maandag, juni 09, 2003

Pray For The President

The morality martinets over at the American Family Association think that due to the possibility of one or two upcoming U.S. Supreme Court vacancies, if there was ever a time for prayer, it is now. Apparently God, fresh off his victory in saving Americans from the WMDs of Iraq, now has a personal stake in Supreme Court nominations. A busy calendar indeed!

They ask us to let President Bush know that we are praying for him at this pivotal moment in history and even provide us with a "personalized" message we can send Our Fearless Leader, along with a red rose symbolizing life for a mere $10!

Just this past Memorial Day, Our Fearless Leader himself, in his infinite sense of comedic irony, asked for a day of prayer for permanent peace and frankly, although I'm a little prayed-out already, I thought, using the AFA's suggested format, I would offer this Prayer For The President:

Dear Mr. President:

Please be encouraged that I share your "goal that says the unborn ought to be protected in law and welcomed to life." (I especially approve of the unstated doctrine you hold on protecting the unborn of America while simultaneously killing children in Iraq who have the unfortunate burden of already being born and thus, unprotected by the doctrines of our life-loving bible so long as they are living out their childhoods in Godless nations like Iraq.) "And you, in accordance with the wisdom of your God, which you claim to possess, appoint judges to administer a Christian brand of justice to all the people whether they believe in the bible or not...who know the laws of your God." --Ezra 7:25

Thank you for helping turn America into an intolerant and arrogant Wasteland of Neo-Christian moralists, oil whores, murderers, corporate thieves and hypocrites that we can all appreciate and learn to love as much as Dick Cheney loves his lesbian daughter, as much as John Ashcroft loves kiddie porn and as much as you love the Iraqi peoples of the world who haven't been bombed into blood and bone mass yet. You're doing a smashing job filling in for Satan while he is away on holiday. Don't listen to those gutless whining, cowards and communists on the Left. Thank you for your strong stands on hegemony and destruction. I am continuing to pray for you and the critical decisions ahead.

Yours truly,

Desultory Turgescence

P.S. Please let me know if you received this message of support. It is important that I be able to keep track of the governmental surveillance agencies in charge of monitoring my thoughts, words and actions for any sign of terrorist sympathies. Please have a scoop of Star Spangled Ice Cream on me.

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