Bush Urges Congress to Lose Intelligence Quickly
"Thinking Is Dangerous"

President Jesus Bush fearing that the near-rebellion by members of his own party in Congress recently was a sign that it was somehow becoming intelligent, issued a call for Congress to "stop thinking and start voting" lest his important terrorist-reform legislation isn't passed in time for the Congressional recess.

Bush's remarks in his weekly radio address urged Congressmen to "consider that your country and safety is at stake and there is no time to think about the issues, just follow my lead..."

His comments echoed those of a group of staunch House Republicans from the South and Midwest, who have started a bill to ban the teaching of evolution in America because it might encourage terrorism, and who think that some of their fellow Congressmen might be "thinking too much for their own good."

"Now is really neither the time nor place for Congress to start thinking for itself," White House Chief of Staff Andrew Card and Vice President Dick Cheney both warned simultaneously. "The terrorists are everywhere and they will certainly see thinking or intelligence by Congress as a sign of weakness."

Congressional officials, speaking on condition of anonymity, said President Jesus Bush will not stand by forever while rogue members of his own party insist on thinking for themselves. "If Congress is going to start thinking for itself on issues of national security, President Jesus Bush may just have to start circumventing it altogether as a useless legislative body which will go the way of similarly useless organisations like the UN."

In the radio address, Bush said Congressmen were being given one more opportunity to "see the light" to make America more secure and if they didn't, he may not bother consulting with them any longer.

"I urge members of Congress to act next week so I can sign these needed reforms into law," Bush said. "Otherwise, they may all be permanently out of work by the end of the week."