The Daily News reports Mets "mull" trading the beleaguered shortstop Rey Ordoñez. Mulling? I don't get it. What is there to mull? Would you merely "mull" over the option of chopping off a sphacelus limb or grab the nearest machete? Would you only "mull" over the option of wiping your arse after a particularly empyreumal bowel movement? No. This pencil of a Cuban hits his weight, what, ONCE in his career? Hits homeruns as often as a summer solstice?

Examine his hitting stats from last season: .254, ONE homer and a whopping 42 ribbies. C'mon, they wring their hands over finding some weak-hitting gaby to fill his spot in the lineup? Look, he's scheduled to earn $6.25 million next season. That's like $500,000 per hit. There Must be a better bargain somewhere out in the bush. Ok, he has been a decent-fielding shortstop in the past. He won the gold glove three times in the past. IN THE PAST. Last season he made 19 errors in 144 games. Blunders, hallucinations, and an unrelenting failure chasing him like a rabid dog. That was Rey Ordoñez's season in a nutshell. To compound matters, in the midst of this nightmarish epic, he gets quoted calling Mets fans "stupid". The definition of stupid, in the case of Ordoñez, are the idiots (calling all Phillips, calling all Wilpons) who thought paying this epileptic clown what amounts to over $43,000.00 PER GAME to hit like a girl and field like a colander.

Just get ridda da bum.

There are is also, according to the same rag, a Met interest in free agent Tom Glavine. Mike "Stupida" Lupica says he'd take Glavine over Maddux. He says he'd take Glavine over Pettitte. I wish the Braves and the Yankees were both naïve enough to let those two go. They can have Glavine. Naturally, in this breathless little hosanna, Lupica doesn't even allude to Glavine's abysmal failure in the post season. Sure, he goes great guns in the regular season but he had a 15.26 ERA this year in the post season. 15.26 is nothing to sneeze at unless you're a reliever who pisses away his first outing of the season by giving up 8 earned runs in a third of an inning of work. But Glavine is bad news. He comes from the Braves, number one. Ok, the Braves take first place every year for a decade or so and what do they have to show for it? One title. Is it a surprise that there's like 10,000 people showing up at Tomahawk Chop Stadium, including the homeless people who just happen to wander in? Glavine is, in many ways, the paradigm of futility. Much in the same way Maddux is. Damaged goods. You need two starters who can pitch like men in the post season to go deep. The vaunted Braves pitching staff, in the end, fails more than often Charlie Brown on Thanksgiving. The Mets have enough bad histories. I think it's better they work on getting Paul Byrd. Leiter than a Byrd with Astacios.