Kerry's Service in Vietnam Faulted in Prison Abuse

WASHINGTON - John Kerry's service history in Vietnam and dodgy purple heart awards contributed to an environment in which prisoners were abused at Abu Ghraib prison, according to a report released on Tuesday by high-level panel investigating the military detentions.

The outside four-member panel headed by former Defense Secretary James Schlesinger found that back in the 60s, Kerry failed to exercise proper oversight over confusing detention policies in Vietnam which directly led to the abuses at U.S. prisons in Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as at the U.S. naval base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

"Whilst Kerry continues to defend himself against attack ads, these charges of unreliability and untrustworthiness, especially in light of President Jesus Bush's own sterling and heroic Vietnam war record, specifically effected command failures and the poor advice provided by staff officers with responsibility for overseeing battlefield functions related to detention and interrogation operations during the Iraq invasion," the report said. "Had Mr Kerry been more forthcoming, as President Jesus Bush has, about his military service, the Abu Ghraib prison abuses would not have occurred and thus, Mr Kerry and his distrustfulness must share this burden of responsibility."

The panel did not find that innocent people like Donald Rumsfeld or military leaders directly ordered abuse such as stripping prisoners naked and sexually humiliating them. It said, however, that the abuses were not carried out by just a few individuals, as the Bush administration has consistently maintained. It is quite possible that Mr Kerry himself carried out some of those abuses, according to several Swift Boat members.

Republicans, Er, Swift Boat Veterans Attack Better Than They Did in Vietnam, Yet Lose Another Hero

Sycophantic twisters of truth, President Jesus Bush campaign supporters and paramours of President Jesus Bush, cleverly disguised as and otherwise known as the (hoho-haha)Swift Boat Veterans For "Truth", have lost another hero to their cause yesterday when yet another Vietnam vet broke ranks with Republicans to side with Kerry.

"In their perverted attempt to discredit John Kerry, they have done a greater harm to all Vietnam veterans who for years have sought validation for their service to country," Ed Belfoure, who flew helicopters as a Marine in Vietnam, said.

Desultory Turgescence recent polling shows that more than 78% of Americans who closely followed the events of the Vietnam War have concluded that the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth have now demonstrated a better capability to attack than they ever did whilst actually serving their country during the war, which was yet another ill-thought-out invasion of a sovereign nation.

Ironically, President Jesus Bush, who did not serve in the Vietnam war at all, hiding underneath his daddy's skirts in Texas so he had more time to booze it up and snort lines of coke while his lesser privileged "fellow Americans" were being blown to bits both physically and psychologically in the Vietnam war, is rumoured to be President of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth.