Finalement, La Neige Est Arrivée!
The Cowardice Revealed Behind Nature's Terrorist Attack

Well, we can't say Homeland Security didn't warn us. A little more than a week after they raised the national terror alert from yellow to orange, the entire Eastern Seaboard was buried by a blizzard which caused the closing of airports, paralyzed highways and dumping nearly two feet of snow or more on cities from Washington to Boston.

The Bush Administration is right. Saddam Hussein just can't be trusted.

I know we've been told about how Hussein and Al Qaeda were plotting imminent, "spectacular" attacks that could include the use of radiological, chemical or biological weapons in the United States but never once did I consider those crafty little terrorists could gain control of Nature and use it to dump paralyzing amounts of snow upon us.

No wonder the Bush administration abandoned its Allies and denounced the Kyoto Protocol on global warming. If the terrorists already have control of the weather patterns on Earth, why worry about reducing actual greenhouse gas emissions? If this keeps up, they'll have to defend the homeland on skis and dressed in white camouflage like the Finnish.

Even as we continue to dig out from this cowardly attack of snow and high winds, we can hoist our shovels with the secure knowledge that for now, the worst is over. Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge said Sunday that the government soon may reduce its threat level from orange, a high probability of terrorist attack, to yellow, an elevated risk.

Responding to critics who belittled some of the suggestions of how to safeguard against terrorist attacks, Ridge said his department had worked for the last eight months, even using focus groups, to find the best ways to prepare the public in the event of terrorist attacks.

I have to admit, at first, I too was skeptical about the effectiveness of duct tape and plastic sheeting. Of course, operating under the belief that the attacks were to be chemical or biological in nature, I never considered the effectiveness of sealing my windows against a massive attack of snow and blowing cold. Those boys in Homeland Security sure are are clever. They didn't want us to know the "true" nature of the attack we would be experiencing, hoping to allay or at least reduce our fears. Well, it worked for me. If I'd have known the attack would be a crippling blizzard, I don't know what I would have done in response. I probably would have just fled the country and given up.

In an appearance this weekend at FBI headquarters to announce details of a new terrorist threat analysis center, President Bush said, "We're working overtime to protect you. We're doing everything in our power to make sure the homeland is secure."

If you don't think it's enough, or you would like to do your part as a patriot, it might be good to know that The Sanitation Department is looking for a few good shovelers, hiring temporary workers to help clear the mounds of snow from the city. The pay is $8.24 an hour for removing snow and ice from crosswalks, bus shelters, street corners and catch basins.

So you see? Even after sustaining a cowardly attack of snow, our superiors are looking for ways to stimulate economic growth.