in the cold, it kindles
to make a man aware of nothing
that he knows, not loneliness
itself--Not a ghost but
would be embraced--emptiness,
despair--(They
whine and whistle) among
the flashes and booms of war;
houses of whose rooms
the cold is greater than can be thought,
the people gone that we loved,
the beds lying empty, the couches
damp, the chairs unused--
Hide it away somewhere
out of the mind, let it get roots
and grow, unrelated to jealous
ears and eyes--for itself.
In this mine they come to dig--all.
Is this the counterfoil to sweetest
music? The source of poetry that
seeing the clock stopped, says,
The clock has stopped
that ticked yesterday so well?
and hears the sound of lakewater
splashing--that is now stone.
--William Carlos Williams
fr. *The Collected Earlier Poems*
[New York: New Directions, 1951]
are the desolate, dark weeks
when nature in its barrenness
equals the stupidity of man.
The year plunges into night
and the heart plunges
lower than night
to an empty, windswept place
without sun, stars or moon
but a peculiar light as of thought
that spins a dark fire--
whirling upon itself until,
in the cold, it kindles
to make a man aware of nothing
that he knows, not loneliness
itself--Not a ghost but
would be embraced--emptiness,
despair--(They
whine and whistle) among
the flashes and booms of war;
houses of whose rooms
the cold is greater than can be thought,
the people gone that we loved,
the beds lying empty, the couches
damp, the chairs unused--
Hide it away somewhere
out of the mind, let it get roots
and grow, unrelated to jealous
ears and eyes--for itself.
In this mine they come to dig--all.
Is this the counterfoil to sweetest
music? The source of poetry that
seeing the clock stopped, says,
The clock has stopped
that ticked yesterday so well?
and hears the sound of lakewater
splashing--that is now stone.
--William Carlos Williams
fr. *The Collected Earlier Poems*
[New York: New Directions, 1951]
zaterdag, september 25, 2004
Ch-Ch-Changes
Desultory Turgescence's editorial staff will be taking a break, at the very least, during the course of World Chess Championships taking place. In its absence will be an abundance of interesting chess commentary for all you chess buffs out there. For you lovers of political diatribes and all the lovely colours of anti-Bush rhetoric, well, there is no shortage of blogs out there for you to peruse (just have a look at our links).
So in the interim, is off to finish a book. Have a look at an innovative chess board.
Chess With Apples, via One Good Move.
Desultory Turgescence's editorial staff will be taking a break, at the very least, during the course of World Chess Championships taking place. In its absence will be an abundance of interesting chess commentary for all you chess buffs out there. For you lovers of political diatribes and all the lovely colours of anti-Bush rhetoric, well, there is no shortage of blogs out there for you to peruse (just have a look at our links).
So in the interim, is off to finish a book. Have a look at an innovative chess board.
Chess With Apples, via One Good Move.
vrijdag, september 24, 2004
US Jet Sent 600 Miles To Keep Justin Timberlake Away
American officials diverted a transatlantic flight 600 miles in the belief that the presence of Justin Timberlake, the solo teen pop singer and former member of NSYNC, posed an imminent threat to America's cultural image, it emerged yesterday.
The former boyfriend of teen pop harlot Britney Spears whom officials added they would "hunt down like a dog" if she attempts to return to America, was escorted off the plane by FBI agents after customs officers realised that his name was on a "horrible detriment to American music list". He was due to be deported to the UK last night after questioning. Several members of his entourage were also detained.
Mr Timberlake, who is best known for having dated Ms Spears and for currently dating someone nearly three times his age, Cameron Diaz, had been touring Europe after being asked to leave America, but returned at the announcement of Ms Spears' recent wedding. His name was added to the list subsequently and a US government source said he was refused entry because of fears that he might produce more horrific pop music while in the United States.
"He was placed on the list because of concerns about activities that could potentially be related to terrorism of our ears," said a spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security. It is not clear why officials chose to divert the flight - at substantial cost and delaying other passengers for six hours - rather than detain Mr Timberlake on his arrival in Washington.
Pop stars on both sides of the Atlantic condemned the US decision, with the Crap Music Council of Britain (CMCB) describing it as "a slap in the face of sanity".
Mr Timberlake was denied access to Israel four years ago after claims he had corrupted thousands of teens and nauseated millions of adults, but said he had "never knowingly made any bad music." He sold 500m albums before renouncing music for charity and educational work after converting to Islam.
The Transportation Security Agency (TSA), part of the Department of Homeland Security, is authorised by law to maintain a list of people suspected of "making really horrific pop music that Americans might have to listen to".
But US civil liberties groups have warned that criteria for placing people on the list are hazy. Dozens have complained of being included unfairly.
United Airlines flight 919 from London to Washington was diverted to Bangor, Maine, after customs officers told the TSA Mr Timberlake was on board.
*****
Chop Chop Update
Meanwhile, with the two Americans already gone, all that's left of the original trio of victims is one pleading British citizen and his undecapitated head.
Oh so more heart-wrenching than the sight of innocent Iraqi children blown to tiny little pieces by American bombs, the imminently innocent Kenneth Bigley continued to prove a valuable news item in England by pleading to Tony Blair for his life.
It is difficult to discern which is more ironic, that a war profiteer, living in a posh Baghdad neighborhood whilst the natives sit in their own raw sewage and beg for scraps of food in Sadr City, is pleading for HIS life while hundreds day around him every day, or the fact that he is pleading to Tony Blair for his life.
Hard to say at this point.
But in the meantime, he has guaranteed the British media of keeping viewers riveted to the ongoing saga.
American officials diverted a transatlantic flight 600 miles in the belief that the presence of Justin Timberlake, the solo teen pop singer and former member of NSYNC, posed an imminent threat to America's cultural image, it emerged yesterday.
The former boyfriend of teen pop harlot Britney Spears whom officials added they would "hunt down like a dog" if she attempts to return to America, was escorted off the plane by FBI agents after customs officers realised that his name was on a "horrible detriment to American music list". He was due to be deported to the UK last night after questioning. Several members of his entourage were also detained.
Mr Timberlake, who is best known for having dated Ms Spears and for currently dating someone nearly three times his age, Cameron Diaz, had been touring Europe after being asked to leave America, but returned at the announcement of Ms Spears' recent wedding. His name was added to the list subsequently and a US government source said he was refused entry because of fears that he might produce more horrific pop music while in the United States.
"He was placed on the list because of concerns about activities that could potentially be related to terrorism of our ears," said a spokesman for the Department of Homeland Security. It is not clear why officials chose to divert the flight - at substantial cost and delaying other passengers for six hours - rather than detain Mr Timberlake on his arrival in Washington.
Pop stars on both sides of the Atlantic condemned the US decision, with the Crap Music Council of Britain (CMCB) describing it as "a slap in the face of sanity".
Mr Timberlake was denied access to Israel four years ago after claims he had corrupted thousands of teens and nauseated millions of adults, but said he had "never knowingly made any bad music." He sold 500m albums before renouncing music for charity and educational work after converting to Islam.
The Transportation Security Agency (TSA), part of the Department of Homeland Security, is authorised by law to maintain a list of people suspected of "making really horrific pop music that Americans might have to listen to".
But US civil liberties groups have warned that criteria for placing people on the list are hazy. Dozens have complained of being included unfairly.
United Airlines flight 919 from London to Washington was diverted to Bangor, Maine, after customs officers told the TSA Mr Timberlake was on board.
*****
Chop Chop Update
Meanwhile, with the two Americans already gone, all that's left of the original trio of victims is one pleading British citizen and his undecapitated head.
Oh so more heart-wrenching than the sight of innocent Iraqi children blown to tiny little pieces by American bombs, the imminently innocent Kenneth Bigley continued to prove a valuable news item in England by pleading to Tony Blair for his life.
It is difficult to discern which is more ironic, that a war profiteer, living in a posh Baghdad neighborhood whilst the natives sit in their own raw sewage and beg for scraps of food in Sadr City, is pleading for HIS life while hundreds day around him every day, or the fact that he is pleading to Tony Blair for his life.
Hard to say at this point.
But in the meantime, he has guaranteed the British media of keeping viewers riveted to the ongoing saga.
woensdag, september 22, 2004
CHOP CHOP!
Hey, one down two to go.
Join us please, here at Desultory Turgescence in crying big gator tears for those three poor war profiteers who will have their greedy little heads chopped off.
Oh, woe.
If only they would make it into a game show, I'd really know the value of television!
dinsdag, september 21, 2004
CBS News Apologizes Over Bush Guard Story
"Fair and Balanced, We're Not"
NEW YORK Sept. 21, 2004 — CBS News apologized Monday for a mistake in judgment" in its story questioning President Bush's National Guard service, claiming it's zeal to see the "neofascist dictator" overthrown and his lies exposed, outweighed their journalistic integrity.
The network said that while it could never be as fair and balanced as, let's say Fox News, and confessed to having stooped to new lows in fabricating documents which the Bush Administration had already had destroyed "several years ago" but reminded everyone that news is, after all, "just a matter of perspective".
The story has mushroomed into a major media scandal, threatening the reputations of CBS News and chief anchor Dan Rather who, as we all know, is about as fair and balanced a reporter as they come.
As you recall, Rather is the same Rather who brought us fair and balanced reporting in the past, such as an interview with Saddam Hussein on the brink of the fair and just invasion of Iraq that led of course, to Saddam being deposed, the slaughter of tens of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians, all for the glory of the impregnable President Jesus Bush. (oh yeah, and the war on terrorism, nudge,nudge) FEAR FEAR! 9/11! 9/11! FEAR FEAR!
It also has become an issue in the presidential campaign. The White House said the affair raises questions about the connections between CBS's source, retired Texas National Guard officer Bill Burkett, terrorists AND Democrat John Kerry's campaign.
Rather joined CBS News President Andrew Heyward in issuing an apology Monday.
"We we got caught, and for that I am sorry," Rather said. "A valient effort was made but we could not bring down the chimpery of the Oval Office with a handful of poorly forged documents. Nevertheless, and in the spirit of trying to carry on a CBS News tradition of investigative reporting without fear or favoritism, we will just let you know instead that we intend on being very fair and balanced reporting in the future."
Almost immediately after the story aired Sept. 8, document experts questioned memos purportedly written by Bush's late squadron leader, Lt. Col. Jerry B. Killian, saying they appeared to have been created on a computer and not on the kind of typewriter in use during the 1970s.
D'oh!
CBS strongly defended its story against all logic. It wasn't until a week later after Killian's former secretary said she believed the memos were fake that the news division admitted they were questionable.
Burkett admitted this weekend to CBS that he lied about obtaining the documents from another former National Guard member, the network said. CBS hasn't been able to conclusively tell how he forged them, or even definitely tell whether they're fakes or not. But the network has given up trying to defend them.
"Based on what we now know, CBS News cannot figure out a way to make inauthentic documents appear authentic, which is the only acceptable journalistic standard to justify using them in the report," Heyward said. "We should have used better and more believable forgeries."
"Fair and Balanced, We're Not"
NEW YORK Sept. 21, 2004 — CBS News apologized Monday for a mistake in judgment" in its story questioning President Bush's National Guard service, claiming it's zeal to see the "neofascist dictator" overthrown and his lies exposed, outweighed their journalistic integrity.
The network said that while it could never be as fair and balanced as, let's say Fox News, and confessed to having stooped to new lows in fabricating documents which the Bush Administration had already had destroyed "several years ago" but reminded everyone that news is, after all, "just a matter of perspective".
The story has mushroomed into a major media scandal, threatening the reputations of CBS News and chief anchor Dan Rather who, as we all know, is about as fair and balanced a reporter as they come.
As you recall, Rather is the same Rather who brought us fair and balanced reporting in the past, such as an interview with Saddam Hussein on the brink of the fair and just invasion of Iraq that led of course, to Saddam being deposed, the slaughter of tens of thousands of innocent Iraqi civilians, all for the glory of the impregnable President Jesus Bush. (oh yeah, and the war on terrorism, nudge,nudge) FEAR FEAR! 9/11! 9/11! FEAR FEAR!
It also has become an issue in the presidential campaign. The White House said the affair raises questions about the connections between CBS's source, retired Texas National Guard officer Bill Burkett, terrorists AND Democrat John Kerry's campaign.
Rather joined CBS News President Andrew Heyward in issuing an apology Monday.
"We we got caught, and for that I am sorry," Rather said. "A valient effort was made but we could not bring down the chimpery of the Oval Office with a handful of poorly forged documents. Nevertheless, and in the spirit of trying to carry on a CBS News tradition of investigative reporting without fear or favoritism, we will just let you know instead that we intend on being very fair and balanced reporting in the future."
Almost immediately after the story aired Sept. 8, document experts questioned memos purportedly written by Bush's late squadron leader, Lt. Col. Jerry B. Killian, saying they appeared to have been created on a computer and not on the kind of typewriter in use during the 1970s.
D'oh!
CBS strongly defended its story against all logic. It wasn't until a week later after Killian's former secretary said she believed the memos were fake that the news division admitted they were questionable.
Burkett admitted this weekend to CBS that he lied about obtaining the documents from another former National Guard member, the network said. CBS hasn't been able to conclusively tell how he forged them, or even definitely tell whether they're fakes or not. But the network has given up trying to defend them.
"Based on what we now know, CBS News cannot figure out a way to make inauthentic documents appear authentic, which is the only acceptable journalistic standard to justify using them in the report," Heyward said. "We should have used better and more believable forgeries."
maandag, september 20, 2004
Hastert Claims al Qaeda Funds Democrats and Kerry
WASHINGTON (APP) -- House Speaker Dennis Hastert said al Qaeda wants John Kerry to win the election. They want him to win so much they've been funding both he and the Democratic Party for over two years. Anything, it is rumoured, to keep that Republican strongman and religious leader, President Bush, from winning the election and destroying terrorism once and for all.
At a campaign rally Saturday in his Illinois district with Vice President Dick Cheney, Hastert said al Qaeda "prays to Allah that John Kerry will win the election, freeing them up to continue their terrorism and destruction campaign agains the world" and has been funding the Democrats and Kerry with billions of dollars from their opium profits to influence the American Presidential election.
When a reporter asked Hastert if he thought al Qaeda would operate with more comfort if Kerry were elected, the speaker said, "That's my opinion, yes. When you say John Kerry, what you really mean is Osama bin Laden"
Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe called Hastert's comments "heartening." saying he himself has struggled with this knowledge ever since he first became aware of it several years ago.
Kerry's running mate, Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina, said Hastert "is a fat Republican pig who is worried that his treasured seat in the Republican Corporate Interest buffet will be relinquished if Kerry wins."
"Let me just say this in the simplest possible terms," Edwards said at a rally in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania. "I am a humble man. I share the pain of you middle and lower class people. I hold the hands of mothers who have ten kids and are unemployed because I care and I hate corporate greed and I will fight to make all the poor people rich and vice versa."
Hastert, who as speaker heads the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, showed no sign of backing off his comments.
His spokesman, John Feehery, said Sunday that the speaker's comments "were consistent with the speaker's belief that John Kerry is merely Osama bin Laden in disguise. That's why we haven't been able to smoke him out of his cave yet"
Neither the Bush campaign nor the White House had any comment on Hastert's remarks, but Bush has accused Kerry of being funded by al Qaeda terrorists on several occasions.
The comments followed a remark by Cheney earlier this month that Americans might be subjected to another terrorist attack if they "vote for Kerry" in November. "We will all die except me and cockroaches, if Kerry gets elected and America as you know it will be left in smoking ruins!" he coughed out.
Cheney, ahem, later said that any president must expect more attacks and that his point had been that he felt Bush was better prepared to deal with the threat.
Some Republicans played down Hastert's comments Sunday. But most of them were only too happy to hear the truth finally spoken with someone brave and patriotic enough like Hastert.
WASHINGTON (APP) -- House Speaker Dennis Hastert said al Qaeda wants John Kerry to win the election. They want him to win so much they've been funding both he and the Democratic Party for over two years. Anything, it is rumoured, to keep that Republican strongman and religious leader, President Bush, from winning the election and destroying terrorism once and for all.
At a campaign rally Saturday in his Illinois district with Vice President Dick Cheney, Hastert said al Qaeda "prays to Allah that John Kerry will win the election, freeing them up to continue their terrorism and destruction campaign agains the world" and has been funding the Democrats and Kerry with billions of dollars from their opium profits to influence the American Presidential election.
When a reporter asked Hastert if he thought al Qaeda would operate with more comfort if Kerry were elected, the speaker said, "That's my opinion, yes. When you say John Kerry, what you really mean is Osama bin Laden"
Democratic National Committee Chairman Terry McAuliffe called Hastert's comments "heartening." saying he himself has struggled with this knowledge ever since he first became aware of it several years ago.
Kerry's running mate, Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina, said Hastert "is a fat Republican pig who is worried that his treasured seat in the Republican Corporate Interest buffet will be relinquished if Kerry wins."
"Let me just say this in the simplest possible terms," Edwards said at a rally in Phoenixville, Pennsylvania. "I am a humble man. I share the pain of you middle and lower class people. I hold the hands of mothers who have ten kids and are unemployed because I care and I hate corporate greed and I will fight to make all the poor people rich and vice versa."
Hastert, who as speaker heads the Republican-controlled House of Representatives, showed no sign of backing off his comments.
His spokesman, John Feehery, said Sunday that the speaker's comments "were consistent with the speaker's belief that John Kerry is merely Osama bin Laden in disguise. That's why we haven't been able to smoke him out of his cave yet"
Neither the Bush campaign nor the White House had any comment on Hastert's remarks, but Bush has accused Kerry of being funded by al Qaeda terrorists on several occasions.
The comments followed a remark by Cheney earlier this month that Americans might be subjected to another terrorist attack if they "vote for Kerry" in November. "We will all die except me and cockroaches, if Kerry gets elected and America as you know it will be left in smoking ruins!" he coughed out.
Cheney, ahem, later said that any president must expect more attacks and that his point had been that he felt Bush was better prepared to deal with the threat.
Some Republicans played down Hastert's comments Sunday. But most of them were only too happy to hear the truth finally spoken with someone brave and patriotic enough like Hastert.
zondag, september 19, 2004
Intelligence Report: We're Screwed
WASHINGTON (AP) -- A highly classified National Intelligence Estimate assembled by some of the government's most senior analysts this summer provided a realistic assessment about the future security and stability of Iraq: We're Screwed.
The National Intelligence Council looked at the political, economic and security situation in the war-torn country and determined -- at best -- both Americans forces and Iraqi civilians, leading the ranks of the dead in Iraq, were screwed and could expect "at least" another decade or two of death, chaos and street anarchy to follow, at least until some newer, more toxic form of fascist dictatorship or Islamic fundamentalist fascism replaced it, a U.S. official said late Wednesday, speaking on the condition of anonymity.
Of course, this didn't stop the Bush Administration from assuming the best and rosiest outlook imagineable: "Iraqis are pleased to be freed from the terror of the Evil Dictator, Saddam Hussein," an anonymous Bush Administration mouthpiece applauded. "Anything is better than the stability of a corrupt dictatorship, even street anarchy, car bombs, civilian slaughter by American helicopter guns, exploitation of one's own oil resources, terrorists, idiot foreign government intervention in your own sovereign government and having the blessings of President Jesus Bush's new form of Chaos Is Peace foreign policy."
The intelligence estimate, which was prepared for President Bush, and promptly rejected by President Bush as "girly man pessimism of a truly great American mission of destruction", considered the window of time between July and the end of 2005. But the official noted that the document, which spans roughly 50 pages, draws on intelligence community assessments from January 2003, before the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq and the subsequent deteriorating security situation there.
The latest assessment was undertaken by the National Intelligence Council, a group of senior intelligence officials who provide long-term strategic thinking for the entire U.S. intelligence community to be dismissed out of hand by Pentagon war mongers and Haliburton representatives.
The estimate contrasts with public comments of Bush and his senior aides who speak more optimistically about the prospects for a peaceful and free Iraq. "We haven't killed every remaining Iraqi yet," Bush reminded from his Texas ranch late last month.
A CIA spokesman declined to comment Wednesday night, and a National Security Council spokesman could not be reached for comment.
The document was first reported by the New York Times on its Web site Wednesday night.
It is the first formal assessment of Iraq since the October 2002 National Intelligence Estimate on the threat posed by fallen Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.
"People who rush to judgement against our Mission From God in Iraq are clearly terrorist sympathisers." Bush scolded. "I mean, what will the troops think if everyone at home is whining about what an abject failure my policies are? Don't you people support our troops? Don't you know that you are only destroying the morale of our troops by questioning my decisions and leadership?"
A new poll released by Time Magazine this weekend reported that 78% of Americans now believe that pollyanish wishful thinking combined with irrational fear is "the best way to govern America".
WASHINGTON (AP) -- A highly classified National Intelligence Estimate assembled by some of the government's most senior analysts this summer provided a realistic assessment about the future security and stability of Iraq: We're Screwed.
The National Intelligence Council looked at the political, economic and security situation in the war-torn country and determined -- at best -- both Americans forces and Iraqi civilians, leading the ranks of the dead in Iraq, were screwed and could expect "at least" another decade or two of death, chaos and street anarchy to follow, at least until some newer, more toxic form of fascist dictatorship or Islamic fundamentalist fascism replaced it, a U.S. official said late Wednesday, speaking on the condition of anonymity.
Of course, this didn't stop the Bush Administration from assuming the best and rosiest outlook imagineable: "Iraqis are pleased to be freed from the terror of the Evil Dictator, Saddam Hussein," an anonymous Bush Administration mouthpiece applauded. "Anything is better than the stability of a corrupt dictatorship, even street anarchy, car bombs, civilian slaughter by American helicopter guns, exploitation of one's own oil resources, terrorists, idiot foreign government intervention in your own sovereign government and having the blessings of President Jesus Bush's new form of Chaos Is Peace foreign policy."
The intelligence estimate, which was prepared for President Bush, and promptly rejected by President Bush as "girly man pessimism of a truly great American mission of destruction", considered the window of time between July and the end of 2005. But the official noted that the document, which spans roughly 50 pages, draws on intelligence community assessments from January 2003, before the U.S.-led invasion of Iraq and the subsequent deteriorating security situation there.
The latest assessment was undertaken by the National Intelligence Council, a group of senior intelligence officials who provide long-term strategic thinking for the entire U.S. intelligence community to be dismissed out of hand by Pentagon war mongers and Haliburton representatives.
The estimate contrasts with public comments of Bush and his senior aides who speak more optimistically about the prospects for a peaceful and free Iraq. "We haven't killed every remaining Iraqi yet," Bush reminded from his Texas ranch late last month.
A CIA spokesman declined to comment Wednesday night, and a National Security Council spokesman could not be reached for comment.
The document was first reported by the New York Times on its Web site Wednesday night.
It is the first formal assessment of Iraq since the October 2002 National Intelligence Estimate on the threat posed by fallen Iraqi President Saddam Hussein.
"People who rush to judgement against our Mission From God in Iraq are clearly terrorist sympathisers." Bush scolded. "I mean, what will the troops think if everyone at home is whining about what an abject failure my policies are? Don't you people support our troops? Don't you know that you are only destroying the morale of our troops by questioning my decisions and leadership?"
A new poll released by Time Magazine this weekend reported that 78% of Americans now believe that pollyanish wishful thinking combined with irrational fear is "the best way to govern America".
zaterdag, september 18, 2004
It's Official: Facial Hair Is The Mark of Evil
Jesus Said To Be Disappointed
As reported in the New York Times, through the clever guise of the clean-shaven CNN political analyst Jeff Greenfield, "We don't necessarily have a lot of confidence in a man with facial hair."
To save you the trouble of deeper hair follicle peering, the NYT also reported on a veritable Who's Who of Evil People With Facial Hair:
"Pancho Villa. A guy with a mustache.
Kaiser Wilhelm II. A guy with pointy mustache.
Hitler. Stupid little mustache.
Emperor Hirohito. Mustache.
Hideki Tojo. Mustache.
Stalin. Big mustache.
Fidel Castro. Big bushy beard.
Che Guevara. Beard.
Ho Chi Minh. Wispy Fu Manchu.
Yasir Arafat. Scraggly beard.
Ayatollah Khomeini. Big long beard.
Osama bin Laden. Long beard.
Saddam Hussein. Bushy mustache."
*****
For those many Desultory Turgescence readers who often confront these profound, daily philosophical conundrums by turning to the guiding question of What Would Jesus Do?, it would appear that Jesus would have grown a beard. And well he did. But look where it got him. The only logical conclusion we can draw from this of course, is that like Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro, Jesus Is Evil.
Whilst to the casual observer, this doesn't assist Americans with their very difficult decision in deciding who they should vote in as President, Desultory Turgescence's investigative reporters have been provided evidence from anonymous sources that President Bush has now grown a full beard.
We aren't sure if this is a result of the traditional Oval Office rapid aging process, or if President Bush is merely trying to disguise himself so the terrorist hurricanes can't find him, but the evidence here is overwhelming. President Jesus Bush is bearded and therefore, evil.
*****
Get Your War On points out that Not all is lost however:
"If we stopped fighting the War on Terrorism, it would free up more time for all of us to fight the REALLY important war: The Vietnam War"
Jesus Said To Be Disappointed
As reported in the New York Times, through the clever guise of the clean-shaven CNN political analyst Jeff Greenfield, "We don't necessarily have a lot of confidence in a man with facial hair."
To save you the trouble of deeper hair follicle peering, the NYT also reported on a veritable Who's Who of Evil People With Facial Hair:
"Pancho Villa. A guy with a mustache.
Kaiser Wilhelm II. A guy with pointy mustache.
Hitler. Stupid little mustache.
Emperor Hirohito. Mustache.
Hideki Tojo. Mustache.
Stalin. Big mustache.
Fidel Castro. Big bushy beard.
Che Guevara. Beard.
Ho Chi Minh. Wispy Fu Manchu.
Yasir Arafat. Scraggly beard.
Ayatollah Khomeini. Big long beard.
Osama bin Laden. Long beard.
Saddam Hussein. Bushy mustache."
*****
For those many Desultory Turgescence readers who often confront these profound, daily philosophical conundrums by turning to the guiding question of What Would Jesus Do?, it would appear that Jesus would have grown a beard. And well he did. But look where it got him. The only logical conclusion we can draw from this of course, is that like Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro, Jesus Is Evil.
Whilst to the casual observer, this doesn't assist Americans with their very difficult decision in deciding who they should vote in as President, Desultory Turgescence's investigative reporters have been provided evidence from anonymous sources that President Bush has now grown a full beard.
We aren't sure if this is a result of the traditional Oval Office rapid aging process, or if President Bush is merely trying to disguise himself so the terrorist hurricanes can't find him, but the evidence here is overwhelming. President Jesus Bush is bearded and therefore, evil.
*****
Get Your War On points out that Not all is lost however:
"If we stopped fighting the War on Terrorism, it would free up more time for all of us to fight the REALLY important war: The Vietnam War"
dinsdag, september 14, 2004
Blunkett Dismisses Royal Security Fears
"I can't see anything to fear"
David Blunkett was accused of "blind complacency" yesterday as he played down the security scare provoked by Batman, who scaled the front of Buckingham Palace.
Despite the future of royal security chiefs hanging in the balance over the stunt by Batman, who complained that "crime fighting has become boring and I was just looking for a little excitement", the Home Secretary insisted the situation had been well-handled by police.
Batman, who staged the protest against boredom, and his sidekick, Robin, who allegedly distracted palace guards, were released on police bail by Commissioner Gordon yesterday until December.
Batman was arrested on suspicion of making the Buckingham Palace security detail look like idiots, while Robin was questioned over aiding and abetting a criminal act. There were doubts last night over whether they would be charged over the five-hour protest.
But the recriminations continued yesterday as Sir John Stevens, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, studied a report into Monday's incident as though the comedy that played out on his tv screen hadn't been sufficient. A copy was passed to the Queen, who is at her Balmoral residence, but reports that she was angry over the break-in were denied by royal sources but confesses that she is a die-hard Batman fan.
Mr Blunkett acknowledged that not all security systems at the palace had "worked perfectly", although he said the cameras and alarms had operated properly, even if the security itself was an abyssmal failure.
He said: "I didn't see anything to fear. Batman and Robin are well-known crime fighters, not terrorists, and I think we should probably do away with palaces and monuments and stop inviting tourists from all over the world because we are so afraid of terrorists we won't let anyone get anywhere near them." Later, speaking at the Police Superintendents' Association conference in Warwickshire, Mr Blunkett said: "I can't see the problem. I can't see anything. But I don't think it helps us deal with the real terrorist threat to worry about Batman making a little publicity stunt because he's bored fighting criminals. Perhaps if he fought terrorism, he would be more excited, like us."
"I'm prepared for heads to roll if the head is of the person responsible for failing to do their duty. But simply to have a head rolling for the sake of a 24-hour headline would not be very clever. It would however, be rather entertaining, and in the interests of television ratings, we may just have heads rolling all over the place pretty soon"
*****
Bush salutes National Guard, "Whoever They Are"
LAS VEGAS (AP) -- President Bush told veterans Tuesday he was proud of the time he allegedly spent as a fictitious member of the Texas Air National Guard and sought to deflect questions about his Vietnam-era service by turning the subject to fear.
"Be very, very afraid. Wherever you are in America, you are at risk from terrible, terrible things happening to you and your family if I am not reelected President. John Kerry is a terrorist. He loves terrorists," Bush told his applauding audience in a speech to the National Guard Association of the United States.
He did not address questions that have been raised about his service three decades ago in the Guard or respond to accusations from Democrats that he used family ties to avoid the Vietnam War.
Kerry, a Vietnam veteran, addresses the same group Thursday and has directed his allies in the national Democratic Party to make an issue of Bush's service as an invisible member of the National Guard.
"Nineteen individuals have served both in the National Guard and as president of the United States," Bush said, "and I think I was one of them. One thing you can be sure of is that no terrorists served in the National Guard!"
The president then outlined the history of America's citizen-soldiers and touted his efforts to improve living and work condition for today's Guard.
Then he turned to Iraq, noting as he does in almost every campaign stop, that Kerry and Democratic running mate John Edwards are cowards and terrorist-lovers who will rejoice in the killing of our fellow Americans if their brand of liberal, girly-man, limp-wristed liberalism is allowed to destroy America.
He said Kerry and Edwards later voted over and over again for terrorism and are cowards who will not stand up and send the children of others to die on their behalf to fight terrorism and to help Haliburton and Vice President Dick Cheney wealthier.
After casting his rival as indecisive, Bush said, "Our troops, our friends and our allies, and our enemies, must know where America stands and that America will stand firm. We cannot waver because our enemies won't. We have to be firm, like a young woman's breasts and not allow flabby indecision or cowardess or love of terrorism to cloud our judgement to kill and kill, over and over again, no matter how long it takes"
It is a major part of Bush's re-election strategy to convince voters, especially those wary of his economic and Iraq policies, that he is the only candidate in the race steady enough to lead the nation at war.
"September 11! September 11! Fear! Run! Scary! Baaaaad terrorists! Kill! Kill! Never change your mind! Kill! September 11! Be very, very scared! Kerry will help the terrorists kill us all! September 11!" Bush said.
"I can't see anything to fear"
David Blunkett was accused of "blind complacency" yesterday as he played down the security scare provoked by Batman, who scaled the front of Buckingham Palace.
Despite the future of royal security chiefs hanging in the balance over the stunt by Batman, who complained that "crime fighting has become boring and I was just looking for a little excitement", the Home Secretary insisted the situation had been well-handled by police.
Batman, who staged the protest against boredom, and his sidekick, Robin, who allegedly distracted palace guards, were released on police bail by Commissioner Gordon yesterday until December.
Batman was arrested on suspicion of making the Buckingham Palace security detail look like idiots, while Robin was questioned over aiding and abetting a criminal act. There were doubts last night over whether they would be charged over the five-hour protest.
But the recriminations continued yesterday as Sir John Stevens, the Metropolitan Police Commissioner, studied a report into Monday's incident as though the comedy that played out on his tv screen hadn't been sufficient. A copy was passed to the Queen, who is at her Balmoral residence, but reports that she was angry over the break-in were denied by royal sources but confesses that she is a die-hard Batman fan.
Mr Blunkett acknowledged that not all security systems at the palace had "worked perfectly", although he said the cameras and alarms had operated properly, even if the security itself was an abyssmal failure.
He said: "I didn't see anything to fear. Batman and Robin are well-known crime fighters, not terrorists, and I think we should probably do away with palaces and monuments and stop inviting tourists from all over the world because we are so afraid of terrorists we won't let anyone get anywhere near them." Later, speaking at the Police Superintendents' Association conference in Warwickshire, Mr Blunkett said: "I can't see the problem. I can't see anything. But I don't think it helps us deal with the real terrorist threat to worry about Batman making a little publicity stunt because he's bored fighting criminals. Perhaps if he fought terrorism, he would be more excited, like us."
"I'm prepared for heads to roll if the head is of the person responsible for failing to do their duty. But simply to have a head rolling for the sake of a 24-hour headline would not be very clever. It would however, be rather entertaining, and in the interests of television ratings, we may just have heads rolling all over the place pretty soon"
*****
Bush salutes National Guard, "Whoever They Are"
LAS VEGAS (AP) -- President Bush told veterans Tuesday he was proud of the time he allegedly spent as a fictitious member of the Texas Air National Guard and sought to deflect questions about his Vietnam-era service by turning the subject to fear.
"Be very, very afraid. Wherever you are in America, you are at risk from terrible, terrible things happening to you and your family if I am not reelected President. John Kerry is a terrorist. He loves terrorists," Bush told his applauding audience in a speech to the National Guard Association of the United States.
He did not address questions that have been raised about his service three decades ago in the Guard or respond to accusations from Democrats that he used family ties to avoid the Vietnam War.
Kerry, a Vietnam veteran, addresses the same group Thursday and has directed his allies in the national Democratic Party to make an issue of Bush's service as an invisible member of the National Guard.
"Nineteen individuals have served both in the National Guard and as president of the United States," Bush said, "and I think I was one of them. One thing you can be sure of is that no terrorists served in the National Guard!"
The president then outlined the history of America's citizen-soldiers and touted his efforts to improve living and work condition for today's Guard.
Then he turned to Iraq, noting as he does in almost every campaign stop, that Kerry and Democratic running mate John Edwards are cowards and terrorist-lovers who will rejoice in the killing of our fellow Americans if their brand of liberal, girly-man, limp-wristed liberalism is allowed to destroy America.
He said Kerry and Edwards later voted over and over again for terrorism and are cowards who will not stand up and send the children of others to die on their behalf to fight terrorism and to help Haliburton and Vice President Dick Cheney wealthier.
After casting his rival as indecisive, Bush said, "Our troops, our friends and our allies, and our enemies, must know where America stands and that America will stand firm. We cannot waver because our enemies won't. We have to be firm, like a young woman's breasts and not allow flabby indecision or cowardess or love of terrorism to cloud our judgement to kill and kill, over and over again, no matter how long it takes"
It is a major part of Bush's re-election strategy to convince voters, especially those wary of his economic and Iraq policies, that he is the only candidate in the race steady enough to lead the nation at war.
"September 11! September 11! Fear! Run! Scary! Baaaaad terrorists! Kill! Kill! Never change your mind! Kill! September 11! Be very, very scared! Kerry will help the terrorists kill us all! September 11!" Bush said.
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