Text of TV address by George Bush

April 11 2003


This is the text of the TV address by US President George W Bush to the Iraqi nation:

"This is George W Bush, the President of the United States and a I'm an alchoholic. At this moment, the statues of Saddam Hussein are being removed from their pedestals by a handful of prepaid Iraqi people who like you, are celebrating their new found freedoms by the dozens in front of television crews to be broadcast around the world so that everyone knows how happy all of you are that we've come to replace your evil dictator Saddam. This long era of the fear and cruelty brought on by these statues is ending and we've replaced it with what will be an even longer period of anarchy, killing and looting as your nation dissolves into sectarian wars and uncontrollable fundamentalist missions of retribution. Rejoice. American and coalition forces are now operating inside Baghdad - and we will not stop until every one of Saddam's statues have been toppled. The government of Iraq, and the future of your country, will soon belong to us and in time, we will dole it out to you in small increments once you have demonstrated your ability to obey like good dogs, lick the feet of our brave coalition troops, keep your mouths shut unless spoken to and open your oil reserves to our money-mad American Oilogarchy cleverly disguised as Administration officials.

"Similar to the justifications we've provided the world for the invasion of your country, the goals of our coalition are murky and unlimited. We will not end our brutal regime, whose aggression and weapons of mass destruction make it a unique threat to the world. Coalition forces, working in tandem with the imbedded "journalists" we have convinced to spout our propaganda willingly and without question will help maintain the appearance of law and order, so long as the cowardly and evil news medias from other Arab and Western European nations who are unwilling to report what we say they see, are not allowed access to your country. We will respect your great religious traditions so long as you acknowledge in blood and in writing, that the only true savior of the world is Jesus Christ and that you promise to vote for me in the next elections. We will help you build a peaceful and representative government which best reflects the narrow interests of my Administration and which will protect the rights of all citizens who agree with us and openly support our system of democracy and help us to regain all the oil reserves in your country which are rightfully ours for liberating you. And then, if you are good and keep your mouths shut, if you tolerate our invasion of your country and the killing of your innocent civilians and give us all your oil, our military forces will leave. Iraq will go forward as a unified, independent and sovereign nation that has regained a respected place in the world or, possibly, a boiling cauldron of religious and ethnic hatreds destined to decimate your country even further, depending on how long it takes us to suck all the oil out of your country.

"The United States and its coalition partners respect the people of Iraq. We are taking unprecedented measures to spare the lives of innocent Iraqi citizens, so be grateful that we haven't killed you yet with any of our "precision-guided" missiles landing in markets and residential neighborhoods and keep in mind that if you don't behave, at any time, we can wipe out your entire neighborhood with a few cluster bombs. You saw what we did to those silly journalists who tried to report the truth. The truth will not be tolerated. While we have cut off your food, water, medicine, and electricity supply, if you behave and you do as you're told, there's a good chance in a few months, we may allow the first shipments of food, water and medicine to be delivered. But remember, this is conditioned upon good behavior. I don't want any of you Iraqi people saying anything negative about your new democracy. I don't want any crying about dead mothers and children. I don't want to hear any of the Yankee Imperialist Invaders talk. I don't want any grumbling of discontent. Your job is to be happy and to tell your Arab brothers how happy you are that we've liberated you. Our only enemy is Saddam's brutal regime - and that regime is your enemy as well, because I say so. And if you don't agree with me, keep it to yourself, otherwise, you will be considered a terrorist and you will be tracked down and killed, just like Osama bin Laden and Saddam. My track record of success is unequivocable.

"In the new era that is coming to Iraq, your country will no longer be held captive to the will of a cruel dictator but instead to a small collective of oil barons acting as the democratically elected government of the United States of America. You will be free to build a better life, since we've destroyed everything in the neighborhoods around you and instead of building more palaces for Saddam and his sons, you will be free to pursue economic prosperity through looting until all the goodies are gone and you will be free to live without the hardship of economic sanctions we've levied upon you, starving your children for the last ten years. For the next several weeks, feel free to travel about the rubble of your neighborhoods and speak your mind because really, we want your feedback. How are we doing? Do you like us yet? Aren't we great liberators? Good. I thought so. Feel free to join in the political affairs of Iraq so long they are the affairs of the puppet government of Iraq which we will be installing for you shortly. And all the people who make up your country - Kurds, Shi'a, Turkomans, Sunnis, and others - who will be free of the terrible persecution that so many have endured, may now, in turn, persecute you and exact horrible retribution upon you instead.

"The nightmare that Saddam Hussein has brought to your nation will soon be over. Welcome to your new nightmare. You are a good and gifted people - just not smart enough to liberate yourselves from evil dictators or distinguish good from evil on your own but we will see to it that you learn. You deserve better than tyranny and corruption and torture chambers. Unfortunately, we are fresh out of other options at the moment. You deserve to live as free people. Hell, everyone deserves it, in theory. Unfortunately, because the world is such a dangerous and unsafe place, we cannot allow you to live as free people at the moment. But, as a reminder, I want to assure every citizen of Iraq: you are happy to have Saddam out of power for the moment. You are happy to be able to loot and pillage to your heart's content in the anarchy we have left in our wake. You are happy we have invaded your country because you don't really want those oil reserves and prefer that we take control of them because it's just not worth the effort to oppose us. You are happy, don't forget it. Rejoice. Give praise to Jesus Christ that we got rid of that evil dictator for you. We will soon begin the 24 hour a day, all Fox News Channel television system and will begin translating the Washington Times into Arabic for your enlightenment. Don't forget to give prayers of thanks to me for liberating you and don't forget to pray for me, your savior, George W. Bush.

"Thank you."