Norwegians: "salmon-eating busybodies."

The verdict is in. Despite the best efforts of the Harald Hårfagres, the King Olav Tryggvasons, King Magnuses and writers like Knut Hamsun and Henrik Ibsen, it seems Norwegians are nothing more for their collective effort than a nation of "salmon-eaters" who have become "international busybodies". At least according to the wit and wisdom of Chandrika Kumaratunga, the president of Sri Lanka who bristles of late at Norwegian Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik's suggestion that certain Sri Lankan politicians could be more flexible in dealing with Sri Lanka's Tamil Tiger rebels.

Of course, this isn't just Chandrika's opinion. Norway seems to be pissing everyone off lately. Take it from Ayman al-Zawahri, a senior al-Qaeda operative who named Norway one of the Fantastic Four of their hit list:

"strike at the embassies of America, England, Australia and Norway, their interests, their companies and their employees.", he urged.

Welcome, salmon-eating busybodies, to the Coalition of the Willing, even though you explicitly denounced the U.S. invasion:

"Our prime minister has told our Parliament that we do not support this war," said Jon-Age Oyslebo, spokesman for the Embassy of Norway. "There is no legal basis for it."

C'mon Jon-Age Oyslebo and you other salmon-eaters. Just put on these wireless 3D glasses and you'll see enough weapons of mass destruction to send you running for the nearest imminent threat exits, screaming through the streets of Oslo for salvation with salmon recipes falling from your pockets.

*****

For those of you who missed the last birthday party for Uday, here is the juicy gossip:

"One of the most memorable tapes is of a birthday celebration. When the drunken Uday becomes bored with sullen dancing girls, he pulls out a machine gun and starts shooting in the air in time with the beat from the band. When that palls, he fires at champagne bottles with his pistol and orders one of his flunkies to throw beer bottles in the air for him to shoot at with an assault rifle. For fun, he aims a few rounds over the heads of his guests, some of whom throw themselves on the ground in terror, only to arise laughing and clapping at the prank, and, no doubt, in relief at still being alive. Uday then finishes off the party by shooting directly over the heads of the band members, who amazingly, keep playing. The keyboard player crouches behind his instrument, still pounding the keys, as Uday shoots up the HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign hung at head level across the stage. When he runs out of bullets, Uday shakes hands with the frightened singer, and just to show he’s a good sport, tells the keyboard
player: “See all those holes? All those bullets could be in your belly.” Then he laughs.

In all of the birthday party tapes, the only person who seems to enjoy himself is Uday. Everyone else, including the band, seems petrified with fear. Most of his guests are women, who dance together listlessly as everyone keeps an eye on the guest of honor. In the video showcasing his 32nd birthday in 1996, he hands an AK-47 to a young boy, and helps him fire shots in the air. The highlight of that event: when the fireworks set the brush and lawn next to his house on fire."

And you thought the "Meeting Places art party in Flagstaff this Thursday was going to be a hot ticket:

"It's bigger than a regular party," proclaimed Debbie Leavitt, head of publicity for the coalition. "We're doing it Euro-style. It's stylish, trendy, crazy. We're going to have some Vespas, costumed mannequins, an outside cafe, wandering musicians and a tail gate art mart."

Yeah, right. Give me a call when you get a Heinzgerdkurtklaus.