vrijdag, augustus 13, 2004

Random Braying

With the Desultory Turgescence team busy hunting down rumours throughout France, Holland and Scotland for the past and yes, future several weeks, this sort of scattershot and random, perhaps even infrequent deliveries of the daily posts will unfortunately, continue.

Please remain heartened by the information that by the onset of September, the shop will be fully up and running once again spewing and spearheading the kind of caustic, rubbery Anisetta Evangelisti aftertaste you've all grown to know and love.

In the interim, kindly aquaint yourself with these random items:

For the lads and lassies back in Amurrrica, those drowning in the tsunami of false political contentions and distortions, the Annenberg Political Fact Check always one to comb through the lice of disinformation and seek tiny granules of truth.


Speaking of knife jobs, August Kleinzahler's "No Antonin Artaud with the Flapjacks, Please" is a classic in the making knife job on Garrison Keillor.

"Readers may remember how the U.S. military blared Van Halen and others at the Panamanian dictator Manuel Noriega, when he took refuge in the Vatican Embassy in Panama City during our invasion of Panama years ago. This method of rousting the wicked proved so successful that it was repeated during the recent Afghan experience, when heavy metal chart-busters were unleashed on caves thought to be sheltering Taliban and al-Qaeda fighters. The English Guardian newspaper reported last year that we were breaking the wills of captured terrorists, or suspected terrorists, by assaulting them first with heavy metal followed by "happy-smiley children's songs." The real spirit cruncher turns out to be the "Barney, I Love You" song played for hours on end. Even the most hardened, sadistic killers buckle under "that kind of hell," or so asserted a reliable source. But if that fails to work, I suggest a round-the-clock tape of Garrison Keillor reading poems on his daily Writer's Almanac show."


If you're interested in winning philosophical arguments you might want to have a look on overcoming, 38 Dishonest Tricks.


Imaginary novels and incredible stories are being collected for posterity in an unconventional UK arts project, The Library of Unwritten Books.


and lastly,

Bush: America better off with his leadership

LOS ANGELES, California -- President Jesus Bush said Thursday that America is "absolutely" better off today than it was four years ago -- on both the national security and domestic fronts.

"The world's safer. ... no one except terrorists and thugs are getting killed anymore. We're killing terrorists and thugs at a great pace and will continue to do so throughout the elections," Bush said in an exclusive interview on CNN's "Larry King Live."

"There are 50 million people that once lived in tyranny now living in societies which are heading toward pro-American, pro-oil and anti-Muslim democracies," he said. "In fact, in the next election, we are opening it up for voters from all countries who support me to vote for me to be president, not JUST of America, but the entire planet Earth since I'm doing such a good job here and there's really no point in limiting my powers to improve your miserable lives to just one country,"

Bush also promoted improvements at home.

"The economy is growing. Why, just look at it grow! I've never seen a better economy. I've never seen a more vibrant, promising economic future. There has never been a better economy in the history of earth" he said. "The education system is better than it has been ever in the history of mankind, anywhere, even planets we haven't discovered yet and because of the No Child Left Behind Act, the kids being left behind are either dead or in prison so we haven't got to worry about them anymore. The Medicare law has been watered down so seniors will have very limited and expensive prescription drug coverage starting in 2006 which will facilitate and encourage their early deaths since most of them don't vote for me anyway."

The president also said he would still choose to go to war in Iraq if he had it to do all over again -- even knowing everything he now knows about the absence of stockpiles of weapons of mass destruction.

"What difference does it make now? I will argue that Saddam Hussein out of power has made the world a better place and a safer place," he said. "It doesn't matter whether or not it's true, I will argue that anyway since that is the only thread of possible justification we have left after all our other excuses have been paper tigers. We thought we'd find stockpiles. The whole world thought we'd find stockpiles. ... But what we do know is Saddam Hussein had the capability of making weapons of mass destruction, and after September 11th, a risk we could not take was that he would share that capability with our enemies. Even if the risk was all in our heads and he just happened to be sitting coincidentally on a the world's second largest supply of oil and well, doesn't everyone agree that Iraq makes a wonderful military base? I'm thinking we should rename it Fort Iraq, allow all those who love me to vote for me in the next election and kill everyone who opposes me as a terrorist and thug"

Bush, who was joined for the interview by his wife, Laura, also took issue with a proposal by Democratic presidential nominee Sen. John Kerry to set a six-month time frame to begin reducing the number of U.S. troops in Iraq.

"That says to the enemy, 'Wait for six months and one day,' or it says to the Iraqis, 'The Americans aren't serious,'" Bush said. "But I am a serious man and I don't intend to stop killing for Jesus any time soon. The timetable is this --not one day more than is necessary, and the commanders on the ground will let us know when."

Bush, who has championed a federal constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, also made some of his most explicit comments to date on whether he believes states should be able to provide legal recognition to gay and lesbian couples with civil unions that stop short of marriage.

"Faggots shouldn't marry, that's the bottom line," Bush said. "Jesus doesn't like faggots and neither do I. Not even with mushy peas. I do not want to change the definition of marriage. I don't think our country should. We are a country of Jesus-lovers, not faggots"

With just 81 days to go before Americans decide if he should get a second term, Bush told King he was confident of winning re-election, despite polls showing the race is razor close.

"I believe the American people know my style of leadership, they know what to expect, and they understand that the commander-in-chief must not waver in this era --that we must continue to stay on the offense," he said. "But if the American people don't see it my way, it doesn't really matter, I'll find a way to win the election, no matter what it takes. I have an obligation to lead, hand in hand with Jesus."

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