Super Baby Rooney!

Yes, once again, the headlines of Desultory Turgescence scream no political obscenities as we continue our sabbatical from reality and plunge into the warm bath of the Euro 2004.

Last night, England's dreams were acknowledged as their 18 year old phenom, Wayne Rooney scored two brilliant goals to lead them past Croatia 4-2 and advanced to the quarterfinals of the tournament where they will face the hosts, Portugal.

So here is what the Italians think about Super Rooney

while speculation, the hypsters favourite tool, runs rampant as some ask the absurdist question du jour, Better than Pele?

Wayne Rooney: The Nation's Hero (well, certainly a cut above Blair, isn't he then?)

In other words, Roo-Mania Takes Hold:

THERE are no words left to describe Wayne Rooney — the dictionary has run out."

"more the teenage wonderkid inspired England to victory with a sensational double and won us a place in the quarter-finals of Euro 2004 against hosts Portugal.

Rooney was once 50-1 to be the top scorer in the tournament but, this morning, he leads the way — ahead of a string of illustrious strikers — with four goals to his name.

Well done to anybody who put a tenner on him.

After his brilliant performances against France and Switzerland, Rooney was again unstoppable — earning his second man-of-the-match award in a row."

Perhaps in a pique of jealousy, Iran Seizes 3 British Navy Boats and Detains 8 Sailors in a Territorial Dispute on Iraqi Border. Not playing very fair, the little bastids. See if they're invited to the next World Cup.

Oh yeah, arch-rival France are also through after a 3-1 victory over the hapless Swiss who will go home to their cows and chocolates and secret bank accounts, yodel a lament and eat some cheese fondue.