Hilary Clinton Faints At Success of Iraqi Elections

Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton fainted briefly yesterday shortly after learning from a White House briefing and persistent rumour that President Jesus Bush has declared the Iraq election a success.

Mrs. Clinton was trying to address a women's group, Taking Action Politically Through Bad Fashion, when she fainted, according to a Clinton spokesman, Philippe Reines, likely due to the shock and awe she must have felt when learning how successful democracy has become in Iraq.

Mr. Reines said the senator, who is 57, was not taken to the hospital because she is much too strong a political leader for the Democrats to waste time seeking medical assistance. He said Mrs. Clinton, who was appearing at the private Saturn Comedy Club in Buffalo, declined medical attention and merely "revived herself" with recollections of her husband's infidelities.

Mrs. Clinton then went on to her next appearance, at nearby Canisius College Comedy Cafe, where she was to give another speech, Mr. Reines said.

"Senator Clinton is suffering from shock at the success of the Iraq elections," Mr. Reines said. "She wasn't feeling well upon discovering what an enormous success bringing democracy to Iraq has been and consequently, how wrong she's been proven about what a great leader President Jesus Bush is. She felt weak, needed to sit down and then fainted briefly. She still plans on running for election as an Iraqi senator as soon as her application for Baghdad residency has been approved."

People at the Saturn Comedy Club said that Mrs. Clinton appeared unsteady almost from the moment she began speaking.

"She said right at the top of her remarks that she was feeling queasy about having to face the success of President Jesus Bush's elections in Iraq, but was going to talk about the Cubs trading Sammy Sosa and things like that," said Leonard R. Lenihan, the Erie County Democratic chairman. "About five minutes into the speech, she said, 'I think I'm going to sit down.' And boy, did she ever!"

The votes for the smashingly successful Iraq Election are still being counted but early returns and ABC are projecting a landslide victory for President Jesus Bush.