Howard Dean Off And Running
Howard Dean will formally announce his candidacy for the Democratic nomination today in his home town of Burlington.
Just one week on the heels of Wesley Clark's promising performance, Howard Dean appeared for a full hour yesterday on Meet the Press for Americans to get a look at another potential Democratic candidate.
After seeing yesterday's performance, it wasn't difficult to ascertain that one of Dean's biggest problems in running for president is going to be his cantankerous bite that emerges when he's feeling disagreeable. Although he's clearly running as outside-the-Beltway candidate (a point he hammered home over and over again to try and distance himself from the other Democratic front-runners to the point of boorishness), and claims to be a "straight-talker", he seemed to backpedal with the best of them when cornered on certain inconsistencies and inaccuracies.
Asked whether he would support a constitutional amendment to balance the budget, he said, "I go back and forth on that." Asked whether a same-sex couple that got married in Canada could be considered legally married in the United States, he said, "I can't answer that question because it's a legal question."
When pressed by moderator Tim Russert, following Dean's assertions that we needed more troops in Iraq and Afghanistan, on the fact he didn't even know how many troops were on active duty in the United States military, Dean snidely replied "For me to have to know right now to participate in the Democratic Party primary how many troops are actively on duty in the United States military, when that is actually a number that is composed both of people on duty today and people who are National Guards people who are on duty today, is "silly",".
More annoying, when watching the self-proclaimed "straight-talker" in action, was watching him sidestep. He rightly disparaged the candidate who claimed to have voted for supporting the Iraq resolution last fall only in the belief that such a vote would force Bush to go through the UN when one had nothing to do with the other, but then repeatedly refused to name the candidate. While this is likely because of the recent firestorms and subsequent apologies Dean created in criticizing his fellow Democrat presidential aspirants, he wouldn't even acknowledge apologizing to three rivals for his criticism of them, noting instead that he'd only apologized to one of them. Apparently, in the other two instances, he only apologized for making the comments, not the comments themselves. Americans have already traveled down that road of double-speak enough, haven't they?
He also said the Social Security Trust Fund will be "in fine shape until, I don't know, 2040 or something like that" -- then changed the date to 2020 when his rosy projection was challenged. He said the program is ''in fine shape'' until about 2040. Russert said that was not the case, and Dean corrected himself to say problems would begin in the mid-2020s. He said he would consider raising the retirement age to 68 and letting more salary above $80,000 fall under the payroll tax.
The maximum annual earnings subject to Social Security taxes this year is $87,000. Also, 65 years and two months is the retirement age for receiving full benefits. The retirement age for full benefits will gradually rise to 67 over the next two decades.
About the only things Dean seemed clear about was his contention that he is an outside-the-Beltway candidate and the easy questioning of Bush's credibility. Hardly refreshing, hardly new.
On the other hand, he made clear he believes it is good that Saddam is out of power, but added astutely that ''We don't know whether in the long run the Iraqi people are better off. And the most important thing is, we don't know whether we're better off.''
Dean said he was worried that if the United States ''can't get our act together in Iraq and if we can't build Iraq into a democracy, then the alternative is chaos or a fundamentalist regime.''
He also accused Bush of misleading the country about Iraq's possession of unconventional weapons.
"We were misled. The question is, did the president do that on purpose or was he misled by his own intelligence people ... Or did he in fact know what the truth was and tell us something different."We essentially went to war ... based on facts that turned out not to be accurate. I think that's pretty serious, and I think the American people are entitled to know why that was," he said.
"This president told us that we were going into Iraq because they might have atomic weapons and that turned out not to be so," Dean said, adding that "The secretary of defense told us that he knew where there were weapons of mass destruction around Tikrit and around Baghdad. We've been in control of Iraq for 50 days and we haven't been able to find any such thing."
Also to his credit, Dean was the only one, among the main contenders, to have criticized the invasion of Iraq from the beginning.
Unfortunately, while he liberally passes out the criticisms of Bush and his fellow Democratic contenders, he doesn't seem to handle criticism himself very well.
Without refinement of this public peevishness at being questioned on his stances and statements however, this candidate isn't going to go very far.
maandag, juni 23, 2003
vrijdag, juni 20, 2003
The Seven Wonders Of The World
"Although prepared for martyrdom,
I preferred that it be postponed."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
I wonder what clothes to wear.
Prison sentences and summary executions
are in style this year,
but it's nothing to wear
to a wedding or coronation,
whose dividends and pursed lips make the pages
of the newspaper society regales itself within
when they moan that rags are the riches.
I wonder what the weather will be like
when I die. Snakes, vultures,
and locusts are in great supply,
crowding out the sun and rain with
occasional blustery winds, they prey
on me and my wheelbarrow of sins.
I wonder if I've updated my address book;
the deals that were struck by a stroke of luck,
the girls and gargoyles and guttermouth'd cadres
of dates and missed appointments,
flummoxed opportunities and secretaries.
I wonder what the atmosphere will bring.
Sure, the dying breeds will rattle them off:
nitrogen, oxygen, a mixture of argon,
carbon dioxide, and tiny amounts
of neon, helium, krypton, and xenon.
But I want to know how many piercings
to puncture the sliver of the exosphere?
I wonder who is starving at this very moment
as I'm emptying remains into a trash bin,
flesh hangs like draperies on bones,
a vow of silence and a ban on moans,
dropping appelpannekoeken and scones
dripping with jam
into well-intentioned garbage cans.
I wonder how many more atoms I need
before I finish my Eve,
how many neutrons and protons left
to splash upon the canvas
and how many electrons to attract
her, before I really matter.
I wonder how to pack for the afterlife,
what possessions I can do without
when the soul decides to wither out.
And once I’ve lost the torpid mascot
to the fickle cells of souls
the infamy of ending
will finally shed its hollow foil.
Jaap Stijl
"Although prepared for martyrdom,
I preferred that it be postponed."
-- Sir Winston Churchill
I wonder what clothes to wear.
Prison sentences and summary executions
are in style this year,
but it's nothing to wear
to a wedding or coronation,
whose dividends and pursed lips make the pages
of the newspaper society regales itself within
when they moan that rags are the riches.
I wonder what the weather will be like
when I die. Snakes, vultures,
and locusts are in great supply,
crowding out the sun and rain with
occasional blustery winds, they prey
on me and my wheelbarrow of sins.
I wonder if I've updated my address book;
the deals that were struck by a stroke of luck,
the girls and gargoyles and guttermouth'd cadres
of dates and missed appointments,
flummoxed opportunities and secretaries.
I wonder what the atmosphere will bring.
Sure, the dying breeds will rattle them off:
nitrogen, oxygen, a mixture of argon,
carbon dioxide, and tiny amounts
of neon, helium, krypton, and xenon.
But I want to know how many piercings
to puncture the sliver of the exosphere?
I wonder who is starving at this very moment
as I'm emptying remains into a trash bin,
flesh hangs like draperies on bones,
a vow of silence and a ban on moans,
dropping appelpannekoeken and scones
dripping with jam
into well-intentioned garbage cans.
I wonder how many more atoms I need
before I finish my Eve,
how many neutrons and protons left
to splash upon the canvas
and how many electrons to attract
her, before I really matter.
I wonder how to pack for the afterlife,
what possessions I can do without
when the soul decides to wither out.
And once I’ve lost the torpid mascot
to the fickle cells of souls
the infamy of ending
will finally shed its hollow foil.
Jaap Stijl
donderdag, juni 19, 2003
34th International Poetry Festival
The Schouwburg in Rotterdam is hosting the 34th International Poetry Festival through the 20th of this month. Highlights today will include an homage to K.P. Cavafy and a reading of the poems of C.O. Jellema, the Dutch poet who died this past March. His poem entitled Elegie can be found here.
Also reading today is the Mexican poet Malva Flores. An example of her poetry found below:
La ilusión entra por los ojos
La ilusión entra por los ojos. Mirar es perder
la brújula, el oriente.
Ojos de mosca
para mirarlo todo.
Para saberlo todo, piedra.
Inagotable piedra en el mutismo,
en la ceguera. Inmóvil y cierta. Aquí.
Que la ilusión va en otra vía.
Tomorrow marks the presentation of an intriguing project called ‘Doorfluisteringen’ (Chinese Whispers), named after the children’s party game. This year a poem by the prominent Flemish poet Leonard Nolens will be translated from the original Dutch through a string of languages by poets at the festival and back into Dutch on the final day.
More interesting links and information of international poets featured can be found at Poetry International Web.
Lastly, one poem another from the Language Man, Dutch poet Ruben Van Gogh:
BOUWMACHINES
Ik hou zo van machines zegt ze
Van die grote bouwmachines
Maar het mooist vind ik de klokken
waarop de schafttijd aangegeven staat
Dat al die mannen dan op opgelegde tijden
hun werk terzijde schuiven
naar koffie en hun boterhammen grijpen
en in volle gelukzaligheid
gaan zitten wachten tot zij verder mogen,
na nog een laatste shagje.
The Schouwburg in Rotterdam is hosting the 34th International Poetry Festival through the 20th of this month. Highlights today will include an homage to K.P. Cavafy and a reading of the poems of C.O. Jellema, the Dutch poet who died this past March. His poem entitled Elegie can be found here.
Also reading today is the Mexican poet Malva Flores. An example of her poetry found below:
La ilusión entra por los ojos
La ilusión entra por los ojos. Mirar es perder
la brújula, el oriente.
Ojos de mosca
para mirarlo todo.
Para saberlo todo, piedra.
Inagotable piedra en el mutismo,
en la ceguera. Inmóvil y cierta. Aquí.
Que la ilusión va en otra vía.
Tomorrow marks the presentation of an intriguing project called ‘Doorfluisteringen’ (Chinese Whispers), named after the children’s party game. This year a poem by the prominent Flemish poet Leonard Nolens will be translated from the original Dutch through a string of languages by poets at the festival and back into Dutch on the final day.
More interesting links and information of international poets featured can be found at Poetry International Web.
Lastly, one poem another from the Language Man, Dutch poet Ruben Van Gogh:
BOUWMACHINES
Ik hou zo van machines zegt ze
Van die grote bouwmachines
Maar het mooist vind ik de klokken
waarop de schafttijd aangegeven staat
Dat al die mannen dan op opgelegde tijden
hun werk terzijde schuiven
naar koffie en hun boterhammen grijpen
en in volle gelukzaligheid
gaan zitten wachten tot zij verder mogen,
na nog een laatste shagje.
woensdag, juni 18, 2003
Americans Will Believe Anything
A recent poll conducted by the University of Maryland showed that one third of the American public believes U.S. forces have found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Realizing that it might have gotten just too darned confusing for some Americans since George Bush has been running around with the half-baked claims that he already found all the WMDs you could possibly need in the form of a couple of mobile labs, Desultory Turgescence is prepared to give Americans the benefits of the doubt, even if these "deadly" mobile labs are for the production of hydrogen to fill artillery balloons, not astounding discoveries of WMDs, as the Disinformation Campaign out of the White House gathers speed.
After all, if you can't trust your own fraudulently elected official, who can you trust, right?
But when the same poll indicates that "Twenty-two percent said Iraq actually used chemical or biological weapons", I begin to wonder where some of these Americans are getting their information; the little voices in their heads? The bible? Reality TV shows? Not even a histrionically partisan monkey house like Fox News makes such outrageous claims. Hell, not even Monkey-In-Chief Bush, fabulist extraordinaire, made such a suggestion. Here again however, if you happen to inform yourself of the world's events during bouts of somnambulism or during commercial breaks of the Jerry Springer show, it might have gotten confusing watching milliseconds of war coverage showing all those American GIs in chemical weapons gear during the invasion. These are probably the same people advertisers aim at when they equivocate automobiles or cola products or beer with swarms of half-naked women knowing there will be a percentage of half-wits thinking to themselves: "Gee, if I buy Miller Light beer, I'll have bikini clad women pouncing on me in wading pools all day long."
If you recall, before the war, half of those polled in a survey said Iraqis were among the 19 hijackers on Sept. 11, 2001.
Either the war marketing wizards in the White House are geniuses or there are simply too many stupid people in America.
Pollsters and political analysts offer several reasons for the gaps between facts and beliefs: the public's short attention span on foreign news, fragmentary or conflicting media reports that lacked depth or skepticism, and Bush administration efforts to sell a war by oversimplifying the threat.
"Most people get little whiffs and fragments of news, not in any organized way," said Thomas Mann, a scholar at the Brookings Institution, a centrist-liberal think tank. "And there have been a lot of conflicting reports on the weapons."
Oh. Conflicting reports, or just too many lies?
Too hard to decide, so Desultory Turgescence did its own poll of Americans over the weekend and here are the highlights of the results:
45% believe that Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein are the same person.
32% believe that President Bush is the second coming of Jesus Christ.
23% believe that all the weapons of mass destruction have been moved to Belgium.
41% believe that the Tooth Fairy left WMDs under their pillows.
18% believe that Iraqi guerillas are actors in the latest Planet of the Apes movies.
59% believe that the world is flat.
In honor of these polling results, Desultory Turgescence prepared a revision of the lyrics of the David Bowie song Young Americans:
David Bowie Lyrics
" Dumb Americans "
They pulled in just behind the bridge
He lays her down, he frowns
"Gee my life's a funny thing, am I
still too dumb?"
He kissed her then and there
She took his ring, took his babies
It took him minutes, took her nowhere
Heaven knows, she'd have taken anything, but
[CHORUS (She)]
All night
She wants the dumb American
Dumb American, dumb American, she wants the dumb American
All right
She wants the dumb American
Scanning life through the picture
window
She finds the slinky vagabond
He coughs as he passes her Ford
Mustang, but
Heaven forbid, she'll take anything
But the freak, and his type, all for
nothing
He misses a step and cuts his hand, but
Showing nothing, he swoops like a song
She cries "Where have all Papa's heroes gone?"
[CHORUS (She)]
All the way from Washington
Her bread-winner begs off the bathroom floor
We live for just these twenty years
Do we have to die for the fifty more?"
[CHORUS (HE)]
All night
He wants the dumb American
Dumb American, dumb American,
he wants the dumb American
All right
He wants the dumb American
Do you remember, your President Nixon?
Do you remember, the bills you have to pay?
Or even yesterday?
Have been the un-American?
Just you and your idol sing falsetto
'bout Leather, leather everywhere, and
Not a myth left from the ghetto
Well, well, well, would you carry a razor
In case, just in case of depression?
Sit on your hands on a bus of survivors
Blushing at all the afro-Sheeners
Ain't that close to love?
Well, ain't that poster love?
Well, it ain't that Barbie doll
Her hearts have been broken just like you
[CHORUS (YOU)]
All night
You want the dumb American
Dumb American, dumb American, you want the dumb American
All right
You want the dumb American
You ain't a pimp and you ain't a hustler
A pimp's got a Cadi and a lady got a Chrysler
Black's got respect, and white's got his soul train
Mama's got cramps, and look at your hands ache
(I heard the news today, oh boy)
I got a suite and you got defeat
Ain't there a man who can say no more?
And, ain't there a woman I can
sock on the jaw?
And, ain't there a child I can hold without judging?
Ain't there a pen that will write before they die?
Ain't you proud that you've still got faces?
Ain't there one damn song that can make me
break down and cry?
[CHORUS (I) (repeat 3 times ad lib)]
All night
I want the dumb American
Dumb American, dumb American, I want the dumb American
All right
I want the dumb American
A recent poll conducted by the University of Maryland showed that one third of the American public believes U.S. forces have found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. Realizing that it might have gotten just too darned confusing for some Americans since George Bush has been running around with the half-baked claims that he already found all the WMDs you could possibly need in the form of a couple of mobile labs, Desultory Turgescence is prepared to give Americans the benefits of the doubt, even if these "deadly" mobile labs are for the production of hydrogen to fill artillery balloons, not astounding discoveries of WMDs, as the Disinformation Campaign out of the White House gathers speed.
After all, if you can't trust your own fraudulently elected official, who can you trust, right?
But when the same poll indicates that "Twenty-two percent said Iraq actually used chemical or biological weapons", I begin to wonder where some of these Americans are getting their information; the little voices in their heads? The bible? Reality TV shows? Not even a histrionically partisan monkey house like Fox News makes such outrageous claims. Hell, not even Monkey-In-Chief Bush, fabulist extraordinaire, made such a suggestion. Here again however, if you happen to inform yourself of the world's events during bouts of somnambulism or during commercial breaks of the Jerry Springer show, it might have gotten confusing watching milliseconds of war coverage showing all those American GIs in chemical weapons gear during the invasion. These are probably the same people advertisers aim at when they equivocate automobiles or cola products or beer with swarms of half-naked women knowing there will be a percentage of half-wits thinking to themselves: "Gee, if I buy Miller Light beer, I'll have bikini clad women pouncing on me in wading pools all day long."
If you recall, before the war, half of those polled in a survey said Iraqis were among the 19 hijackers on Sept. 11, 2001.
Either the war marketing wizards in the White House are geniuses or there are simply too many stupid people in America.
Pollsters and political analysts offer several reasons for the gaps between facts and beliefs: the public's short attention span on foreign news, fragmentary or conflicting media reports that lacked depth or skepticism, and Bush administration efforts to sell a war by oversimplifying the threat.
"Most people get little whiffs and fragments of news, not in any organized way," said Thomas Mann, a scholar at the Brookings Institution, a centrist-liberal think tank. "And there have been a lot of conflicting reports on the weapons."
Oh. Conflicting reports, or just too many lies?
Too hard to decide, so Desultory Turgescence did its own poll of Americans over the weekend and here are the highlights of the results:
45% believe that Adolf Hitler and Saddam Hussein are the same person.
32% believe that President Bush is the second coming of Jesus Christ.
23% believe that all the weapons of mass destruction have been moved to Belgium.
41% believe that the Tooth Fairy left WMDs under their pillows.
18% believe that Iraqi guerillas are actors in the latest Planet of the Apes movies.
59% believe that the world is flat.
In honor of these polling results, Desultory Turgescence prepared a revision of the lyrics of the David Bowie song Young Americans:
David Bowie Lyrics
" Dumb Americans "
They pulled in just behind the bridge
He lays her down, he frowns
"Gee my life's a funny thing, am I
still too dumb?"
He kissed her then and there
She took his ring, took his babies
It took him minutes, took her nowhere
Heaven knows, she'd have taken anything, but
[CHORUS (She)]
All night
She wants the dumb American
Dumb American, dumb American, she wants the dumb American
All right
She wants the dumb American
Scanning life through the picture
window
She finds the slinky vagabond
He coughs as he passes her Ford
Mustang, but
Heaven forbid, she'll take anything
But the freak, and his type, all for
nothing
He misses a step and cuts his hand, but
Showing nothing, he swoops like a song
She cries "Where have all Papa's heroes gone?"
[CHORUS (She)]
All the way from Washington
Her bread-winner begs off the bathroom floor
We live for just these twenty years
Do we have to die for the fifty more?"
[CHORUS (HE)]
All night
He wants the dumb American
Dumb American, dumb American,
he wants the dumb American
All right
He wants the dumb American
Do you remember, your President Nixon?
Do you remember, the bills you have to pay?
Or even yesterday?
Have been the un-American?
Just you and your idol sing falsetto
'bout Leather, leather everywhere, and
Not a myth left from the ghetto
Well, well, well, would you carry a razor
In case, just in case of depression?
Sit on your hands on a bus of survivors
Blushing at all the afro-Sheeners
Ain't that close to love?
Well, ain't that poster love?
Well, it ain't that Barbie doll
Her hearts have been broken just like you
[CHORUS (YOU)]
All night
You want the dumb American
Dumb American, dumb American, you want the dumb American
All right
You want the dumb American
You ain't a pimp and you ain't a hustler
A pimp's got a Cadi and a lady got a Chrysler
Black's got respect, and white's got his soul train
Mama's got cramps, and look at your hands ache
(I heard the news today, oh boy)
I got a suite and you got defeat
Ain't there a man who can say no more?
And, ain't there a woman I can
sock on the jaw?
And, ain't there a child I can hold without judging?
Ain't there a pen that will write before they die?
Ain't you proud that you've still got faces?
Ain't there one damn song that can make me
break down and cry?
[CHORUS (I) (repeat 3 times ad lib)]
All night
I want the dumb American
Dumb American, dumb American, I want the dumb American
All right
I want the dumb American
dinsdag, juni 17, 2003
Advice to a Prophet
Richard Wilbur
When you come, as you soon must, to the streets of our city,
Mad-eyed from stating the obvious,
Not proclaiming our fall but begging us
In God's name to have self-pity,
Spare us all word of the weapons, their force and range,
The long numbers that rocket the mind;
Our slow, unreckoning hearts will be left behind,
Unable to fear what is too strange.
Nor shall you scare us with talk of the death of the race.
How should we dream of this place without us?--
The sun mere fire, the leaves untroubled about us,
A stone look on the stone's face?
Speak of the world's own change. Though we cannot conceive
Of an undreamt thing, we know to our cost
How the dreamt cloud crumbles, the vines are blackened by frost,
How the view alters. We could believe,
If you told us so, that the white-tailed deer will slip
Into perfect shade, grown perfectly shy,
The lark avoid the reaches of our eye,
The jack-pine lose its knuckled grip
On the cold ledge, and every torrent burn
As Xanthus once, its gliding trout
Stunned in a twinkling. What should we be without
The dolphin's arc, the dove's return,
These things in which we have seen ourselves and spoken?
Ask us, prophet, how we shall call
Our natures forth when that live tongue is all
Dispelled, that glass obscured or broken
In which we have said the rose of our love and the clean
Horse of our courage, in which beheld
The singing locust of the soul unshelled,
And all we mean or wish to mean.
Ask us, ask us whether with the worldless rose
Our hearts shall fail us; come demanding
Whether there shall be lofty or long standing
When the bronze annals of the oak-tree close.
(From Advice to a Prophet and Other Poems by Richard Wilbur, published by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.)
Richard Wilbur
When you come, as you soon must, to the streets of our city,
Mad-eyed from stating the obvious,
Not proclaiming our fall but begging us
In God's name to have self-pity,
Spare us all word of the weapons, their force and range,
The long numbers that rocket the mind;
Our slow, unreckoning hearts will be left behind,
Unable to fear what is too strange.
Nor shall you scare us with talk of the death of the race.
How should we dream of this place without us?--
The sun mere fire, the leaves untroubled about us,
A stone look on the stone's face?
Speak of the world's own change. Though we cannot conceive
Of an undreamt thing, we know to our cost
How the dreamt cloud crumbles, the vines are blackened by frost,
How the view alters. We could believe,
If you told us so, that the white-tailed deer will slip
Into perfect shade, grown perfectly shy,
The lark avoid the reaches of our eye,
The jack-pine lose its knuckled grip
On the cold ledge, and every torrent burn
As Xanthus once, its gliding trout
Stunned in a twinkling. What should we be without
The dolphin's arc, the dove's return,
These things in which we have seen ourselves and spoken?
Ask us, prophet, how we shall call
Our natures forth when that live tongue is all
Dispelled, that glass obscured or broken
In which we have said the rose of our love and the clean
Horse of our courage, in which beheld
The singing locust of the soul unshelled,
And all we mean or wish to mean.
Ask us, ask us whether with the worldless rose
Our hearts shall fail us; come demanding
Whether there shall be lofty or long standing
When the bronze annals of the oak-tree close.
(From Advice to a Prophet and Other Poems by Richard Wilbur, published by Harcourt Brace Jovanovich.)
maandag, juni 16, 2003
Weekend Fun
"General Wesley Clark: Vietnam combat veteran, Rhodes scholar, four-star general, business leader, and with your support—the next president of the United States. Paid for by DraftWesleyClark.com."
The full transcript of Wesley K. Clark's appearance on Meet the Press yesterday.
*****
Pat Buchanon on whether or not the Neocon Movement Is Over:
"If we have hit the tar baby in Baghdad, the president may be seeking to extricate us before we go to the polls 17 months from now. And should the fruits of victory start to rot, Americans will begin to ask questions of the principal propagandists for war.
It was, after all, the neocons who sold the country on the notion that Iraq had a huge arsenal of weapons of mass destruction, that Iraq was behind 9/11, that Saddam had ties to al-Qaeda, that the war would be a “cakewalk,” that we would be welcomed as liberators, that victory would bring democratic revolution in the Middle East. Should the cream go sour, the neocons will face the charge that they “lied us into war.”
Moreover, for a movement that is small in number and utterly dependent on its proximity to power, the neocons have made major mistakes. They have insulted too many U.S. allies, boasted too much of their connections and influence, attracted too much attention to themselves, and antagonized too many adversaries. In this snake pit of a city, their over-developed penchant for self-promotion is not necessarily an asset."
*****
Robert Fisk is fresh out of Iraq:
"One of the problems with the Americans I think is that the top people in the Pentagon always knew that this wasn't going to be "human rights abuses ended," flowers and music for the soldiers, and everyone lives happily every after and loves America. You may remember when Rumsfeld first came to Baghdad, something your president didn't dare to do in the end, he wanted to fly over in an airplane.
He made a speech which I thought was very interesting, rather sinister in the big hanger at Baghdad airport. He said we still have to fight the remnants of Saddam and the terrorists in Iraq, and I thought, hang on a minute, who are these people? And it took me a few minutes to realize I think what he was doing, he was laying the future narrative of the opposition to the Americans. That is, when the Americans get attacked, it could be first of all laid down to remnants of Saddam, as in remnants of the Taliban who seem to be moving around in Afghanistan now in battalion strength, but never mind. It could be blamed on Al Qaeda, so America was back fighting its old enemies again. This was familiar territory..."
"One of the big problems at the moment is the Americans and, to some extent the British, particularly the Americans in Baghdad. They're all ensconced in this chic gleaming marble palace, largest, most expensive palace. There they sit with their laptops trying to work out with Washington how they're going to bring about this new democracy in Iraq. They rely upon for the most part former Iraqi exiles who never endured Saddam Hussein, who are hovering around making sure that they get the biggest part of the pie if possible. When they leave the palace, when they go into the streets of Baghdad, the dangerous streets of Baghdad, they leave in these armored black Mercedes with gunmen in the front and back, soldiers, plain clothes guys with weapons and sunglasses.
One Iraqi said to me the other day, "Who did you think was the last person we saw driving through town like [this]?" I said, "Saddam Hussein?" They all burst out laughing, of course, they said, exactly the same."
"General Wesley Clark: Vietnam combat veteran, Rhodes scholar, four-star general, business leader, and with your support—the next president of the United States. Paid for by DraftWesleyClark.com."
The full transcript of Wesley K. Clark's appearance on Meet the Press yesterday.
*****
Pat Buchanon on whether or not the Neocon Movement Is Over:
"If we have hit the tar baby in Baghdad, the president may be seeking to extricate us before we go to the polls 17 months from now. And should the fruits of victory start to rot, Americans will begin to ask questions of the principal propagandists for war.
It was, after all, the neocons who sold the country on the notion that Iraq had a huge arsenal of weapons of mass destruction, that Iraq was behind 9/11, that Saddam had ties to al-Qaeda, that the war would be a “cakewalk,” that we would be welcomed as liberators, that victory would bring democratic revolution in the Middle East. Should the cream go sour, the neocons will face the charge that they “lied us into war.”
Moreover, for a movement that is small in number and utterly dependent on its proximity to power, the neocons have made major mistakes. They have insulted too many U.S. allies, boasted too much of their connections and influence, attracted too much attention to themselves, and antagonized too many adversaries. In this snake pit of a city, their over-developed penchant for self-promotion is not necessarily an asset."
*****
Robert Fisk is fresh out of Iraq:
"One of the problems with the Americans I think is that the top people in the Pentagon always knew that this wasn't going to be "human rights abuses ended," flowers and music for the soldiers, and everyone lives happily every after and loves America. You may remember when Rumsfeld first came to Baghdad, something your president didn't dare to do in the end, he wanted to fly over in an airplane.
He made a speech which I thought was very interesting, rather sinister in the big hanger at Baghdad airport. He said we still have to fight the remnants of Saddam and the terrorists in Iraq, and I thought, hang on a minute, who are these people? And it took me a few minutes to realize I think what he was doing, he was laying the future narrative of the opposition to the Americans. That is, when the Americans get attacked, it could be first of all laid down to remnants of Saddam, as in remnants of the Taliban who seem to be moving around in Afghanistan now in battalion strength, but never mind. It could be blamed on Al Qaeda, so America was back fighting its old enemies again. This was familiar territory..."
"One of the big problems at the moment is the Americans and, to some extent the British, particularly the Americans in Baghdad. They're all ensconced in this chic gleaming marble palace, largest, most expensive palace. There they sit with their laptops trying to work out with Washington how they're going to bring about this new democracy in Iraq. They rely upon for the most part former Iraqi exiles who never endured Saddam Hussein, who are hovering around making sure that they get the biggest part of the pie if possible. When they leave the palace, when they go into the streets of Baghdad, the dangerous streets of Baghdad, they leave in these armored black Mercedes with gunmen in the front and back, soldiers, plain clothes guys with weapons and sunglasses.
One Iraqi said to me the other day, "Who did you think was the last person we saw driving through town like [this]?" I said, "Saddam Hussein?" They all burst out laughing, of course, they said, exactly the same."
zaterdag, juni 14, 2003
Congratulations Roger
On 300 and 4,000. Now all you have to do for an encore is find some weapons of mass destruction.
On 300 and 4,000. Now all you have to do for an encore is find some weapons of mass destruction.
donderdag, juni 12, 2003
Need Money? Ask Uncle Saddam
The US-led administration in Iraq is printing hundreds of thousands of new Iraqi banknotes bearing Saddam Hussein's portrait in defiance of its own ban on the public display of images of the ousted leader.
"Since I issued the instrument telling people to do away with images of Saddam Hussein, I guess you could say it's not a joy anyway," The administration's head Paul Bremer told a news conference.
He said his administration had come under enormous pressure from Iraqis to remedy the shortage of 250 dinar notes, as the 10,000 dinar bill, the only other one in circulation, trades at a sharply reduced rate against the dollar.
"It does give Baathist remnants an opportunity to make the argument that he is alive and will come back. It gives people a reason not to support the coalition, not because they don't want to support us, but because they are afraid."
Bremer also unveiled a 100-million-dollar fund for public works projects to tackle chronic joblessness which he put at more than 50 percent even before the war.
There are no job statistics in the confusion of postwar Iraq. But Iraqi and foreign experts alike estimate that at least one-third of the work force is either unemployed or underemployed.
"We're facing an unemployment problem that is certainly without precedent in my life," said Bremer, noting that it "creates a real hardship for Iraq men and women out there."
Meanwhile in America, The number of people collecting unemployment benefits in the last week of May increased to the highest in two decades as companies wait for the economy to accelerate before hiring or spending more.
While they've already tried to stimulate the economy by changing the color of $20 bills, and the $2 bill may be making a comeback, there is no word yet on when the Federal Reserve will begin printing George Bush money, but if these new Saddam bills work magic on the Iraqi economy, who knows, maybe some day we'll see of these.
The US-led administration in Iraq is printing hundreds of thousands of new Iraqi banknotes bearing Saddam Hussein's portrait in defiance of its own ban on the public display of images of the ousted leader.
"Since I issued the instrument telling people to do away with images of Saddam Hussein, I guess you could say it's not a joy anyway," The administration's head Paul Bremer told a news conference.
He said his administration had come under enormous pressure from Iraqis to remedy the shortage of 250 dinar notes, as the 10,000 dinar bill, the only other one in circulation, trades at a sharply reduced rate against the dollar.
"It does give Baathist remnants an opportunity to make the argument that he is alive and will come back. It gives people a reason not to support the coalition, not because they don't want to support us, but because they are afraid."
Bremer also unveiled a 100-million-dollar fund for public works projects to tackle chronic joblessness which he put at more than 50 percent even before the war.
There are no job statistics in the confusion of postwar Iraq. But Iraqi and foreign experts alike estimate that at least one-third of the work force is either unemployed or underemployed.
"We're facing an unemployment problem that is certainly without precedent in my life," said Bremer, noting that it "creates a real hardship for Iraq men and women out there."
Meanwhile in America, The number of people collecting unemployment benefits in the last week of May increased to the highest in two decades as companies wait for the economy to accelerate before hiring or spending more.
While they've already tried to stimulate the economy by changing the color of $20 bills, and the $2 bill may be making a comeback, there is no word yet on when the Federal Reserve will begin printing George Bush money, but if these new Saddam bills work magic on the Iraqi economy, who knows, maybe some day we'll see of these.
dinsdag, juni 10, 2003
FBI Drains Pond In Search of WMDs, Osama and Saddam
The FBI is draining a pond in Frederick, Maryland Monday in search of the missing WMDs which the evil regime of Saddam Hussein was alleged to have possessed in Iraq, as well as Saddam himself and Osama bin Laden, drawing work crews with heavy equipment to a municipal forest to begin the work.
The FBI's Washington field office issued a statement saying that its agents and Postal Service agents were conducting "searches related to the investigation of the existence of WMDs in Iraq, al-Qaeda operatives and the former dictator of Iraq.
"The purpose of these searches is to locate Iraqi WMDs hidden by Saddam as well as the hidden lairs of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein," the statement said. "To facilitate the search activity, one pond will be drained."
The FBI said it was coordinating the work with city and state agencies. The city said the FBI had hired an engineering firm to drain the one-acre pond, which holds about 50,000 gallons of water, in the municipal forest that is part of the city's water supply system. It said the work was expected to take three to four weeks.
FBI officials were believed to be acting on tips from highly reliable intelligence sources such as CIA Director George Tenet and top Pentagon officials. "There were Iraqi weapons of mass destruction in Maryland. It isn't a figment of anyone's imagination," Secretary of State Colin Powell said, citing the fact that the pond "smelled funny" and that there were "alot of suspicious-looking people" in the area of late. "Our conservative estimate is that there is not only a stockpile of between 100 and 500 tons of chemical weapons agent in that pond, but quite possibly, we have solid evidence that Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein themselves are hiding in the pond" Powell told reporters outside of Fantasyland.
According to several unnamed intelligence officials who divined clues by listening to Dixie Chicks CDs played backwards, coded messages to both Saddam and Osama were thought to have been revealed, particularly in the song Truth No. 2.
"It's no secret that the Dixie Chicks are a front for some of the worst terrorist elements and terrible dictators in the world" an anonymous top Pentagon official warned.
Meanwhile, President Bush affirmed the hopes of the Administration that draining this particular pond would reveal the whereabouts of the WMDs, Osama and of course, Saddam.
"Intelligence throughout the week showed the pond is filled with deadly weapons of mass destruction," Bush said at the end of a Cabinet meeting at the White House. "History will show," he said, "history and time, a little imagination and an incessant propaganda campaign will prove that the United States made the absolute right decision on freeing the people of Iraq from the clutches of Saddam Hussein."
It is rumored that the bottom of the pond harbors an "underwater world" of criminals, despots, and weapons of mass destruction. Bush also vowed that "FBI officials, drainage experts and plumbers will hunt down terrorists and "drain the water out of their holes" in a long, unrelenting response to critics who have been quick to wonder why no WMDs have been uncovered in Iraq. "This is an underwater world of the world's worst despots, terrorists and criminals. We will not allow the world's worst leaders to threaten us with the world's worst weapons, nor will we allow them to hide in our worst ponds or worst water estuaries, no matter how bad they are or how much we threaten them"
For the first time, Bush identified Osama bin Laden as a resident of the pond. "If he thinks he can hide and run from the United States in our ponds and mud puddles, he will be sorely mistaken," the president said.
Attorney General John Ashcroft said the investigation has made progress. "We believe that with every drop of water being siphoned from that pond, the picture is developing a kind of clarity." He also proudly announced the illegal detention and investigation of "well over" 234, 567 people in the continued hunt for terrorists, many of whom may have had drug paraphernalia in their possession at some time in their lives. " We make no apologies,” Ashcroft added. "Nearly one-third of the organizations on the State Department's list of Foreign Terrorist Organizations are also known to smoke pot and sleep in elaborate underwater criminal lairs." He noted.
A roadblock kept nonresidents out of the wooded area in Frederick, which contains hiking trails. From the air, about a dozen workers could be seen around the pond, a backhoe appeared to be digging a channel for water and a bright klieg light producing an intense light of holograms depicting the faces of Saddam and Osama as well as home movies of them laughing around an unidentified pond counting their weapons of mass destruction.
More unnamed intelligence sources also indicated that should the effort to drain this pond prove fruitless, they were investigating the possibility of hiring Leonard Nimoy to bring back the television documentary series In Search Of... in order to find the weapons of mass destruction and the world's worst despots and terrorists.
The FBI is draining a pond in Frederick, Maryland Monday in search of the missing WMDs which the evil regime of Saddam Hussein was alleged to have possessed in Iraq, as well as Saddam himself and Osama bin Laden, drawing work crews with heavy equipment to a municipal forest to begin the work.
The FBI's Washington field office issued a statement saying that its agents and Postal Service agents were conducting "searches related to the investigation of the existence of WMDs in Iraq, al-Qaeda operatives and the former dictator of Iraq.
"The purpose of these searches is to locate Iraqi WMDs hidden by Saddam as well as the hidden lairs of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein," the statement said. "To facilitate the search activity, one pond will be drained."
The FBI said it was coordinating the work with city and state agencies. The city said the FBI had hired an engineering firm to drain the one-acre pond, which holds about 50,000 gallons of water, in the municipal forest that is part of the city's water supply system. It said the work was expected to take three to four weeks.
FBI officials were believed to be acting on tips from highly reliable intelligence sources such as CIA Director George Tenet and top Pentagon officials. "There were Iraqi weapons of mass destruction in Maryland. It isn't a figment of anyone's imagination," Secretary of State Colin Powell said, citing the fact that the pond "smelled funny" and that there were "alot of suspicious-looking people" in the area of late. "Our conservative estimate is that there is not only a stockpile of between 100 and 500 tons of chemical weapons agent in that pond, but quite possibly, we have solid evidence that Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein themselves are hiding in the pond" Powell told reporters outside of Fantasyland.
According to several unnamed intelligence officials who divined clues by listening to Dixie Chicks CDs played backwards, coded messages to both Saddam and Osama were thought to have been revealed, particularly in the song Truth No. 2.
"It's no secret that the Dixie Chicks are a front for some of the worst terrorist elements and terrible dictators in the world" an anonymous top Pentagon official warned.
Meanwhile, President Bush affirmed the hopes of the Administration that draining this particular pond would reveal the whereabouts of the WMDs, Osama and of course, Saddam.
"Intelligence throughout the week showed the pond is filled with deadly weapons of mass destruction," Bush said at the end of a Cabinet meeting at the White House. "History will show," he said, "history and time, a little imagination and an incessant propaganda campaign will prove that the United States made the absolute right decision on freeing the people of Iraq from the clutches of Saddam Hussein."
It is rumored that the bottom of the pond harbors an "underwater world" of criminals, despots, and weapons of mass destruction. Bush also vowed that "FBI officials, drainage experts and plumbers will hunt down terrorists and "drain the water out of their holes" in a long, unrelenting response to critics who have been quick to wonder why no WMDs have been uncovered in Iraq. "This is an underwater world of the world's worst despots, terrorists and criminals. We will not allow the world's worst leaders to threaten us with the world's worst weapons, nor will we allow them to hide in our worst ponds or worst water estuaries, no matter how bad they are or how much we threaten them"
For the first time, Bush identified Osama bin Laden as a resident of the pond. "If he thinks he can hide and run from the United States in our ponds and mud puddles, he will be sorely mistaken," the president said.
Attorney General John Ashcroft said the investigation has made progress. "We believe that with every drop of water being siphoned from that pond, the picture is developing a kind of clarity." He also proudly announced the illegal detention and investigation of "well over" 234, 567 people in the continued hunt for terrorists, many of whom may have had drug paraphernalia in their possession at some time in their lives. " We make no apologies,” Ashcroft added. "Nearly one-third of the organizations on the State Department's list of Foreign Terrorist Organizations are also known to smoke pot and sleep in elaborate underwater criminal lairs." He noted.
A roadblock kept nonresidents out of the wooded area in Frederick, which contains hiking trails. From the air, about a dozen workers could be seen around the pond, a backhoe appeared to be digging a channel for water and a bright klieg light producing an intense light of holograms depicting the faces of Saddam and Osama as well as home movies of them laughing around an unidentified pond counting their weapons of mass destruction.
More unnamed intelligence sources also indicated that should the effort to drain this pond prove fruitless, they were investigating the possibility of hiring Leonard Nimoy to bring back the television documentary series In Search Of... in order to find the weapons of mass destruction and the world's worst despots and terrorists.
maandag, juni 09, 2003
Pray For The President
The morality martinets over at the American Family Association think that due to the possibility of one or two upcoming U.S. Supreme Court vacancies, if there was ever a time for prayer, it is now. Apparently God, fresh off his victory in saving Americans from the WMDs of Iraq, now has a personal stake in Supreme Court nominations. A busy calendar indeed!
They ask us to let President Bush know that we are praying for him at this pivotal moment in history and even provide us with a "personalized" message we can send Our Fearless Leader, along with a red rose symbolizing life for a mere $10!
Just this past Memorial Day, Our Fearless Leader himself, in his infinite sense of comedic irony, asked for a day of prayer for permanent peace and frankly, although I'm a little prayed-out already, I thought, using the AFA's suggested format, I would offer this Prayer For The President:
Dear Mr. President:
Please be encouraged that I share your "goal that says the unborn ought to be protected in law and welcomed to life." (I especially approve of the unstated doctrine you hold on protecting the unborn of America while simultaneously killing children in Iraq who have the unfortunate burden of already being born and thus, unprotected by the doctrines of our life-loving bible so long as they are living out their childhoods in Godless nations like Iraq.) "And you, in accordance with the wisdom of your God, which you claim to possess, appoint judges to administer a Christian brand of justice to all the people whether they believe in the bible or not...who know the laws of your God." --Ezra 7:25
Thank you for helping turn America into an intolerant and arrogant Wasteland of Neo-Christian moralists, oil whores, murderers, corporate thieves and hypocrites that we can all appreciate and learn to love as much as Dick Cheney loves his lesbian daughter, as much as John Ashcroft loves kiddie porn and as much as you love the Iraqi peoples of the world who haven't been bombed into blood and bone mass yet. You're doing a smashing job filling in for Satan while he is away on holiday. Don't listen to those gutless whining, cowards and communists on the Left. Thank you for your strong stands on hegemony and destruction. I am continuing to pray for you and the critical decisions ahead.
Yours truly,
Desultory Turgescence
P.S. Please let me know if you received this message of support. It is important that I be able to keep track of the governmental surveillance agencies in charge of monitoring my thoughts, words and actions for any sign of terrorist sympathies. Please have a scoop of Star Spangled Ice Cream on me.
The morality martinets over at the American Family Association think that due to the possibility of one or two upcoming U.S. Supreme Court vacancies, if there was ever a time for prayer, it is now. Apparently God, fresh off his victory in saving Americans from the WMDs of Iraq, now has a personal stake in Supreme Court nominations. A busy calendar indeed!
They ask us to let President Bush know that we are praying for him at this pivotal moment in history and even provide us with a "personalized" message we can send Our Fearless Leader, along with a red rose symbolizing life for a mere $10!
Just this past Memorial Day, Our Fearless Leader himself, in his infinite sense of comedic irony, asked for a day of prayer for permanent peace and frankly, although I'm a little prayed-out already, I thought, using the AFA's suggested format, I would offer this Prayer For The President:
Dear Mr. President:
Please be encouraged that I share your "goal that says the unborn ought to be protected in law and welcomed to life." (I especially approve of the unstated doctrine you hold on protecting the unborn of America while simultaneously killing children in Iraq who have the unfortunate burden of already being born and thus, unprotected by the doctrines of our life-loving bible so long as they are living out their childhoods in Godless nations like Iraq.) "And you, in accordance with the wisdom of your God, which you claim to possess, appoint judges to administer a Christian brand of justice to all the people whether they believe in the bible or not...who know the laws of your God." --Ezra 7:25
Thank you for helping turn America into an intolerant and arrogant Wasteland of Neo-Christian moralists, oil whores, murderers, corporate thieves and hypocrites that we can all appreciate and learn to love as much as Dick Cheney loves his lesbian daughter, as much as John Ashcroft loves kiddie porn and as much as you love the Iraqi peoples of the world who haven't been bombed into blood and bone mass yet. You're doing a smashing job filling in for Satan while he is away on holiday. Don't listen to those gutless whining, cowards and communists on the Left. Thank you for your strong stands on hegemony and destruction. I am continuing to pray for you and the critical decisions ahead.
Yours truly,
Desultory Turgescence
P.S. Please let me know if you received this message of support. It is important that I be able to keep track of the governmental surveillance agencies in charge of monitoring my thoughts, words and actions for any sign of terrorist sympathies. Please have a scoop of Star Spangled Ice Cream on me.
zaterdag, juni 07, 2003
War Profiteers Card Deck
The long-awaited war profiteers playing cards is now made available by Ruckus.
A few of my favorites:
Lord John Browne of Madingley CEO BP, Director Goldman Sachs. BP made $41 million a day from price hikes and consumer fears due to the Iraq war.
Donald Rumsfeld making a very chimpish sort of grimace in his photo.
Rupert Murdoch, whom Ruckus defines as "The owner of Fox "News" which used the invasion of Iraq to propel shock-jock programming to new heights."
John Ashcroft looking like a pedophile in a flasher's raincoat.
and of course, The Joker.
When will this house of cards finally fall?
The long-awaited war profiteers playing cards is now made available by Ruckus.
A few of my favorites:
Lord John Browne of Madingley CEO BP, Director Goldman Sachs. BP made $41 million a day from price hikes and consumer fears due to the Iraq war.
Donald Rumsfeld making a very chimpish sort of grimace in his photo.
Rupert Murdoch, whom Ruckus defines as "The owner of Fox "News" which used the invasion of Iraq to propel shock-jock programming to new heights."
John Ashcroft looking like a pedophile in a flasher's raincoat.
and of course, The Joker.
When will this house of cards finally fall?
vrijdag, juni 06, 2003
Friday Links
It's Friday, it's sunny so why not save water drink beer?
525 Reasons To Dump Bush via The Dust Congress
The New Republican Party, a flash cartoon via Bully Magazine.
Spam and lots of it via The Booge, which reminds me of the Monty Python Spam Song.
Watch out for the new diet craze across America: Fast For Bush via Tripytch Cryptic.
Perhaps it is a certain double bock beer that's driving the White House. via JSimon.
If you are suffering from a war jones now that the invasion of Iraq is over, try the icon war via left blank.
It's Friday, it's sunny so why not save water drink beer?
525 Reasons To Dump Bush via The Dust Congress
The New Republican Party, a flash cartoon via Bully Magazine.
Spam and lots of it via The Booge, which reminds me of the Monty Python Spam Song.
Watch out for the new diet craze across America: Fast For Bush via Tripytch Cryptic.
Perhaps it is a certain double bock beer that's driving the White House. via JSimon.
If you are suffering from a war jones now that the invasion of Iraq is over, try the icon war via left blank.
donderdag, juni 05, 2003
Letters from minor loves
Perhaps we thought their authors incomplete:
dimwitted, slightly dull, undignified.
They might have laughed too loud, appeared too sweet;
it’s harder to be loved than vilified.
Whatever words became love’s epitaph,
their lines still call to us from musty drawers.
The wounded stumble through each paragraph,
spilling flowers and wine and metaphors.
Their high-pitched voices squeal love’s declarations,
singing praises that we’ve never earned,
and yet we keep these feeble accusations,
too beautiful, too clumsy to be burned.
—Chelsea Rathburn via The New Criterion
Perhaps we thought their authors incomplete:
dimwitted, slightly dull, undignified.
They might have laughed too loud, appeared too sweet;
it’s harder to be loved than vilified.
Whatever words became love’s epitaph,
their lines still call to us from musty drawers.
The wounded stumble through each paragraph,
spilling flowers and wine and metaphors.
Their high-pitched voices squeal love’s declarations,
singing praises that we’ve never earned,
and yet we keep these feeble accusations,
too beautiful, too clumsy to be burned.
—Chelsea Rathburn via The New Criterion
woensdag, juni 04, 2003
Norwegians: "salmon-eating busybodies."
The verdict is in. Despite the best efforts of the Harald Hårfagres, the King Olav Tryggvasons, King Magnuses and writers like Knut Hamsun and Henrik Ibsen, it seems Norwegians are nothing more for their collective effort than a nation of "salmon-eaters" who have become "international busybodies". At least according to the wit and wisdom of Chandrika Kumaratunga, the president of Sri Lanka who bristles of late at Norwegian Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik's suggestion that certain Sri Lankan politicians could be more flexible in dealing with Sri Lanka's Tamil Tiger rebels.
Of course, this isn't just Chandrika's opinion. Norway seems to be pissing everyone off lately. Take it from Ayman al-Zawahri, a senior al-Qaeda operative who named Norway one of the Fantastic Four of their hit list:
"strike at the embassies of America, England, Australia and Norway, their interests, their companies and their employees.", he urged.
Welcome, salmon-eating busybodies, to the Coalition of the Willing, even though you explicitly denounced the U.S. invasion:
"Our prime minister has told our Parliament that we do not support this war," said Jon-Age Oyslebo, spokesman for the Embassy of Norway. "There is no legal basis for it."
C'mon Jon-Age Oyslebo and you other salmon-eaters. Just put on these wireless 3D glasses and you'll see enough weapons of mass destruction to send you running for the nearest imminent threat exits, screaming through the streets of Oslo for salvation with salmon recipes falling from your pockets.
*****
For those of you who missed the last birthday party for Uday, here is the juicy gossip:
"One of the most memorable tapes is of a birthday celebration. When the drunken Uday becomes bored with sullen dancing girls, he pulls out a machine gun and starts shooting in the air in time with the beat from the band. When that palls, he fires at champagne bottles with his pistol and orders one of his flunkies to throw beer bottles in the air for him to shoot at with an assault rifle. For fun, he aims a few rounds over the heads of his guests, some of whom throw themselves on the ground in terror, only to arise laughing and clapping at the prank, and, no doubt, in relief at still being alive. Uday then finishes off the party by shooting directly over the heads of the band members, who amazingly, keep playing. The keyboard player crouches behind his instrument, still pounding the keys, as Uday shoots up the HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign hung at head level across the stage. When he runs out of bullets, Uday shakes hands with the frightened singer, and just to show he’s a good sport, tells the keyboard
player: “See all those holes? All those bullets could be in your belly.” Then he laughs.
In all of the birthday party tapes, the only person who seems to enjoy himself is Uday. Everyone else, including the band, seems petrified with fear. Most of his guests are women, who dance together listlessly as everyone keeps an eye on the guest of honor. In the video showcasing his 32nd birthday in 1996, he hands an AK-47 to a young boy, and helps him fire shots in the air. The highlight of that event: when the fireworks set the brush and lawn next to his house on fire."
And you thought the "Meeting Places art party in Flagstaff this Thursday was going to be a hot ticket:
"It's bigger than a regular party," proclaimed Debbie Leavitt, head of publicity for the coalition. "We're doing it Euro-style. It's stylish, trendy, crazy. We're going to have some Vespas, costumed mannequins, an outside cafe, wandering musicians and a tail gate art mart."
Yeah, right. Give me a call when you get a Heinzgerdkurtklaus.
The verdict is in. Despite the best efforts of the Harald Hårfagres, the King Olav Tryggvasons, King Magnuses and writers like Knut Hamsun and Henrik Ibsen, it seems Norwegians are nothing more for their collective effort than a nation of "salmon-eaters" who have become "international busybodies". At least according to the wit and wisdom of Chandrika Kumaratunga, the president of Sri Lanka who bristles of late at Norwegian Prime Minister Kjell Magne Bondevik's suggestion that certain Sri Lankan politicians could be more flexible in dealing with Sri Lanka's Tamil Tiger rebels.
Of course, this isn't just Chandrika's opinion. Norway seems to be pissing everyone off lately. Take it from Ayman al-Zawahri, a senior al-Qaeda operative who named Norway one of the Fantastic Four of their hit list:
"strike at the embassies of America, England, Australia and Norway, their interests, their companies and their employees.", he urged.
Welcome, salmon-eating busybodies, to the Coalition of the Willing, even though you explicitly denounced the U.S. invasion:
"Our prime minister has told our Parliament that we do not support this war," said Jon-Age Oyslebo, spokesman for the Embassy of Norway. "There is no legal basis for it."
C'mon Jon-Age Oyslebo and you other salmon-eaters. Just put on these wireless 3D glasses and you'll see enough weapons of mass destruction to send you running for the nearest imminent threat exits, screaming through the streets of Oslo for salvation with salmon recipes falling from your pockets.
*****
For those of you who missed the last birthday party for Uday, here is the juicy gossip:
"One of the most memorable tapes is of a birthday celebration. When the drunken Uday becomes bored with sullen dancing girls, he pulls out a machine gun and starts shooting in the air in time with the beat from the band. When that palls, he fires at champagne bottles with his pistol and orders one of his flunkies to throw beer bottles in the air for him to shoot at with an assault rifle. For fun, he aims a few rounds over the heads of his guests, some of whom throw themselves on the ground in terror, only to arise laughing and clapping at the prank, and, no doubt, in relief at still being alive. Uday then finishes off the party by shooting directly over the heads of the band members, who amazingly, keep playing. The keyboard player crouches behind his instrument, still pounding the keys, as Uday shoots up the HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign hung at head level across the stage. When he runs out of bullets, Uday shakes hands with the frightened singer, and just to show he’s a good sport, tells the keyboard
player: “See all those holes? All those bullets could be in your belly.” Then he laughs.
In all of the birthday party tapes, the only person who seems to enjoy himself is Uday. Everyone else, including the band, seems petrified with fear. Most of his guests are women, who dance together listlessly as everyone keeps an eye on the guest of honor. In the video showcasing his 32nd birthday in 1996, he hands an AK-47 to a young boy, and helps him fire shots in the air. The highlight of that event: when the fireworks set the brush and lawn next to his house on fire."
And you thought the "Meeting Places art party in Flagstaff this Thursday was going to be a hot ticket:
"It's bigger than a regular party," proclaimed Debbie Leavitt, head of publicity for the coalition. "We're doing it Euro-style. It's stylish, trendy, crazy. We're going to have some Vespas, costumed mannequins, an outside cafe, wandering musicians and a tail gate art mart."
Yeah, right. Give me a call when you get a Heinzgerdkurtklaus.
dinsdag, juni 03, 2003
The Unknown Citizen
W. H. Auden
(To JS/07 M 378This Marble MonumentIs Erected by the State)
He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a
saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in a hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of year;
When there was peace, he was for peace: when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his
generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their
education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.
From Another Time by W. H. Auden
W. H. Auden
(To JS/07 M 378This Marble MonumentIs Erected by the State)
He was found by the Bureau of Statistics to be
One against whom there was no official complaint,
And all the reports on his conduct agree
That, in the modern sense of an old-fashioned word, he was a
saint,
For in everything he did he served the Greater Community.
Except for the War till the day he retired
He worked in a factory and never got fired,
But satisfied his employers, Fudge Motors Inc.
Yet he wasn't a scab or odd in his views,
For his Union reports that he paid his dues,
(Our report on his Union shows it was sound)
And our Social Psychology workers found
That he was popular with his mates and liked a drink.
The Press are convinced that he bought a paper every day
And that his reactions to advertisements were normal in every way.
Policies taken out in his name prove that he was fully insured,
And his Health-card shows he was once in a hospital but left it cured.
Both Producers Research and High-Grade Living declare
He was fully sensible to the advantages of the Instalment Plan
And had everything necessary to the Modern Man,
A phonograph, a radio, a car and a frigidaire.
Our researchers into Public Opinion are content
That he held the proper opinions for the time of year;
When there was peace, he was for peace: when there was war, he went.
He was married and added five children to the population,
Which our Eugenist says was the right number for a parent of his
generation.
And our teachers report that he never interfered with their
education.
Was he free? Was he happy? The question is absurd:
Had anything been wrong, we should certainly have heard.
From Another Time by W. H. Auden
maandag, juni 02, 2003
Tattoos, Bad Idea
"I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue."
Richard Nixon, discussing Watergate
While reading through a poll conducted at the Scripps Survey Research Center on American thoughts on the recent war against Iraq, I noticed a bunch of questions that closed out the poll, having nothing to do with American opinions on the war or chemical weapons or George Bush. Questions delving into peoples' opinions about things like cloning, scientists and ethics, the editorial pages of newspapers, the use of firecrackers on the 4th of July and most importantly, Do you think it is a good idea or bad idea for people to get permanent tattoos?
The answer of the vox populi was: Tattoos Bad Idea: 59%. However, while 22% thought it was a good idea, only 15% of the respondants actually had a permanent tattoo somewhere on their body. That means somewhere out there, 7% of America, almost 2 million Americans, think it's a good idea but haven't actually gotten one yet.
Hard News Cafe reports that "The last decade has resulted in tattooing becoming one of the fastest growing retail businesses. There are about 15,000 tattoo parlors currently in business.". Hard News cafe also noted that: "with the growth of Christianity, many European countries forbade tattoos in 2200 B.C."
So, what have the Christians got against tattoos? Aren't they busy enough with finding out whether or not there are terrorists among them?
Apprently, God told them tattoos were a Bad Idea:
"Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD."
Leviticus 19:28
*****
The point of even reading the poll to begin with was its finding that slightly less than a third of people asked said they are "absolutely certain" that the official reason for U.S. military involvement was true. Forty-one percent of the people in the poll said they are "absolutely certain" the United States did the right thing in sending "troops into Iraq to force it to disarm its weapons of mass destruction." Another 25 percent were "pretty certain" while 31 percent were "not certain."
This came on the heels of reading the Vanity Fair interview with Paul Wolfowitz wherein he notes famously that:
"The truth is that for reasons that have a lot to do with the U.S. government bureaucracy we settled on the one issue that everyone could agree on which was weapons of mass destruction as the core reason, but there have always been three fundamental concerns. One is weapons of mass destruction, the second is support for terrorism, the third is the criminal treatment of the Iraqi people."
This should be pointed out as another fine example of the useless inaccuracy of these kind of polls to gauge the feelings of the John Q. American. Weapons of Mass Destruction and Saddam Hussein's intent to use them on Americans was not only the justification for the invasion itself, but for the urgency with which the Bush Administration shoved it down the world's collective gullet.
For a refresher course on the Bush Administration's hysterical claims to justify an immediate, preemptive invasion of Iraq, Tom Stevens of Counterpunch provides us with a neat summary of the lies told in the push for the invasion of Iraq:
Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction.
Dick Cheney August 26, 2002
Right now, Iraq is expanding and improving facilities that were used for the production of biological weapons.
George W. Bush September 12, 2002
If he declares he has none, then we will know that Saddam Hussein is once again misleading the world.
Ari Fleischer December 2, 2002
We know for a fact that there are weapons there.
Ari Fleischer January 9, 2003
Our intelligence officials estimate that Saddam Hussein had the materials to produce as much as 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent.
George W. Bush January 28, 2003
We know that Saddam Hussein is determined to keep his weapons of mass destruction, is determined to make more.
Colin Powell February 5, 2003
We have sources that tell us that Saddam Hussein recently authorized Iraqi field commanders to use chemical weapons -- the very weapons the dictator tells us he does not have.
George Bush February 8, 2003
So has the strategic decision been made to disarm Iraq of its weapons of mass destruction by the leadership in Baghdad? I think our judgment has to be clearly not.
Colin Powell March 8, 2003
Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised.
George Bush March 17, 2003
Well, there is no question that we have evidence and information that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, biological and chemical particularly . . . all this will be made clear in the course of the operation, for whatever duration it takes.
Ari Fleisher March 21, 2003
There is no doubt that the regime of Saddam Hussein possesses weapons of mass destruction. As this operation continues, those weapons will be identified, found, along with the people who have produced them and who guard them.
Gen. Tommy Franks March 22, 2003
I have no doubt we're going to find big stores of weapons of mass destruction.
Kenneth Adelman, Defense Policy Board , March 23, 2003
One of our top objectives is to find and destroy the WMD. There are a number of sites.
Pentagon Spokeswoman Victoria Clark March 22, 2003
We know where they are. They are in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad.
Donald Rumsfeld March 30, 2003
Obviously the administration intends to publicize all the weapons of mass destruction U.S. forces find -- and there will be plenty.
Neocon scholar Robert Kagan April 9, 2003
I think you have always heard, and you continue to hear from officials, a measure of high confidence that, indeed, the weapons of mass destruction will be found.
Ari Fleischer April 10, 2003
We are learning more as we interrogate or have discussions with Iraqi scientists and people within the Iraqi structure, that perhaps he destroyed some, perhaps he dispersed some. And so we will find them.
George Bush April 24, 2003
There are people who in large measure have information that we need . . . so that we can track down the weapons of mass destruction in that country.
Donald Rumsfeld April 25, 2003
We'll find them. It'll be a matter of time to do so.
George Bush May 3, 2003
I am confident that we will find evidence that makes it clear he had weapons of mass destruction.
Colin Powell May 4, 2003
I never believed that we'd just tumble over weapons of mass destruction in that country.
Donald Rumsfeld May 4, 2003
I'm not surprised if we begin to uncover the weapons program of Saddam Hussein -- because he had a weapons program.
George W. Bush May 6, 2003
U.S. officials never expected that "we were going to open garages and find" weapons of mass destruction.
Condoleeza Rice May 12, 2003
I just don't know whether it was all destroyed years ago -- I mean, there's no question that there were chemical weapons years ago -- whether they were destroyed right before the war, (or) whether they're still hidden.
Maj. Gen. David Petraeus,
Commander 101st Airborne May 13, 2003
Before the war, there's no doubt in my mind that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, biological and chemical. I expected them to be found. I still expect them to be found.
Gen. Michael Hagee,
Commandant of the Marine Corps May 21, 2003
Given time, given the number of prisoners now that we're interrogating, I'm confident that we're going to find weapons of mass destruction.
Gen. Richard Myers,
Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff May 26, 2003
They may have had time to destroy them, and I don't know the answer.
Donald Rumsfeld May 27, 2003
*****
The certainty of these declarations of doom and death if Saddam wasn't immediately removed from power seems to wane as reality sets in. Perhaps we should name it something like Progressive Truth: Lie outright in the beginning to spread the most outrageous justifications for invasion and once the invasion is accomplished, gradually allow the layers of the lie to peel away until finally, Wolfowitz allows that the deception had to do with "government bureaucracy".
But that's why you've got to admire a man like President Bush. He doesn't believe in Progressive Truth. Instead, he feels compelled to confirm to us his theory of Static Oblivion which holds that no matter how inaccurate, illogical or dangerous your beliefs, hold to true to them for dear life lest you have to actually examine the accuracy of them, as in his continued insistence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction before the US-led invasion.
"We discovered weapons manufacturing facilities that were condemned by the United Nations," Bush preached to reporters in a special interview prior to leaving on a tour of Europe and the Middle East.
Psst, George: No one believed it from the beginning. Give it a rest. Leave the lying to those who understand when it's safe to tell the truth again. Like Richard Nixon or Paul Wolfowitz.
"I was not lying. I said things that later on seemed to be untrue."
Richard Nixon, discussing Watergate
While reading through a poll conducted at the Scripps Survey Research Center on American thoughts on the recent war against Iraq, I noticed a bunch of questions that closed out the poll, having nothing to do with American opinions on the war or chemical weapons or George Bush. Questions delving into peoples' opinions about things like cloning, scientists and ethics, the editorial pages of newspapers, the use of firecrackers on the 4th of July and most importantly, Do you think it is a good idea or bad idea for people to get permanent tattoos?
The answer of the vox populi was: Tattoos Bad Idea: 59%. However, while 22% thought it was a good idea, only 15% of the respondants actually had a permanent tattoo somewhere on their body. That means somewhere out there, 7% of America, almost 2 million Americans, think it's a good idea but haven't actually gotten one yet.
Hard News Cafe reports that "The last decade has resulted in tattooing becoming one of the fastest growing retail businesses. There are about 15,000 tattoo parlors currently in business.". Hard News cafe also noted that: "with the growth of Christianity, many European countries forbade tattoos in 2200 B.C."
So, what have the Christians got against tattoos? Aren't they busy enough with finding out whether or not there are terrorists among them?
Apprently, God told them tattoos were a Bad Idea:
"Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD."
Leviticus 19:28
*****
The point of even reading the poll to begin with was its finding that slightly less than a third of people asked said they are "absolutely certain" that the official reason for U.S. military involvement was true. Forty-one percent of the people in the poll said they are "absolutely certain" the United States did the right thing in sending "troops into Iraq to force it to disarm its weapons of mass destruction." Another 25 percent were "pretty certain" while 31 percent were "not certain."
This came on the heels of reading the Vanity Fair interview with Paul Wolfowitz wherein he notes famously that:
"The truth is that for reasons that have a lot to do with the U.S. government bureaucracy we settled on the one issue that everyone could agree on which was weapons of mass destruction as the core reason, but there have always been three fundamental concerns. One is weapons of mass destruction, the second is support for terrorism, the third is the criminal treatment of the Iraqi people."
This should be pointed out as another fine example of the useless inaccuracy of these kind of polls to gauge the feelings of the John Q. American. Weapons of Mass Destruction and Saddam Hussein's intent to use them on Americans was not only the justification for the invasion itself, but for the urgency with which the Bush Administration shoved it down the world's collective gullet.
For a refresher course on the Bush Administration's hysterical claims to justify an immediate, preemptive invasion of Iraq, Tom Stevens of Counterpunch provides us with a neat summary of the lies told in the push for the invasion of Iraq:
Simply stated, there is no doubt that Saddam Hussein now has weapons of mass destruction.
Dick Cheney August 26, 2002
Right now, Iraq is expanding and improving facilities that were used for the production of biological weapons.
George W. Bush September 12, 2002
If he declares he has none, then we will know that Saddam Hussein is once again misleading the world.
Ari Fleischer December 2, 2002
We know for a fact that there are weapons there.
Ari Fleischer January 9, 2003
Our intelligence officials estimate that Saddam Hussein had the materials to produce as much as 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent.
George W. Bush January 28, 2003
We know that Saddam Hussein is determined to keep his weapons of mass destruction, is determined to make more.
Colin Powell February 5, 2003
We have sources that tell us that Saddam Hussein recently authorized Iraqi field commanders to use chemical weapons -- the very weapons the dictator tells us he does not have.
George Bush February 8, 2003
So has the strategic decision been made to disarm Iraq of its weapons of mass destruction by the leadership in Baghdad? I think our judgment has to be clearly not.
Colin Powell March 8, 2003
Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised.
George Bush March 17, 2003
Well, there is no question that we have evidence and information that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, biological and chemical particularly . . . all this will be made clear in the course of the operation, for whatever duration it takes.
Ari Fleisher March 21, 2003
There is no doubt that the regime of Saddam Hussein possesses weapons of mass destruction. As this operation continues, those weapons will be identified, found, along with the people who have produced them and who guard them.
Gen. Tommy Franks March 22, 2003
I have no doubt we're going to find big stores of weapons of mass destruction.
Kenneth Adelman, Defense Policy Board , March 23, 2003
One of our top objectives is to find and destroy the WMD. There are a number of sites.
Pentagon Spokeswoman Victoria Clark March 22, 2003
We know where they are. They are in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad.
Donald Rumsfeld March 30, 2003
Obviously the administration intends to publicize all the weapons of mass destruction U.S. forces find -- and there will be plenty.
Neocon scholar Robert Kagan April 9, 2003
I think you have always heard, and you continue to hear from officials, a measure of high confidence that, indeed, the weapons of mass destruction will be found.
Ari Fleischer April 10, 2003
We are learning more as we interrogate or have discussions with Iraqi scientists and people within the Iraqi structure, that perhaps he destroyed some, perhaps he dispersed some. And so we will find them.
George Bush April 24, 2003
There are people who in large measure have information that we need . . . so that we can track down the weapons of mass destruction in that country.
Donald Rumsfeld April 25, 2003
We'll find them. It'll be a matter of time to do so.
George Bush May 3, 2003
I am confident that we will find evidence that makes it clear he had weapons of mass destruction.
Colin Powell May 4, 2003
I never believed that we'd just tumble over weapons of mass destruction in that country.
Donald Rumsfeld May 4, 2003
I'm not surprised if we begin to uncover the weapons program of Saddam Hussein -- because he had a weapons program.
George W. Bush May 6, 2003
U.S. officials never expected that "we were going to open garages and find" weapons of mass destruction.
Condoleeza Rice May 12, 2003
I just don't know whether it was all destroyed years ago -- I mean, there's no question that there were chemical weapons years ago -- whether they were destroyed right before the war, (or) whether they're still hidden.
Maj. Gen. David Petraeus,
Commander 101st Airborne May 13, 2003
Before the war, there's no doubt in my mind that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, biological and chemical. I expected them to be found. I still expect them to be found.
Gen. Michael Hagee,
Commandant of the Marine Corps May 21, 2003
Given time, given the number of prisoners now that we're interrogating, I'm confident that we're going to find weapons of mass destruction.
Gen. Richard Myers,
Chairman Joint Chiefs of Staff May 26, 2003
They may have had time to destroy them, and I don't know the answer.
Donald Rumsfeld May 27, 2003
*****
The certainty of these declarations of doom and death if Saddam wasn't immediately removed from power seems to wane as reality sets in. Perhaps we should name it something like Progressive Truth: Lie outright in the beginning to spread the most outrageous justifications for invasion and once the invasion is accomplished, gradually allow the layers of the lie to peel away until finally, Wolfowitz allows that the deception had to do with "government bureaucracy".
But that's why you've got to admire a man like President Bush. He doesn't believe in Progressive Truth. Instead, he feels compelled to confirm to us his theory of Static Oblivion which holds that no matter how inaccurate, illogical or dangerous your beliefs, hold to true to them for dear life lest you have to actually examine the accuracy of them, as in his continued insistence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction before the US-led invasion.
"We discovered weapons manufacturing facilities that were condemned by the United Nations," Bush preached to reporters in a special interview prior to leaving on a tour of Europe and the Middle East.
Psst, George: No one believed it from the beginning. Give it a rest. Leave the lying to those who understand when it's safe to tell the truth again. Like Richard Nixon or Paul Wolfowitz.
donderdag, mei 29, 2003
Iraq Was A Typo
"Man is not the sum of what he has but the total of what he does not yet have, of what he might have." - Jean-Paul Sartre
For the most concise explanation yet of why, after invading Iraq, the Bush Administration is still unable to come up with any weapons of mass destruction or any concrete links between Saddam and al-Qaeda, check out Tom Toles' cartoon.
Of course, for those of you interested in true comedy, there's always the quotes of our favorite Ministers of Disinformation:
"No one should expect this kind of deception effort to get penetrated overnight," Deputy Defense Secretary Paul D. Wolfowitz.
Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Tuesday in response to questions at the Council on Foreign Relations in New York, that the Iraqis "didn't have time to . . . use chemical weapons. . . . They may have had time to destroy them, and I don't know the answer."
"The president of the United States and the secretary of defense would not assert as plainly and vocally as they have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction if it was not true and if they did not have a solid basis for saying it," Ari Fleischer, December 5, 2002, commenting on those daring to question the Bush Administration allegations.
My Personal Favorite:
"President Bush has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Tony Blair has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Donald Rumsfeld has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Richard Butler has said they do. The United Nations has said they do. The experts have said they do. Iraq says they don't. You can choose who you want to believe."
Let's all scream for some weapons of mass destruction to be found.
C'mon folks, sing it with me: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!, as chanted by Roberto Benigni in Down By Law which also brought us another great quote:
"[My mother] ...used to say that [America] ...is a big melting pot, because when you bring it to boil, all the scum rises to the top." -- Bobbie (BILLIE NEAL)
*****
From the And I Thought Mayor Bufoonberg Was An Idiot Department...
In Holland, thanks to the maniacs at smoke free netherlands, people may have to start smoking their joints outside.
"Ook in coffeeshops mag met ingang van volgend jaar niet meer worden gerookt in verband met de invoering van de nieuwe tabakswet. Vanaf 1 januari zijn werkgevers verplicht om te zorgen voor een rookvrije werkomgeving voor hun personeel. De horeca heeft een jaar uitstel gekregen, maar coffeeshops vallen daar niet onder" De Bond voor Cannabis Detaillisten zegt het rookverbod nauwelijks serieus te kunnen nemen, omdat mensen juist naar de coffeeshop komen om te roken. 'Het is alsof je bij de Chinees geen rijst mag eten, aldus voorzitter Roskam.
Exactly. It's like you can't eat rice in a Chinese restaurant.
"Man is not the sum of what he has but the total of what he does not yet have, of what he might have." - Jean-Paul Sartre
For the most concise explanation yet of why, after invading Iraq, the Bush Administration is still unable to come up with any weapons of mass destruction or any concrete links between Saddam and al-Qaeda, check out Tom Toles' cartoon.
Of course, for those of you interested in true comedy, there's always the quotes of our favorite Ministers of Disinformation:
"No one should expect this kind of deception effort to get penetrated overnight," Deputy Defense Secretary Paul D. Wolfowitz.
Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Tuesday in response to questions at the Council on Foreign Relations in New York, that the Iraqis "didn't have time to . . . use chemical weapons. . . . They may have had time to destroy them, and I don't know the answer."
"The president of the United States and the secretary of defense would not assert as plainly and vocally as they have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction if it was not true and if they did not have a solid basis for saying it," Ari Fleischer, December 5, 2002, commenting on those daring to question the Bush Administration allegations.
My Personal Favorite:
"President Bush has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Tony Blair has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Donald Rumsfeld has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Richard Butler has said they do. The United Nations has said they do. The experts have said they do. Iraq says they don't. You can choose who you want to believe."
Let's all scream for some weapons of mass destruction to be found.
C'mon folks, sing it with me: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!, as chanted by Roberto Benigni in Down By Law which also brought us another great quote:
"[My mother] ...used to say that [America] ...is a big melting pot, because when you bring it to boil, all the scum rises to the top." -- Bobbie (BILLIE NEAL)
*****
From the And I Thought Mayor Bufoonberg Was An Idiot Department...
In Holland, thanks to the maniacs at smoke free netherlands, people may have to start smoking their joints outside.
"Ook in coffeeshops mag met ingang van volgend jaar niet meer worden gerookt in verband met de invoering van de nieuwe tabakswet. Vanaf 1 januari zijn werkgevers verplicht om te zorgen voor een rookvrije werkomgeving voor hun personeel. De horeca heeft een jaar uitstel gekregen, maar coffeeshops vallen daar niet onder" De Bond voor Cannabis Detaillisten zegt het rookverbod nauwelijks serieus te kunnen nemen, omdat mensen juist naar de coffeeshop komen om te roken. 'Het is alsof je bij de Chinees geen rijst mag eten, aldus voorzitter Roskam.
Exactly. It's like you can't eat rice in a Chinese restaurant.
woensdag, mei 28, 2003
Discomfort of Life Crimes
"Well I see that the world is upside-down
Seems that my pockets were filled up with gold
And now the clouds, well they've covered over
And the wind is blowing cold"
-Tom Waits, Anywhere I Lay My Head
It's hard to miss all the great news coming out of NYC these days.
The draconian anti-smoking laws which went into effect almost two months ago are killing business. Among the 50 establishments surveyed by the New York Post, 34 reported declining business, some claiming that revenues were cut in half. Six businesses had laid off staff or cut back on employee hours.
"The administration has stuck a knife in the back of the only industry that is holding this city up," said Bill O'Donnell of the Corner Bistro. "This was a vibrant industry that generated a lot of money for the city, and they went and killed it."
Of course, anti-smoking czar, Mayor Bufoonberg, in a fit of irony, claims "They're [The Post] going to make up stuff no matter what.". As it is was pointed out, not two days after the bar story ran, anti-smoking activist Dr. Elizabeth Whelan told MacIntosh that Bufoonberg's initial claims that his smoking ban would prevent 1,000 bar and restaurant workers' deaths from secondhand smoke was "patently absurd." The real number she said would be closer to between "zero and hypothetically 10 to 15."
But wait! While Bufoonberg's claims were patently absurd, the latest bit of news, transforming NYC from fun city to fine city, is even more absurd. In a desperate attempt to boost city coffers, Bufoonberg has ordered cops to churn out money-making summonses.
To date, a pregnant woman was issued a $50 citation for sitting on the subway stairs to take a rest, a Bronx man was ticketed for sitting on a milk crate, a Manhattan woman was ticketed for using outdated blue recycling bags to throw away her trash, a New Jersey man was cited for his car's loose passenger mirror and a Brooklyn man was fined for having an oven in front of his building, a Brooklyn gym owner Michael Ganim got smacked with $12,500 in fines this month. His crime? His awnings contained the facility's logo, phone number, and "excessive wording" in violation of a lightly enforced 1961 zoning ordinance. So, Ganim ripped down his $20,000 awnings hoping to avoid this fine. A 22-year-old Israeli tourist received a $50 ticket for occupying two seats on a largely empty F Train to Jamaica, Queens. His arms and head had slid into the adjacent seat after Kashdia had dozed off. He woke up to find two officers writing him a summons. It's clear that Bufoonberg is really pushing a quality of life agenda forward but what isn't clear is whose lives are getting the quality.
While the city experiences cuts and layoffs in areas like fire-fighting, education and other essential city services, Bufoonberg's wealthy friends have avoided reinstatement of the tax on stock sales that once brought millions into the city’s coffers. He did ask for a commuter tax (a tax on non-residents who work in the city), but knew Pataki would never approve it. Instead, the Mayor implemented a property tax increase, much of which can be passed on to the city’s poor renters.
Quality-of-life complaints in Manhattan have skyrocketed over the past two months - and a lot of residents, cops and business owners are placing the blame on Mayor Bloomberg's smoking ban.
"We've definitely had more complaints since the smoking ban - noise, fights out on the sidewalk, harassment of pedestrians. You name it, it's gone up," said a cop who patrols Bleecker Street.
And of course, if you've got enough money to pony up $10 for a bottle of beer, you can smoke to your heart's content in the Oak Room of the Plaza Hotel where it appears, the right payoffs have been made.
As Bob Herbert notes:
"So the Plaza seems committed to flagrantly ignoring the law. While the "little people" from the Bronx to Staten Island are dealing with the inconvenience of the ban — not to mention the reduced business for bar owners and substantially reduced tips for bartenders and waiters — the power crowd in the Oak Bar continues to light up in grand style, and the owners are cashing in.
For the Oak Bar, the ban has actually been a boon. Perhaps this is another one of those laws that apply only to the little people."
Next time around, if you're looking to see the quality of your life take an upturn, you might want to vote Bufoonberg for ex-Mayor.
Speaking of exes, that other great hypocrisy in the sky, (admittedly, not the smoothest transition) our exhaulted ruler and eternal savior George W. Bush is oh fer two hunting down his enemies. First Osama and now Saddam. Will the "real" Saddam please stand up? via Bush Wars.
"Well I see that the world is upside-down
Seems that my pockets were filled up with gold
And now the clouds, well they've covered over
And the wind is blowing cold"
-Tom Waits, Anywhere I Lay My Head
It's hard to miss all the great news coming out of NYC these days.
The draconian anti-smoking laws which went into effect almost two months ago are killing business. Among the 50 establishments surveyed by the New York Post, 34 reported declining business, some claiming that revenues were cut in half. Six businesses had laid off staff or cut back on employee hours.
"The administration has stuck a knife in the back of the only industry that is holding this city up," said Bill O'Donnell of the Corner Bistro. "This was a vibrant industry that generated a lot of money for the city, and they went and killed it."
Of course, anti-smoking czar, Mayor Bufoonberg, in a fit of irony, claims "They're [The Post] going to make up stuff no matter what.". As it is was pointed out, not two days after the bar story ran, anti-smoking activist Dr. Elizabeth Whelan told MacIntosh that Bufoonberg's initial claims that his smoking ban would prevent 1,000 bar and restaurant workers' deaths from secondhand smoke was "patently absurd." The real number she said would be closer to between "zero and hypothetically 10 to 15."
But wait! While Bufoonberg's claims were patently absurd, the latest bit of news, transforming NYC from fun city to fine city, is even more absurd. In a desperate attempt to boost city coffers, Bufoonberg has ordered cops to churn out money-making summonses.
To date, a pregnant woman was issued a $50 citation for sitting on the subway stairs to take a rest, a Bronx man was ticketed for sitting on a milk crate, a Manhattan woman was ticketed for using outdated blue recycling bags to throw away her trash, a New Jersey man was cited for his car's loose passenger mirror and a Brooklyn man was fined for having an oven in front of his building, a Brooklyn gym owner Michael Ganim got smacked with $12,500 in fines this month. His crime? His awnings contained the facility's logo, phone number, and "excessive wording" in violation of a lightly enforced 1961 zoning ordinance. So, Ganim ripped down his $20,000 awnings hoping to avoid this fine. A 22-year-old Israeli tourist received a $50 ticket for occupying two seats on a largely empty F Train to Jamaica, Queens. His arms and head had slid into the adjacent seat after Kashdia had dozed off. He woke up to find two officers writing him a summons. It's clear that Bufoonberg is really pushing a quality of life agenda forward but what isn't clear is whose lives are getting the quality.
While the city experiences cuts and layoffs in areas like fire-fighting, education and other essential city services, Bufoonberg's wealthy friends have avoided reinstatement of the tax on stock sales that once brought millions into the city’s coffers. He did ask for a commuter tax (a tax on non-residents who work in the city), but knew Pataki would never approve it. Instead, the Mayor implemented a property tax increase, much of which can be passed on to the city’s poor renters.
Quality-of-life complaints in Manhattan have skyrocketed over the past two months - and a lot of residents, cops and business owners are placing the blame on Mayor Bloomberg's smoking ban.
"We've definitely had more complaints since the smoking ban - noise, fights out on the sidewalk, harassment of pedestrians. You name it, it's gone up," said a cop who patrols Bleecker Street.
And of course, if you've got enough money to pony up $10 for a bottle of beer, you can smoke to your heart's content in the Oak Room of the Plaza Hotel where it appears, the right payoffs have been made.
As Bob Herbert notes:
"So the Plaza seems committed to flagrantly ignoring the law. While the "little people" from the Bronx to Staten Island are dealing with the inconvenience of the ban — not to mention the reduced business for bar owners and substantially reduced tips for bartenders and waiters — the power crowd in the Oak Bar continues to light up in grand style, and the owners are cashing in.
For the Oak Bar, the ban has actually been a boon. Perhaps this is another one of those laws that apply only to the little people."
Next time around, if you're looking to see the quality of your life take an upturn, you might want to vote Bufoonberg for ex-Mayor.
Speaking of exes, that other great hypocrisy in the sky, (admittedly, not the smoothest transition) our exhaulted ruler and eternal savior George W. Bush is oh fer two hunting down his enemies. First Osama and now Saddam. Will the "real" Saddam please stand up? via Bush Wars.
vrijdag, mei 23, 2003
Tax Death, Not Beer!
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" --Stephen Wright
Although difficult as it is for me to digest, I finally agree with something that notoriously imperious windbag George Will has to say. Although I can't imagine his motivations were borne out of an interest in saving a few hundred dollars a year on his beer tab, Will notes that "Taxing beer at all is a seriously bad idea, like taxing the elemental necessities of life, such as bread or salt. Or beer pretzels, which are just bread and salt."
According to Roll Back The Beer Tax, which cites a January 2001 study by Standard & Poor's DRI, 44% of every Beer sold in the United States is consumed by taxes.
This means, that according to the latest figures adjusted for inflation, Desultory Turgescence alone funded approximately 8% of the Federal Tax Revenues.
The tax revenue generated from the beer consumed by Desultory Turgescence's crack team of analysts and researchers could fund approximately six small-scale invasions of third world countries by now.
"A tax is considered regressive if it falls more heavily on lower- and middle-income families than on the wealthy. And this is certainly true with beer taxes. For example, a recent study by Citizens for Tax Justice found that people whose family incomes are in the bottom 20% pay a tax burden from beer excise taxes 5 times greater than people with family incomes in the top 20%. The higher the beer tax, the more regressive it is -- and the harder it hits working men and women."
George Will notes that "Most beer is consumed in households with annual incomes less than $45,000.".
Of course they do! They're trying to drink themselves to death to save money on taxes!
Consider that death is only taxed 37%. There are 30 million regular beer drinkers in the United States. While death only happens once in a lifetime, imagine how many times those 30 million regular beer drinkers are having a beer. It seems natural that instead of making beer drinkers pay for every beer they consume, those who die should have to pay a significantly higher tax rate since they are only going to die once. Why should the dead get off so easy?
Consider those facts in light of Congress giving its final approval today to $330 billion in new tax cuts for families, investors and businesses and one must ask the eternal philosophical question: What About The Beer Drinkers?!
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" --Stephen Wright
Although difficult as it is for me to digest, I finally agree with something that notoriously imperious windbag George Will has to say. Although I can't imagine his motivations were borne out of an interest in saving a few hundred dollars a year on his beer tab, Will notes that "Taxing beer at all is a seriously bad idea, like taxing the elemental necessities of life, such as bread or salt. Or beer pretzels, which are just bread and salt."
According to Roll Back The Beer Tax, which cites a January 2001 study by Standard & Poor's DRI, 44% of every Beer sold in the United States is consumed by taxes.
This means, that according to the latest figures adjusted for inflation, Desultory Turgescence alone funded approximately 8% of the Federal Tax Revenues.
The tax revenue generated from the beer consumed by Desultory Turgescence's crack team of analysts and researchers could fund approximately six small-scale invasions of third world countries by now.
"A tax is considered regressive if it falls more heavily on lower- and middle-income families than on the wealthy. And this is certainly true with beer taxes. For example, a recent study by Citizens for Tax Justice found that people whose family incomes are in the bottom 20% pay a tax burden from beer excise taxes 5 times greater than people with family incomes in the top 20%. The higher the beer tax, the more regressive it is -- and the harder it hits working men and women."
George Will notes that "Most beer is consumed in households with annual incomes less than $45,000.".
Of course they do! They're trying to drink themselves to death to save money on taxes!
Consider that death is only taxed 37%. There are 30 million regular beer drinkers in the United States. While death only happens once in a lifetime, imagine how many times those 30 million regular beer drinkers are having a beer. It seems natural that instead of making beer drinkers pay for every beer they consume, those who die should have to pay a significantly higher tax rate since they are only going to die once. Why should the dead get off so easy?
Consider those facts in light of Congress giving its final approval today to $330 billion in new tax cuts for families, investors and businesses and one must ask the eternal philosophical question: What About The Beer Drinkers?!
donderdag, mei 22, 2003
Good Night Ari
"We have said that Saddam Hussein possesses biological and chemical weapons, and all this will be made clear in the course of the operation, for whatever duration it takes." -Ari Fleischer
It's a true sign of spending too much time perusing the Ouse Boozer that it was only this afternoon I learned that my favorite punching bag, Ari Fleischer, is going to resign from his role as White House fabulist and prevaricator-in-chief, probably sometime in July.
Fleischer, speaking to reporters on his grueling job as performance art fictionalist, once noted that "The job of anybody who is the White House press secretary is to faithfully articulate what the president is thinking and why he's thinking it, and that's what I do for a living. The job of the press corps is to try to find out everything you possibly can about everything under the sun."
Of course, what he didn't mention was that when lying, it's best to give as few details as possible so as better to remember the lie.
As Timothy Noah wrote in the online magazine Slate that Fleischer's "ability to repeat a lie even after it's been shown, repeatedly, to be false is what separates him from the amateurs."
I dunno. In my mind, Ari Fleischer is just the Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf of the Free World (killer graphics to boot) --
Speaking of Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, now that Ari is leaving, can you think of a more talented replacement?
Here are Desultory Turgescence's Top Five Ari Fleischer Replacements:
1. Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf
2. Fletcher Reede
3. Bill "It Depends On What The Meaning of The Word "Is" Is" Clinton
4. Jakob the Liar
5. Bill O'Reilly -- Actually, it isn't so much because Bill O'Reilly is a liar, more because he's a loudmouth jackass with the intelligence of a baboon. What better spokesman for the White House? Can't you just hear him in a press briefing?
Press Question: Now, the Democrats recently have been attacking the President on this issue of the focus on the war in Iraq, took his focus off, or took his eye off the ball when it came to al Qaeda, and that in pursuing the war in Iraq, it allowed al Qaeda to reconstitute itself while the U.S. focus was turned elsewhere. Was that a fair statement?
O'Reilly: If the Democrats, those Marxist-Liberal sycophants for terrorists and murderers, don't like the way the President is running the war on terrorism, why don't they all just run like the cowards they are to the French or hide beneath the skirts of their mothers?
Press Question: Does the President think that it is a more dangerous world because of our invasion of Iraq and the upswing in terrorism which seems to be really more rampant now since -- do our policies have anything to do with that?
O'Reilly: Oh come on, what kind of moron would believe something as stupid as that? Helen Thomas, is that really you beneath that red dress or a DNA recreation of a Montanoceratops? If you didn't like the invasion of Iraq, why don't you go to France with the rest of the cowards?
Now, here is How to spot a liar. If you're curious, you can find out if you're eligible for White House spokeman by taking this Are You A Liar? test.
The White House once issued Ari Fleisher's Ten Commandments of Patriotism
And of course, Desultory Turgescence, in I'm Sorry Ari, But We're Going To Need A Little More, once noted that "listening to Ari Fleischer's responses is like pulling the cord of a Mrs. Beasley doll. I think she had a gamut of about 10 different prerecorded phrases that were repeated over and over no matter how many times you pulled her cord. Ari Fleischer is very similar. No matter how many times and how many different ways a specific question is asked, he delivers the same, patented reply"
Clearly, I'm not the only one who will miss him.
Good night Ari, pleasant dreams and remember the advice of Lyman Bleecher:
Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death.
"We have said that Saddam Hussein possesses biological and chemical weapons, and all this will be made clear in the course of the operation, for whatever duration it takes." -Ari Fleischer
It's a true sign of spending too much time perusing the Ouse Boozer that it was only this afternoon I learned that my favorite punching bag, Ari Fleischer, is going to resign from his role as White House fabulist and prevaricator-in-chief, probably sometime in July.
Fleischer, speaking to reporters on his grueling job as performance art fictionalist, once noted that "The job of anybody who is the White House press secretary is to faithfully articulate what the president is thinking and why he's thinking it, and that's what I do for a living. The job of the press corps is to try to find out everything you possibly can about everything under the sun."
Of course, what he didn't mention was that when lying, it's best to give as few details as possible so as better to remember the lie.
As Timothy Noah wrote in the online magazine Slate that Fleischer's "ability to repeat a lie even after it's been shown, repeatedly, to be false is what separates him from the amateurs."
I dunno. In my mind, Ari Fleischer is just the Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf of the Free World (killer graphics to boot) --
Speaking of Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, now that Ari is leaving, can you think of a more talented replacement?
Here are Desultory Turgescence's Top Five Ari Fleischer Replacements:
1. Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf
2. Fletcher Reede
3. Bill "It Depends On What The Meaning of The Word "Is" Is" Clinton
4. Jakob the Liar
5. Bill O'Reilly -- Actually, it isn't so much because Bill O'Reilly is a liar, more because he's a loudmouth jackass with the intelligence of a baboon. What better spokesman for the White House? Can't you just hear him in a press briefing?
Press Question: Now, the Democrats recently have been attacking the President on this issue of the focus on the war in Iraq, took his focus off, or took his eye off the ball when it came to al Qaeda, and that in pursuing the war in Iraq, it allowed al Qaeda to reconstitute itself while the U.S. focus was turned elsewhere. Was that a fair statement?
O'Reilly: If the Democrats, those Marxist-Liberal sycophants for terrorists and murderers, don't like the way the President is running the war on terrorism, why don't they all just run like the cowards they are to the French or hide beneath the skirts of their mothers?
Press Question: Does the President think that it is a more dangerous world because of our invasion of Iraq and the upswing in terrorism which seems to be really more rampant now since -- do our policies have anything to do with that?
O'Reilly: Oh come on, what kind of moron would believe something as stupid as that? Helen Thomas, is that really you beneath that red dress or a DNA recreation of a Montanoceratops? If you didn't like the invasion of Iraq, why don't you go to France with the rest of the cowards?
Now, here is How to spot a liar. If you're curious, you can find out if you're eligible for White House spokeman by taking this Are You A Liar? test.
The White House once issued Ari Fleisher's Ten Commandments of Patriotism
And of course, Desultory Turgescence, in I'm Sorry Ari, But We're Going To Need A Little More, once noted that "listening to Ari Fleischer's responses is like pulling the cord of a Mrs. Beasley doll. I think she had a gamut of about 10 different prerecorded phrases that were repeated over and over no matter how many times you pulled her cord. Ari Fleischer is very similar. No matter how many times and how many different ways a specific question is asked, he delivers the same, patented reply"
Clearly, I'm not the only one who will miss him.
Good night Ari, pleasant dreams and remember the advice of Lyman Bleecher:
Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death.
vrijdag, mei 16, 2003
A Cry For Help From Across Iraq Where Life Is Already Better
"Across most of Iraq, life is already better." Ambassador L. Paul Bremer III, the senior Coalition official in Iraq, addressing the Iraqi people yesterday
DEAR FRIEND,
THROUGH THE COURTESY OF A LOOTING OPPORTUNITY, I TAKE LIBERTY ANCHORED ON A STRONG DESIRE TO SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE ON THIS MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL AND RISK FREE TRANSACTION WHICH I HOPE YOU WILL GIVE YOUR URGENT ATTENTION.
I AM MR. SADDAM HUSSEIN. I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER,THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION, (EATING GARBAGE IN THE STREETS OF BAGHDAD TO STAY ALIVE, FENDING OFF LOOTERS AND MURDERERS WHO ROAM THE STREETS LIKE YOUR AMERICAN SERIAL KILLERS IN SEARCH OF VICTIMS), I ESCAPED WITH MY WIVES AND MY TWO SONS, UDAY AND QUSAY OUT OF OUR BOMBED-OUT UNDERGROUND PALACE TO PARADISE STREET WHERE WE ARE PRESENTLY RESIDING IN UNMITIGATED TERROR BETWEEN THE LOOTERS AND THE TRIGGER-HAPPY AMERICAN MILITIA.
DUE TO THIS SITUATION I DECIDED TO CHANGE MOST OF MY 950 MILLION DOLLARS DEPOSITED IN A LEBANESE BANK AND VARIOUS PALACES IN AND AROUND BAGHDAD INTO OTHER FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE AMERICAN TREASURY OFFICIALS ARE TRYING TO EITHER STEAL OR FREEZE ALL MY TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME PALACES, HENCE I AND MY WIVES ALONG WITH MY SONS, DECIDED TO LAY LOW IN BAGHDAD TO STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER.
SINCE PRESIDENT BUSH HAS TAKEN OVER OUR COUNTRY AND AMERICAN IMPERIALIST FORCES HAVE OVERRUN OUR SAFE HAVENS ONE OF MY CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH WE HAD TO CHANGE OUR IDENTITY SO
THAT OUR INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND CONFISCATED. I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF NINE HUNDRED MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS (US$900,500,000) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE ACTUAL CONTENTS.
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO NOW IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST ME AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY BY RECEIVING THE
MONEY ON OUR BEHALF AND USING IT TO OVERTHROW THE INVADING FORCES OF YANKEE IMPERIALIST PIGS AND THIEVES BEFORE THEY STEAL EVERY LAST DROP OF OIL FROM OUR COUNTRY AND THEN LEAVE US IN RUINS AND IN THE HANDS OF MURDEROUS SHIA RELIGIOUS HOOLIGANS IN ORDER TO HAVE THE AMERICAN TROOPS HOME IN TIME FOR THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS.
THE ACCOUNT REQUIRED FOR THIS PROJECT CAN EITHER BE PERSONAL, COMPANY OR AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT THAT YOU HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OVER, YOUR AREA OF SPECIALIZATION WILL NOT BE A HINDRANCE TO THE SUCCESSFUL EXECUTION OF THIS TRANSACTION.
ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MESSAGE, SO THAT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FAMILY AS OUR FOREIGN TRUSTED PARTNER WHO SHALL TAKE CHARGE OF
OUR INVESTMENT ABROAD WHERE WE NOW PLAN TO SETTLE. I WANT YOU TO ASSIST US IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT OUR IDENTITY REVEALED. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY PROPERTIES AND STOCKS IN MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE AND NON SPECULATIVE INVESTMENTS. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY AS MANY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AS I CAN GET MY HANDS ON.
WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF HEALTH AND SPIRITUAL TURMOIL, HENCE WILL NEED YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND ASSISTANCE.
MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASIZE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE WHICH WE REPOSE IN YOU. I SHALL PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE OF THIS BUSINESS, I'LL TELL YOU WHERE THE FUNDS ARE CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND ALSO DISCUSS OTHER MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION FOR YOUR SERVICES.
I SHALL INFORM YOU WITH THE NEXT LINE OF ACTION AS SOON AS I RECEIVE YOUR POSITIVE RESPONSE. IS THIS PROPOSITION ATTAINABLE? IF IT IS,PLEASE KINDLY FURNISH ME IMMEDIATELY BY E-MAIL WITH YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS TO ENHANCE THE CONFIDENTIALITY WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS.
BEST REGARDS
MR.SADDAM HUSSEIN
PLEASE REPLY TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL BELOW.
sexysaddam@yahoo.com
"Across most of Iraq, life is already better." Ambassador L. Paul Bremer III, the senior Coalition official in Iraq, addressing the Iraqi people yesterday
DEAR FRIEND,
THROUGH THE COURTESY OF A LOOTING OPPORTUNITY, I TAKE LIBERTY ANCHORED ON A STRONG DESIRE TO SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE ON THIS MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL AND RISK FREE TRANSACTION WHICH I HOPE YOU WILL GIVE YOUR URGENT ATTENTION.
I AM MR. SADDAM HUSSEIN. I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER,THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION, (EATING GARBAGE IN THE STREETS OF BAGHDAD TO STAY ALIVE, FENDING OFF LOOTERS AND MURDERERS WHO ROAM THE STREETS LIKE YOUR AMERICAN SERIAL KILLERS IN SEARCH OF VICTIMS), I ESCAPED WITH MY WIVES AND MY TWO SONS, UDAY AND QUSAY OUT OF OUR BOMBED-OUT UNDERGROUND PALACE TO PARADISE STREET WHERE WE ARE PRESENTLY RESIDING IN UNMITIGATED TERROR BETWEEN THE LOOTERS AND THE TRIGGER-HAPPY AMERICAN MILITIA.
DUE TO THIS SITUATION I DECIDED TO CHANGE MOST OF MY 950 MILLION DOLLARS DEPOSITED IN A LEBANESE BANK AND VARIOUS PALACES IN AND AROUND BAGHDAD INTO OTHER FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE AMERICAN TREASURY OFFICIALS ARE TRYING TO EITHER STEAL OR FREEZE ALL MY TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME PALACES, HENCE I AND MY WIVES ALONG WITH MY SONS, DECIDED TO LAY LOW IN BAGHDAD TO STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER.
SINCE PRESIDENT BUSH HAS TAKEN OVER OUR COUNTRY AND AMERICAN IMPERIALIST FORCES HAVE OVERRUN OUR SAFE HAVENS ONE OF MY CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH WE HAD TO CHANGE OUR IDENTITY SO
THAT OUR INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND CONFISCATED. I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF NINE HUNDRED MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS (US$900,500,000) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE ACTUAL CONTENTS.
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO NOW IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST ME AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY BY RECEIVING THE
MONEY ON OUR BEHALF AND USING IT TO OVERTHROW THE INVADING FORCES OF YANKEE IMPERIALIST PIGS AND THIEVES BEFORE THEY STEAL EVERY LAST DROP OF OIL FROM OUR COUNTRY AND THEN LEAVE US IN RUINS AND IN THE HANDS OF MURDEROUS SHIA RELIGIOUS HOOLIGANS IN ORDER TO HAVE THE AMERICAN TROOPS HOME IN TIME FOR THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS.
THE ACCOUNT REQUIRED FOR THIS PROJECT CAN EITHER BE PERSONAL, COMPANY OR AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT THAT YOU HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OVER, YOUR AREA OF SPECIALIZATION WILL NOT BE A HINDRANCE TO THE SUCCESSFUL EXECUTION OF THIS TRANSACTION.
ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MESSAGE, SO THAT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FAMILY AS OUR FOREIGN TRUSTED PARTNER WHO SHALL TAKE CHARGE OF
OUR INVESTMENT ABROAD WHERE WE NOW PLAN TO SETTLE. I WANT YOU TO ASSIST US IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT OUR IDENTITY REVEALED. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY PROPERTIES AND STOCKS IN MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE AND NON SPECULATIVE INVESTMENTS. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY AS MANY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AS I CAN GET MY HANDS ON.
WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF HEALTH AND SPIRITUAL TURMOIL, HENCE WILL NEED YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND ASSISTANCE.
MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASIZE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE WHICH WE REPOSE IN YOU. I SHALL PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE OF THIS BUSINESS, I'LL TELL YOU WHERE THE FUNDS ARE CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND ALSO DISCUSS OTHER MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION FOR YOUR SERVICES.
I SHALL INFORM YOU WITH THE NEXT LINE OF ACTION AS SOON AS I RECEIVE YOUR POSITIVE RESPONSE. IS THIS PROPOSITION ATTAINABLE? IF IT IS,PLEASE KINDLY FURNISH ME IMMEDIATELY BY E-MAIL WITH YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS TO ENHANCE THE CONFIDENTIALITY WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS.
BEST REGARDS
MR.SADDAM HUSSEIN
PLEASE REPLY TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL BELOW.
sexysaddam@yahoo.com
donderdag, mei 15, 2003
Spinning The Globe
To relieve the gnawing nausea, ennui and procrastination of the day's events, Desultory Turgescence took the liberty of going through hours of other peoples' blogs at random, trying to find interesting antics and new links:
Canned rattlesnake or canned alligator tonight? Check out the Potted Meat Museum via Fat Buddha.
Kitties in pint glasses via Beer Is For Winners.
Hungry? How about a little infected toe for dinner tonight? via the Wound Gallery.
Ever wonder which Beatles Song you are? via Master of The House.
Hot photos behind the secret love affair between Bush and Blair and the flag via bloggerheads and New Word Order.
Well, it looks like I'm an Atheist. At least according to the Which Enemy of the Christian Faith Are You? test. via i am a donut.
Wondering about the world ending? Here are 20 Ways The World Could End. Personally, I vote for #17, Mass Insanity
"While physical health has improved in most parts of the world over the past century, mental health is getting worse. The World Health Organization estimates that 500 million people around the world suffer from a psychological disorder. By 2020, depression will likely be the second leading cause of death and lost productivity, right behind cardiovascular disease. Increasing human life spans may actually intensify the problem, because people have more years to experience the loneliness and infirmity of old age. Americans over 65 already are disproportionately likely to commit suicide. Gregory Stock, a biophysicist at the University of California at Los Angeles, believes medical science will soon allow people to live to be 200 or older. If such an extended life span becomes common, it will pose unfathomable social and psychological challenges. Perhaps 200 years of accumulated sensations will overload the human brain, leading to a new kind of insanity or fostering the spread of doomsday cults, determined to reclaim life's endpoint. Perhaps the current trends of depression and suicide among the elderly will continue. One possible solution— promoting a certain kind of mental well-being with psychoactive drugs such as Prozac— heads into uncharted waters. Researchers have no good data on the long-term effects of taking these medicines."
via Incoming Signals.
Finally, a 404 page for that file "committing suicide because it has been shamed and Allah will roast its stomach in hell.", via 3 Bruces also leading to Rob's Amazing Poetry Generator which turned Desultory Turgesence content into a poem:
Desultory claim not discuss
Carlyle Group, is writhing in a weapon
against our fiscal crisis. And profitable
businesses, which spreads deterioration of celebrating
a story reads: One
used it
want and a very
valid reasons why the Daffy Busy
War only slightly less
dramatic than Saddam? actually. involved
in Congress. Republican Gov. Rick
Perry called on Spuistraat or
elevated risk, of perfume and
passes by
many of Imperatives which is seeking
from the creationists reading Perfume, bottles shaped
like the
Shadows Of values
and get their fingers into 6.
and turned the White House website into this poem:
Welcome to dream big, to
the institutions and to a
better future. I want to
pray bold, and Growth plan on
Wednesday discussed strengthening the White House
Take a better
future. I want to places around the
same
period for your
abiding hope, for Economic
Security Homeland
Security Iraqi
people build the transcript. Envoy he
will appear on
Ask the White
House this Thursday Our country is proud
of over 90% during the cause
of appeals court nominees
were confirmed
compared to work
hard for
your steadfast faith,
and the
name Nueva Esperanza New
Hope. for your Government |
Appointments | Contact | Text only 53% of
all the cause
of over 90% during
President First Lady | Mrs.
I knew it wouldn't be long coming: The Deck of Republican Chickenhawks. And look who's the Joker. Via blogdex.
A great Dr. Seuss tribute Would You Like To Bomb Iran? from The Best Page in the Universe, a fine discovery this afternoon which included pieces that me gag with pleasure like For Every Animal You Don't Eat, I'm Going To Eat Three and asks the important questions like Who Would Make A Better President, Bush Or A Box of Tic-Tacs?
What does it mean when The Positive Blog hasn't written anything in a week?
To relieve the gnawing nausea, ennui and procrastination of the day's events, Desultory Turgescence took the liberty of going through hours of other peoples' blogs at random, trying to find interesting antics and new links:
Canned rattlesnake or canned alligator tonight? Check out the Potted Meat Museum via Fat Buddha.
Kitties in pint glasses via Beer Is For Winners.
Hungry? How about a little infected toe for dinner tonight? via the Wound Gallery.
Ever wonder which Beatles Song you are? via Master of The House.
Hot photos behind the secret love affair between Bush and Blair and the flag via bloggerheads and New Word Order.
Well, it looks like I'm an Atheist. At least according to the Which Enemy of the Christian Faith Are You? test. via i am a donut.
Wondering about the world ending? Here are 20 Ways The World Could End. Personally, I vote for #17, Mass Insanity
"While physical health has improved in most parts of the world over the past century, mental health is getting worse. The World Health Organization estimates that 500 million people around the world suffer from a psychological disorder. By 2020, depression will likely be the second leading cause of death and lost productivity, right behind cardiovascular disease. Increasing human life spans may actually intensify the problem, because people have more years to experience the loneliness and infirmity of old age. Americans over 65 already are disproportionately likely to commit suicide. Gregory Stock, a biophysicist at the University of California at Los Angeles, believes medical science will soon allow people to live to be 200 or older. If such an extended life span becomes common, it will pose unfathomable social and psychological challenges. Perhaps 200 years of accumulated sensations will overload the human brain, leading to a new kind of insanity or fostering the spread of doomsday cults, determined to reclaim life's endpoint. Perhaps the current trends of depression and suicide among the elderly will continue. One possible solution— promoting a certain kind of mental well-being with psychoactive drugs such as Prozac— heads into uncharted waters. Researchers have no good data on the long-term effects of taking these medicines."
via Incoming Signals.
Finally, a 404 page for that file "committing suicide because it has been shamed and Allah will roast its stomach in hell.", via 3 Bruces also leading to Rob's Amazing Poetry Generator which turned Desultory Turgesence content into a poem:
Desultory claim not discuss
Carlyle Group, is writhing in a weapon
against our fiscal crisis. And profitable
businesses, which spreads deterioration of celebrating
a story reads: One
used it
want and a very
valid reasons why the Daffy Busy
War only slightly less
dramatic than Saddam? actually. involved
in Congress. Republican Gov. Rick
Perry called on Spuistraat or
elevated risk, of perfume and
passes by
many of Imperatives which is seeking
from the creationists reading Perfume, bottles shaped
like the
Shadows Of values
and get their fingers into 6.
and turned the White House website into this poem:
Welcome to dream big, to
the institutions and to a
better future. I want to
pray bold, and Growth plan on
Wednesday discussed strengthening the White House
Take a better
future. I want to places around the
same
period for your
abiding hope, for Economic
Security Homeland
Security Iraqi
people build the transcript. Envoy he
will appear on
Ask the White
House this Thursday Our country is proud
of over 90% during the cause
of appeals court nominees
were confirmed
compared to work
hard for
your steadfast faith,
and the
name Nueva Esperanza New
Hope. for your Government |
Appointments | Contact | Text only 53% of
all the cause
of over 90% during
President First Lady | Mrs.
I knew it wouldn't be long coming: The Deck of Republican Chickenhawks. And look who's the Joker. Via blogdex.
A great Dr. Seuss tribute Would You Like To Bomb Iran? from The Best Page in the Universe, a fine discovery this afternoon which included pieces that me gag with pleasure like For Every Animal You Don't Eat, I'm Going To Eat Three and asks the important questions like Who Would Make A Better President, Bush Or A Box of Tic-Tacs?
What does it mean when The Positive Blog hasn't written anything in a week?
dinsdag, mei 13, 2003
Disappearing Democrats
CNN reports that the Texas Department of Public Safety posted a bulletin Monday on its Web site -- the same one used to alert citizens to missing children and wanted criminals -- asking for help in locating 53 Texas House Democrats "who have disappeared."
The Texas House was back in session Tuesday, but it remained paralyzed by a Democratic walkout that prompted state officials to post a political version of the Amber Alert.
More than 50 House Democrats were holed up in a motel across the state line in Ardmore, Oklahoma, out of reach of state police, whom the House's Republican majority has ordered to bring them back to Austin. The Democrats are hoping to thwart what they call an "undemocratic, unjust, and unprecedented" GOP redistricting plan that could cost them five seats in Congress.
Republican Gov. Rick Perry called the walkout "cowardly and childish," and Craddick said the walkout will make a special session to pass a state budget likely.
"These members were elected to do a job. Hiding out in another state, evading DPS and the Texas Rangers, jeopardizing vital programs and standing up constituents who come to call is inexcusable," Craddick said in a Monday statement. "These 53 Democrats need to get back to Austin and get to work."
Texas Democratic Party chairwoman Molly Beth Malcolm called the rebelling Democrats "heroes."
I can't figure out which is more indicative of our times: that the Republicans sent the Department of Public Safety and the Texas Rangers to hunt down the missing Democrats or that the Democrats had to run away to Oklahoma to avoid capture.
*****
Last week when Our Fearless Leader, on the heels of his gallant fighter pilot charade on board the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, made a visit to California's Silicon Valley. The purpose wasn't to visit the high-tech industry for a morale boost but instead, to rush into the arms of certain, loving supporters at the United Defense Industries.
As Tim Shorrock notes in his recent article Hubris Unbound, United Defense is majority-owned and controlled by the Carlyle Group, the Washington, DC, merchant bank in which, SURPRISESURPRISE, Bush's father, George H.W. Bush, has a direct financial interest and serves as a trusted adviser. Yet the American public was kept in the dark about this relationship by the newspaper of record, along with the Washington Post, CNN and every other major media outlet.
Note however, in yet another hilarious distortion of truth and reality, Chris Ullman, Carlyle's vice president for corporate communications, rejected the idea that because Bush the Elder's relationship with a huge defense lobby group is a clear conflict of interest, he should resign his post as an adviser to the Carlyle Group. "Former President Bush's relationship with his son has nothing to do with Carlyle or our investments," he said in an e-mail. "The former president does not discuss Carlyle matters with his son; the success of our firm rests on the hard work of our investment professionals."
Good one. Bush the Elder and his son are probably too busy spending their free time talking about the dark side of the presidential family, Neil Bush's marital infidelities, cigarette boats and why everyone Bush the Younger insists will be "hunted down" ends up uncaptured and sending periodic messages promoting international terrorism. Bush the Younger is no hunter, let's face it. He's more of a gatherer.
*****
The Al-Madina regional branch of the Saudi religious and morality police, formally known as "The Authority for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vices," recently launched its new website. The site posts news items, citizens' violations, and includes a section that allows citizens to inform anonymously on persons they suspect of violating religious and moral laws. Almost sounds like they're getting their advise from John Ashcroft's Citizen Spy Army.
Warning: 'That Barbie Doll is Jewish!'
Another section of the website, the "Exhibit of Violations," displays confiscated items from the "permanent collection of violations of Islamic law at Authority headquarters in Al-Madina." The section shows photos of perfume bottles shaped like a woman's torso, with text reading: "Perfume, but…! Examples of perfumes with good fragrances for women and evil bottles that harm the honor of the woman and undermine her morality. We must beware. The Prophet Muhammad said, 'Any woman who wears perfume and passes by people so they can smell it is a whore…'" Also shown is a photo of several Barbie dolls, along with the text: "The enemies of Islam want to invade us with all possible means, and therefore they have circulated among us this doll, which spreads deterioration of values and moral degeneracy among our girls." On the photo, under the heading "The Jewish Doll," is a story titled "The Strange Request." The story reads: "One girl said to her mother: 'Mother, I want jeans and a shirt open at the top, like Barbie's!!' The dolls of the Jewish Barbie in her naked garb [sic], their disgraceful appearance, and their various accessories are a symbol of the dissolution of values in the West. We must fully comprehend the danger in them."
Sounds like Congress and Ashcroft had better get busy, there are alot of naked Barbies out there to burn. Save America! Kill Barbie!
CNN reports that the Texas Department of Public Safety posted a bulletin Monday on its Web site -- the same one used to alert citizens to missing children and wanted criminals -- asking for help in locating 53 Texas House Democrats "who have disappeared."
The Texas House was back in session Tuesday, but it remained paralyzed by a Democratic walkout that prompted state officials to post a political version of the Amber Alert.
More than 50 House Democrats were holed up in a motel across the state line in Ardmore, Oklahoma, out of reach of state police, whom the House's Republican majority has ordered to bring them back to Austin. The Democrats are hoping to thwart what they call an "undemocratic, unjust, and unprecedented" GOP redistricting plan that could cost them five seats in Congress.
Republican Gov. Rick Perry called the walkout "cowardly and childish," and Craddick said the walkout will make a special session to pass a state budget likely.
"These members were elected to do a job. Hiding out in another state, evading DPS and the Texas Rangers, jeopardizing vital programs and standing up constituents who come to call is inexcusable," Craddick said in a Monday statement. "These 53 Democrats need to get back to Austin and get to work."
Texas Democratic Party chairwoman Molly Beth Malcolm called the rebelling Democrats "heroes."
I can't figure out which is more indicative of our times: that the Republicans sent the Department of Public Safety and the Texas Rangers to hunt down the missing Democrats or that the Democrats had to run away to Oklahoma to avoid capture.
*****
Last week when Our Fearless Leader, on the heels of his gallant fighter pilot charade on board the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, made a visit to California's Silicon Valley. The purpose wasn't to visit the high-tech industry for a morale boost but instead, to rush into the arms of certain, loving supporters at the United Defense Industries.
As Tim Shorrock notes in his recent article Hubris Unbound, United Defense is majority-owned and controlled by the Carlyle Group, the Washington, DC, merchant bank in which, SURPRISESURPRISE, Bush's father, George H.W. Bush, has a direct financial interest and serves as a trusted adviser. Yet the American public was kept in the dark about this relationship by the newspaper of record, along with the Washington Post, CNN and every other major media outlet.
Note however, in yet another hilarious distortion of truth and reality, Chris Ullman, Carlyle's vice president for corporate communications, rejected the idea that because Bush the Elder's relationship with a huge defense lobby group is a clear conflict of interest, he should resign his post as an adviser to the Carlyle Group. "Former President Bush's relationship with his son has nothing to do with Carlyle or our investments," he said in an e-mail. "The former president does not discuss Carlyle matters with his son; the success of our firm rests on the hard work of our investment professionals."
Good one. Bush the Elder and his son are probably too busy spending their free time talking about the dark side of the presidential family, Neil Bush's marital infidelities, cigarette boats and why everyone Bush the Younger insists will be "hunted down" ends up uncaptured and sending periodic messages promoting international terrorism. Bush the Younger is no hunter, let's face it. He's more of a gatherer.
*****
The Al-Madina regional branch of the Saudi religious and morality police, formally known as "The Authority for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vices," recently launched its new website. The site posts news items, citizens' violations, and includes a section that allows citizens to inform anonymously on persons they suspect of violating religious and moral laws. Almost sounds like they're getting their advise from John Ashcroft's Citizen Spy Army.
Warning: 'That Barbie Doll is Jewish!'
Another section of the website, the "Exhibit of Violations," displays confiscated items from the "permanent collection of violations of Islamic law at Authority headquarters in Al-Madina." The section shows photos of perfume bottles shaped like a woman's torso, with text reading: "Perfume, but…! Examples of perfumes with good fragrances for women and evil bottles that harm the honor of the woman and undermine her morality. We must beware. The Prophet Muhammad said, 'Any woman who wears perfume and passes by people so they can smell it is a whore…'" Also shown is a photo of several Barbie dolls, along with the text: "The enemies of Islam want to invade us with all possible means, and therefore they have circulated among us this doll, which spreads deterioration of values and moral degeneracy among our girls." On the photo, under the heading "The Jewish Doll," is a story titled "The Strange Request." The story reads: "One girl said to her mother: 'Mother, I want jeans and a shirt open at the top, like Barbie's!!' The dolls of the Jewish Barbie in her naked garb [sic], their disgraceful appearance, and their various accessories are a symbol of the dissolution of values in the West. We must fully comprehend the danger in them."
Sounds like Congress and Ashcroft had better get busy, there are alot of naked Barbies out there to burn. Save America! Kill Barbie!
maandag, mei 12, 2003
Weapons of Mass Destruction, Where Art Thou?
Yesterday's Washington Post reported that the group directing all known U.S. search efforts for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is winding down operations without finding proof that President Saddam Hussein kept clandestine stocks of outlawed arms, according to participants.
After all, they checked all the usual hiding places, looked under the Persian rugs, through Uday Hussein's porno collection, broke open all the plaster of paris Saddam statues, what more do you want?
Army Col. Richard McPhee, who will close down the task force next month, said he took seriously U.S. intelligence warnings on the eve of war that Hussein had given "release authority" to subordinates in command of chemical weapons. "We didn't have all these people in [protective] suits" for nothing, he said. But if Iraq thought of using such weapons, "there had to have been something to use. And we haven't found it. . . . Books will be written on that in the intelligence community for a long time."
The hunt will continue under a new Iraq Survey Group, which the Bush administration has said is a larger team. The previous teams in charge of searching for chemical weapons had been busy shedding light on far more important information like how much Uday Hussein was in to gold-plated items, experimenting with high-stakes strip poker with the most wanted Iraqi officials playing cards, tracking down the looted treasures from Iraq's national museum and hunting down Iraqis who proclaim themselves mayor of Baghdad.
Let's take a look in the "way back" machine and recall these quotes from Our Favorite Airman Bush:
Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised, addressing the nation, March 17, 2003
The Iraqi regime has violated all of those obligations. It possesses and produces chemical and biological weapons, addressing the nation, October 8, 2002
Iraqi operatives continue to hide biological and chemical agents to avoid detection by inspectors, addressing the nation, March 6, 2003
Saddam Hussein cannot hide its weapons of mass destruction from international inspectors without the cooperation of hundreds and thousands of Iraqis; those who work in the weapons program and those who are responsible for concealing the weapons, speech to the UN, November 8, 2002.
There could be some very valid reasons why there aren't any weapons of mass destruction. I mean, other than telling blatant lies to the American people in order to get their support for an invasion of Iraq. Very good reasons, I'm sure. Just a handful of them are found in David Letterman's
Top Ten President Bush Excuses For Not Finding Weapons of Mass Destruction
10. "We've only looked through 99% of the country"
9. "We spent entire budget making those playing cards"
8. "Containers are labeled in some crazy language"
7. "They must have been stolen by some of them evil X-Men mutants"
6. "Did I say Iraq has weapons of mass destruction? I meant they have goats"
5. "How are we supposed to find weapons of mass destruction when we can't even find Cheney?"
4. "Still screwed up because of Daylight Savings Time"
3. "When you're trying to find something, it's always in the last place you look, am I right, people?"
2. "Let's face it -- I ain't exactly a genius"
1. "Geraldo took them"
Happy Hunting.
*****
If you're looking for some quick intellectual stimulation, the Gotham Gazette offers you the chance to compare your ability to fix the budget deficit better than Mayor Buffoonberg with the NYC Budget Game. Desultory Turgescence was able to created a $1.8 million surplus and pass out $36,000 apiece to its fifty favorite friends. Sadly, there were no options for repealing the hairbrained anti-smoking law, using Buffoonberg's money to pay off the deficit or building a big statue of Buffoonberg in Times Square so we can all get together and pull it down with the help of CNN reporters and camera crews while declaring the regime "officially" toppled.
Yesterday's Washington Post reported that the group directing all known U.S. search efforts for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is winding down operations without finding proof that President Saddam Hussein kept clandestine stocks of outlawed arms, according to participants.
After all, they checked all the usual hiding places, looked under the Persian rugs, through Uday Hussein's porno collection, broke open all the plaster of paris Saddam statues, what more do you want?
Army Col. Richard McPhee, who will close down the task force next month, said he took seriously U.S. intelligence warnings on the eve of war that Hussein had given "release authority" to subordinates in command of chemical weapons. "We didn't have all these people in [protective] suits" for nothing, he said. But if Iraq thought of using such weapons, "there had to have been something to use. And we haven't found it. . . . Books will be written on that in the intelligence community for a long time."
The hunt will continue under a new Iraq Survey Group, which the Bush administration has said is a larger team. The previous teams in charge of searching for chemical weapons had been busy shedding light on far more important information like how much Uday Hussein was in to gold-plated items, experimenting with high-stakes strip poker with the most wanted Iraqi officials playing cards, tracking down the looted treasures from Iraq's national museum and hunting down Iraqis who proclaim themselves mayor of Baghdad.
Let's take a look in the "way back" machine and recall these quotes from Our Favorite Airman Bush:
Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised, addressing the nation, March 17, 2003
The Iraqi regime has violated all of those obligations. It possesses and produces chemical and biological weapons, addressing the nation, October 8, 2002
Iraqi operatives continue to hide biological and chemical agents to avoid detection by inspectors, addressing the nation, March 6, 2003
Saddam Hussein cannot hide its weapons of mass destruction from international inspectors without the cooperation of hundreds and thousands of Iraqis; those who work in the weapons program and those who are responsible for concealing the weapons, speech to the UN, November 8, 2002.
There could be some very valid reasons why there aren't any weapons of mass destruction. I mean, other than telling blatant lies to the American people in order to get their support for an invasion of Iraq. Very good reasons, I'm sure. Just a handful of them are found in David Letterman's
Top Ten President Bush Excuses For Not Finding Weapons of Mass Destruction
10. "We've only looked through 99% of the country"
9. "We spent entire budget making those playing cards"
8. "Containers are labeled in some crazy language"
7. "They must have been stolen by some of them evil X-Men mutants"
6. "Did I say Iraq has weapons of mass destruction? I meant they have goats"
5. "How are we supposed to find weapons of mass destruction when we can't even find Cheney?"
4. "Still screwed up because of Daylight Savings Time"
3. "When you're trying to find something, it's always in the last place you look, am I right, people?"
2. "Let's face it -- I ain't exactly a genius"
1. "Geraldo took them"
Happy Hunting.
*****
If you're looking for some quick intellectual stimulation, the Gotham Gazette offers you the chance to compare your ability to fix the budget deficit better than Mayor Buffoonberg with the NYC Budget Game. Desultory Turgescence was able to created a $1.8 million surplus and pass out $36,000 apiece to its fifty favorite friends. Sadly, there were no options for repealing the hairbrained anti-smoking law, using Buffoonberg's money to pay off the deficit or building a big statue of Buffoonberg in Times Square so we can all get together and pull it down with the help of CNN reporters and camera crews while declaring the regime "officially" toppled.
zaterdag, mei 10, 2003
No Shakespeares, But Perhaps A Jay McInerney In The Bunch
The old theory that if you got together an infinite number of monkeys typing at random eventually they could produce the entire works of Shakespeare has finally been, to some degree, disproven.
Researchers at Plymouth University in England left a computer in the monkey enclosure at the Paignton Zoo for six Sulawesi crested macaques, Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan, for one month, to test out the theory. Instead of Shakespeare, they eventually produced five pages of text, composed primarily of the letter S. Later, the letters A, J, L and M crept in.
"They pressed a lot of S's," researcher Mike Phillips said yesterday. "Obviously, English isn't their first language." At first, said Phillips, "the lead male got a stone and started bashing the hell out of it."
"Another thing they were interested in was in defecating and urinating all over the keyboard," added Phillips, who runs the university's Institute of Digital Arts and Technologies.
The notion that monkeys typing at random will eventually produce literature is often attributed to Thomas Huxley, a 19th-century scientist who supported Charles Darwin's theories of evolution. (Hyperlink added for the sake of the creationists reading this blog). Mathematicians have also used it to illustrate concepts of chance.
Now that the monkeys have mastered the letters S, A, J, L and M, can another Story of My Life be far behind? After all, Phillips said the experiment showed that monkeys "are not random generators; they're more complex than that. They were quite interested in the screen, and they saw that when they typed a letter, something happened. There was a level of intention there." That's probably more than you can say for Jay McInerney's recent works.
The old theory that if you got together an infinite number of monkeys typing at random eventually they could produce the entire works of Shakespeare has finally been, to some degree, disproven.
Researchers at Plymouth University in England left a computer in the monkey enclosure at the Paignton Zoo for six Sulawesi crested macaques, Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan, for one month, to test out the theory. Instead of Shakespeare, they eventually produced five pages of text, composed primarily of the letter S. Later, the letters A, J, L and M crept in.
"They pressed a lot of S's," researcher Mike Phillips said yesterday. "Obviously, English isn't their first language." At first, said Phillips, "the lead male got a stone and started bashing the hell out of it."
"Another thing they were interested in was in defecating and urinating all over the keyboard," added Phillips, who runs the university's Institute of Digital Arts and Technologies.
The notion that monkeys typing at random will eventually produce literature is often attributed to Thomas Huxley, a 19th-century scientist who supported Charles Darwin's theories of evolution. (Hyperlink added for the sake of the creationists reading this blog). Mathematicians have also used it to illustrate concepts of chance.
Now that the monkeys have mastered the letters S, A, J, L and M, can another Story of My Life be far behind? After all, Phillips said the experiment showed that monkeys "are not random generators; they're more complex than that. They were quite interested in the screen, and they saw that when they typed a letter, something happened. There was a level of intention there." That's probably more than you can say for Jay McInerney's recent works.
vrijdag, mei 09, 2003
Back In The Saddle
"Bush is repellent, a hawk who was a coward, leader of the most corrupt administration since the Twenties. He’s not a legitimate President," - Ken Livingstone, mayor of London, while taking questions from schoolchildren at London's City Hall.
While New York City residents are afflicted by a despotic little mayor who legislates morality, threatens his constituents with "doomsday" budgetary scenarios, nasally whines that he is "not here to run for the polls" and takes part in a fake wedding to Barbara Walters, reminding one of Nero fiddling while Rome burned, the mayor of London, Ken Livingstone delivers the goods on Bush.
As if his insightful take on Bush's presidency wasn't clear enough, he later added about the Bush Regime that: “This really is a completely unsupportable Government and I look forward to it being overthrown as much as I looked forward to Saddam Hussein being overthrown.” When asked to clarify his attack on Bush, Mr. Livingstone said Mr Bush was a coward who had avoided serving in the Vietnam war only through the influence of his father.
"You have got this super-patriotic hawk who was a coward when his country was actually involved in a war which he politically supported." and added that he thought George Bush "is the most corrupt American president since Harding in the Twenties".
President Harding was embroiled in the Teapot Dome Scandal which was a controversy over the leasing and control of oil reserves at Teapot Dome, Wyoming. Harding died in the third year of his first term. Bush is now in the third year of his first term.
Hmmmm.
But perhaps funnier, was that pansophical parrot Ari Fleischer was asked about the mayor's comments during yesterday's press briefing and responded by noting "First of all, I've never heard of the fellow. Second of all, I wouldn't dignify it with a comment."
Never heard of the mayor of the capital city of your biggest ally? Perhaps all those hours boning up on the fiercely cliché-ridden anti-Saddam rhetoric and all the months of polishing lies and evasions for the Administration leaves one with a rather stunted view, dancing from the head of a pin.
While Ari might not have a comment to dignify the mayor's comments with, Desultory Turgescence does:
Bravo, Mr. Livingstone!
*****
Perhaps it is coincidental timing, but Desultory Turgescence, while in the throes of the past two week sabbatical, has officially begun plans for a move to merry ole England sometime in the next two months. While it isn't quite the same as Moving to Florida, the appeal of the Shirley Donkey Derby may be too powerful to resist, not to mention the Fat God's Brewery and the distinct lack of moral monopolists polluting the landscape.
*****
Thanks to Snakeskin for publishing The Young Man's Checklist of Imperatives which first appeared on Desultory Turgenscence a few weeks ago.
*****
Thought of the Day:
"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober."
G. K. Chesterton
"Bush is repellent, a hawk who was a coward, leader of the most corrupt administration since the Twenties. He’s not a legitimate President," - Ken Livingstone, mayor of London, while taking questions from schoolchildren at London's City Hall.
While New York City residents are afflicted by a despotic little mayor who legislates morality, threatens his constituents with "doomsday" budgetary scenarios, nasally whines that he is "not here to run for the polls" and takes part in a fake wedding to Barbara Walters, reminding one of Nero fiddling while Rome burned, the mayor of London, Ken Livingstone delivers the goods on Bush.
As if his insightful take on Bush's presidency wasn't clear enough, he later added about the Bush Regime that: “This really is a completely unsupportable Government and I look forward to it being overthrown as much as I looked forward to Saddam Hussein being overthrown.” When asked to clarify his attack on Bush, Mr. Livingstone said Mr Bush was a coward who had avoided serving in the Vietnam war only through the influence of his father.
"You have got this super-patriotic hawk who was a coward when his country was actually involved in a war which he politically supported." and added that he thought George Bush "is the most corrupt American president since Harding in the Twenties".
President Harding was embroiled in the Teapot Dome Scandal which was a controversy over the leasing and control of oil reserves at Teapot Dome, Wyoming. Harding died in the third year of his first term. Bush is now in the third year of his first term.
Hmmmm.
But perhaps funnier, was that pansophical parrot Ari Fleischer was asked about the mayor's comments during yesterday's press briefing and responded by noting "First of all, I've never heard of the fellow. Second of all, I wouldn't dignify it with a comment."
Never heard of the mayor of the capital city of your biggest ally? Perhaps all those hours boning up on the fiercely cliché-ridden anti-Saddam rhetoric and all the months of polishing lies and evasions for the Administration leaves one with a rather stunted view, dancing from the head of a pin.
While Ari might not have a comment to dignify the mayor's comments with, Desultory Turgescence does:
Bravo, Mr. Livingstone!
*****
Perhaps it is coincidental timing, but Desultory Turgescence, while in the throes of the past two week sabbatical, has officially begun plans for a move to merry ole England sometime in the next two months. While it isn't quite the same as Moving to Florida, the appeal of the Shirley Donkey Derby may be too powerful to resist, not to mention the Fat God's Brewery and the distinct lack of moral monopolists polluting the landscape.
*****
Thanks to Snakeskin for publishing The Young Man's Checklist of Imperatives which first appeared on Desultory Turgenscence a few weeks ago.
*****
Thought of the Day:
"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober."
G. K. Chesterton
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