zondag, januari 19, 2003

Sunday On The Tube
"Mustard Gas Is Not Marmelade"
- Condoleeza Rice, quoting Hans Blix regarding Iraqi hidden chemical weapons

Condoleeza Rice performed her "Time Is Running Out" talking points speech for Tim Russert and the rest of America on Meet The Press this morning with a well-mannered salience and gap-toothed rectitude. She repeated the phrase "time is running out" so often, she needed additional glasses of water to assuage the resultant wearing away of her vocal chords. "Time is running out. Time is running out, you are getting very sleepy" she cooed to the cameras, inducing a swinging pocket watch for the cameras.

The repetition or restatement of an idea at intervals not only promotes clarity, but encourages the acceptance of an idea. When you repeat and emphasize one idea, competing ideas are subordinated and sometimes are driven completely out of the audience's mind.

Fortunately, I snapped out of it when I heard her characterize the UN inspectors as "hecking and pecking" all over the country of Iraq searching for weapons violations. All I could see were giant chickens in a chemical weapons barn yard waiting to be rescued by Pasado's Safe Haven and whisked out just in time to escape the conscientious bombing campaign hailstorm of Paveway II laser-guided bombs and chaos eagerly anticipated by Administration officials sometime in February.

"What is the message we convey to the world if we are eager to apply a doctrine of pre-emption on those countries with limited ability to defend or counterattack, and yet waffle over a pre-emptive response to dangerous regimes with firepower to hit back? The unanticipated result of this doctrine may be to unleash a global scramble to acquire the means to deter the U.S. from unprovoked attacks,"

The old buzzard Senator Byrd was at it again this past Friday, stirring up trouble on the double-edged sword The Administration is using in the use of preemptive force in dealing with North Korea and Iraq. What's this? Is this America's latest hit release: New Bullies On The Block? The dancing Bushmasters, Choreographing with the Cheneys, Pussyfootin' Powell and SheMale Sensation Condoleeza Rice? Old Man Byrd should probablity tone down the senility aria a little bit. He's hopping up and down on the Senate floor like a chicken hecking and pecking for chemical weapons in Iraq.

No worries Byrdbrain. Pyongyang is next on the gravy train. They're already hard at work on a contingency plan for whenever Kim Jong Il finally snaps like a twig and goes running through down the dirt roads of the Chagang Province looking far ahead, with his left hand akimbo and his right raised to indicate the road for the people to advance.

I'm still trying to figure out how someone who spells their first name in Ebonics gets to speak on Meet the Press as a key member of the White House inner circle.

Sure, Condoleeza Rice is not just another pock-marked, gender-based face that repeats foxy Hip Hop Hypocrisy for the White House Cheerleader Coaching Staff. Other than "Time Is Running Out", she has also mastered the term "robust military presence" as if it were in her own language. I believe Condoleeza Rice can be taught even more jingoisms and soundbites quite easily. She's got alot of potential. All it takes to teach her to master other terms is patience and perseverance. The principle behind a parrot "talking" is mainly imitation, aided by reward reinforcement. A parrot's squawks, even without being taught, can sound quite human. Sure, Condoleeza hasn't learned to hack out her lies in coughing spasms like the master, Dick Cheney, but it wouldn't take much to get her to extend her capabilities a little more.

The thing I like about Condoleeza Rice is she can show she's wacky enough and can step outside the lines when she wants to. Take her selection of a Tampa Bay - Oakland Super Bowl next weekend. An unteachable comedic talent. As everyone already knows, Desultory Turgescence has already predicted a Tennessee - Philadelphia Super Bowl. The John Gruden coming back to coach against his old team is like some pathetic Disney Films tear-jerker that no one is buying. Tampa Bay has about as much chance of making it to the Super Bowl as there is Saddam Hussein calling in live on the Larry King Show and making a teary confessional that he does indeed have hidden weapons of mass destruction and would someone please come and remove them for him.

Today pans out like this:

Philadelphia 23 Tampa Bay 6. Tennessee 37 Oakland 31.

Let's hope by the time the Super Bowl kicks off, Condoleeza Rice has mastered a few more mantras to chant for us. Time is running out was a hit at the Comedy Cellar and the Go Bananas Comedy Club but for a BIG national event like the Super Bowl, she'd better come up with something new and original. Really Condoleeza, time is running out.

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