vrijdag, april 02, 2004

Love So Strong: Bush and Cheney To Testify Together

President Jesus Bush and Vice President Prick Cheney have finally agreed to testify before the uselessly pandering September 11 Commission in light of harsh, critical public opinion of the appearance that the President and Vice President of the United States do not want to cooperate in the investigation of the worst terrorist attack in American history. The arrangement virtually eliminates any possibility of divergent answers from Bush and Cheney, and lets Bush pass off any question he'd rather avoid and makes it impossible for the commission to ask either man any follow-up questions.

However, the dual testimony, which will illustrate VP Cheney's continued development as a ventriloquist, violates a fundamental rule of investigations, yet will be accepted by the panel as part of the 'allow anything to give the apparition of cooperation from the White House arrangement'

They deny claims that President Jesus Bush and VP Prick Cheney are experiencing an advanced phase of "puppy love" and do not want to be apart from each others' arms for even a few minutes to testify.

"Sometimes I get a little unfocused and confused when I can't have my scripted lines in front of me,"the President admitted reluctantly. "the Vice President is there to make certain I don't give any trade secrets away or do something especially crazy, like give truthful, non-evasive answers..."

Streamlined Question and Answer Process

By having the pair testify together, the dodgy question and answer process will be "streamlined" into an incoherent muddle of double talk no sane citizen would dare attempt to comprehend. The questioning by members of the 9/11 Commission will be limited to questions which contain no words longer than one syllable and which no words are are longer than 3 letters.

White House spokesman even Scott McClellan said Bush proposed the joint session to streamline the question-and-answer process all by his little self and didn't need any encouragement from the Vice President. He has suggested he may even move his own lips during the session.

"This is a good way to prevent them from getting the information they need and do so in a timely manner," McClellan said. "They can talk to both of them and help better understand how to piece together all the information that they've already received. Unfortunately, our idea to have all the members of the White House staff testifying simultaneously in very mumbled dialogue and sotto voce, was rejected"

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