dinsdag, februari 08, 2005

Historic Day For Addictions and Agreements
Middle East and Babyshambles Star Will All Go To Rehab And Live Happily Ever After

On the same day that Israel and the Palestinians announced a deal to end more than four years of bloody intifada, which has claimed over 4,500 lives, former Libertines heroin and crack addict rock star and current Babyshambles front man, Pete Doherty, has announced a deal to move to St Petersburgh, Russia in order to kick his heroin habit.

Doherty plans to move to St Petersburg, Russia with his girlfriend, Kate Moss, the World's Best Dressed Woman for six months after completing his latest rehab programme.

Joining Doherty and Miss Moss in Russia will be the The Middle East who, after years of ongoing battles with their own addiction to killing and wasting humanity, have announced that they too will move to St Petersburgh once their own rebab/ceasefire has been completed.

The ceasefire, which would involve Israel's Prime Minister Ariel Sharon and Palestinian President Mahmud Abbas meeting in the Red Sea resort of Sharm al-Shaikh before moving on to the streets of St Petersburgh, has everyone excited, even President Jesus "Peace" Bush, who yesterday announced he was so excited that he would meet with Abbas and Sharon once they've agreed to stop killing each other officially.

Meanwhile, Babyshambles front man Doherty is scheduled to attend a 5 day rehab course and will receive an implant that allegedly helps beat heroin addiction. The rehab course will begin following his release from prison for a fight with documentary Max Carlish that left Carlish with black eyes and a broken nose. The argument was reportedly over pictures of Doherty using smack that Carlish sold to a tabloid newspaper.

In a seemingly unrelated event, the Government’s spending watchdog called for access to the Duchy of Cornwall accounts as the Prince of Knowing Not To Rise Above His Own Station In Wales’ top financial advisers were accused of "jiggery-pokery". There is no word yet on whether the Prince of Wales will be joining the drug addict rock star and the murder-addicted Middle East on their mission of peace and tranquility to Russia.

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