donderdag, januari 08, 2004

Fortress America Queue Will Now Include Brits

Apparently having President Jesus Bush's primary ass and boot licker as your Prime Minister isn't sufficient currency any more. Whilst currently, British travelers don't require a visa to enter the sacred and hallowed halls of Fortress America, under "new" rules, they will not only need a visa, but after October 26 this year all passports must contain "biometric indicators" - computer chips carrying a digitally encoded record of the bearer's face and possibly fingerprints.

On Monday, stringent new security regulations were introduced at 115 of the US's international airports and 14 major seaports, requiring people entering on a visa now to be fingerprinted and have their photographs taken, allow themselves to be anally probed, bow and kiss a giant portrait of President Jesus Bush and carry at least two copies of the bible at all times.

Of course, Tony Blair has been the test puppy for this successful new experiment having already demonstrated that the chip inserted in his skull by Jesus Bush Administration scientists will compel him to bark on cue, roll over and fetch for the World's Greatest President.

World's Greatest Puppy Isn't House-Trained

Meanwhile, the World's Greatest Puppy, Prime Minister Tony Blair, faces a new battle and believe it or not, it has nothing to do with lying to the British public about the reasons for invading Iraq and sending innocent British soldiers to their deaths needlessly. Today, he and his ministers are gearing up for one of the biggest parliamentary battles since Labour came to power in 1997 with the publication of the long-awaited university top-up fee legislation and the renewed effort to shove a very large, square peg into a very small round hole. Hmmm. Well, having screwed them once, perhaps he figures the population's arses are well oiled now for another go.

Reefer Madness

Don't "look" now, but the Blind Fascist Home Secretary David Blunkett has been blind about the dangers of cannabis, according to the Henny Penny-in-Chief, Robin Murray, head of psychiatry at the Institute of Psychiatry, who told The Times that inner-city psychiatric services were nearing a crisis point, with up to 80 per cent of all new psychotic cases reporting a history of cannabis use! He whines that cannabis use is now the leading problem facing the country’s mental health services! Imagine that. Of course, the warning might fall on deaf ears. Regular doses of cannabis halt this painful and progressive loss of vision called glaucoma by reducing the pressure which builds up within the eye. Think Blunkett will see the point?

Truth in Advertising

A great new political advertising contest which underscores what the real world might be like in the land where the truth could be told: Bush in 30 seconds

Geen opmerkingen: