zaterdag, september 18, 2004

It's Official: Facial Hair Is The Mark of Evil
Jesus Said To Be Disappointed

As reported in the New York Times, through the clever guise of the clean-shaven CNN political analyst Jeff Greenfield, "We don't necessarily have a lot of confidence in a man with facial hair."

To save you the trouble of deeper hair follicle peering, the NYT also reported on a veritable Who's Who of Evil People With Facial Hair:

"Pancho Villa. A guy with a mustache.

Kaiser Wilhelm II. A guy with pointy mustache.

Hitler. Stupid little mustache.

Emperor Hirohito. Mustache.

Hideki Tojo. Mustache.

Stalin. Big mustache.

Fidel Castro. Big bushy beard.

Che Guevara. Beard.

Ho Chi Minh. Wispy Fu Manchu.

Yasir Arafat. Scraggly beard.

Ayatollah Khomeini. Big long beard.

Osama bin Laden. Long beard.

Saddam Hussein. Bushy mustache."


For those many Desultory Turgescence readers who often confront these profound, daily philosophical conundrums by turning to the guiding question of What Would Jesus Do?, it would appear that Jesus would have grown a beard. And well he did. But look where it got him. The only logical conclusion we can draw from this of course, is that like Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein and Fidel Castro, Jesus Is Evil.

Whilst to the casual observer, this doesn't assist Americans with their very difficult decision in deciding who they should vote in as President, Desultory Turgescence's investigative reporters have been provided evidence from anonymous sources that President Bush has now grown a full beard.

We aren't sure if this is a result of the traditional Oval Office rapid aging process, or if President Bush is merely trying to disguise himself so the terrorist hurricanes can't find him, but the evidence here is overwhelming. President Jesus Bush is bearded and therefore, evil.


Get Your War On points out that Not all is lost however:

"If we stopped fighting the War on Terrorism, it would free up more time for all of us to fight the REALLY important war: The Vietnam War"

Geen opmerkingen: