"Coalition Of The Willing" Continues To Grow
In the UK, many anti-war protesters took to the streets on bikes to express their opposition to the coalition assault. The protest caused traffic problems in cities including London and Sheffield and followed the wave of demonstrations across the UK yesterday.
There is so much love being spread for America's war coalition, America had to close 13 of their embassies and consulates apparently because the protesters couldn't be killed by long range missiles fired by "brave" US forces.
The US embassy warned its citizens in on Friday to avoid the anti-war demonstration being held in Amsterdam on Saturday because it may have an "anti-American character" and "possibly escalate into violence".
In Milan, more than 150,000 gathered to protest against the war.
In Berlin, schoolchildren placed candles on a street leading to the US embassy, which was sealed off by police, heavy concrete barriers and fences. Banners hung on police barriers carried slogans such as "common sense ends when violence begins" and "boycott US products".
In Brussels In Brussels, police used water cannon and tear gas to disperse hundreds of protesters who were throwing stones outside the US embassy. Organisers said 30,000 people joined the protest, though police put the figure at 17,000.
More than 150,000 demonstrators gathered in Athens and in cities around Greece as a nationwide general strike to protest against the war in Iraq brought the country to a standstill.
In the land of Congress' best friend, there were more than 80,000 protesters who took to the streets of Paris to the Place de la Concorde near the American embassy in a loud harangue against the war. Even Americans living in Paris joined in, fustigating against the Bush Administration, declaring: "Americans against the war. Bring our troops home."
In Egypt, riot police used water cannons and attack dogs to keep anti-war demonstrators away from the US embassy.
Protesters hurled stones, pounded cars and shouted about the US and Egypt's leaders. "We want the flag down. We don't want America here at all," said one demonstrator. Egyptian riot police used water canon and batons to beat back crowds throwing rocks and trying to advance on the US embassy in Cairo. "We just wanted to tell the Americans they are no longer welcome here," said student leader Fadlallah Abu Wafia.
In Yemen, three demonstrators and one policemen were killed in demonstrations.
In Buenos Aires, Argentina, federal police fired tear gas grenades and rubber bullets to scatter demonstrators who stoned the US embassy, burned an American flag and chanted slogans describing the US president, George Bush, as "a fascist terrorist".
In Sidney, anti-war protesters set fire to newspapers belonging to a south-west Sydney newsagency and spray-painted "Kill Bush", "Kill Howard" and "Kill Blair" on walls nearby.
Hundreds of Ecuadorans marched on the US embassy in the capital, Quito, burning US flags and chanting "Bush is an assassin".
Dozens of activists converged on the American embassy in Buddhist Thailand. About 7,000 Muslims in Kota Baharu city in eastern Malaysia burned British and US flags as well as effigies of Bush and British prime minister, Tony Blair.
On the homefront, in the largest show of anti-war civil disobedience since the Vietnam War, thousands of activists swarmed downtown San Francisco on Thursday, paralyzing traffic in dozens of intersections and wreaking havoc on businesses in the Financial district. More than 1,400 demonstrators arrested. Assistant Police Chief Alex Fagan Sr. called it the largest, most chaotic protest in 30 years. "Absolute anarchy,'' he said.
And perhaps best summarizing the "democratic" mentality of the PRO-war partisans and Iraqi liberators in America were the counter-demonstrators. One, in Mississippi, a renowned bastion of intelligence, civility and sensibility, carried a sign saying "support the US or keep your mouth shut.". True democracy, Bush-style. As always, the world can look to Mississippi for guidance and keen perception of world events.
To get the mind off war and killing, tonight out at Southpaw in Park Slope, the Dutch band Bettie Serveert will be playing.
vrijdag, maart 21, 2003
donderdag, maart 20, 2003
Cirque de Guerre
Admittedly, you rushed home to join the media circus. War! War! War! was everywhere! Not palatable on the streets. The same hurried faces blurred past you, the same meandering, idiotic cellphone conversations caught in snatches as you strode purposefully home, the same tourist strollers, three paces too slow ahead of you while a drunk who'd started Happy Hour too many hours too early leaned and leered at everyone like they were family. But war was in the air, in the veins, through the underground cables and burning through the telephone wires.
You entered home gasping from two stairs at a time for too many flights, preoccupied with the time and the deadline, before clicking the remote to be invaded: staggered with the plenary of every channel, full bore, going on like a solar powered circus of unreasonable jazz: an Ornette Coleman harmolodic making your head spin with simultaneous illogic from every angle. Relieved that you have not missed the sword swallowing and the fire eating presidents, you settle in and roll a cigarette.
You were glued to MSNBC because it was the only channel with the "deadline" clock ticking down, fixated as though you were staring at One Times Square's North face clock on New Year's Eve, ignorning the iconic advertising, the news crawls, electronic billboards, the flip-flop back to former General So and So, expert of all invasions past, the anchor man with his embalmist's voice and the cartoonish maps of Iraq with arrows and pushpins sticking out of it like a voodoo doll and the strangely serene looking Baghdad.
Soon enough, soon enough: the blood pressure is rising in the ears, the stomach is growling hunger as the ticking grows quicker and louder and the sponsors of the war run commercials with only three minutes to go for mobile phone services and electronic superstore sales.
Every channel flipping for the war as though the world were converging into one hurculean symphonic burst of idiocy.
Under a minute to go! That crazy New Year's Baby can't wait for that ball to drop!
Kerplunk!
And then their "deadline" clock disappears, as though Christmas were cancelled, time is up! Where are the bombs? Where is the killing? Where is the freedom and the liberations?
They bungle around longer. You lose interest in their desperate attempts to create world events out of nothing. The dust of disappointment is everywhere. You become loud and obnoxious: tell the plants you don't care whether or not they grow, belittle the vegetables in the refrigerator for not being fresher, blame the ashtray for the lack of war.
In a terrifying gesture of ghoulish indifference, you begin to flip through the channels, hoping for a stand up comic or a decent Italian movie, anything but those wound-up little talking heads desperate to make something out of nothing.
And then, before you know it, peeking back again with reluctant hope, a few explosions begin, the excited chatter getting louder, speculations and gnawing confirmation as though the news anchors breathe relief, chanting that they told you so!
Hammurabi, the "criminal junior Bush" as Saddam likes to call him, makes his appearance, looking like waxed fruit with his starched, unimpressive rhetoric and his somber suit. "MurderDeathKill," he murmurs into the screen without conviction. "LiberateMurderDeathKill and FreedomMurderDeathKill," he states as the camera zooms away from the homey scene of the desk behind him crowded with pictures of his daughters and family to angle in on his face and you think to yourself: "Jesus Christ, Alfred E. Newman is declaring war!". But the "criminal junior Bush" is unimpressed. "Won't be easy MurderDeathKill, Reluctant MurderDeathKill but May God Bless MurderDeathKill"
Shortly thereafter, when it becomes apparent the bombing was like a reflexive twitch, not the full blown war we'd been promised all night, when the ex-General experts and correspondants from every sandy patch of Kuwait and the dime store doyens baffled themselves with their own inability to comprehend the motives of a teeny, tiny strike too far away for the remote cameras to see in detail, you begin to fall asleep, somehow, the anticlimax of the events like bad sex in your mouth, one nightmare after another as the television continued to blare subconsciously.
You wake again, shortly after a groggy midnight and there he is, rumors of his demise premature: Saddam, in a clean, neatly pressed military-style uniform and a black beret, giving a speech while wearing thick glasses and reading notes from a stenographer's pad, muttering outlandish threats of death and blood in a strange sort of elderly impotence, repeated exortations to everyone to draw their swords as though this were some sort of medieval battle to be fought on horses instead of sitting, miles underground, cowering from 100 billion dollars worth of precision-guided bombs.
Ugh. You finally shut it off, conscious of the growing feeling that all the while the networks and the viewers are becoming dealers and junkies, needing more and more with each subsequent injection, each telesthetic pang for more blood, more violence a call for higher advertising rates.
Later on, drenched in sweat and sickness, you crawl to the bathroom, recalling to yourself that in one day, as the war grows out of proportion, as the media circus gets louder and the death becomes more acute, in one day you will celebrate Bach's birthday with Cantata 46: Schauet doch und sehet.
Admittedly, you rushed home to join the media circus. War! War! War! was everywhere! Not palatable on the streets. The same hurried faces blurred past you, the same meandering, idiotic cellphone conversations caught in snatches as you strode purposefully home, the same tourist strollers, three paces too slow ahead of you while a drunk who'd started Happy Hour too many hours too early leaned and leered at everyone like they were family. But war was in the air, in the veins, through the underground cables and burning through the telephone wires.
You entered home gasping from two stairs at a time for too many flights, preoccupied with the time and the deadline, before clicking the remote to be invaded: staggered with the plenary of every channel, full bore, going on like a solar powered circus of unreasonable jazz: an Ornette Coleman harmolodic making your head spin with simultaneous illogic from every angle. Relieved that you have not missed the sword swallowing and the fire eating presidents, you settle in and roll a cigarette.
You were glued to MSNBC because it was the only channel with the "deadline" clock ticking down, fixated as though you were staring at One Times Square's North face clock on New Year's Eve, ignorning the iconic advertising, the news crawls, electronic billboards, the flip-flop back to former General So and So, expert of all invasions past, the anchor man with his embalmist's voice and the cartoonish maps of Iraq with arrows and pushpins sticking out of it like a voodoo doll and the strangely serene looking Baghdad.
Soon enough, soon enough: the blood pressure is rising in the ears, the stomach is growling hunger as the ticking grows quicker and louder and the sponsors of the war run commercials with only three minutes to go for mobile phone services and electronic superstore sales.
Every channel flipping for the war as though the world were converging into one hurculean symphonic burst of idiocy.
Under a minute to go! That crazy New Year's Baby can't wait for that ball to drop!
Kerplunk!
And then their "deadline" clock disappears, as though Christmas were cancelled, time is up! Where are the bombs? Where is the killing? Where is the freedom and the liberations?
They bungle around longer. You lose interest in their desperate attempts to create world events out of nothing. The dust of disappointment is everywhere. You become loud and obnoxious: tell the plants you don't care whether or not they grow, belittle the vegetables in the refrigerator for not being fresher, blame the ashtray for the lack of war.
In a terrifying gesture of ghoulish indifference, you begin to flip through the channels, hoping for a stand up comic or a decent Italian movie, anything but those wound-up little talking heads desperate to make something out of nothing.
And then, before you know it, peeking back again with reluctant hope, a few explosions begin, the excited chatter getting louder, speculations and gnawing confirmation as though the news anchors breathe relief, chanting that they told you so!
Hammurabi, the "criminal junior Bush" as Saddam likes to call him, makes his appearance, looking like waxed fruit with his starched, unimpressive rhetoric and his somber suit. "MurderDeathKill," he murmurs into the screen without conviction. "LiberateMurderDeathKill and FreedomMurderDeathKill," he states as the camera zooms away from the homey scene of the desk behind him crowded with pictures of his daughters and family to angle in on his face and you think to yourself: "Jesus Christ, Alfred E. Newman is declaring war!". But the "criminal junior Bush" is unimpressed. "Won't be easy MurderDeathKill, Reluctant MurderDeathKill but May God Bless MurderDeathKill"
Shortly thereafter, when it becomes apparent the bombing was like a reflexive twitch, not the full blown war we'd been promised all night, when the ex-General experts and correspondants from every sandy patch of Kuwait and the dime store doyens baffled themselves with their own inability to comprehend the motives of a teeny, tiny strike too far away for the remote cameras to see in detail, you begin to fall asleep, somehow, the anticlimax of the events like bad sex in your mouth, one nightmare after another as the television continued to blare subconsciously.
You wake again, shortly after a groggy midnight and there he is, rumors of his demise premature: Saddam, in a clean, neatly pressed military-style uniform and a black beret, giving a speech while wearing thick glasses and reading notes from a stenographer's pad, muttering outlandish threats of death and blood in a strange sort of elderly impotence, repeated exortations to everyone to draw their swords as though this were some sort of medieval battle to be fought on horses instead of sitting, miles underground, cowering from 100 billion dollars worth of precision-guided bombs.
Ugh. You finally shut it off, conscious of the growing feeling that all the while the networks and the viewers are becoming dealers and junkies, needing more and more with each subsequent injection, each telesthetic pang for more blood, more violence a call for higher advertising rates.
Later on, drenched in sweat and sickness, you crawl to the bathroom, recalling to yourself that in one day, as the war grows out of proportion, as the media circus gets louder and the death becomes more acute, in one day you will celebrate Bach's birthday with Cantata 46: Schauet doch und sehet.
woensdag, maart 19, 2003
Coalition of the Willing
With the faddist legions of the chic supporters of the United States invasion of Iraq growing exponentially, Desultory Turgescence thought it would be appropriate for everyone to take a look at the list of the first 25 of America's growing brigade of supporters.
1. United Kingdom
2. Magic Kingdom
3. Australia
4. Never Never Land
5. Fantasy Island
6. TV Land
7. Oceana
8. Mayberry R.F.D.
9. The Kingdom of Prester John
10. Dominion of Melchizedek
11. Planet of the Apes
12. Candyland
13. Land of the Lost
14. Azkaban
15. The Free Republic of Laputa
16. Oz
17. Aker Wood
18. Olistan
19. Grand Fenwick
20. Pays de L'or Noir
21. Krypton
22. Gilligan's Island
23. Land O'Lakes
24. McDonaldland
25. Kings Island
Note that while the American government is currently claiming an additional 20 nations in the Coalition of the Willing, the research team at Desultory Turgescence has not yet, at the time of publishing, been able to confirm the identity of some of the remaining signatories.
With the faddist legions of the chic supporters of the United States invasion of Iraq growing exponentially, Desultory Turgescence thought it would be appropriate for everyone to take a look at the list of the first 25 of America's growing brigade of supporters.
1. United Kingdom
2. Magic Kingdom
3. Australia
4. Never Never Land
5. Fantasy Island
6. TV Land
7. Oceana
8. Mayberry R.F.D.
9. The Kingdom of Prester John
10. Dominion of Melchizedek
11. Planet of the Apes
12. Candyland
13. Land of the Lost
14. Azkaban
15. The Free Republic of Laputa
16. Oz
17. Aker Wood
18. Olistan
19. Grand Fenwick
20. Pays de L'or Noir
21. Krypton
22. Gilligan's Island
23. Land O'Lakes
24. McDonaldland
25. Kings Island
Note that while the American government is currently claiming an additional 20 nations in the Coalition of the Willing, the research team at Desultory Turgescence has not yet, at the time of publishing, been able to confirm the identity of some of the remaining signatories.
dinsdag, maart 18, 2003
Alea Jacta Est
Barber: "How many coffins we got?"
Fred: "Two."
Barber: "We're gonna need at least two more, no matter how you figure. You'd better get busy, Fred."
Hadleyville barber to Hadleyville coffin maker in High Noon
There's something creepy about these last 24 hours. It started with the Three Stooges standing in acute isolation at that US Military base in the Azores islands on Sunday, symbolizing the diplomatic failure of the Bush Administration to twist everyone else to his will to consolidate America's global hegemony. The creepy feeling grew worse watching Bush last night, all alone in a cavernous room in the White House, restate the same inefficacious litany of reasons for ignoring the opinion of the world and to initiate a unilateral, preemptive war on Iraq. Because He Says So.
It isn't surprising Bush is considered by so many to be a cowboy. Chillingly, even Oil Baron and Vice President, Dick Cheney, affirmed his approval of Bush's image as a cowboy. "As a Westerner, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad idea," he said on Meet the Press last Sunday. "He’s exactly what the circumstances require."
Last night, Bush resorted to what sounded like the dialogue of a cheap Western: Sheriff Bush giving the Hussein Boys 48 hours to leave town or he'd gun 'em down in the street at High Noon. Even more interesting, Bush advocated the vigilante role of America in lieu of the United Nation's unwillingness to bend to his will. In essence, he told the world that if he doesn't like its judgement, he will ignore it.
"It will show that this whole UN detour was an exercise in futility — that this is what the president planned to do all along," said Stanley Hoffmann, a Harvard professor who has spent a lifetime studying war and the trans-Atlantic alliance. "There is no room in the UN charter for the president’s doctrine of preemption, for anticipatory self-defense."
Perhaps what I find most sinister about all of this is that Americans, by more than a 2-1 margin, go right along with the premise. While that margin could probably be chalked up to the fact that the Bush Administration has done everything in its power to obfuscate information about things like HOW MUCH IS IT GOING TO COST Americans to not only fund this little war but also to fund this ridiculous and blundering concept of rebuilding a postwar Iraq.
The one thing the little brains of these automatonic Americans seem to understand is money and it isn't going to take long, even for their simple, bourgeois intellects, to grasp that while their economy sinks to new lows courtesy of their genius president's tax cuts for his rich friends and a series of ineffectual economic plans, the burden of funding a needless $100 billion war effort is going to kick in, leaving those middle class monkies clapping for war now, holding the bag later. After all, who do they think is funding this charade, Haliburton?
But all is not as bleek as the deforested minds of the Bush Administration would like us all to believe. As a bit of what one might call gallows humor, Saddam’s elder son Uday today trashed the American ultimatum to quit Iraq:
"This proposition was made by an inept individual. We will go one better by calling for Bush to leave power with his family," Uday said.
This sort of wishful thinking was echoed in the House of Commons yesterday as Robin Cook resigned from his role as the government's leader in parliament in protest of Blair's feckless push for Bush's war:
"What has come to trouble me most over past weeks is the suspicion that if the hanging chads in Florida had gone the other way and Al Gore had been elected, we would not now be about to commit British troops.", Cook said. To date, three ministers have resigned their posts in protest.
The Dutch parliament don't see things the events as clearly. They've decided on giving "political" support, but not "military" support. Prime Minister Harry Potter Balkenende says he wrestled with the idea of war because "Violence is no solution but it is necessary in specific instances to safeguard peace and the rule of law".
This emergency session of Dutch parliament came on the heels of PvdA leader Wouter Bos, who says he identifies himself "much more with the French position", threatening last week that the formation of the new Dutch government would fail if the Christian Democrats backed a U.S.-led attack on Iraq without support from the U.N. Security Council.
If the cowardly Democrats in Congress had similar backbone and determination, Sheriff Bush might have had to reholster his pistol last night instead of gassing up the War Machine. Then again, why should the pusillanimous pantywaists in Congress care about American soliders risking their lives in war? According to Charlie Moskos, a military sociologist at Northwestern University, a recent study was done on Congress which showed that out of 435 congressmen and a hundred senators, only four had children in the military and only one is an enlisted person..
Quite possibly the most tasteless thing I've seen in the hours since Bush's stoic High Noon ultimatum is MSNBC's countdown clock. It isn't visible from the website, but a quick flip to the channel will allow you to see, in all its garish glory, time winding down as though all of America were about to ring in the new year.
Just so we can all rest assured that America won't be doing this on our own, Secretary of State Colin Powell went out and further discredited and embarassed himself by telling the world that 30 countries will be taking part in what he calls a "coalition of the willing" to oust Saddam Hussein. Hmmm. Either his math is really bad, or he's counting Australia 26 times.
As Nikita Khrushchev used to say: "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river."
Barber: "How many coffins we got?"
Fred: "Two."
Barber: "We're gonna need at least two more, no matter how you figure. You'd better get busy, Fred."
Hadleyville barber to Hadleyville coffin maker in High Noon
There's something creepy about these last 24 hours. It started with the Three Stooges standing in acute isolation at that US Military base in the Azores islands on Sunday, symbolizing the diplomatic failure of the Bush Administration to twist everyone else to his will to consolidate America's global hegemony. The creepy feeling grew worse watching Bush last night, all alone in a cavernous room in the White House, restate the same inefficacious litany of reasons for ignoring the opinion of the world and to initiate a unilateral, preemptive war on Iraq. Because He Says So.
It isn't surprising Bush is considered by so many to be a cowboy. Chillingly, even Oil Baron and Vice President, Dick Cheney, affirmed his approval of Bush's image as a cowboy. "As a Westerner, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad idea," he said on Meet the Press last Sunday. "He’s exactly what the circumstances require."
Last night, Bush resorted to what sounded like the dialogue of a cheap Western: Sheriff Bush giving the Hussein Boys 48 hours to leave town or he'd gun 'em down in the street at High Noon. Even more interesting, Bush advocated the vigilante role of America in lieu of the United Nation's unwillingness to bend to his will. In essence, he told the world that if he doesn't like its judgement, he will ignore it.
"It will show that this whole UN detour was an exercise in futility — that this is what the president planned to do all along," said Stanley Hoffmann, a Harvard professor who has spent a lifetime studying war and the trans-Atlantic alliance. "There is no room in the UN charter for the president’s doctrine of preemption, for anticipatory self-defense."
Perhaps what I find most sinister about all of this is that Americans, by more than a 2-1 margin, go right along with the premise. While that margin could probably be chalked up to the fact that the Bush Administration has done everything in its power to obfuscate information about things like HOW MUCH IS IT GOING TO COST Americans to not only fund this little war but also to fund this ridiculous and blundering concept of rebuilding a postwar Iraq.
The one thing the little brains of these automatonic Americans seem to understand is money and it isn't going to take long, even for their simple, bourgeois intellects, to grasp that while their economy sinks to new lows courtesy of their genius president's tax cuts for his rich friends and a series of ineffectual economic plans, the burden of funding a needless $100 billion war effort is going to kick in, leaving those middle class monkies clapping for war now, holding the bag later. After all, who do they think is funding this charade, Haliburton?
But all is not as bleek as the deforested minds of the Bush Administration would like us all to believe. As a bit of what one might call gallows humor, Saddam’s elder son Uday today trashed the American ultimatum to quit Iraq:
"This proposition was made by an inept individual. We will go one better by calling for Bush to leave power with his family," Uday said.
This sort of wishful thinking was echoed in the House of Commons yesterday as Robin Cook resigned from his role as the government's leader in parliament in protest of Blair's feckless push for Bush's war:
"What has come to trouble me most over past weeks is the suspicion that if the hanging chads in Florida had gone the other way and Al Gore had been elected, we would not now be about to commit British troops.", Cook said. To date, three ministers have resigned their posts in protest.
The Dutch parliament don't see things the events as clearly. They've decided on giving "political" support, but not "military" support. Prime Minister Harry Potter Balkenende says he wrestled with the idea of war because "Violence is no solution but it is necessary in specific instances to safeguard peace and the rule of law".
This emergency session of Dutch parliament came on the heels of PvdA leader Wouter Bos, who says he identifies himself "much more with the French position", threatening last week that the formation of the new Dutch government would fail if the Christian Democrats backed a U.S.-led attack on Iraq without support from the U.N. Security Council.
If the cowardly Democrats in Congress had similar backbone and determination, Sheriff Bush might have had to reholster his pistol last night instead of gassing up the War Machine. Then again, why should the pusillanimous pantywaists in Congress care about American soliders risking their lives in war? According to Charlie Moskos, a military sociologist at Northwestern University, a recent study was done on Congress which showed that out of 435 congressmen and a hundred senators, only four had children in the military and only one is an enlisted person..
Quite possibly the most tasteless thing I've seen in the hours since Bush's stoic High Noon ultimatum is MSNBC's countdown clock. It isn't visible from the website, but a quick flip to the channel will allow you to see, in all its garish glory, time winding down as though all of America were about to ring in the new year.
Just so we can all rest assured that America won't be doing this on our own, Secretary of State Colin Powell went out and further discredited and embarassed himself by telling the world that 30 countries will be taking part in what he calls a "coalition of the willing" to oust Saddam Hussein. Hmmm. Either his math is really bad, or he's counting Australia 26 times.
As Nikita Khrushchev used to say: "Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river."
Masses
When the battle was over,
and the fighter was dead, a man came toward him
and said to him: "Do not die; I love you so!"
But the corpse, it was sad! went on dying.
And two came near, and told him again and again:
"Do not leave us! Courage! Return to life!"
But the corpse, it was sad! went on dying.
Twenty arrived, a hundred, a thousand, five hundred thousand,
shouting: "So much love, and it can do nothing against death!"
But the corpse, it was sad! went on dying.
Millions of persons stood around him,
all speaking the same thing: "Stay here, brother!"
But the corpse, it was sad! went on dying.
Then all the men on earth
stood around him; the corpse looked at them sadly,deeply moved;
he sat up slowly,
put his arms around the first man; started to walk . . .
--Cesar Vallejo. November 10, 1937.
Trans. Robert Bly.
When the battle was over,
and the fighter was dead, a man came toward him
and said to him: "Do not die; I love you so!"
But the corpse, it was sad! went on dying.
And two came near, and told him again and again:
"Do not leave us! Courage! Return to life!"
But the corpse, it was sad! went on dying.
Twenty arrived, a hundred, a thousand, five hundred thousand,
shouting: "So much love, and it can do nothing against death!"
But the corpse, it was sad! went on dying.
Millions of persons stood around him,
all speaking the same thing: "Stay here, brother!"
But the corpse, it was sad! went on dying.
Then all the men on earth
stood around him; the corpse looked at them sadly,deeply moved;
he sat up slowly,
put his arms around the first man; started to walk . . .
--Cesar Vallejo. November 10, 1937.
Trans. Robert Bly.
maandag, maart 17, 2003
Ready, Set, WAR!
With the UN resolution withdrawn and Citizen Bush preparing to address his nation of war zombies, it appears our days of apocryphal peace are over. Therefore, it is now, almost-officially, time to prepare for war:
*****
Although officially a biproduct of the first Gulf War, here are some highlights of the Iraq War Drinking Game whose rules are still applicable, with a few changes, to the coming war:
If you hear someone on TV say "scud," take a swig of beer and change the channel except during scud attacks
A shot of Kahlua and coffee is kept on the table. Whenever the phrase "ground war," "ground assault," or "ground attack" are used, the first person to grab the shot gets it.
Every time Dan Rather says something stupid, all shout "change the channel." The last person to do so takes a shot and is forced to watch CBS on another TV until the next "scud." I realize that this one is a judgement call, but the odds are that it won't be long before he says something stupid anyway. Of course, if Sam Donaldson is on ABC, change the channel.
*****
Getting my vote for most bizarre anti-war lyrics is the Beastie Boys with their new single In A World Gone Mad:
Mirrors, smokescreens and lies
It’s not the politicians but their actions I despise
You and Saddam should kick it like back in the day
With the cocaine and Courvoisier
But you build more bombs as you get more bold
As your mid-life crisis war unfolds
All you want to do is take control
Now put that axis of evil bullshit on hold
*****
Considering that today, St. Patrick's Day, the consumption of a seemingly noxious green beer is very popular, what color should the beer be for the coming War?
Well, considering the rampant speculation that this is a War for Oil, the first possibility is of course, a beer the color of crude oil. For this, you might try Xingu who produces a black beer which derives its color from using a variety of black-roast malts from South American grown barley but can equally serve to represent the Texas Tea America's troops will be out killing and dying for.
Of course, if this isn't graphic enough for you, there's always the option of red beer which of course, represents the bloodshed of war.
Bottoms Up!
To go along with that beer, maybe you might like to have some pretzels:
A French website is urging people to send pretzels to US President George Bush, who fainted and fell off a sofa in January 2002 after gagging on the salty snack.
*****
The clearly anti-war Daily Mirror, just 3 days after running their Prime Monster cover of a leering, ghoulish Tony Blair, today equates the Big Three of the quasi-comical Azures Summit (the only location the White House could find without enough humans per square mile to muster a decent anti-Bush protest) with the three chimpanzees who hear no evil, see no evil and speak no evil. I think the chimpanzees should complain.
*****
Lastly, in the event you think this war isn't going to cause problems for innocent people, in Malawi, sex workers are considering a price increase for their services due to other price increases triggered by the fear of war with Iraq.
If that isn't bad enough, CBS is concerned that the looming war will get in the way of their very profitable coverage of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. CBS' coverage could be interrupted, disrupted or completely eliminated, depending on what happens in Iraq. "A lot of options are out there," a CBS spokeswoman said Sunday."We're still working on contingency plans.". Am I the only one who finds it strange that while American troops will be out slaughtering Iraqis, a major American network's primary concern is their coverage and advertising revenues for a collegiate basketball tournament? What a country.
DT's idea for a new Viacom/CBS reality show: Let's take Viacom President Mel Karmazin and his family, as well as Viacom Chairman and CEO Sumner Redstone and his family, and send them to Baghdad to watch their gloriously profitable NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament from one of Saddam's soon-to-be-dust-and-rubble palaces. We can call it "Television Executives and Their Families Die For Their Love of Money" and broadcast it in place of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. Certainly this sort of real-life struggle would generate more advertising revenue than a bunch of college kids playing a basketball tournament which will generate an estimate $17.1 million of revenue and yet nothing for the kids themselves.
*****
Nevertheless, for all we know, within a week, even the greedy little war machine of the Bush Administration will have to take a backseat in the news to the mushrooming global health threat which, on its present course, may even outdraw the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament! Either way, this week promises to be one hell of a rollercoaster ride of fateful events. Good luck and hold on to your hats.
With the UN resolution withdrawn and Citizen Bush preparing to address his nation of war zombies, it appears our days of apocryphal peace are over. Therefore, it is now, almost-officially, time to prepare for war:
*****
Although officially a biproduct of the first Gulf War, here are some highlights of the Iraq War Drinking Game whose rules are still applicable, with a few changes, to the coming war:
If you hear someone on TV say "scud," take a swig of beer and change the channel except during scud attacks
A shot of Kahlua and coffee is kept on the table. Whenever the phrase "ground war," "ground assault," or "ground attack" are used, the first person to grab the shot gets it.
Every time Dan Rather says something stupid, all shout "change the channel." The last person to do so takes a shot and is forced to watch CBS on another TV until the next "scud." I realize that this one is a judgement call, but the odds are that it won't be long before he says something stupid anyway. Of course, if Sam Donaldson is on ABC, change the channel.
*****
Getting my vote for most bizarre anti-war lyrics is the Beastie Boys with their new single In A World Gone Mad:
Mirrors, smokescreens and lies
It’s not the politicians but their actions I despise
You and Saddam should kick it like back in the day
With the cocaine and Courvoisier
But you build more bombs as you get more bold
As your mid-life crisis war unfolds
All you want to do is take control
Now put that axis of evil bullshit on hold
*****
Considering that today, St. Patrick's Day, the consumption of a seemingly noxious green beer is very popular, what color should the beer be for the coming War?
Well, considering the rampant speculation that this is a War for Oil, the first possibility is of course, a beer the color of crude oil. For this, you might try Xingu who produces a black beer which derives its color from using a variety of black-roast malts from South American grown barley but can equally serve to represent the Texas Tea America's troops will be out killing and dying for.
Of course, if this isn't graphic enough for you, there's always the option of red beer which of course, represents the bloodshed of war.
Bottoms Up!
To go along with that beer, maybe you might like to have some pretzels:
A French website is urging people to send pretzels to US President George Bush, who fainted and fell off a sofa in January 2002 after gagging on the salty snack.
*****
The clearly anti-war Daily Mirror, just 3 days after running their Prime Monster cover of a leering, ghoulish Tony Blair, today equates the Big Three of the quasi-comical Azures Summit (the only location the White House could find without enough humans per square mile to muster a decent anti-Bush protest) with the three chimpanzees who hear no evil, see no evil and speak no evil. I think the chimpanzees should complain.
*****
Lastly, in the event you think this war isn't going to cause problems for innocent people, in Malawi, sex workers are considering a price increase for their services due to other price increases triggered by the fear of war with Iraq.
If that isn't bad enough, CBS is concerned that the looming war will get in the way of their very profitable coverage of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. CBS' coverage could be interrupted, disrupted or completely eliminated, depending on what happens in Iraq. "A lot of options are out there," a CBS spokeswoman said Sunday."We're still working on contingency plans.". Am I the only one who finds it strange that while American troops will be out slaughtering Iraqis, a major American network's primary concern is their coverage and advertising revenues for a collegiate basketball tournament? What a country.
DT's idea for a new Viacom/CBS reality show: Let's take Viacom President Mel Karmazin and his family, as well as Viacom Chairman and CEO Sumner Redstone and his family, and send them to Baghdad to watch their gloriously profitable NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament from one of Saddam's soon-to-be-dust-and-rubble palaces. We can call it "Television Executives and Their Families Die For Their Love of Money" and broadcast it in place of the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament. Certainly this sort of real-life struggle would generate more advertising revenue than a bunch of college kids playing a basketball tournament which will generate an estimate $17.1 million of revenue and yet nothing for the kids themselves.
*****
Nevertheless, for all we know, within a week, even the greedy little war machine of the Bush Administration will have to take a backseat in the news to the mushrooming global health threat which, on its present course, may even outdraw the NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament! Either way, this week promises to be one hell of a rollercoaster ride of fateful events. Good luck and hold on to your hats.
vrijdag, maart 14, 2003
Around the Neighborhood
"There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man." --Euripides
In protest of the irresponsible, anarchic and crass mass media invasion of this curious and simultaneously boring overkill of the story of Elizabeth Smart's return from the land of the missing, Desultory Turgescence is going to focus today solely on the blogs of others, give props to its peeps, shout-outs, and pop some collars, make efforts to ignore the faux urgence of the news. Whew. I'm exhausted already. Now that I've found the quintessential online rap dictionary all I need is a hip hop thesaurus.
The morning begins with some new intelligence; startling satellite photos courtesy of Grobbo, via Sargasso. Of particular concern was the genetically modified supersoldier.
UrenDagenNachten provides a nice video of Mark Fiore's on preemptive diplomacy.
The Cockeyed Absurdist bemoans the martini fad. The only suggestion I would add is a hot dog martini which would be vodka mixed with beef muscle, curing agents and spices, such as garlic, salt, sugar, ground mustard, nutmeg, coriander and white pepper. A nice Vienna Sausage could be skewered as a garnish and if we were real cretins, we could sell them on the streets of Manhattan from hot dog carts.
Lockhart Steele reports a Howard Dean sighting at Essex and details about the event via Scott Heiferman. I watched Dean on Meet the Press last week and was impressed by alot of his thoughts. Ringing of rationality in particular, speaking on Iraq:
"It matters what we do here for the long-term implications. I have no doubt that if we go to war next week or the week after that we’re going to get rid of Saddam Hussein and have a regime change and that our military will succeed. My concern is what this is going to do to the cooperation and the bilateral institutions and multilateral institutions that we’ve built up in this world for the last 50 years."
Vinod has a compelling review of Robert Kagan's Of Paradise and Power, although I have to admit a growing fatigue with the entire Hobbesian metaphor for international politics.
Everlasting Blort provides a thoroughly entertaining short film called Hercubush, the Bush who started it all.
Lying Media Bastards wins me over on this corybantic condemnation of CNN. Destroy it indeed, this embassy of The Ministry of Truth!
For a multiples of nine explanation of the Psychic Flash Movie, check out Maud Newton's revealing blurb. All this time, I believed it was John Ashcroft sitting there behind the magical little orb, gleening my final number through some new Patriot Act II contraption. That nettlesome math. Can't live with it, can't live without it.
The complexities of the work of phone sex operators was revealed to me this week via The Great Satan Quarterly.
Lastly, the American Girl in Italy discovered her first Florentine soccer match last week. Of course, she hasn't seen "real" voetbal until she's attended a Dutch match. Nothing like a little post-match excitement to really get the blood flowing.
So, before my head gets dizzy and eyes blur from all the linking, quello è tutto. Hope no one feels "highsided".
If so, take a listen the best Dutch band in Nieuwegein: Spinvis.
"There is no benefit in the gifts of a bad man." --Euripides
In protest of the irresponsible, anarchic and crass mass media invasion of this curious and simultaneously boring overkill of the story of Elizabeth Smart's return from the land of the missing, Desultory Turgescence is going to focus today solely on the blogs of others, give props to its peeps, shout-outs, and pop some collars, make efforts to ignore the faux urgence of the news. Whew. I'm exhausted already. Now that I've found the quintessential online rap dictionary all I need is a hip hop thesaurus.
The morning begins with some new intelligence; startling satellite photos courtesy of Grobbo, via Sargasso. Of particular concern was the genetically modified supersoldier.
UrenDagenNachten provides a nice video of Mark Fiore's on preemptive diplomacy.
The Cockeyed Absurdist bemoans the martini fad. The only suggestion I would add is a hot dog martini which would be vodka mixed with beef muscle, curing agents and spices, such as garlic, salt, sugar, ground mustard, nutmeg, coriander and white pepper. A nice Vienna Sausage could be skewered as a garnish and if we were real cretins, we could sell them on the streets of Manhattan from hot dog carts.
Lockhart Steele reports a Howard Dean sighting at Essex and details about the event via Scott Heiferman. I watched Dean on Meet the Press last week and was impressed by alot of his thoughts. Ringing of rationality in particular, speaking on Iraq:
"It matters what we do here for the long-term implications. I have no doubt that if we go to war next week or the week after that we’re going to get rid of Saddam Hussein and have a regime change and that our military will succeed. My concern is what this is going to do to the cooperation and the bilateral institutions and multilateral institutions that we’ve built up in this world for the last 50 years."
Vinod has a compelling review of Robert Kagan's Of Paradise and Power, although I have to admit a growing fatigue with the entire Hobbesian metaphor for international politics.
Everlasting Blort provides a thoroughly entertaining short film called Hercubush, the Bush who started it all.
Lying Media Bastards wins me over on this corybantic condemnation of CNN. Destroy it indeed, this embassy of The Ministry of Truth!
For a multiples of nine explanation of the Psychic Flash Movie, check out Maud Newton's revealing blurb. All this time, I believed it was John Ashcroft sitting there behind the magical little orb, gleening my final number through some new Patriot Act II contraption. That nettlesome math. Can't live with it, can't live without it.
The complexities of the work of phone sex operators was revealed to me this week via The Great Satan Quarterly.
Lastly, the American Girl in Italy discovered her first Florentine soccer match last week. Of course, she hasn't seen "real" voetbal until she's attended a Dutch match. Nothing like a little post-match excitement to really get the blood flowing.
So, before my head gets dizzy and eyes blur from all the linking, quello è tutto. Hope no one feels "highsided".
If so, take a listen the best Dutch band in Nieuwegein: Spinvis.
donderdag, maart 13, 2003
City Council Affirms Its Utility
While it is doubtful that a resolution concerning the war with Iraq, (the square peg of unilateral stupidity God's President Bush is trying so desperately to shove into the round hole of common sense), should be the highest priority on the agenda of the council of a city currently mired in a rather enormous budget crisis like NYC, everyone, it seems loves a show and so a show was put on.
With TV cameras from CNN and networks in Japan, Germany, Spain and France suddenly thrust these usually incognito local politicians onto an international stage, the New York City Council yesterday passed an anti-war resolution following passionate debate which allowed council members who previously stuck to issues like garbage collection and noise ordinances, to ostentatiously invoke the names of leaders like Churchill, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Neville Chamberlain. The resolution grandly begins:
"Resolution calling on the government of the United States to make all efforts to work through the United Nations Security Council in a manner that would reaffirm our nation’s commitment to the rule of law and the primacy of human rights in our international relationships, and to take all appropriate steps toward securing the participation of other nations and international bodies in the effort to ensure that Iraq does not possess biological, chemical or nuclear weapons and toward promoting human rights for all the people of Iraq; and further calling on the government of the United States to work through the United Nations Security Council and with other nations to ensure the unimpeded access of United Nations weapons inspectors to all areas of and facilities in Iraq and to ensure that the inspectors be given a full and fair opportunity to conduct their efforts in accordance with United Nations Security Council resolutions; and further calling upon the Council of the City of New York to oppose a pre-emptive military attack on Iraq unless it is demonstrated that Iraq poses a real and imminent threat to the security and safety of the United States or its allies or unless other options for achieving compliance with United Nations resolutions calling for the elimination of weapons of mass destruction and the means for their development have failed."
As has been the rule during this worldwide debate on America's preemptive, unilateral war against Iraq, the scorecard of sycophantic zealots who confuse patriotism with intelligence and rational thinkers unmoved by the hypocritical and short-sighted pidgin rhetoric of a president on an ill-advised mission from God, was easy to assemble.
"Let's us not forget that those who declare war are usually not the ones who have to fight it," said Bill Perkins (D-Harlem), sponsor of the revised bill, which passed, 31-17.
Resolution supporter Oliver Koppell (D-Bronx) argued, "This is not an anti-war resolution or a pro-war resolution. It is a resolution that says killing people should always be a last resort."
Gale Brewer, a Manhattan Democrat who also voted for the resolution, sensibly advised: "No city has been more impacted by 9-11 than New York. But based on what we know, a pre-emptive strike by the U.S. would not make the world safer.".
Councilwoman Yvette D. Clark of Brooklyn said she believed it was President George Bush who is sending the wrong message. "If we're going to be looking for a fight," he said, "let's fight poverty, let's fight firehouse closures, let's fight racism and sexism."
On the short end of the stick, like the poor Sheepshead Bay clowns in the 46th District who elected Councilman Lewis A. Fidler into office, there are those who can't seem to stop carping that the 9/11 terror attack left them little choice. "We are sitting today in what should be the shadows of the World Trade Center," Fidler whined, as though the two issues were somehow analogous, "I don't want to be back here in six months naming streets for dead New Yorkers because this country did nothing."
Mr. Fidler cleverly attempts to suggest, in his bankrupted currency of counterfeit thought and incongruous logic that people who voted FOR the resolution DO want to be back in six months naming streets after dead New Yorkers, killed, he hints, by those voting for the resolution. Ahhh, that old familiar vein of love humming through his "You're either with us or your against us" speech that is so popular with the Bush minions. For Fidler, and people like him, here's something to occupy those dizzying thoughts in the future.
"I suggest that you take a walk down the street and take a long, hard look at that gaping hole in the ground, at that gaping hole in our lives," bellowed Councilman Andrew Lanza (R-S.I.) during the vote, referring, one might believe, to the World Trade Center site. Desultory Turgescence suggests that Lanza take a long look at the gaping hole in his own head where the forces of clear analytic thought may have once resided but have now clearly escaped out of only to be filled with the hot air of the sort of hyperbolic rants he currently emits like filthy exhaust pipe pollution.
Margarita Lopez, with the dubious distinction of being the first openly lesbian Puerto Rican ever elected to office, represents my neighborhood in the 2nd District of Manhattan. And she is my local hero because she voted against the draconian anti-smoking bill on the Prohibition of smoking in public places and places of employment due to be inflicted upon us at the end of this month as well as voting for this resolution. Two for two, Señora Lopez. Bien hecho.
If you are interested in knowing how your representative voted (but don't know who that is), check here.
Now if we can only get law Int 0256-2002 overturned, the city of New York will have real cause to celebrate!
While it is doubtful that a resolution concerning the war with Iraq, (the square peg of unilateral stupidity God's President Bush is trying so desperately to shove into the round hole of common sense), should be the highest priority on the agenda of the council of a city currently mired in a rather enormous budget crisis like NYC, everyone, it seems loves a show and so a show was put on.
With TV cameras from CNN and networks in Japan, Germany, Spain and France suddenly thrust these usually incognito local politicians onto an international stage, the New York City Council yesterday passed an anti-war resolution following passionate debate which allowed council members who previously stuck to issues like garbage collection and noise ordinances, to ostentatiously invoke the names of leaders like Churchill, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Neville Chamberlain. The resolution grandly begins:
"Resolution calling on the government of the United States to make all efforts to work through the United Nations Security Council in a manner that would reaffirm our nation’s commitment to the rule of law and the primacy of human rights in our international relationships, and to take all appropriate steps toward securing the participation of other nations and international bodies in the effort to ensure that Iraq does not possess biological, chemical or nuclear weapons and toward promoting human rights for all the people of Iraq; and further calling on the government of the United States to work through the United Nations Security Council and with other nations to ensure the unimpeded access of United Nations weapons inspectors to all areas of and facilities in Iraq and to ensure that the inspectors be given a full and fair opportunity to conduct their efforts in accordance with United Nations Security Council resolutions; and further calling upon the Council of the City of New York to oppose a pre-emptive military attack on Iraq unless it is demonstrated that Iraq poses a real and imminent threat to the security and safety of the United States or its allies or unless other options for achieving compliance with United Nations resolutions calling for the elimination of weapons of mass destruction and the means for their development have failed."
As has been the rule during this worldwide debate on America's preemptive, unilateral war against Iraq, the scorecard of sycophantic zealots who confuse patriotism with intelligence and rational thinkers unmoved by the hypocritical and short-sighted pidgin rhetoric of a president on an ill-advised mission from God, was easy to assemble.
"Let's us not forget that those who declare war are usually not the ones who have to fight it," said Bill Perkins (D-Harlem), sponsor of the revised bill, which passed, 31-17.
Resolution supporter Oliver Koppell (D-Bronx) argued, "This is not an anti-war resolution or a pro-war resolution. It is a resolution that says killing people should always be a last resort."
Gale Brewer, a Manhattan Democrat who also voted for the resolution, sensibly advised: "No city has been more impacted by 9-11 than New York. But based on what we know, a pre-emptive strike by the U.S. would not make the world safer.".
Councilwoman Yvette D. Clark of Brooklyn said she believed it was President George Bush who is sending the wrong message. "If we're going to be looking for a fight," he said, "let's fight poverty, let's fight firehouse closures, let's fight racism and sexism."
On the short end of the stick, like the poor Sheepshead Bay clowns in the 46th District who elected Councilman Lewis A. Fidler into office, there are those who can't seem to stop carping that the 9/11 terror attack left them little choice. "We are sitting today in what should be the shadows of the World Trade Center," Fidler whined, as though the two issues were somehow analogous, "I don't want to be back here in six months naming streets for dead New Yorkers because this country did nothing."
Mr. Fidler cleverly attempts to suggest, in his bankrupted currency of counterfeit thought and incongruous logic that people who voted FOR the resolution DO want to be back in six months naming streets after dead New Yorkers, killed, he hints, by those voting for the resolution. Ahhh, that old familiar vein of love humming through his "You're either with us or your against us" speech that is so popular with the Bush minions. For Fidler, and people like him, here's something to occupy those dizzying thoughts in the future.
"I suggest that you take a walk down the street and take a long, hard look at that gaping hole in the ground, at that gaping hole in our lives," bellowed Councilman Andrew Lanza (R-S.I.) during the vote, referring, one might believe, to the World Trade Center site. Desultory Turgescence suggests that Lanza take a long look at the gaping hole in his own head where the forces of clear analytic thought may have once resided but have now clearly escaped out of only to be filled with the hot air of the sort of hyperbolic rants he currently emits like filthy exhaust pipe pollution.
Margarita Lopez, with the dubious distinction of being the first openly lesbian Puerto Rican ever elected to office, represents my neighborhood in the 2nd District of Manhattan. And she is my local hero because she voted against the draconian anti-smoking bill on the Prohibition of smoking in public places and places of employment due to be inflicted upon us at the end of this month as well as voting for this resolution. Two for two, Señora Lopez. Bien hecho.
If you are interested in knowing how your representative voted (but don't know who that is), check here.
Now if we can only get law Int 0256-2002 overturned, the city of New York will have real cause to celebrate!
woensdag, maart 12, 2003
The Mother of All Tests
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." -- Abraham Lincoln
Yesterday, the British Government set out the "key tests" that Saddam Hussein must pass in order to avoid war. Although to date, no formal response has come from Saddam, Desultory Turgescence believes the tests are too soft and, with the approval of the Pentagon Warlord Donald Rumsfeld, we have embellished the original "key tests" to ensure that such tests are difficult enough for Saddam that he will think twice about messing with the United States again.
1. A public appearance by Saddam Hussein, broadcast in Iraq, in which he is dressed in a buttery soft, rayon Jersey Peasant Maternity Top and Black and White Pom Pom Capri's Perla stretch twill pants and admits possession of weapons of mass destruction, stating his regime has decided to give them up and pledging to cooperate with UN weapon inspectors. He should also admit that he keeps a President Bush poster in his bedroom and wears a God Bless America tee-shirt under his pajamas at night.
2. A commitment to allow Iraqi scientists to be flown to an unnamed erotic Costa Rican resort for a week-long sex vacation during which time they will be interviewed by massage parlor madams and female escorts regarding Saddam's possession of weapons of mass destruction.
3. The surrender of, and explanation of the 10,000 litres of anthrax the Iraqis are believed still to be holding as well as the surrender of, and explanation of the several thousand inflatable Fatty Patty love dolls believed to be in one of Saddam's palaces.
4. A commitment to the destruction of proscribed missiles as well as the mass destruction of weapons of mass destruction which, if undestructed, could lead to mass destruction. Saddam should also demonstrate a commitment to embracing Jesus Christ as his savior and should name President Bush as his favorite political philosopher.
5. An account of the unmanned aerial vehicles and remotely piloted vehicles or drones as well as information which may lead to the destruction of any remaining Chrysler K-cars which could be used to frighten and emotionally scar little Iraqi children from ever wanting to get their drivers licenses and could be used to discourage the import of American made automobiles in Iraq for years to come.
6. A commitment to surrender all mobile bio-production laboratories for destruction as well as a commitment to insight and self-awareness and a willingness to attend the Premiere School of Self-Improvement and Professional Modeling for a minimum period of 20 weeks.
As we know, in the event Saddam should fail to pass any of these key tests, our White House Warlord George W. Bush, is already busy on the phone with swing vote nations like Chile, Mexico and Angola to push a compromise proposal that U.S. and British officials believe could begin to break the impasse at the U.N. Security Council.
Failing that, well, as Daffy Donald Rumsfeld already advised the world yesterday, he doesn't need Britain or any one else to kick Saddam Hussein's ass. He'll do it himself.
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." -- Abraham Lincoln
Yesterday, the British Government set out the "key tests" that Saddam Hussein must pass in order to avoid war. Although to date, no formal response has come from Saddam, Desultory Turgescence believes the tests are too soft and, with the approval of the Pentagon Warlord Donald Rumsfeld, we have embellished the original "key tests" to ensure that such tests are difficult enough for Saddam that he will think twice about messing with the United States again.
1. A public appearance by Saddam Hussein, broadcast in Iraq, in which he is dressed in a buttery soft, rayon Jersey Peasant Maternity Top and Black and White Pom Pom Capri's Perla stretch twill pants and admits possession of weapons of mass destruction, stating his regime has decided to give them up and pledging to cooperate with UN weapon inspectors. He should also admit that he keeps a President Bush poster in his bedroom and wears a God Bless America tee-shirt under his pajamas at night.
2. A commitment to allow Iraqi scientists to be flown to an unnamed erotic Costa Rican resort for a week-long sex vacation during which time they will be interviewed by massage parlor madams and female escorts regarding Saddam's possession of weapons of mass destruction.
3. The surrender of, and explanation of the 10,000 litres of anthrax the Iraqis are believed still to be holding as well as the surrender of, and explanation of the several thousand inflatable Fatty Patty love dolls believed to be in one of Saddam's palaces.
4. A commitment to the destruction of proscribed missiles as well as the mass destruction of weapons of mass destruction which, if undestructed, could lead to mass destruction. Saddam should also demonstrate a commitment to embracing Jesus Christ as his savior and should name President Bush as his favorite political philosopher.
5. An account of the unmanned aerial vehicles and remotely piloted vehicles or drones as well as information which may lead to the destruction of any remaining Chrysler K-cars which could be used to frighten and emotionally scar little Iraqi children from ever wanting to get their drivers licenses and could be used to discourage the import of American made automobiles in Iraq for years to come.
6. A commitment to surrender all mobile bio-production laboratories for destruction as well as a commitment to insight and self-awareness and a willingness to attend the Premiere School of Self-Improvement and Professional Modeling for a minimum period of 20 weeks.
As we know, in the event Saddam should fail to pass any of these key tests, our White House Warlord George W. Bush, is already busy on the phone with swing vote nations like Chile, Mexico and Angola to push a compromise proposal that U.S. and British officials believe could begin to break the impasse at the U.N. Security Council.
Failing that, well, as Daffy Donald Rumsfeld already advised the world yesterday, he doesn't need Britain or any one else to kick Saddam Hussein's ass. He'll do it himself.
dinsdag, maart 11, 2003
American Tax Dollars At Work
Just when you'd begun to imagine that the collective and menacing stupidity of Congress couldn't propagate itself any faster, it is now reported that the cafeteria menus in the three House office buildings changed the name of "french fries" to "freedom fries," a culinary rebuke of France, stemming from anger over the country's refusal to support the U.S. position on Iraq.
"This action today is a small, but symbolic effort to show the strong displeasure of many on Capitol Hill with the actions of our so-called ally, France," noted Hee Haw posterboy Rep. Bob Ney, R-Ohio, the chairman of the Committee on House Administration, stated in such an abstruse and formidable disintegration of rational thought he was left weak-knee'd and lying face-first in pool of cafeteria grease.
Ney, the modern day Plato whose omnipotent committee has authority over the mighty House cafeterias and sends pastry chefs and fry cooks alike trembling with terror and awe, directed the change, after colleague Walter Jones, R-North Carolina, joining in the french fry polemic, circulated a letter suggesting such a move.
In order to put the intellectual capacity of Walter Jones in perspective, note that he was previously honored as a "Friend of the Family" by the Christian Coalition and The "Best and Brightest" recognition for earning consecutive, perfect 100% ratings by the American Conservative Union, the nation's oldest conservative lobbyist union. If anyone is an expert on the danger of something as perilous as the naming of House cafeteria food, it would be Walter Jones.
The saddest aspect of this intransigent act is that these hillbillies don't even know that these dangerous potato things weren't "French" fries until 1918 or so. American soldiers stationed in France gobbled up fried potatoes. They dubbed them "French fries" and liked them so much they wanted to have them at home, too. Of course, at the time, those American soldiers had no idea what kind of traitorous, sniveling backstabbers the French would turn out to be.
Of course, in good food tradition, the French claim to be the inventors of our beloved fries: they originated in Paris on the Pont Neuf (fries are still called like that in the chique French restaurants) somewhere in the middle of the 19th century. As with most "French" inventions, they forgot to note the name of the inventor and they are still searching for proof. As we will see later, even the word "French Fries" has nothing to do with the French.
Pictures and texts proof that fries were all around our country in the second half of the 19th century. The oldest written proof is dated 1862 and mentions a certain Fritz and the widow Descamps as owners of a fry stand on the Liège 'kermis'. In 1891 a picture of both stands was taken.
Jo Gerard, a famous Belgian historian, claims to have proof that fries were invented in the region of the Meuse in 1680. Based on an unpublished document, he writes that the poor inhabitants of this region ate mostly fish. When the river frooze, they cut their potatous in a fish-shape and fried them.
But none of this really matters. The point is, french fries has the word "french" in it and we all know what cowardly, terrorist-loving, bootlickers the French are. We also know that this kind vulgar thinking can only be punishable by the most extreme measures. There is only so much God can do in one day. While he is busy keeping Dubya's enormous intellect occupied, and inventing freedom and democracy for the world, it is honorable men of great acumen and sound reason like Mssrs. Ney and Jones who keep this country safe at night and the good people of North Carolina and Ohio should get our hearty thanks for spawning such honorable patriots.
Just when you'd begun to imagine that the collective and menacing stupidity of Congress couldn't propagate itself any faster, it is now reported that the cafeteria menus in the three House office buildings changed the name of "french fries" to "freedom fries," a culinary rebuke of France, stemming from anger over the country's refusal to support the U.S. position on Iraq.
"This action today is a small, but symbolic effort to show the strong displeasure of many on Capitol Hill with the actions of our so-called ally, France," noted Hee Haw posterboy Rep. Bob Ney, R-Ohio, the chairman of the Committee on House Administration, stated in such an abstruse and formidable disintegration of rational thought he was left weak-knee'd and lying face-first in pool of cafeteria grease.
Ney, the modern day Plato whose omnipotent committee has authority over the mighty House cafeterias and sends pastry chefs and fry cooks alike trembling with terror and awe, directed the change, after colleague Walter Jones, R-North Carolina, joining in the french fry polemic, circulated a letter suggesting such a move.
In order to put the intellectual capacity of Walter Jones in perspective, note that he was previously honored as a "Friend of the Family" by the Christian Coalition and The "Best and Brightest" recognition for earning consecutive, perfect 100% ratings by the American Conservative Union, the nation's oldest conservative lobbyist union. If anyone is an expert on the danger of something as perilous as the naming of House cafeteria food, it would be Walter Jones.
The saddest aspect of this intransigent act is that these hillbillies don't even know that these dangerous potato things weren't "French" fries until 1918 or so. American soldiers stationed in France gobbled up fried potatoes. They dubbed them "French fries" and liked them so much they wanted to have them at home, too. Of course, at the time, those American soldiers had no idea what kind of traitorous, sniveling backstabbers the French would turn out to be.
Of course, in good food tradition, the French claim to be the inventors of our beloved fries: they originated in Paris on the Pont Neuf (fries are still called like that in the chique French restaurants) somewhere in the middle of the 19th century. As with most "French" inventions, they forgot to note the name of the inventor and they are still searching for proof. As we will see later, even the word "French Fries" has nothing to do with the French.
Pictures and texts proof that fries were all around our country in the second half of the 19th century. The oldest written proof is dated 1862 and mentions a certain Fritz and the widow Descamps as owners of a fry stand on the Liège 'kermis'. In 1891 a picture of both stands was taken.
Jo Gerard, a famous Belgian historian, claims to have proof that fries were invented in the region of the Meuse in 1680. Based on an unpublished document, he writes that the poor inhabitants of this region ate mostly fish. When the river frooze, they cut their potatous in a fish-shape and fried them.
But none of this really matters. The point is, french fries has the word "french" in it and we all know what cowardly, terrorist-loving, bootlickers the French are. We also know that this kind vulgar thinking can only be punishable by the most extreme measures. There is only so much God can do in one day. While he is busy keeping Dubya's enormous intellect occupied, and inventing freedom and democracy for the world, it is honorable men of great acumen and sound reason like Mssrs. Ney and Jones who keep this country safe at night and the good people of North Carolina and Ohio should get our hearty thanks for spawning such honorable patriots.
Post-War Comedy Club
"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" Bible, Mark 8:36
While our prized national comedian George Bush noted in his nationally televised skit last week that he prays for "peace", the real beneficiaries of this war on Iraq, salivating like rabid dogs at the prospects war, are praying for something more substantative: billions of dollars worth of rebuilding contracts in a post-war Iraq.
USAID quietly sent a detailed "request for proposals" to bid on the contract to at least five domestic construction companies with international operations to bid on the main contract - Bechtel Group, Fluor Corp., Halliburton Co.'s Kellogg Brown & Root, Louis Berger Group, and Parsons Corp.
The plan is laid out in a 13-page document, "Vision for Post-Conflict Iraq," which US International Aid for Development has distributed only to a limited circle in Washington, in addition to a few American companies.
The Bush Administration is already preparing to award a 900 million-dollar contract to begin rebuilding a postwar Iraq, in what would be the largest government reconstruction effort since Americans helped rebuild Germany and Japan after World War II, the Wall Street Journal reported. The funniest part yet is, guess who is funding this rebuilding contract: that's right, YOU. And the other funny part is guess who will reap the profits of it: YOU? Hahaha. No, those poor little defense and construction contractors, already choking with excitement as their eyes fill with visions of billions pouring into their coffers.
And lest you think this war-for-profit scheme is open to the general public to profit from, only a few companies, all of them American, were invited to compete for the contract under a provision of US procurement law that permits expedited bidding in what one official called "urgent circumstances", the report said.
Construction industry executives said the firms are competing fiercely in part because they believe the work could provide an inside track to postwar business opportunities. A significant prize: oil industry contracts.
"It's a sensitive topic, because we still haven't gone to war, but these companies are really in a position to win something out of this geopolitical situation," an industry executive said. Awwww. Poor witto babies have to westle with their consciences for a moment or two before the blood letting commences and the money spigots open. Really. The price of making an honest buck is almost getting to be too much.
Steven Schooner, a George Washington University law professor, said many billions of dollars are at stake. He estimated that $900 million would barely last for six months given the scope of the projects the administration has mapped.
"The most sophisticated firms that come in first and establish goodwill with the locals obviously will reap huge benefits down the road," said Schooner. "These are going to become brand names in Iraq. That's huge."
Hey, and guess what? A company tied to Vice President Dick Cheney has won a Pentagon contract for advice on rebuilding Iraq's oil fields after a possible war.
Well, I'm sure there is no relation to the fact that the company who paid our noble, honest and decent Vice President, $65 million in stock and salary during his five years as CEO, also won a Pentagon contract for rebuilding a country their former CEO has been set on destroying almost since the day he took office. And certainly, the leaders of Haliburton expected nothing in return for giving poor Mister Vice President a retirement package of $34 million. After all, he did quit Halliburton and sold his stock in the company BEFORE joining the Republican presidential ticket with famed comedian and child actor, George W. Bush.
So next time, when super-clown Dubya, the joke-a-minute president, gets all misty eyed and starts waxing poetic on what an evil man Saddam Hussein is, or how innocent George is just upholding his constitutional duties to protect America, or how he prays for "peace", well, just keep in mind how much our good friends in the White House and their good friends, will be stuffing into their own bloody pockets in pursuit of their altruistic aims and be glad that it isn't their money being used. Just yours.
"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?" Bible, Mark 8:36
While our prized national comedian George Bush noted in his nationally televised skit last week that he prays for "peace", the real beneficiaries of this war on Iraq, salivating like rabid dogs at the prospects war, are praying for something more substantative: billions of dollars worth of rebuilding contracts in a post-war Iraq.
USAID quietly sent a detailed "request for proposals" to bid on the contract to at least five domestic construction companies with international operations to bid on the main contract - Bechtel Group, Fluor Corp., Halliburton Co.'s Kellogg Brown & Root, Louis Berger Group, and Parsons Corp.
The plan is laid out in a 13-page document, "Vision for Post-Conflict Iraq," which US International Aid for Development has distributed only to a limited circle in Washington, in addition to a few American companies.
The Bush Administration is already preparing to award a 900 million-dollar contract to begin rebuilding a postwar Iraq, in what would be the largest government reconstruction effort since Americans helped rebuild Germany and Japan after World War II, the Wall Street Journal reported. The funniest part yet is, guess who is funding this rebuilding contract: that's right, YOU. And the other funny part is guess who will reap the profits of it: YOU? Hahaha. No, those poor little defense and construction contractors, already choking with excitement as their eyes fill with visions of billions pouring into their coffers.
And lest you think this war-for-profit scheme is open to the general public to profit from, only a few companies, all of them American, were invited to compete for the contract under a provision of US procurement law that permits expedited bidding in what one official called "urgent circumstances", the report said.
Construction industry executives said the firms are competing fiercely in part because they believe the work could provide an inside track to postwar business opportunities. A significant prize: oil industry contracts.
"It's a sensitive topic, because we still haven't gone to war, but these companies are really in a position to win something out of this geopolitical situation," an industry executive said. Awwww. Poor witto babies have to westle with their consciences for a moment or two before the blood letting commences and the money spigots open. Really. The price of making an honest buck is almost getting to be too much.
Steven Schooner, a George Washington University law professor, said many billions of dollars are at stake. He estimated that $900 million would barely last for six months given the scope of the projects the administration has mapped.
"The most sophisticated firms that come in first and establish goodwill with the locals obviously will reap huge benefits down the road," said Schooner. "These are going to become brand names in Iraq. That's huge."
Hey, and guess what? A company tied to Vice President Dick Cheney has won a Pentagon contract for advice on rebuilding Iraq's oil fields after a possible war.
Well, I'm sure there is no relation to the fact that the company who paid our noble, honest and decent Vice President, $65 million in stock and salary during his five years as CEO, also won a Pentagon contract for rebuilding a country their former CEO has been set on destroying almost since the day he took office. And certainly, the leaders of Haliburton expected nothing in return for giving poor Mister Vice President a retirement package of $34 million. After all, he did quit Halliburton and sold his stock in the company BEFORE joining the Republican presidential ticket with famed comedian and child actor, George W. Bush.
So next time, when super-clown Dubya, the joke-a-minute president, gets all misty eyed and starts waxing poetic on what an evil man Saddam Hussein is, or how innocent George is just upholding his constitutional duties to protect America, or how he prays for "peace", well, just keep in mind how much our good friends in the White House and their good friends, will be stuffing into their own bloody pockets in pursuit of their altruistic aims and be glad that it isn't their money being used. Just yours.
maandag, maart 10, 2003
September 1, 1939
W. H. Auden
I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade:
Waves of anger and fear
Circulate over the bright
And darkened lands of the earth,
Obsessing our private lives;
The unmentionable odour of death
Offends the September night.
Accurate scholarship can
Unearth the whole offence
From Luther until now
That has driven a culture mad,
Find what occurred at Linz,
What huge imago made
A psychopathic god:
I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.
Exiled Thucydides knew
All that a speech can say
About Democracy,
And what dictators do,
The elderly rubbish they talk
To an apathetic grave;
Analysed all in his book,
The enlightenment driven away,
The habit-forming pain,
Mismanagement and grief:
We must suffer them all again.
Into this neutral air
Where blind skyscrapers use
Their full height to proclaim
The strength of Collective Man,
Each language pours its vain
Competitive excuse:
But who can live for long
In an euphoric dream;
Out of the mirror they stare,
Imperialism's face
And the international wrong.
Faces along the bar
Cling to their average day:
The lights must never go out,
The music must always play,
All the conventions conspire
To make this fort assume
The furniture of home;
Lest we should see where we are,
Lost in a haunted wood,
Children afraid of the night
Who have never been happy or good.
The windiest militant trash
Important Persons shout
Is not so crude as our wish:
What mad Nijinsky wrote
About Diaghilev
Is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.
From the conservative dark
Into the ethical life
The dense commuters come,
Repeating their morning vow;
"I will be true to the wife,
I'll concentrate more on my work,"
And helpless governors wake
To resume their compulsory game:
Who can release them now,
Who can reach the deaf,
Who can speak for the dumb?
All I have is a voice
To undo the folded lie,
The romantic lie in the brain
Of the sensual man-in-the-street
And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky:
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police;
We must love one another or die.
Defenceless under the night
Our world in stupor lies;
Yet, dotted everywhere,
Ironic points of light
Flash out wherever the Just
Exchange their messages:
May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.
W. H. Auden
I sit in one of the dives
On Fifty-second Street
Uncertain and afraid
As the clever hopes expire
Of a low dishonest decade:
Waves of anger and fear
Circulate over the bright
And darkened lands of the earth,
Obsessing our private lives;
The unmentionable odour of death
Offends the September night.
Accurate scholarship can
Unearth the whole offence
From Luther until now
That has driven a culture mad,
Find what occurred at Linz,
What huge imago made
A psychopathic god:
I and the public know
What all schoolchildren learn,
Those to whom evil is done
Do evil in return.
Exiled Thucydides knew
All that a speech can say
About Democracy,
And what dictators do,
The elderly rubbish they talk
To an apathetic grave;
Analysed all in his book,
The enlightenment driven away,
The habit-forming pain,
Mismanagement and grief:
We must suffer them all again.
Into this neutral air
Where blind skyscrapers use
Their full height to proclaim
The strength of Collective Man,
Each language pours its vain
Competitive excuse:
But who can live for long
In an euphoric dream;
Out of the mirror they stare,
Imperialism's face
And the international wrong.
Faces along the bar
Cling to their average day:
The lights must never go out,
The music must always play,
All the conventions conspire
To make this fort assume
The furniture of home;
Lest we should see where we are,
Lost in a haunted wood,
Children afraid of the night
Who have never been happy or good.
The windiest militant trash
Important Persons shout
Is not so crude as our wish:
What mad Nijinsky wrote
About Diaghilev
Is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.
From the conservative dark
Into the ethical life
The dense commuters come,
Repeating their morning vow;
"I will be true to the wife,
I'll concentrate more on my work,"
And helpless governors wake
To resume their compulsory game:
Who can release them now,
Who can reach the deaf,
Who can speak for the dumb?
All I have is a voice
To undo the folded lie,
The romantic lie in the brain
Of the sensual man-in-the-street
And the lie of Authority
Whose buildings grope the sky:
There is no such thing as the State
And no one exists alone;
Hunger allows no choice
To the citizen or the police;
We must love one another or die.
Defenceless under the night
Our world in stupor lies;
Yet, dotted everywhere,
Ironic points of light
Flash out wherever the Just
Exchange their messages:
May I, composed like them
Of Eros and of dust,
Beleaguered by the same
Negation and despair,
Show an affirming flame.
vrijdag, maart 07, 2003
Aces Wired, Sheriff Bush Calls Hand
"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away, know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
Kenny Rogers, "The Gambler"
Sheriff Bush, much like Wyatt Earp, just itchin' to disarm Ike Clanton and his boys, told the world last night that "it's time for people to show their cards, let the world know where they stand when it comes to Saddam."
Very boldly, perhaps the only unpredictable moment of the entire press conference, was Bush's announcement that he's ready to re-live the gunfight at OK Corral, that regardless of the vote on a UN resolution, he is doing whatever he wants, which is clearly, chosing the path of maximum confrontation.
I'm confident the American people understand that when it comes to our security, if we need to act, we will act, and we really don't need United Nations approval to do so.
(That's right George! You don't need no stinkin' international bodies committed to preserving peace through international cooperation and collective security if they aren't going to do your bidding! )
As Bush succinctly pointed out last night:
"They could have showed up at a parking lot and he could have brought his weapons and destroyed them." A parking lot? What is this, West Side Story? Bernardo and Riff, the Sharks and the Jets meeting up in the parking lot at midnight for a rumble?
Last night's spectacle was billed as a "press conference". True enough, it had all the frippery of a press conference: it was, in essence, an interview held for news reporters by a political figure, but like much in the Bush Administration, it followed the letter but not the spirit of a press conference. The fact that the reporters who got to ask the questions were selected in advance underscores once again, for those not paying attention, the desperate need of Bush handlers for message management.
"In this case, we know what the questions are going to be, and those are the ones we want to answer," Communications director Dan Bartlett said.
Bush was given a memo consisting of about 50 possible topics with suggested answers. Then his most senior aides gathered around his desk in the Oval Office and fired practice questions at him.
There were an assortment of uneasy moments as Bush fumbled with how to put even his simplest, most repetetive phrases in order for the public. There were frequent gaps of speech, a groping for even familiar slogans which was not at all like the intellectual pauses of someone paging through a vast repertoire of ideas but rather someone attempting to recall memorized passages in the middle of an oral exam. And there were also moments when, after a particularly rough effort, you could see a wave of relief flooding over his face, as though he'd succeeded at putting another one over on everyone.
This is not to imply that he isn't sincere. Just that he's sincere in a very simplistic way, like the sincerity of a dog. He has no trouble reminding us that liberty is "God's gift to each and every person". He has no trouble sincerely expressing his belief, however unsubstantiated and misguided, that Saddam presents a threat to the safety of Americans. He revels in expressing his belief that he's given Saddam enough time. And he appears to sincerely believe he is doing all Americans a favor by presenting us with this war, even though the majority of America and the world, especially without the UN stamp of approval, is against it.
"My job is to protect America, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. People can ascribe all kinds of intentions. I swore to protect and defend the Constitution. That's what I swore to do. I put my hand on the Bible and took that oath. And that's exactly what I am going to do."
This the kind of disingenuous rhetoric Bush and his Administration excel at. Meaningless palaver designed to persuade a torporific population of somnambulists, with a combination of old-school religious piety and moral righteousness.
"I pray for peace. I pray for peace." he said. Did he have to repeat it because even to him, the first time sounded too ridiculous to fathom? These are the kind of follow-up questions a real press conference would have had. Could you elaborate on this theory of Peaceful Violence of yours, Mister President?
One thing I'm beginning to understand is why the members of the Bush Administration keep saying the same things over and over again. It's because those pesky reporters keep asking the same damned questions over and over again! Questions like: "Why do you continue to try and link Saddam Hussein to 9/11 when there is no evidence of it?" and "Why don't you care that the majority of the world population disagrees with your gut assessment of the threat level of Saddam Hussein?" and "How much is this war going to cost Americans?"
These questions are just an impediment to the real issue at hand which is war with Saddam. As Our Fearless Leader said last night, from the very beginning, that the primary issue for attacking Iraq is:
(Please turn your hymn books to UN Resolution 1441 and join me in song):
"Has the Iraqi regime fully and unconditionally disarmed, as required by Resolution 1441, or has it not?"
And if you don't like that one, there's always the multiple choice menu to choose from:
Saddam Hussein:
A.) Has a long history of reckless aggression and terrible crimes.
B.) Possesses weapons of mass destruction
C.) Refuses to disarm
D.) Tortures and gasses his own people.
There you have it.
This is in essence, the highlight of the disingenuous sort of Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader Zoroastrianism that Bush engages us with. You are with us or you are against us. You will disarm or we will disarm you. The UN Security Council will obey our desires or the UN Security Council will cease to have any useful function for us. Saddam is Evil, the Bush Administration is Good.
In some ways, this disconnected logic seems so simple even President Bush seems to understand it. I'm shocked the rest of the world doesn't yet.
"You've got to know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away, know when to run.
You never count your money when you're sittin' at the table.
There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin's done.
Kenny Rogers, "The Gambler"
Sheriff Bush, much like Wyatt Earp, just itchin' to disarm Ike Clanton and his boys, told the world last night that "it's time for people to show their cards, let the world know where they stand when it comes to Saddam."
Very boldly, perhaps the only unpredictable moment of the entire press conference, was Bush's announcement that he's ready to re-live the gunfight at OK Corral, that regardless of the vote on a UN resolution, he is doing whatever he wants, which is clearly, chosing the path of maximum confrontation.
I'm confident the American people understand that when it comes to our security, if we need to act, we will act, and we really don't need United Nations approval to do so.
(That's right George! You don't need no stinkin' international bodies committed to preserving peace through international cooperation and collective security if they aren't going to do your bidding! )
As Bush succinctly pointed out last night:
"They could have showed up at a parking lot and he could have brought his weapons and destroyed them." A parking lot? What is this, West Side Story? Bernardo and Riff, the Sharks and the Jets meeting up in the parking lot at midnight for a rumble?
Last night's spectacle was billed as a "press conference". True enough, it had all the frippery of a press conference: it was, in essence, an interview held for news reporters by a political figure, but like much in the Bush Administration, it followed the letter but not the spirit of a press conference. The fact that the reporters who got to ask the questions were selected in advance underscores once again, for those not paying attention, the desperate need of Bush handlers for message management.
"In this case, we know what the questions are going to be, and those are the ones we want to answer," Communications director Dan Bartlett said.
Bush was given a memo consisting of about 50 possible topics with suggested answers. Then his most senior aides gathered around his desk in the Oval Office and fired practice questions at him.
There were an assortment of uneasy moments as Bush fumbled with how to put even his simplest, most repetetive phrases in order for the public. There were frequent gaps of speech, a groping for even familiar slogans which was not at all like the intellectual pauses of someone paging through a vast repertoire of ideas but rather someone attempting to recall memorized passages in the middle of an oral exam. And there were also moments when, after a particularly rough effort, you could see a wave of relief flooding over his face, as though he'd succeeded at putting another one over on everyone.
This is not to imply that he isn't sincere. Just that he's sincere in a very simplistic way, like the sincerity of a dog. He has no trouble reminding us that liberty is "God's gift to each and every person". He has no trouble sincerely expressing his belief, however unsubstantiated and misguided, that Saddam presents a threat to the safety of Americans. He revels in expressing his belief that he's given Saddam enough time. And he appears to sincerely believe he is doing all Americans a favor by presenting us with this war, even though the majority of America and the world, especially without the UN stamp of approval, is against it.
"My job is to protect America, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. People can ascribe all kinds of intentions. I swore to protect and defend the Constitution. That's what I swore to do. I put my hand on the Bible and took that oath. And that's exactly what I am going to do."
This the kind of disingenuous rhetoric Bush and his Administration excel at. Meaningless palaver designed to persuade a torporific population of somnambulists, with a combination of old-school religious piety and moral righteousness.
"I pray for peace. I pray for peace." he said. Did he have to repeat it because even to him, the first time sounded too ridiculous to fathom? These are the kind of follow-up questions a real press conference would have had. Could you elaborate on this theory of Peaceful Violence of yours, Mister President?
One thing I'm beginning to understand is why the members of the Bush Administration keep saying the same things over and over again. It's because those pesky reporters keep asking the same damned questions over and over again! Questions like: "Why do you continue to try and link Saddam Hussein to 9/11 when there is no evidence of it?" and "Why don't you care that the majority of the world population disagrees with your gut assessment of the threat level of Saddam Hussein?" and "How much is this war going to cost Americans?"
These questions are just an impediment to the real issue at hand which is war with Saddam. As Our Fearless Leader said last night, from the very beginning, that the primary issue for attacking Iraq is:
(Please turn your hymn books to UN Resolution 1441 and join me in song):
"Has the Iraqi regime fully and unconditionally disarmed, as required by Resolution 1441, or has it not?"
And if you don't like that one, there's always the multiple choice menu to choose from:
Saddam Hussein:
A.) Has a long history of reckless aggression and terrible crimes.
B.) Possesses weapons of mass destruction
C.) Refuses to disarm
D.) Tortures and gasses his own people.
There you have it.
This is in essence, the highlight of the disingenuous sort of Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader Zoroastrianism that Bush engages us with. You are with us or you are against us. You will disarm or we will disarm you. The UN Security Council will obey our desires or the UN Security Council will cease to have any useful function for us. Saddam is Evil, the Bush Administration is Good.
In some ways, this disconnected logic seems so simple even President Bush seems to understand it. I'm shocked the rest of the world doesn't yet.
donderdag, maart 06, 2003
Bulgaria, The Forgotton Ally?
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." --Will Rogers
With the foreign ministers of France, Russia and Germany issuing a joint statement yesterday stating they would not "let a proposed resolution pass that would authorize the use of force.", the meretricious and splenetic Bush Administration has become increasingly isolated in the world over its determination to topple the Iraqi government.
Administration officials have said they expect a Security Council vote on a new United Nations resolution authorizing an invasion of Iraq by the end of next week but to date, only the resolution's sponsors (The U.S., England and Spain) and Bulgaria currently are committed to vote yes.
You might wonder, as Desultory Turgescence did, what possible motive could Bulgaria have in voting for war? Maureen Dowd of the New York Times has already had her fun at the expense of the Bulgarians, opining that the United States "dragoon Bulgaria to offset France dragooning Cameroon," so we have an idea of why the Bush Administration is so suddenly infatuated, but Bulgarians must also be asking themselves, as they like to in the Red Mafia, "What's in it for me?"
Are they still pissed off about the rule of the Ottoman Empire? Are they looking to jeopardize their chances at EU membership or bolster their pending 2004 NATO membership? Are they still angry they didn't qualify for the 2002 World Cup? Or, hmmm, could it have something to do with the United States granting Bulgaria the coveted economic status of "market economy" which will protect Bulgarian companies from charges that they are selling products in the United States at an unfairly low price, a practice known as dumping? Even without the UN resolution vote, Bulgaria has received more than $420 million from the U.S. government in the last decade.
Any number of reasons are possible. Besides increasing aid to Bulgaria, the Bush Administration has already pledged to see to it that Iraq pays its outstanding debts to Bulgaria in the post-Saddam period which amount to $1.7 billion.
According to Bulgarian Foreign Ministry spokesperson Lyubomir Todorov, upon membership in NATO, the moving of US military bases to Bulgaria would be a natural result of NATO enlargement. Bulgarian Defense Minister Nikolai Svinarov said that if US military bases were established in Bulgaria, the redeployment of US troops from Germany to Bulgaria would be very likely.
In addition, Bulgarian support of the United States could potentially come at a price for the Black Sea port of Bourgas. Iraqi charge d'affaires in Sofia Yahia Salih Mahdi said in Bourgas on Wednesday. "All US bases across the world will be targets of our strikes. The true Muslim has to choose between victory and death," He added that seven million people have been armed and prepared to defend Iraq. In his opinion, the probable strikes against Iraq might begin from Burgas where US troops are being stationed.
The Bulgarian Foreign Minister Solomon Passy harshly criticized Mahdi, saying "I think that all ambassadors who are accredited in Bulgaria have to carefully measure their words and to limit them to the diplomatic tone," Passy commented before the regular weekly meeting of the Council of Ministers on Thursday.
So yes, there are plenty of incentives for Bulgaria to side with the Bush Administration. However, before Americans start memorizing the poetry of Ivan Vazov or learn the words to the Bulgarian national anthem, it should be remembered that this isn't the first time Bulgaria has sided with a country in its efforts of war.
In 1941, in return for promises from the Third Reich of gaining back the ever-desirable Macedonian lands, Bulgaria sided with the Nazi and Axis powers. However, much to their credit, Bulgaria's wartime government refused to hand over its 50,000 Jewish citizens to the Nazis in 1943 despite its military alliance with Germany. In fact, tomorrow, the Bulgarian National Bank will issue 2000 silver coins to mark the occasion of 60th anniversary of the rescue of 48,000 Bulgarian Jews.
The next thing the Bulgarian government may need to rescue is themselves. A February 11 Gallup International poll found that only 28% of Bulgarians support a war against Iraq, even if endorsed by the UN Security Council and unless the financial appreciation of the Bush Administration starts pouring in soon, Bulgarians may not be too interested in what their government has to say much longer.
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie' until you can find a rock." --Will Rogers
With the foreign ministers of France, Russia and Germany issuing a joint statement yesterday stating they would not "let a proposed resolution pass that would authorize the use of force.", the meretricious and splenetic Bush Administration has become increasingly isolated in the world over its determination to topple the Iraqi government.
Administration officials have said they expect a Security Council vote on a new United Nations resolution authorizing an invasion of Iraq by the end of next week but to date, only the resolution's sponsors (The U.S., England and Spain) and Bulgaria currently are committed to vote yes.
You might wonder, as Desultory Turgescence did, what possible motive could Bulgaria have in voting for war? Maureen Dowd of the New York Times has already had her fun at the expense of the Bulgarians, opining that the United States "dragoon Bulgaria to offset France dragooning Cameroon," so we have an idea of why the Bush Administration is so suddenly infatuated, but Bulgarians must also be asking themselves, as they like to in the Red Mafia, "What's in it for me?"
Are they still pissed off about the rule of the Ottoman Empire? Are they looking to jeopardize their chances at EU membership or bolster their pending 2004 NATO membership? Are they still angry they didn't qualify for the 2002 World Cup? Or, hmmm, could it have something to do with the United States granting Bulgaria the coveted economic status of "market economy" which will protect Bulgarian companies from charges that they are selling products in the United States at an unfairly low price, a practice known as dumping? Even without the UN resolution vote, Bulgaria has received more than $420 million from the U.S. government in the last decade.
Any number of reasons are possible. Besides increasing aid to Bulgaria, the Bush Administration has already pledged to see to it that Iraq pays its outstanding debts to Bulgaria in the post-Saddam period which amount to $1.7 billion.
According to Bulgarian Foreign Ministry spokesperson Lyubomir Todorov, upon membership in NATO, the moving of US military bases to Bulgaria would be a natural result of NATO enlargement. Bulgarian Defense Minister Nikolai Svinarov said that if US military bases were established in Bulgaria, the redeployment of US troops from Germany to Bulgaria would be very likely.
In addition, Bulgarian support of the United States could potentially come at a price for the Black Sea port of Bourgas. Iraqi charge d'affaires in Sofia Yahia Salih Mahdi said in Bourgas on Wednesday. "All US bases across the world will be targets of our strikes. The true Muslim has to choose between victory and death," He added that seven million people have been armed and prepared to defend Iraq. In his opinion, the probable strikes against Iraq might begin from Burgas where US troops are being stationed.
The Bulgarian Foreign Minister Solomon Passy harshly criticized Mahdi, saying "I think that all ambassadors who are accredited in Bulgaria have to carefully measure their words and to limit them to the diplomatic tone," Passy commented before the regular weekly meeting of the Council of Ministers on Thursday.
So yes, there are plenty of incentives for Bulgaria to side with the Bush Administration. However, before Americans start memorizing the poetry of Ivan Vazov or learn the words to the Bulgarian national anthem, it should be remembered that this isn't the first time Bulgaria has sided with a country in its efforts of war.
In 1941, in return for promises from the Third Reich of gaining back the ever-desirable Macedonian lands, Bulgaria sided with the Nazi and Axis powers. However, much to their credit, Bulgaria's wartime government refused to hand over its 50,000 Jewish citizens to the Nazis in 1943 despite its military alliance with Germany. In fact, tomorrow, the Bulgarian National Bank will issue 2000 silver coins to mark the occasion of 60th anniversary of the rescue of 48,000 Bulgarian Jews.
The next thing the Bulgarian government may need to rescue is themselves. A February 11 Gallup International poll found that only 28% of Bulgarians support a war against Iraq, even if endorsed by the UN Security Council and unless the financial appreciation of the Bush Administration starts pouring in soon, Bulgarians may not be too interested in what their government has to say much longer.
woensdag, maart 05, 2003
Don't Worry, Be Happy
The latest EU figures from the European Commission's biannual Eurobarometer survey, released on Tuesday, show that 47% of Swedes and 43% of Brits believe their lives will improve in 2003.
Portugal and Greece are the most miserable countries, with 39% and 26% of their respective populations believing that their life will only get worse in the coming year.
Desultory Turgescence reports that ironically, those countries with the most miserable and gloomy outlooks of their future also happen to be the favorite vacation spots of the Brits and the Swedes.
And, as Charles Dickens wrote in David Copperfield regarding the best barometer of happiness and misery: "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery."
In a nod toward the recuperative powers of Gouda kaas and tulips, according to the Eurobarometer, 56% of the Dutch people think that the quality of life will remain near the same, 29% think that it will get better and 9% believe that it will worsen.
On a brighter note, while 69% of the Dutch are afraid of international terrorism, 75% of the Dutch do not fear a conventional or nuclear war in Europe.
48% of the Dutch has the opinion that it is a good thing that the Euro replaced the national currency, 34% finds this a bad thing. Luxembourg, Belgium and Ireland are still the euro's biggest fans, with 89%, 81% and 80% of the respective populations in support.
No word yet on the percentage of Europeans who fear that a tyrannical, flesh-eating Bush War Machine will spell their ultimate demise and doom the planet to a veritable Dante's Inferno for eternity.
The latest EU figures from the European Commission's biannual Eurobarometer survey, released on Tuesday, show that 47% of Swedes and 43% of Brits believe their lives will improve in 2003.
Portugal and Greece are the most miserable countries, with 39% and 26% of their respective populations believing that their life will only get worse in the coming year.
Desultory Turgescence reports that ironically, those countries with the most miserable and gloomy outlooks of their future also happen to be the favorite vacation spots of the Brits and the Swedes.
And, as Charles Dickens wrote in David Copperfield regarding the best barometer of happiness and misery: "Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pound ought and six, result misery."
In a nod toward the recuperative powers of Gouda kaas and tulips, according to the Eurobarometer, 56% of the Dutch people think that the quality of life will remain near the same, 29% think that it will get better and 9% believe that it will worsen.
On a brighter note, while 69% of the Dutch are afraid of international terrorism, 75% of the Dutch do not fear a conventional or nuclear war in Europe.
48% of the Dutch has the opinion that it is a good thing that the Euro replaced the national currency, 34% finds this a bad thing. Luxembourg, Belgium and Ireland are still the euro's biggest fans, with 89%, 81% and 80% of the respective populations in support.
No word yet on the percentage of Europeans who fear that a tyrannical, flesh-eating Bush War Machine will spell their ultimate demise and doom the planet to a veritable Dante's Inferno for eternity.
dinsdag, maart 04, 2003
Godless Communists and Pledging Allegiance
"America is a nation ... that values our relationship with the Almighty. We need commonsense judges who understand that our rights were derived from God." -- George Bush, Head Theurgist and current President of the United States of America
Amid deafening squeals of protest from a conflux of conservative politicians, their knee-jerk sycophants, a teeming troupe of false patriots and the ever-maladroit Bush Misadministration, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has decided to let stand its controversial ruling that the schoolhouse ritual of reciting the Pledge of Allegiance is unconstitutional. The decision will take effect Monday in nine lucky Western states: Alaska, Arizona, California, Hawaii, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, Oregon and Washington.
"A profession that we are a nation 'under God' is identical, for Establishment Clause purposes, to a profession that we are a nation 'under Jesus,' a nation 'under Vishnu,' a nation 'under Zeus,' or a nation 'under no god,' because none of these professions can be neutral with respect to religion," Senior Judge Alfred Goodwin wrote.
"The government should not link religion and patriotism," said the Rev. Barry W. Lynn, Americans United Executive Director. "An individual can express love of country regardless of his or her religious or philosophical outlook."
And if you don't believe them, you could always consult Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States of America, who wrote:
"Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God; that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship; that the legislative powers of the government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should `make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between church and State."
Sacramento, California physician Michael Newdow, an avowed atheist, had filed the case on behalf of his elementary school-aged daughter arguing that she should not have to hear the words "under God" in her teacher's daily recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance required by state law.
The original pledge was written by a Baptist socialist minister, Francis Bellamy, in 1892, and was first published in a magazine called the Youth's Companion.
It was only more than 60 years later, in 1954, that Congress, at the height of a paranoid anti-communist McCarthy period, added the words "under God". The move followed a campaign by the Knights of Columbus, a rightwing Catholic organisation which wanted to distinguish the US from the Soviet Union and its "Godless communism."
Not surprisingly, the increasingly paranoid "everybody is a potential terrorist" Bush Administration immediately condemned the decision:
"The Justice Department will spare no effort to preserve the rights of all our citizens to pledge allegiance to the American flag." declared a deeply disturbed Attorney General John Ashcroft, taking time out from his industrious crusade against domestic terrorism which recently arrested 55 menacing terrorists across the United States for selling bongs, pipes and other paraphernalia. "We will defend the ability of Americans to declare their patriotism through the time-honored tradition of voluntarily reciting the Pledge."
The increasingly hysterical business news rag posing as a chronicle of political thought, the Wall Street Journal, noted: "We can hope the Supreme Court eventually reverses this judicial invention, but until then schoolkids in the nine states covered by the Circuit will be barred from reciting the Pledge after March 10. This is a splendid message to send just as U.S. troops are about to go to war to defend the principles the Pledge extols,"
Michael Gulden, principal at Barbara Comstock Morse Elementary School, said teachers haven't explained to the students yet what the ruling means.
"I don't think a lot of kids would understand,'' he said. ''For older kids, it's something they've done every day since they started school.''
Indeed. Just imagine how emotionally scarred these poor kids are going to be when we let on that Santa Claus doesn't grade their term papers and the Easter Bunny will no longer be running their gym class.
"America is a nation ... that values our relationship with the Almighty. We need commonsense judges who understand that our rights were derived from God." -- George Bush, Head Theurgist and current President of the United States of America
Amid deafening squeals of protest from a conflux of conservative politicians, their knee-jerk sycophants, a teeming troupe of false patriots and the ever-maladroit Bush Misadministration, the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has decided to let stand its controversial ruling that the schoolhouse ritual of reciting the Pledge of Allegiance is unconstitutional. The decision will take effect Monday in nine lucky Western states: Alaska, Arizona, California, Hawaii, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, Oregon and Washington.
"A profession that we are a nation 'under God' is identical, for Establishment Clause purposes, to a profession that we are a nation 'under Jesus,' a nation 'under Vishnu,' a nation 'under Zeus,' or a nation 'under no god,' because none of these professions can be neutral with respect to religion," Senior Judge Alfred Goodwin wrote.
"The government should not link religion and patriotism," said the Rev. Barry W. Lynn, Americans United Executive Director. "An individual can express love of country regardless of his or her religious or philosophical outlook."
And if you don't believe them, you could always consult Thomas Jefferson, the third President of the United States of America, who wrote:
"Believing with you that religion is a matter which lies solely between man and his God; that he owes account to none other for his faith or his worship; that the legislative powers of the government reach actions only, and not opinions, I contemplate with sovereign reverence that act of the whole American people which declared that their legislature should `make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," thus building a wall of separation between church and State."
Sacramento, California physician Michael Newdow, an avowed atheist, had filed the case on behalf of his elementary school-aged daughter arguing that she should not have to hear the words "under God" in her teacher's daily recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance required by state law.
The original pledge was written by a Baptist socialist minister, Francis Bellamy, in 1892, and was first published in a magazine called the Youth's Companion.
It was only more than 60 years later, in 1954, that Congress, at the height of a paranoid anti-communist McCarthy period, added the words "under God". The move followed a campaign by the Knights of Columbus, a rightwing Catholic organisation which wanted to distinguish the US from the Soviet Union and its "Godless communism."
Not surprisingly, the increasingly paranoid "everybody is a potential terrorist" Bush Administration immediately condemned the decision:
"The Justice Department will spare no effort to preserve the rights of all our citizens to pledge allegiance to the American flag." declared a deeply disturbed Attorney General John Ashcroft, taking time out from his industrious crusade against domestic terrorism which recently arrested 55 menacing terrorists across the United States for selling bongs, pipes and other paraphernalia. "We will defend the ability of Americans to declare their patriotism through the time-honored tradition of voluntarily reciting the Pledge."
The increasingly hysterical business news rag posing as a chronicle of political thought, the Wall Street Journal, noted: "We can hope the Supreme Court eventually reverses this judicial invention, but until then schoolkids in the nine states covered by the Circuit will be barred from reciting the Pledge after March 10. This is a splendid message to send just as U.S. troops are about to go to war to defend the principles the Pledge extols,"
Michael Gulden, principal at Barbara Comstock Morse Elementary School, said teachers haven't explained to the students yet what the ruling means.
"I don't think a lot of kids would understand,'' he said. ''For older kids, it's something they've done every day since they started school.''
Indeed. Just imagine how emotionally scarred these poor kids are going to be when we let on that Santa Claus doesn't grade their term papers and the Easter Bunny will no longer be running their gym class.
maandag, maart 03, 2003
As The World Turns
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes."
--Steven Wright
Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured Saturday while sleeping in an apartment near the Pakistani capital of Islamabad. It's unclear how how anyone recognized him given that the FBI photos showed Mohammed as thin, bearded and balding while the photograph taken after his capture shows a middle-aged, fat and apishly hairy man.
In fact, the more I looked at the front page photographs of the captured man the FBI claims is Mohammed, the more I began to believe that the FBI hadn't captured Khalid Shaikh Mohammed at all, they'd just busted Ron Jeremy, the star of Porn Star, a feature film that explores the life of the world’s most unlikely sex star. If you rousted Ron Jeremy out of bed in the middle of the night, bleary-eyed and hung over after yet another drug and alchohol plagued premiere party and dressed in giant open-necked nightshirt, I'm pretty sure he'd look just as that guy does on the cover of the Daily News this morning.
In fact, lending perhaps even a sliver more doubt to this raucous claim of an arrest histrionically billed by Florida Congressman Porter Gross as "the equivalent of the liberation of Paris in the Second World War", is the notice by The Memory Hole that the same guy they claimed to have captured Saturday was also claimed to have been killed last year.
Perhaps more interesting was the report by Newsweek that an al Qaeda operative now in custody told investigators that at one point Mohammed had planned to blow up bridges and gas stations in New York and Washington with operatives stealing or hijacking tanker trucks and crashing them into fuel pumps at gas-stations while other terrorists would slash the suspension cables on bridges. I hate to downplay the kind of chaos, death and destruction that crashing tanker trucks into gas stations would cause but after reading this I immediately and naturally wondered a few things:
1. What ever happened to all these Weapons of Mass Destruction that every terrorist allegedly carries with them like condoms in the backpocket wallets of teenagers? Aren't we all supposed to be slinking around in our gas masks and chemical suits with every orafice duct-taped and sealed every time we step outside to avoid these chemical and biological attacks? If they've got all these WMDs, why would they resort to driving trucks into gas stations like some B movie stunt?
2. What the hell kind of cutting device would they need to slash suspension cables on bridges? It's not like these are simple nylon ropes and it's not like they can stand there on a bridge with a big butcher knife and start chopping away at the cables without attracting a little attention.
*****Look At Me! Look At Me!*****
Did anyone else notice, in all the excitement about al-Qaeda captures and missile destructions and Turkish Parliament, that back in North Korea, Kim Jong Il was sounding a little too much like Marvin the Martian warning Bugs Bunny to "brace yourself for immediate disintegration" as he threatened on Saturday that nuclear war could break out on the peninsula at ''any moment,'' and warned of ''nuclear disasters'' around the world?
What does this poor bastard have to do to get some attention? He has thumbed his nose at the Bush Administration, kicked out UN inspectors, started up his Yongbyon reactor, tested equipment that reprocesses spent-fuel rods and now threatens the world with nuclear war and still he can't get anyone to take him seriously. I guess he'll have to start passing out weapons-grade plutonium to terrorists like candy to trick or treaters on Halloween before he can distract those cagey visionaries in the White House.
*****Good Night Iraq*****
Over the weekend, Iraq destroyed 10 Al-Samoud II missiles, continued to destroy more today and said it would hand over a report about its unilateral destruction of anthrax and VX nerve agent. To the average human, this might indicate a modicum of cooperation in the effort to make them disarm but not to the Bush Administration.
"I think when you summarise Iraq's statement, that in principle they will destroy their missiles, the Iraqi actions are propaganda wrapped in a lie, inside a falsehood," DT's favorite White House comedian Ari Fleischer responded.
Apparently running out of original quips and slogans, Fleischer is now resorting to ripping off Winston Churchill to elucidate his indefatigably recurrent points. For those of you whose memories aren't as finely tuned as Ari's, Winston Churchill's famous 1939 description of Russia was "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma."
Not surprisingly, Baghdad is warning that the process of destroying their missiles and cooperating with the UN may stop if it becomes clear the United States intends to attack Iraq regardless of whether it gets backing from the U.N. Security Council. IF it becomes clear? I don't know how much clearer it could be that the Bush Administration intends on attacking Iraq regardless of anything Iraq does. Hussein could destroy all his weapons, convert all his palaces into McDonalds drive-thrus, teach the Iraqi people the Pledge of Allegiance, and offer to do the chicken dance for everyone at the next White House Christmas Party and the Bush Administration would still invade Iraq.
*****The Arab Street*****
There's so much talk about "The Arab Street" these days you'd think it was the premiere of another reality TV show. Everytime these political talking heads begin immoderately declaiming The Arab Street in hallowed and reverential terms, I wonder why, if The Arab Street is so powerful and influential, they're the ones in the street while the others are still sitting around getting rich in their glass palaces and floating on billion dollar yachts.
Finally, if Turkey is any example, The Arab Street can claim a little success. As the Turkish parliament debated a government motion to allow some 62,000 U.S. troops to deploy into Turkey, more than 50,000 protesters chanted ``No to war'' and sang anti-war songs less than a mile away in an Ankara square, in one of the largest protests yet against a conflict in Iraq. The Turkish parliament rejected the motion and this morning, Turkey's stock exchange dropped by 11.3 percent within the first minutes of opening and its currency, the lira, dipped by about 5 percent to 1,670,000 to the dollar.
If this is any corollary of what street protest does to a stock exchange, given the performance of the Dow Jones over the last two and a half years, you'd think the American Street was already so choked with beatniks, flower children and protesters there wouldn't be room left for any SUVs to pass.
"When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes."
--Steven Wright
Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was captured Saturday while sleeping in an apartment near the Pakistani capital of Islamabad. It's unclear how how anyone recognized him given that the FBI photos showed Mohammed as thin, bearded and balding while the photograph taken after his capture shows a middle-aged, fat and apishly hairy man.
In fact, the more I looked at the front page photographs of the captured man the FBI claims is Mohammed, the more I began to believe that the FBI hadn't captured Khalid Shaikh Mohammed at all, they'd just busted Ron Jeremy, the star of Porn Star, a feature film that explores the life of the world’s most unlikely sex star. If you rousted Ron Jeremy out of bed in the middle of the night, bleary-eyed and hung over after yet another drug and alchohol plagued premiere party and dressed in giant open-necked nightshirt, I'm pretty sure he'd look just as that guy does on the cover of the Daily News this morning.
In fact, lending perhaps even a sliver more doubt to this raucous claim of an arrest histrionically billed by Florida Congressman Porter Gross as "the equivalent of the liberation of Paris in the Second World War", is the notice by The Memory Hole that the same guy they claimed to have captured Saturday was also claimed to have been killed last year.
Perhaps more interesting was the report by Newsweek that an al Qaeda operative now in custody told investigators that at one point Mohammed had planned to blow up bridges and gas stations in New York and Washington with operatives stealing or hijacking tanker trucks and crashing them into fuel pumps at gas-stations while other terrorists would slash the suspension cables on bridges. I hate to downplay the kind of chaos, death and destruction that crashing tanker trucks into gas stations would cause but after reading this I immediately and naturally wondered a few things:
1. What ever happened to all these Weapons of Mass Destruction that every terrorist allegedly carries with them like condoms in the backpocket wallets of teenagers? Aren't we all supposed to be slinking around in our gas masks and chemical suits with every orafice duct-taped and sealed every time we step outside to avoid these chemical and biological attacks? If they've got all these WMDs, why would they resort to driving trucks into gas stations like some B movie stunt?
2. What the hell kind of cutting device would they need to slash suspension cables on bridges? It's not like these are simple nylon ropes and it's not like they can stand there on a bridge with a big butcher knife and start chopping away at the cables without attracting a little attention.
*****Look At Me! Look At Me!*****
Did anyone else notice, in all the excitement about al-Qaeda captures and missile destructions and Turkish Parliament, that back in North Korea, Kim Jong Il was sounding a little too much like Marvin the Martian warning Bugs Bunny to "brace yourself for immediate disintegration" as he threatened on Saturday that nuclear war could break out on the peninsula at ''any moment,'' and warned of ''nuclear disasters'' around the world?
What does this poor bastard have to do to get some attention? He has thumbed his nose at the Bush Administration, kicked out UN inspectors, started up his Yongbyon reactor, tested equipment that reprocesses spent-fuel rods and now threatens the world with nuclear war and still he can't get anyone to take him seriously. I guess he'll have to start passing out weapons-grade plutonium to terrorists like candy to trick or treaters on Halloween before he can distract those cagey visionaries in the White House.
*****Good Night Iraq*****
Over the weekend, Iraq destroyed 10 Al-Samoud II missiles, continued to destroy more today and said it would hand over a report about its unilateral destruction of anthrax and VX nerve agent. To the average human, this might indicate a modicum of cooperation in the effort to make them disarm but not to the Bush Administration.
"I think when you summarise Iraq's statement, that in principle they will destroy their missiles, the Iraqi actions are propaganda wrapped in a lie, inside a falsehood," DT's favorite White House comedian Ari Fleischer responded.
Apparently running out of original quips and slogans, Fleischer is now resorting to ripping off Winston Churchill to elucidate his indefatigably recurrent points. For those of you whose memories aren't as finely tuned as Ari's, Winston Churchill's famous 1939 description of Russia was "a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma."
Not surprisingly, Baghdad is warning that the process of destroying their missiles and cooperating with the UN may stop if it becomes clear the United States intends to attack Iraq regardless of whether it gets backing from the U.N. Security Council. IF it becomes clear? I don't know how much clearer it could be that the Bush Administration intends on attacking Iraq regardless of anything Iraq does. Hussein could destroy all his weapons, convert all his palaces into McDonalds drive-thrus, teach the Iraqi people the Pledge of Allegiance, and offer to do the chicken dance for everyone at the next White House Christmas Party and the Bush Administration would still invade Iraq.
*****The Arab Street*****
There's so much talk about "The Arab Street" these days you'd think it was the premiere of another reality TV show. Everytime these political talking heads begin immoderately declaiming The Arab Street in hallowed and reverential terms, I wonder why, if The Arab Street is so powerful and influential, they're the ones in the street while the others are still sitting around getting rich in their glass palaces and floating on billion dollar yachts.
Finally, if Turkey is any example, The Arab Street can claim a little success. As the Turkish parliament debated a government motion to allow some 62,000 U.S. troops to deploy into Turkey, more than 50,000 protesters chanted ``No to war'' and sang anti-war songs less than a mile away in an Ankara square, in one of the largest protests yet against a conflict in Iraq. The Turkish parliament rejected the motion and this morning, Turkey's stock exchange dropped by 11.3 percent within the first minutes of opening and its currency, the lira, dipped by about 5 percent to 1,670,000 to the dollar.
If this is any corollary of what street protest does to a stock exchange, given the performance of the Dow Jones over the last two and a half years, you'd think the American Street was already so choked with beatniks, flower children and protesters there wouldn't be room left for any SUVs to pass.
vrijdag, februari 28, 2003
I'm Sorry Ari But We Need A Little More
"But think about the implications of what you're saying. You're saying that the leaders of other nations are buyable. And that is not an acceptable proposition." Ari Fleischer, February 25, 2003 White House press briefing.
It would be quite possible for Desultory Turgescence to devote itself solely to the insidious sophistry of its favorite White House houseboy, the philistine contagion of deceit and circumvention of Ari Fleischer. A daily comb through the text of his press briefings alone could produce a virtual encyclopedia of malicious revilement of the principles of democratic openness too voluminous to register by mere humans.
His lack of candor, whether by Presidential dictate or sheer obstinance, is, as Russell Mokhiber and Robert Weissman point out, too much to take any more. If you read the daily text of the White House press briefings, you see an expanding hostility in the questioning, a perpetuating pugnacity in the reporters themselves, many of whom appear to have grown weary of this thimblerigging of the truth.
But perhaps it is all a haute comédie the average peasant is to unsophisticated to understand. By example, from yesterday's press conference:
QUESTION: "Ari, how much is this war going to cost?"
MR. FLEISCHER: "That will depend on a number of factors, many of them up to Saddam Hussein and to Saddam Hussein's henchmen. If Saddam Hussein and his henchmen do not follow orders, if they don't follow their orders from Saddam Hussein, that can lead to one scenario. And so it is too soon to say with precision how much this war will cost."
What? Listening to Ari Fleischer's responses is like pulling the cord of a Mrs. Beasley doll. I think she had a gamut of about 10 different prerecorded phrases that were repeated over and over no matter how many times you pulled her cord. Ari Fleischer is very similar. No matter how many times and how many different ways a specific question is asked, he delivers the same, patented reply:
Ari, what's the weather going to be like today?
That depends on Saddam Hussein and his henchmen.
Ari, what color are your eyes?
It all depends on whether or not Saddam Hussein fully complies with UN resolutions.
Ari, do you love your mother?
I think this question is best addressed to Saddam Hussein because he has failed to disarm and I cannot be responsible for what happens should he continue to violate the terms of the UN resolutions and fails to disarm.
Ari, do you believe in God?
That all depends on whether Saddam Hussein follows exactly what the Security Council has mandated in the 17 different resolutions.
Actually, it's quite possible that Mrs. Beasley has more response options at her disposal than Ari Fleischer.
*****
The question I would really like to see addressed these days is where is my payoff?
I see that countries like Turkey, Jordan, Israel, Kuwait are demanding payoffs to support this war against Iraq. The cost of buying a coalition is getting exorbitant. Even countries like Angola, Cameroon, Chile, Guinea, Mexico and Pakistan are getting in on the act, not to mention what that timely show of support from the "New Europe" is going to cost in the end. The United States is sending billions of taxpayer dollars to countries like Spain and Turkey, where more than 90 percent of the people oppose the war. We bribe their governments to turn against the will of their own people.
Doesn't the Bush Administration want Desultory Turgescence's support for the war? If so, they'd better prepare themselves because it's going to cost them. If a country of slackers like Turkey can get a multi-billion dollar aid package just to consider helping the United States, imagine the kind of aid package Desultory Turgescence has coming to it for its unwavering editorial support for such a haphazard and jumbled war effort as the one currently being birthed out of the Bush Administration.
And while we're calculating all of that, I'm going to work on some new phrases for Ari Fleischer to repeat, attempt to expand his vocabulary beyond the simple parroting he has already clearly mastered. In addition, I'm going to teach him how to take his concentration a step further than simply repeating a mantra by showing him how to concentrate on his breathing. With time and practice I'm sure we can increase the amount of time Ari can exist in this peaceful state of meditation and get his mind off of his unhealthy obsession with Saddam Hussein.
"But think about the implications of what you're saying. You're saying that the leaders of other nations are buyable. And that is not an acceptable proposition." Ari Fleischer, February 25, 2003 White House press briefing.
It would be quite possible for Desultory Turgescence to devote itself solely to the insidious sophistry of its favorite White House houseboy, the philistine contagion of deceit and circumvention of Ari Fleischer. A daily comb through the text of his press briefings alone could produce a virtual encyclopedia of malicious revilement of the principles of democratic openness too voluminous to register by mere humans.
His lack of candor, whether by Presidential dictate or sheer obstinance, is, as Russell Mokhiber and Robert Weissman point out, too much to take any more. If you read the daily text of the White House press briefings, you see an expanding hostility in the questioning, a perpetuating pugnacity in the reporters themselves, many of whom appear to have grown weary of this thimblerigging of the truth.
But perhaps it is all a haute comédie the average peasant is to unsophisticated to understand. By example, from yesterday's press conference:
QUESTION: "Ari, how much is this war going to cost?"
MR. FLEISCHER: "That will depend on a number of factors, many of them up to Saddam Hussein and to Saddam Hussein's henchmen. If Saddam Hussein and his henchmen do not follow orders, if they don't follow their orders from Saddam Hussein, that can lead to one scenario. And so it is too soon to say with precision how much this war will cost."
What? Listening to Ari Fleischer's responses is like pulling the cord of a Mrs. Beasley doll. I think she had a gamut of about 10 different prerecorded phrases that were repeated over and over no matter how many times you pulled her cord. Ari Fleischer is very similar. No matter how many times and how many different ways a specific question is asked, he delivers the same, patented reply:
Ari, what's the weather going to be like today?
That depends on Saddam Hussein and his henchmen.
Ari, what color are your eyes?
It all depends on whether or not Saddam Hussein fully complies with UN resolutions.
Ari, do you love your mother?
I think this question is best addressed to Saddam Hussein because he has failed to disarm and I cannot be responsible for what happens should he continue to violate the terms of the UN resolutions and fails to disarm.
Ari, do you believe in God?
That all depends on whether Saddam Hussein follows exactly what the Security Council has mandated in the 17 different resolutions.
Actually, it's quite possible that Mrs. Beasley has more response options at her disposal than Ari Fleischer.
*****
The question I would really like to see addressed these days is where is my payoff?
I see that countries like Turkey, Jordan, Israel, Kuwait are demanding payoffs to support this war against Iraq. The cost of buying a coalition is getting exorbitant. Even countries like Angola, Cameroon, Chile, Guinea, Mexico and Pakistan are getting in on the act, not to mention what that timely show of support from the "New Europe" is going to cost in the end. The United States is sending billions of taxpayer dollars to countries like Spain and Turkey, where more than 90 percent of the people oppose the war. We bribe their governments to turn against the will of their own people.
Doesn't the Bush Administration want Desultory Turgescence's support for the war? If so, they'd better prepare themselves because it's going to cost them. If a country of slackers like Turkey can get a multi-billion dollar aid package just to consider helping the United States, imagine the kind of aid package Desultory Turgescence has coming to it for its unwavering editorial support for such a haphazard and jumbled war effort as the one currently being birthed out of the Bush Administration.
And while we're calculating all of that, I'm going to work on some new phrases for Ari Fleischer to repeat, attempt to expand his vocabulary beyond the simple parroting he has already clearly mastered. In addition, I'm going to teach him how to take his concentration a step further than simply repeating a mantra by showing him how to concentrate on his breathing. With time and practice I'm sure we can increase the amount of time Ari can exist in this peaceful state of meditation and get his mind off of his unhealthy obsession with Saddam Hussein.
donderdag, februari 27, 2003
It's A Wonderful Life (for everyone but Saddam)
Well, you can't say ole Dubya isn't full of surprises. Last night, settling in for his hastily announced speech, I expected the same bromidic screed as always. You know: the whole WMD thing, the Saddam tortures and gasses his own people thing, the Saddam is ignoring our bellicose warnings and has to be punished thing, how Georgie is normally a peaceful sort of frat boy who doesn't like killing but in this case, there just isn't a choice because he is on a mission from God thing, etc.
Instead, I found myself listening to some sort of wide-eyed hippy idealist. Could this be the same Bushmaster we've grown to fear and admire? I almost expected him to have a flower tucked behind his ear and psychodelic strobe lights playing behind him as he spoke about how knocking off Saddam was going to liberate the Iraqi people into this new Magic Kingdom of Democracy and peace and love and happiness, and how knocking off Saddam would bring a spellbinding potion of political reform in the Middle East and how knocking off Saddam could even bring peace to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict!.
By George, after listening to that delicious parable of Pollyannaism, I was almost convinced there isn't anything within the imagination that couldn't be rectified by the elimination of Saddam Hussein.
Of course, before we start spreading this oleo of peace and democracy, it should be remembered there's always the possibility that despite their billions of dollars of bombs, Saddam might escape, run out on his check without paying like bin-Laden did. In fact, ABC reports on the possibility that if an attack appears likely, Saddam Hussein might actually head for the desert using camels for transport and surrounded only by a handful of his most-trusted confidants.
And no one should find it surprising that the powder keg of the Middle East the Bush Administration is so eager to light, could just as easily lead to disaster, heightened regional pressure could trigger escalating violence on both sides, a new wave of terrorism, and increased instability throughout the region. Groovy George reminded us instead that the United States had a moral responsibility to liberate people ensnared by Hussein's "nightmare world" of tyranny, and said it was in the nation's self-interest to depose him.
I for one, am thoroughly convinced. I can't wait to get to Baghdad and have my first freedom-loving Starbucks Frapuccino and deliciously democratic McDonalds Big Mac on old Rashid Street. And gee whiz Uncle George, if we kill Saddam, can we really have peace, love and happiness in the Middle East? Hoo boy! I can hardly wait!
And I know those liberal types have been venting their splenetic sagas about how only the big shot oil barons are going to make money like water gushing out of a bidet, but frankly, I see no reason why the rest of us shouldn't try to get in on the profits of democracy.
For those smart enough not to bet on Saddam's survival, it was noted in the Sydney Morning Herald today that alarm clocks, fountain pens, cigarette lighters, watches, plates and golden medallions, all bearing Saddam's unmistakable features, are up for grabs - while stocks last and of course, the buyers and sellers of Baghdad are collectively betting on the memorabilia becoming collectors' items soon.
The SMH reported that "Mohammed Mardan, 34, sold his last two Saddam watches on Wednesday. One bore the President's beaming features beside a red heart, another beside a blue one. Last year he sold these watches for $16. Now his asking price is £47. He has sold an average of three Saddam watches every day this year, about twice the rate of last year."
Sadly, few on eBay seem to have taken adventage of this potential boon in Saddam memorabilia. There are a few "Butcher of Baghdad" watches and some dinar notes for sale but nothing in the way of Saddam cigarette lighters.
And listen, as most of us already know, a piece of memorabilia has alot more value when it is personally autographed. So if any of you out there know how to get ahold of Saddam before he is removed, let me know. I've got a few Saddam alarm clocks and cigarette lighters I'd like him to sign.
Well, you can't say ole Dubya isn't full of surprises. Last night, settling in for his hastily announced speech, I expected the same bromidic screed as always. You know: the whole WMD thing, the Saddam tortures and gasses his own people thing, the Saddam is ignoring our bellicose warnings and has to be punished thing, how Georgie is normally a peaceful sort of frat boy who doesn't like killing but in this case, there just isn't a choice because he is on a mission from God thing, etc.
Instead, I found myself listening to some sort of wide-eyed hippy idealist. Could this be the same Bushmaster we've grown to fear and admire? I almost expected him to have a flower tucked behind his ear and psychodelic strobe lights playing behind him as he spoke about how knocking off Saddam was going to liberate the Iraqi people into this new Magic Kingdom of Democracy and peace and love and happiness, and how knocking off Saddam would bring a spellbinding potion of political reform in the Middle East and how knocking off Saddam could even bring peace to the Israeli-Palestinian conflict!.
By George, after listening to that delicious parable of Pollyannaism, I was almost convinced there isn't anything within the imagination that couldn't be rectified by the elimination of Saddam Hussein.
Of course, before we start spreading this oleo of peace and democracy, it should be remembered there's always the possibility that despite their billions of dollars of bombs, Saddam might escape, run out on his check without paying like bin-Laden did. In fact, ABC reports on the possibility that if an attack appears likely, Saddam Hussein might actually head for the desert using camels for transport and surrounded only by a handful of his most-trusted confidants.
And no one should find it surprising that the powder keg of the Middle East the Bush Administration is so eager to light, could just as easily lead to disaster, heightened regional pressure could trigger escalating violence on both sides, a new wave of terrorism, and increased instability throughout the region. Groovy George reminded us instead that the United States had a moral responsibility to liberate people ensnared by Hussein's "nightmare world" of tyranny, and said it was in the nation's self-interest to depose him.
I for one, am thoroughly convinced. I can't wait to get to Baghdad and have my first freedom-loving Starbucks Frapuccino and deliciously democratic McDonalds Big Mac on old Rashid Street. And gee whiz Uncle George, if we kill Saddam, can we really have peace, love and happiness in the Middle East? Hoo boy! I can hardly wait!
And I know those liberal types have been venting their splenetic sagas about how only the big shot oil barons are going to make money like water gushing out of a bidet, but frankly, I see no reason why the rest of us shouldn't try to get in on the profits of democracy.
For those smart enough not to bet on Saddam's survival, it was noted in the Sydney Morning Herald today that alarm clocks, fountain pens, cigarette lighters, watches, plates and golden medallions, all bearing Saddam's unmistakable features, are up for grabs - while stocks last and of course, the buyers and sellers of Baghdad are collectively betting on the memorabilia becoming collectors' items soon.
The SMH reported that "Mohammed Mardan, 34, sold his last two Saddam watches on Wednesday. One bore the President's beaming features beside a red heart, another beside a blue one. Last year he sold these watches for $16. Now his asking price is £47. He has sold an average of three Saddam watches every day this year, about twice the rate of last year."
Sadly, few on eBay seem to have taken adventage of this potential boon in Saddam memorabilia. There are a few "Butcher of Baghdad" watches and some dinar notes for sale but nothing in the way of Saddam cigarette lighters.
And listen, as most of us already know, a piece of memorabilia has alot more value when it is personally autographed. So if any of you out there know how to get ahold of Saddam before he is removed, let me know. I've got a few Saddam alarm clocks and cigarette lighters I'd like him to sign.
woensdag, februari 26, 2003
Another Page In The Novel Of CNN's Irrelevance
No, it wasn't enough for the suits at CNN to encourage their news anchors to pepper their news reports with hip-hop slang in order to gain a wider mass appeal. Now, of their own volition, they will also cater to the lap dogs of censorship.
CNN has come out with a new document entitled "Reminder of Script Approval Policy".
What this new policy outlines is that CNN's system of "script approval" – the iniquitous instruction to reporters that they have to send all their copy to anonymous officials in Atlanta to ensure it is suitably sanitized– does the Pentagon's job of censorship for them and to reassure the Pentagon that there is no cause for concern about the news coming from the battlefield.
What it means is that no scripts or reports for CNN will be done without explicit approval from the Dogs of Censorship at CNN headquarters in Atlanta. All reporters preparing package scripts must submit the scripts and any editing they've performed for approval by the "script editors" in Atlanta who can insist on changes or "balances" in the reporter's dispatch. Note also that CNN revealed after the 1991 Gulf War that it had allowed Pentagon "trainees" into the CNN newsroom in Atlanta.
So before you get all hopped up on the potential of honest coverage of the war while reading these sentimental accolades of how journalists are being trained and imbedded with troops in order to give us first hand coverage, remember that, if you are getting your news on CNN anyway, the yes men in Atlanta have final script approval, not the poor bastards actually "in" the war with a first-hand account.
*****
Yesterday, the NRC Handelsblad newspaper out of Rotterdam published a "War Sonnet" by Gerrit Komrij, the Dutch Poet Laureate. Below is the text in Dutch and, for the purpose of clarity, a Desultory Turgescence exclusive English translation, uncensored by CNN.
Oorlogssonnetje
Loert daar geen terrorist achter het raam?
Ik hoorde het in de keuken ook al tikken.
Ik droom van mullah, mohammed, imam
En van de minste windstoot moet ik schrikken -
Een losse dakpan of een arabier?
Ik slorp het nieuws op. De tv staat warm.
Ik ben nerveus. Ik heb niet echt plezier -
Ik ben de gijzelaar van vals alarm.
De heren worden stichtelijk bedankt.
Ze stampvoeten en zijn alleen nog zoet
Als er ten minste één sirene jankt.
Wie speelt het in zo'n kleuterklasje klaar
Een oorlog af te wenden die al woedt?
Doe nu je oorlog maar, papkind, doe maar.
War Sonnet
Is a terrorist peering from behind the window?
I also heard him tapping in the kitchen.
I dream of mullahs, mohammed, imam
And am frightened by the slightest gust of wind.
A loose roof tile or an Arab?
I absorb the news. The tv is warm.
I am nervous. I have no true pleasure.
I am a hostage to false alarms.
The men shall be devoutly thanked.
They stamp their feet but are as gentle
as at least one siren howling.
Who does the job, in such a little child's class,
to evade a war that already rages?
Have your war now daddy's boy, have your war.
No, it wasn't enough for the suits at CNN to encourage their news anchors to pepper their news reports with hip-hop slang in order to gain a wider mass appeal. Now, of their own volition, they will also cater to the lap dogs of censorship.
CNN has come out with a new document entitled "Reminder of Script Approval Policy".
What this new policy outlines is that CNN's system of "script approval" – the iniquitous instruction to reporters that they have to send all their copy to anonymous officials in Atlanta to ensure it is suitably sanitized– does the Pentagon's job of censorship for them and to reassure the Pentagon that there is no cause for concern about the news coming from the battlefield.
What it means is that no scripts or reports for CNN will be done without explicit approval from the Dogs of Censorship at CNN headquarters in Atlanta. All reporters preparing package scripts must submit the scripts and any editing they've performed for approval by the "script editors" in Atlanta who can insist on changes or "balances" in the reporter's dispatch. Note also that CNN revealed after the 1991 Gulf War that it had allowed Pentagon "trainees" into the CNN newsroom in Atlanta.
So before you get all hopped up on the potential of honest coverage of the war while reading these sentimental accolades of how journalists are being trained and imbedded with troops in order to give us first hand coverage, remember that, if you are getting your news on CNN anyway, the yes men in Atlanta have final script approval, not the poor bastards actually "in" the war with a first-hand account.
*****
Yesterday, the NRC Handelsblad newspaper out of Rotterdam published a "War Sonnet" by Gerrit Komrij, the Dutch Poet Laureate. Below is the text in Dutch and, for the purpose of clarity, a Desultory Turgescence exclusive English translation, uncensored by CNN.
Oorlogssonnetje
Loert daar geen terrorist achter het raam?
Ik hoorde het in de keuken ook al tikken.
Ik droom van mullah, mohammed, imam
En van de minste windstoot moet ik schrikken -
Een losse dakpan of een arabier?
Ik slorp het nieuws op. De tv staat warm.
Ik ben nerveus. Ik heb niet echt plezier -
Ik ben de gijzelaar van vals alarm.
De heren worden stichtelijk bedankt.
Ze stampvoeten en zijn alleen nog zoet
Als er ten minste één sirene jankt.
Wie speelt het in zo'n kleuterklasje klaar
Een oorlog af te wenden die al woedt?
Doe nu je oorlog maar, papkind, doe maar.
War Sonnet
Is a terrorist peering from behind the window?
I also heard him tapping in the kitchen.
I dream of mullahs, mohammed, imam
And am frightened by the slightest gust of wind.
A loose roof tile or an Arab?
I absorb the news. The tv is warm.
I am nervous. I have no true pleasure.
I am a hostage to false alarms.
The men shall be devoutly thanked.
They stamp their feet but are as gentle
as at least one siren howling.
Who does the job, in such a little child's class,
to evade a war that already rages?
Have your war now daddy's boy, have your war.
dinsdag, februari 25, 2003
Let's Debate the Debate Idea
So, Saddam Hussein says he is “ready to conduct a direct dialogue — a debate" — with our president. “I will say what I want and he will say what he wants.” Hussein told CBS News during a three-hour interview Monday in Baghdad. Hussein, in issuing the challenge for an international television and radio debate via satellite, said: "As leaders, why don't we use this opportunity?"
Indeed, why not? It would certainly be more entertaining than the last several presidential debates, the rope-a-dope tactics of two candidates bucking for public approval without sticking their proverbial feet in their mouths.
I don't know why not, but for some reason, CBS News anchor Dan Rather, the hornswoggler who interviewed Saddam, never advised him that for all intents and purposes, he's already heard everything George Bush wants to say. The 296 or so word vocabulary of the President of the United States has been exhausted and in the midst of preparing for war, there just isn't time at the moment for vocabulary building flashcards. It is possible however, that if he is allowed to string lexigrams together, he might be able to muster a more imaginative debate.
For Saddam's part, I have to wonder does he even speak English? Yes, we know he likes to watch TV, monitoring the Iraqi stations he controls and also CNN, Sky, al Jazeera, and the BBC. We also know that in recent years he appears to have written and published two romantic fables, Zabibah and the King and The Fortified Castle as well as a book of Saddamisms. But I think for Bush's sake, there should be a linguistic handicap for Saddam. No translators allowed for Hussein.
And so, if it were to come to pass, I don't think it should be done by satellite hook-up. I want to see both of these guys, Saddam and Dubya standing side by side. I want to see whether or not they shake hands as they meet at center stage, whether Bush lets one of his little smirks loose and whether or not Hussein insists that Bush, for the purposes of personal hygiene, greet him by smelling his armpits, as we learned in Uncle Saddam.
In order for neither man to have an advantage due to jet lag and for the purposes of finding a non-partisan venue, the debate should be held in Reykjavik.
Of course, a debate is not half as appealing as the duel Bush was challenged to before. But just as in the case of the suggested duel, the White House's pestiferous and presumptuous little dachshund of a press secretary, Ari Fleischer, rejected the notion of a debate, saying it was “not a serious statement.”
Personally, I think they're just "misunderestimating" Saddam's sincerity.
Nevertheless, I couldn't help but imagine the opening scene in the 300 seat conference hall of the Grand Hotel in Reykjavik:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: In this corner, standing 6'2 and weighing in at 225 pounds, dressed in a fedora and a dark custom-tailored suit behind a desk spread with white lilies, the rifle-toting and blood-thirsty Butcher of Baghdad, Saddam Hussein!
And in this corner, standing 6 feet even and weighing in at 192 pounds, dressed in the robes of compassionate conservatism; a dark suit, white shirt, and red tie, the peace-seeking, bible-thumping President of the U-nited States of America, George Walker Bush.
Imagine, if you can, that scene in Beneath the Planet of the Apes when General Ursus gives his big speech to his fellow gorilla soldiers calling for an invasion of the Forbidden Zone, on the theory that since humans sometimes come from there, there must be a green, fertile region beyond the desert. Recall the wildly enthusiastic applause of his fellow gorilla soldiers and you can imagine the scene inside the conference room housing Mssrs. Bush and Hussein following their introductions. For lack of a bias or "homefield" advantage, the debate audience should be made up of Jerry Springer show participants, none of whom, because of their remarkably low IQs and their blinding ignorance, will recognize either debater and will keep still the entire time unless fisticuffs break out between Saddam and Dubya.
Rather than having a moderator who displays his/her own personal bias in the line of questioning, the questions should be selected in advance by a mixed panel of Baath Party and Republican Party members in order to ensure that the questions will not be too difficult or too blasphemous for either debator to respond to.
To ensure clarity, each debator will have the choice of a select number of their own quotations to choose from in answering each question. For example, if Bush is asked why America should invade Iraq, he could reply from a multiple choice series of possible responses like" "Time is Running Out" or "Freedom Will Be Defended" or "Our Quarrel Is Not With the Iraqi People", etc. Hussein, when asked about his hidden Weapons of Mass Destruction could choose from favorite phrases like, "Allah Is On Our Side", or "Keep your eyes on your enemy and be faster than him", etc. Each debator's ability to match the correct political buzzphrase for each question will have won that round of the debate.
If, at the end of the round of questioning, the debate points are deemed equal, there will be a "lightening round" of questions based upon the verses of the Koran and the Bible. The person who knows his preferred religious text the best, will be deemed the winner. Hopefully, this ensures an advantage for Bush, considering Saddam is an infidel in his own religion, but just to be on the safe side, perhaps all American networks should begin broadcasting a 24 hour a day Bible study class in part, so Dubya doesn't forget his lines and also so we can finally find all those juicy quotes where God says we should bomb Iraq into pre-history and "liberate" the Iraqi people from the current despot so they can suffer under somebody different for a change.
The only question then is, what does the winner receive?
We'll let the debators decide that one. They can choose between:
Door Number One: The rights to Iraqi oil
Door Number Two: The rights to Iraqi oil OR
Door Number Three: The rights to Iraqi oil
As leaders, why don't they use the opportunity?
So, Saddam Hussein says he is “ready to conduct a direct dialogue — a debate" — with our president. “I will say what I want and he will say what he wants.” Hussein told CBS News during a three-hour interview Monday in Baghdad. Hussein, in issuing the challenge for an international television and radio debate via satellite, said: "As leaders, why don't we use this opportunity?"
Indeed, why not? It would certainly be more entertaining than the last several presidential debates, the rope-a-dope tactics of two candidates bucking for public approval without sticking their proverbial feet in their mouths.
I don't know why not, but for some reason, CBS News anchor Dan Rather, the hornswoggler who interviewed Saddam, never advised him that for all intents and purposes, he's already heard everything George Bush wants to say. The 296 or so word vocabulary of the President of the United States has been exhausted and in the midst of preparing for war, there just isn't time at the moment for vocabulary building flashcards. It is possible however, that if he is allowed to string lexigrams together, he might be able to muster a more imaginative debate.
For Saddam's part, I have to wonder does he even speak English? Yes, we know he likes to watch TV, monitoring the Iraqi stations he controls and also CNN, Sky, al Jazeera, and the BBC. We also know that in recent years he appears to have written and published two romantic fables, Zabibah and the King and The Fortified Castle as well as a book of Saddamisms. But I think for Bush's sake, there should be a linguistic handicap for Saddam. No translators allowed for Hussein.
And so, if it were to come to pass, I don't think it should be done by satellite hook-up. I want to see both of these guys, Saddam and Dubya standing side by side. I want to see whether or not they shake hands as they meet at center stage, whether Bush lets one of his little smirks loose and whether or not Hussein insists that Bush, for the purposes of personal hygiene, greet him by smelling his armpits, as we learned in Uncle Saddam.
In order for neither man to have an advantage due to jet lag and for the purposes of finding a non-partisan venue, the debate should be held in Reykjavik.
Of course, a debate is not half as appealing as the duel Bush was challenged to before. But just as in the case of the suggested duel, the White House's pestiferous and presumptuous little dachshund of a press secretary, Ari Fleischer, rejected the notion of a debate, saying it was “not a serious statement.”
Personally, I think they're just "misunderestimating" Saddam's sincerity.
Nevertheless, I couldn't help but imagine the opening scene in the 300 seat conference hall of the Grand Hotel in Reykjavik:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: In this corner, standing 6'2 and weighing in at 225 pounds, dressed in a fedora and a dark custom-tailored suit behind a desk spread with white lilies, the rifle-toting and blood-thirsty Butcher of Baghdad, Saddam Hussein!
And in this corner, standing 6 feet even and weighing in at 192 pounds, dressed in the robes of compassionate conservatism; a dark suit, white shirt, and red tie, the peace-seeking, bible-thumping President of the U-nited States of America, George Walker Bush.
Imagine, if you can, that scene in Beneath the Planet of the Apes when General Ursus gives his big speech to his fellow gorilla soldiers calling for an invasion of the Forbidden Zone, on the theory that since humans sometimes come from there, there must be a green, fertile region beyond the desert. Recall the wildly enthusiastic applause of his fellow gorilla soldiers and you can imagine the scene inside the conference room housing Mssrs. Bush and Hussein following their introductions. For lack of a bias or "homefield" advantage, the debate audience should be made up of Jerry Springer show participants, none of whom, because of their remarkably low IQs and their blinding ignorance, will recognize either debater and will keep still the entire time unless fisticuffs break out between Saddam and Dubya.
Rather than having a moderator who displays his/her own personal bias in the line of questioning, the questions should be selected in advance by a mixed panel of Baath Party and Republican Party members in order to ensure that the questions will not be too difficult or too blasphemous for either debator to respond to.
To ensure clarity, each debator will have the choice of a select number of their own quotations to choose from in answering each question. For example, if Bush is asked why America should invade Iraq, he could reply from a multiple choice series of possible responses like" "Time is Running Out" or "Freedom Will Be Defended" or "Our Quarrel Is Not With the Iraqi People", etc. Hussein, when asked about his hidden Weapons of Mass Destruction could choose from favorite phrases like, "Allah Is On Our Side", or "Keep your eyes on your enemy and be faster than him", etc. Each debator's ability to match the correct political buzzphrase for each question will have won that round of the debate.
If, at the end of the round of questioning, the debate points are deemed equal, there will be a "lightening round" of questions based upon the verses of the Koran and the Bible. The person who knows his preferred religious text the best, will be deemed the winner. Hopefully, this ensures an advantage for Bush, considering Saddam is an infidel in his own religion, but just to be on the safe side, perhaps all American networks should begin broadcasting a 24 hour a day Bible study class in part, so Dubya doesn't forget his lines and also so we can finally find all those juicy quotes where God says we should bomb Iraq into pre-history and "liberate" the Iraqi people from the current despot so they can suffer under somebody different for a change.
The only question then is, what does the winner receive?
We'll let the debators decide that one. They can choose between:
Door Number One: The rights to Iraqi oil
Door Number Two: The rights to Iraqi oil OR
Door Number Three: The rights to Iraqi oil
As leaders, why don't they use the opportunity?
maandag, februari 24, 2003
On A Mission From God
Der Spiegel, a German weekly news magazine, had a captivating cover for last week's issue: George Bush lecturing, microphone in hand, with the image of a cross behind him and surrounded by images of war and patriotism. The title on the cover read: "On a Divine Mission, The Crusade of George Bush".
The opening paragraph of the article opines:
By attacking Baghdad, US president George W. Bush wants to fulfill a divine order. In the highly religious United States, there has rarely been such a deep connection between national power interests and fundamentalist false piety. Christian fanatics are calling for a crusade against Islam.
The article doesn't bash Bush so much as it does examine the strange phenomenon of the Christian Right and its influence in the current administration.
It traces, for example, Bush's historical "growth" from pathetic alcoholic who "one day, at the end of a week-long drinking binge, woke up and looked at his vomit-covered face in the mirror" to a man who "fell to his knees and prayed for God's help.". It is an absurd little story when you think about it though Bush himself, the story alleges, admits that if hadn't "found" the missing God, he'd still be sitting at home guzzling bottles of Lone Star instead of running the country into ruination.
"You know, of course, that I had a problem with alcohol. If things had stayed the way they were, right now I'd be sitting in a bar in Texas instead of in the Oval Office. There is only one reason why I'm in the Oval Office now and not in that bar: I found faith. I found God."
Yeah, thanks alot "God".
The article further delves into the motivations of the Christian Right as it pertains to the terrorist attacks of September 11th, underscoring the fact that the simple-minded exegetes of the last book of the New Testament do not shy away from even the most uninspired attempts to connect the puzzling pieces of scripture to present-day events.
"Simply laughing off such garbage underestimates the influence of the militant Christian Right. Many are firmly convinced that the attacks on New York and Washington have started the process that will lead to the end of the world, the return of Jesus Christ, and the dawning of the promised thousand-year reign of God. When these faithful hear their president talk about the "Axis of Evil," they are convinced that he is speaking their own language, that he, like they, is a holy warrior."
A holy warrior indeed. What a great religion wherein some magician can turns the "vomit-covered face" of a failed man of the elite into the President of the United States and a holy warrior to boot. Image all the holy warriors and devout G.I. Joes they can churn out if they start hitting the A.A. meeting halls.
Frankly, I've been a little dissatisfied with my own production of late. I had such dreams, such high hopes, such Fitzgeraldesque aspirations. By all rights, I too should be a millionaire by now. I too should be in charge of my own army of holy warriors, my own brigade of bible-toting thugs wreaking havoc on the unredeemed and the faithless!
I'm going to fix that right away. Tonight, I'm going to go out and get drunk. Really drunk. So drunk that I too wake up with a "vomit-covered face", run over to the nearest Born Again Christian Meeting House and start praying long and hard so that I too can become President of the United States and a holy warrior.
Those of you with kids out there, let this be a lesson. You needn't bother worrying about what sort of schools you send them to, or what kind of friends they hang out with, or if they smoke a little pot or partake in a little underage drinking now and then. So long as you get them praying and braying and asking the good and generous almighty God to accept their gratitude, you're going to be the parents of someone famous. Someone like the President. A true holy warrior.
Der Spiegel, a German weekly news magazine, had a captivating cover for last week's issue: George Bush lecturing, microphone in hand, with the image of a cross behind him and surrounded by images of war and patriotism. The title on the cover read: "On a Divine Mission, The Crusade of George Bush".
The opening paragraph of the article opines:
By attacking Baghdad, US president George W. Bush wants to fulfill a divine order. In the highly religious United States, there has rarely been such a deep connection between national power interests and fundamentalist false piety. Christian fanatics are calling for a crusade against Islam.
The article doesn't bash Bush so much as it does examine the strange phenomenon of the Christian Right and its influence in the current administration.
It traces, for example, Bush's historical "growth" from pathetic alcoholic who "one day, at the end of a week-long drinking binge, woke up and looked at his vomit-covered face in the mirror" to a man who "fell to his knees and prayed for God's help.". It is an absurd little story when you think about it though Bush himself, the story alleges, admits that if hadn't "found" the missing God, he'd still be sitting at home guzzling bottles of Lone Star instead of running the country into ruination.
"You know, of course, that I had a problem with alcohol. If things had stayed the way they were, right now I'd be sitting in a bar in Texas instead of in the Oval Office. There is only one reason why I'm in the Oval Office now and not in that bar: I found faith. I found God."
Yeah, thanks alot "God".
The article further delves into the motivations of the Christian Right as it pertains to the terrorist attacks of September 11th, underscoring the fact that the simple-minded exegetes of the last book of the New Testament do not shy away from even the most uninspired attempts to connect the puzzling pieces of scripture to present-day events.
"Simply laughing off such garbage underestimates the influence of the militant Christian Right. Many are firmly convinced that the attacks on New York and Washington have started the process that will lead to the end of the world, the return of Jesus Christ, and the dawning of the promised thousand-year reign of God. When these faithful hear their president talk about the "Axis of Evil," they are convinced that he is speaking their own language, that he, like they, is a holy warrior."
A holy warrior indeed. What a great religion wherein some magician can turns the "vomit-covered face" of a failed man of the elite into the President of the United States and a holy warrior to boot. Image all the holy warriors and devout G.I. Joes they can churn out if they start hitting the A.A. meeting halls.
Frankly, I've been a little dissatisfied with my own production of late. I had such dreams, such high hopes, such Fitzgeraldesque aspirations. By all rights, I too should be a millionaire by now. I too should be in charge of my own army of holy warriors, my own brigade of bible-toting thugs wreaking havoc on the unredeemed and the faithless!
I'm going to fix that right away. Tonight, I'm going to go out and get drunk. Really drunk. So drunk that I too wake up with a "vomit-covered face", run over to the nearest Born Again Christian Meeting House and start praying long and hard so that I too can become President of the United States and a holy warrior.
Those of you with kids out there, let this be a lesson. You needn't bother worrying about what sort of schools you send them to, or what kind of friends they hang out with, or if they smoke a little pot or partake in a little underage drinking now and then. So long as you get them praying and braying and asking the good and generous almighty God to accept their gratitude, you're going to be the parents of someone famous. Someone like the President. A true holy warrior.
