Iraq Was A Typo
"Man is not the sum of what he has but the total of what he does not yet have, of what he might have." - Jean-Paul Sartre
For the most concise explanation yet of why, after invading Iraq, the Bush Administration is still unable to come up with any weapons of mass destruction or any concrete links between Saddam and al-Qaeda, check out Tom Toles' cartoon.
Of course, for those of you interested in true comedy, there's always the quotes of our favorite Ministers of Disinformation:
"No one should expect this kind of deception effort to get penetrated overnight," Deputy Defense Secretary Paul D. Wolfowitz.
Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld said Tuesday in response to questions at the Council on Foreign Relations in New York, that the Iraqis "didn't have time to . . . use chemical weapons. . . . They may have had time to destroy them, and I don't know the answer."
"The president of the United States and the secretary of defense would not assert as plainly and vocally as they have that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction if it was not true and if they did not have a solid basis for saying it," Ari Fleischer, December 5, 2002, commenting on those daring to question the Bush Administration allegations.
My Personal Favorite:
"President Bush has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Tony Blair has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Donald Rumsfeld has said Iraq has weapons of mass destruction. Richard Butler has said they do. The United Nations has said they do. The experts have said they do. Iraq says they don't. You can choose who you want to believe."
Let's all scream for some weapons of mass destruction to be found.
C'mon folks, sing it with me: I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!, as chanted by Roberto Benigni in Down By Law which also brought us another great quote:
"[My mother] ...used to say that [America] ...is a big melting pot, because when you bring it to boil, all the scum rises to the top." -- Bobbie (BILLIE NEAL)
*****
From the And I Thought Mayor Bufoonberg Was An Idiot Department...
In Holland, thanks to the maniacs at smoke free netherlands, people may have to start smoking their joints outside.
"Ook in coffeeshops mag met ingang van volgend jaar niet meer worden gerookt in verband met de invoering van de nieuwe tabakswet. Vanaf 1 januari zijn werkgevers verplicht om te zorgen voor een rookvrije werkomgeving voor hun personeel. De horeca heeft een jaar uitstel gekregen, maar coffeeshops vallen daar niet onder" De Bond voor Cannabis Detaillisten zegt het rookverbod nauwelijks serieus te kunnen nemen, omdat mensen juist naar de coffeeshop komen om te roken. 'Het is alsof je bij de Chinees geen rijst mag eten, aldus voorzitter Roskam.
Exactly. It's like you can't eat rice in a Chinese restaurant.
donderdag, mei 29, 2003
woensdag, mei 28, 2003
Discomfort of Life Crimes
"Well I see that the world is upside-down
Seems that my pockets were filled up with gold
And now the clouds, well they've covered over
And the wind is blowing cold"
-Tom Waits, Anywhere I Lay My Head
It's hard to miss all the great news coming out of NYC these days.
The draconian anti-smoking laws which went into effect almost two months ago are killing business. Among the 50 establishments surveyed by the New York Post, 34 reported declining business, some claiming that revenues were cut in half. Six businesses had laid off staff or cut back on employee hours.
"The administration has stuck a knife in the back of the only industry that is holding this city up," said Bill O'Donnell of the Corner Bistro. "This was a vibrant industry that generated a lot of money for the city, and they went and killed it."
Of course, anti-smoking czar, Mayor Bufoonberg, in a fit of irony, claims "They're [The Post] going to make up stuff no matter what.". As it is was pointed out, not two days after the bar story ran, anti-smoking activist Dr. Elizabeth Whelan told MacIntosh that Bufoonberg's initial claims that his smoking ban would prevent 1,000 bar and restaurant workers' deaths from secondhand smoke was "patently absurd." The real number she said would be closer to between "zero and hypothetically 10 to 15."
But wait! While Bufoonberg's claims were patently absurd, the latest bit of news, transforming NYC from fun city to fine city, is even more absurd. In a desperate attempt to boost city coffers, Bufoonberg has ordered cops to churn out money-making summonses.
To date, a pregnant woman was issued a $50 citation for sitting on the subway stairs to take a rest, a Bronx man was ticketed for sitting on a milk crate, a Manhattan woman was ticketed for using outdated blue recycling bags to throw away her trash, a New Jersey man was cited for his car's loose passenger mirror and a Brooklyn man was fined for having an oven in front of his building, a Brooklyn gym owner Michael Ganim got smacked with $12,500 in fines this month. His crime? His awnings contained the facility's logo, phone number, and "excessive wording" in violation of a lightly enforced 1961 zoning ordinance. So, Ganim ripped down his $20,000 awnings hoping to avoid this fine. A 22-year-old Israeli tourist received a $50 ticket for occupying two seats on a largely empty F Train to Jamaica, Queens. His arms and head had slid into the adjacent seat after Kashdia had dozed off. He woke up to find two officers writing him a summons. It's clear that Bufoonberg is really pushing a quality of life agenda forward but what isn't clear is whose lives are getting the quality.
While the city experiences cuts and layoffs in areas like fire-fighting, education and other essential city services, Bufoonberg's wealthy friends have avoided reinstatement of the tax on stock sales that once brought millions into the city’s coffers. He did ask for a commuter tax (a tax on non-residents who work in the city), but knew Pataki would never approve it. Instead, the Mayor implemented a property tax increase, much of which can be passed on to the city’s poor renters.
Quality-of-life complaints in Manhattan have skyrocketed over the past two months - and a lot of residents, cops and business owners are placing the blame on Mayor Bloomberg's smoking ban.
"We've definitely had more complaints since the smoking ban - noise, fights out on the sidewalk, harassment of pedestrians. You name it, it's gone up," said a cop who patrols Bleecker Street.
And of course, if you've got enough money to pony up $10 for a bottle of beer, you can smoke to your heart's content in the Oak Room of the Plaza Hotel where it appears, the right payoffs have been made.
As Bob Herbert notes:
"So the Plaza seems committed to flagrantly ignoring the law. While the "little people" from the Bronx to Staten Island are dealing with the inconvenience of the ban — not to mention the reduced business for bar owners and substantially reduced tips for bartenders and waiters — the power crowd in the Oak Bar continues to light up in grand style, and the owners are cashing in.
For the Oak Bar, the ban has actually been a boon. Perhaps this is another one of those laws that apply only to the little people."
Next time around, if you're looking to see the quality of your life take an upturn, you might want to vote Bufoonberg for ex-Mayor.
Speaking of exes, that other great hypocrisy in the sky, (admittedly, not the smoothest transition) our exhaulted ruler and eternal savior George W. Bush is oh fer two hunting down his enemies. First Osama and now Saddam. Will the "real" Saddam please stand up? via Bush Wars.
"Well I see that the world is upside-down
Seems that my pockets were filled up with gold
And now the clouds, well they've covered over
And the wind is blowing cold"
-Tom Waits, Anywhere I Lay My Head
It's hard to miss all the great news coming out of NYC these days.
The draconian anti-smoking laws which went into effect almost two months ago are killing business. Among the 50 establishments surveyed by the New York Post, 34 reported declining business, some claiming that revenues were cut in half. Six businesses had laid off staff or cut back on employee hours.
"The administration has stuck a knife in the back of the only industry that is holding this city up," said Bill O'Donnell of the Corner Bistro. "This was a vibrant industry that generated a lot of money for the city, and they went and killed it."
Of course, anti-smoking czar, Mayor Bufoonberg, in a fit of irony, claims "They're [The Post] going to make up stuff no matter what.". As it is was pointed out, not two days after the bar story ran, anti-smoking activist Dr. Elizabeth Whelan told MacIntosh that Bufoonberg's initial claims that his smoking ban would prevent 1,000 bar and restaurant workers' deaths from secondhand smoke was "patently absurd." The real number she said would be closer to between "zero and hypothetically 10 to 15."
But wait! While Bufoonberg's claims were patently absurd, the latest bit of news, transforming NYC from fun city to fine city, is even more absurd. In a desperate attempt to boost city coffers, Bufoonberg has ordered cops to churn out money-making summonses.
To date, a pregnant woman was issued a $50 citation for sitting on the subway stairs to take a rest, a Bronx man was ticketed for sitting on a milk crate, a Manhattan woman was ticketed for using outdated blue recycling bags to throw away her trash, a New Jersey man was cited for his car's loose passenger mirror and a Brooklyn man was fined for having an oven in front of his building, a Brooklyn gym owner Michael Ganim got smacked with $12,500 in fines this month. His crime? His awnings contained the facility's logo, phone number, and "excessive wording" in violation of a lightly enforced 1961 zoning ordinance. So, Ganim ripped down his $20,000 awnings hoping to avoid this fine. A 22-year-old Israeli tourist received a $50 ticket for occupying two seats on a largely empty F Train to Jamaica, Queens. His arms and head had slid into the adjacent seat after Kashdia had dozed off. He woke up to find two officers writing him a summons. It's clear that Bufoonberg is really pushing a quality of life agenda forward but what isn't clear is whose lives are getting the quality.
While the city experiences cuts and layoffs in areas like fire-fighting, education and other essential city services, Bufoonberg's wealthy friends have avoided reinstatement of the tax on stock sales that once brought millions into the city’s coffers. He did ask for a commuter tax (a tax on non-residents who work in the city), but knew Pataki would never approve it. Instead, the Mayor implemented a property tax increase, much of which can be passed on to the city’s poor renters.
Quality-of-life complaints in Manhattan have skyrocketed over the past two months - and a lot of residents, cops and business owners are placing the blame on Mayor Bloomberg's smoking ban.
"We've definitely had more complaints since the smoking ban - noise, fights out on the sidewalk, harassment of pedestrians. You name it, it's gone up," said a cop who patrols Bleecker Street.
And of course, if you've got enough money to pony up $10 for a bottle of beer, you can smoke to your heart's content in the Oak Room of the Plaza Hotel where it appears, the right payoffs have been made.
As Bob Herbert notes:
"So the Plaza seems committed to flagrantly ignoring the law. While the "little people" from the Bronx to Staten Island are dealing with the inconvenience of the ban — not to mention the reduced business for bar owners and substantially reduced tips for bartenders and waiters — the power crowd in the Oak Bar continues to light up in grand style, and the owners are cashing in.
For the Oak Bar, the ban has actually been a boon. Perhaps this is another one of those laws that apply only to the little people."
Next time around, if you're looking to see the quality of your life take an upturn, you might want to vote Bufoonberg for ex-Mayor.
Speaking of exes, that other great hypocrisy in the sky, (admittedly, not the smoothest transition) our exhaulted ruler and eternal savior George W. Bush is oh fer two hunting down his enemies. First Osama and now Saddam. Will the "real" Saddam please stand up? via Bush Wars.
vrijdag, mei 23, 2003
Tax Death, Not Beer!
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" --Stephen Wright
Although difficult as it is for me to digest, I finally agree with something that notoriously imperious windbag George Will has to say. Although I can't imagine his motivations were borne out of an interest in saving a few hundred dollars a year on his beer tab, Will notes that "Taxing beer at all is a seriously bad idea, like taxing the elemental necessities of life, such as bread or salt. Or beer pretzels, which are just bread and salt."
According to Roll Back The Beer Tax, which cites a January 2001 study by Standard & Poor's DRI, 44% of every Beer sold in the United States is consumed by taxes.
This means, that according to the latest figures adjusted for inflation, Desultory Turgescence alone funded approximately 8% of the Federal Tax Revenues.
The tax revenue generated from the beer consumed by Desultory Turgescence's crack team of analysts and researchers could fund approximately six small-scale invasions of third world countries by now.
"A tax is considered regressive if it falls more heavily on lower- and middle-income families than on the wealthy. And this is certainly true with beer taxes. For example, a recent study by Citizens for Tax Justice found that people whose family incomes are in the bottom 20% pay a tax burden from beer excise taxes 5 times greater than people with family incomes in the top 20%. The higher the beer tax, the more regressive it is -- and the harder it hits working men and women."
George Will notes that "Most beer is consumed in households with annual incomes less than $45,000.".
Of course they do! They're trying to drink themselves to death to save money on taxes!
Consider that death is only taxed 37%. There are 30 million regular beer drinkers in the United States. While death only happens once in a lifetime, imagine how many times those 30 million regular beer drinkers are having a beer. It seems natural that instead of making beer drinkers pay for every beer they consume, those who die should have to pay a significantly higher tax rate since they are only going to die once. Why should the dead get off so easy?
Consider those facts in light of Congress giving its final approval today to $330 billion in new tax cuts for families, investors and businesses and one must ask the eternal philosophical question: What About The Beer Drinkers?!
"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" --Stephen Wright
Although difficult as it is for me to digest, I finally agree with something that notoriously imperious windbag George Will has to say. Although I can't imagine his motivations were borne out of an interest in saving a few hundred dollars a year on his beer tab, Will notes that "Taxing beer at all is a seriously bad idea, like taxing the elemental necessities of life, such as bread or salt. Or beer pretzels, which are just bread and salt."
According to Roll Back The Beer Tax, which cites a January 2001 study by Standard & Poor's DRI, 44% of every Beer sold in the United States is consumed by taxes.
This means, that according to the latest figures adjusted for inflation, Desultory Turgescence alone funded approximately 8% of the Federal Tax Revenues.
The tax revenue generated from the beer consumed by Desultory Turgescence's crack team of analysts and researchers could fund approximately six small-scale invasions of third world countries by now.
"A tax is considered regressive if it falls more heavily on lower- and middle-income families than on the wealthy. And this is certainly true with beer taxes. For example, a recent study by Citizens for Tax Justice found that people whose family incomes are in the bottom 20% pay a tax burden from beer excise taxes 5 times greater than people with family incomes in the top 20%. The higher the beer tax, the more regressive it is -- and the harder it hits working men and women."
George Will notes that "Most beer is consumed in households with annual incomes less than $45,000.".
Of course they do! They're trying to drink themselves to death to save money on taxes!
Consider that death is only taxed 37%. There are 30 million regular beer drinkers in the United States. While death only happens once in a lifetime, imagine how many times those 30 million regular beer drinkers are having a beer. It seems natural that instead of making beer drinkers pay for every beer they consume, those who die should have to pay a significantly higher tax rate since they are only going to die once. Why should the dead get off so easy?
Consider those facts in light of Congress giving its final approval today to $330 billion in new tax cuts for families, investors and businesses and one must ask the eternal philosophical question: What About The Beer Drinkers?!
donderdag, mei 22, 2003
Good Night Ari
"We have said that Saddam Hussein possesses biological and chemical weapons, and all this will be made clear in the course of the operation, for whatever duration it takes." -Ari Fleischer
It's a true sign of spending too much time perusing the Ouse Boozer that it was only this afternoon I learned that my favorite punching bag, Ari Fleischer, is going to resign from his role as White House fabulist and prevaricator-in-chief, probably sometime in July.
Fleischer, speaking to reporters on his grueling job as performance art fictionalist, once noted that "The job of anybody who is the White House press secretary is to faithfully articulate what the president is thinking and why he's thinking it, and that's what I do for a living. The job of the press corps is to try to find out everything you possibly can about everything under the sun."
Of course, what he didn't mention was that when lying, it's best to give as few details as possible so as better to remember the lie.
As Timothy Noah wrote in the online magazine Slate that Fleischer's "ability to repeat a lie even after it's been shown, repeatedly, to be false is what separates him from the amateurs."
I dunno. In my mind, Ari Fleischer is just the Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf of the Free World (killer graphics to boot) --
Speaking of Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, now that Ari is leaving, can you think of a more talented replacement?
Here are Desultory Turgescence's Top Five Ari Fleischer Replacements:
1. Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf
2. Fletcher Reede
3. Bill "It Depends On What The Meaning of The Word "Is" Is" Clinton
4. Jakob the Liar
5. Bill O'Reilly -- Actually, it isn't so much because Bill O'Reilly is a liar, more because he's a loudmouth jackass with the intelligence of a baboon. What better spokesman for the White House? Can't you just hear him in a press briefing?
Press Question: Now, the Democrats recently have been attacking the President on this issue of the focus on the war in Iraq, took his focus off, or took his eye off the ball when it came to al Qaeda, and that in pursuing the war in Iraq, it allowed al Qaeda to reconstitute itself while the U.S. focus was turned elsewhere. Was that a fair statement?
O'Reilly: If the Democrats, those Marxist-Liberal sycophants for terrorists and murderers, don't like the way the President is running the war on terrorism, why don't they all just run like the cowards they are to the French or hide beneath the skirts of their mothers?
Press Question: Does the President think that it is a more dangerous world because of our invasion of Iraq and the upswing in terrorism which seems to be really more rampant now since -- do our policies have anything to do with that?
O'Reilly: Oh come on, what kind of moron would believe something as stupid as that? Helen Thomas, is that really you beneath that red dress or a DNA recreation of a Montanoceratops? If you didn't like the invasion of Iraq, why don't you go to France with the rest of the cowards?
Now, here is How to spot a liar. If you're curious, you can find out if you're eligible for White House spokeman by taking this Are You A Liar? test.
The White House once issued Ari Fleisher's Ten Commandments of Patriotism
And of course, Desultory Turgescence, in I'm Sorry Ari, But We're Going To Need A Little More, once noted that "listening to Ari Fleischer's responses is like pulling the cord of a Mrs. Beasley doll. I think she had a gamut of about 10 different prerecorded phrases that were repeated over and over no matter how many times you pulled her cord. Ari Fleischer is very similar. No matter how many times and how many different ways a specific question is asked, he delivers the same, patented reply"
Clearly, I'm not the only one who will miss him.
Good night Ari, pleasant dreams and remember the advice of Lyman Bleecher:
Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death.
"We have said that Saddam Hussein possesses biological and chemical weapons, and all this will be made clear in the course of the operation, for whatever duration it takes." -Ari Fleischer
It's a true sign of spending too much time perusing the Ouse Boozer that it was only this afternoon I learned that my favorite punching bag, Ari Fleischer, is going to resign from his role as White House fabulist and prevaricator-in-chief, probably sometime in July.
Fleischer, speaking to reporters on his grueling job as performance art fictionalist, once noted that "The job of anybody who is the White House press secretary is to faithfully articulate what the president is thinking and why he's thinking it, and that's what I do for a living. The job of the press corps is to try to find out everything you possibly can about everything under the sun."
Of course, what he didn't mention was that when lying, it's best to give as few details as possible so as better to remember the lie.
As Timothy Noah wrote in the online magazine Slate that Fleischer's "ability to repeat a lie even after it's been shown, repeatedly, to be false is what separates him from the amateurs."
I dunno. In my mind, Ari Fleischer is just the Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf of the Free World (killer graphics to boot) --
Speaking of Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf, now that Ari is leaving, can you think of a more talented replacement?
Here are Desultory Turgescence's Top Five Ari Fleischer Replacements:
1. Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf
2. Fletcher Reede
3. Bill "It Depends On What The Meaning of The Word "Is" Is" Clinton
4. Jakob the Liar
5. Bill O'Reilly -- Actually, it isn't so much because Bill O'Reilly is a liar, more because he's a loudmouth jackass with the intelligence of a baboon. What better spokesman for the White House? Can't you just hear him in a press briefing?
Press Question: Now, the Democrats recently have been attacking the President on this issue of the focus on the war in Iraq, took his focus off, or took his eye off the ball when it came to al Qaeda, and that in pursuing the war in Iraq, it allowed al Qaeda to reconstitute itself while the U.S. focus was turned elsewhere. Was that a fair statement?
O'Reilly: If the Democrats, those Marxist-Liberal sycophants for terrorists and murderers, don't like the way the President is running the war on terrorism, why don't they all just run like the cowards they are to the French or hide beneath the skirts of their mothers?
Press Question: Does the President think that it is a more dangerous world because of our invasion of Iraq and the upswing in terrorism which seems to be really more rampant now since -- do our policies have anything to do with that?
O'Reilly: Oh come on, what kind of moron would believe something as stupid as that? Helen Thomas, is that really you beneath that red dress or a DNA recreation of a Montanoceratops? If you didn't like the invasion of Iraq, why don't you go to France with the rest of the cowards?
Now, here is How to spot a liar. If you're curious, you can find out if you're eligible for White House spokeman by taking this Are You A Liar? test.
The White House once issued Ari Fleisher's Ten Commandments of Patriotism
And of course, Desultory Turgescence, in I'm Sorry Ari, But We're Going To Need A Little More, once noted that "listening to Ari Fleischer's responses is like pulling the cord of a Mrs. Beasley doll. I think she had a gamut of about 10 different prerecorded phrases that were repeated over and over no matter how many times you pulled her cord. Ari Fleischer is very similar. No matter how many times and how many different ways a specific question is asked, he delivers the same, patented reply"
Clearly, I'm not the only one who will miss him.
Good night Ari, pleasant dreams and remember the advice of Lyman Bleecher:
Never chase a lie. Let it alone, and it will run itself to death.
vrijdag, mei 16, 2003
A Cry For Help From Across Iraq Where Life Is Already Better
"Across most of Iraq, life is already better." Ambassador L. Paul Bremer III, the senior Coalition official in Iraq, addressing the Iraqi people yesterday
DEAR FRIEND,
THROUGH THE COURTESY OF A LOOTING OPPORTUNITY, I TAKE LIBERTY ANCHORED ON A STRONG DESIRE TO SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE ON THIS MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL AND RISK FREE TRANSACTION WHICH I HOPE YOU WILL GIVE YOUR URGENT ATTENTION.
I AM MR. SADDAM HUSSEIN. I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER,THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION, (EATING GARBAGE IN THE STREETS OF BAGHDAD TO STAY ALIVE, FENDING OFF LOOTERS AND MURDERERS WHO ROAM THE STREETS LIKE YOUR AMERICAN SERIAL KILLERS IN SEARCH OF VICTIMS), I ESCAPED WITH MY WIVES AND MY TWO SONS, UDAY AND QUSAY OUT OF OUR BOMBED-OUT UNDERGROUND PALACE TO PARADISE STREET WHERE WE ARE PRESENTLY RESIDING IN UNMITIGATED TERROR BETWEEN THE LOOTERS AND THE TRIGGER-HAPPY AMERICAN MILITIA.
DUE TO THIS SITUATION I DECIDED TO CHANGE MOST OF MY 950 MILLION DOLLARS DEPOSITED IN A LEBANESE BANK AND VARIOUS PALACES IN AND AROUND BAGHDAD INTO OTHER FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE AMERICAN TREASURY OFFICIALS ARE TRYING TO EITHER STEAL OR FREEZE ALL MY TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME PALACES, HENCE I AND MY WIVES ALONG WITH MY SONS, DECIDED TO LAY LOW IN BAGHDAD TO STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER.
SINCE PRESIDENT BUSH HAS TAKEN OVER OUR COUNTRY AND AMERICAN IMPERIALIST FORCES HAVE OVERRUN OUR SAFE HAVENS ONE OF MY CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH WE HAD TO CHANGE OUR IDENTITY SO
THAT OUR INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND CONFISCATED. I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF NINE HUNDRED MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS (US$900,500,000) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE ACTUAL CONTENTS.
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO NOW IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST ME AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY BY RECEIVING THE
MONEY ON OUR BEHALF AND USING IT TO OVERTHROW THE INVADING FORCES OF YANKEE IMPERIALIST PIGS AND THIEVES BEFORE THEY STEAL EVERY LAST DROP OF OIL FROM OUR COUNTRY AND THEN LEAVE US IN RUINS AND IN THE HANDS OF MURDEROUS SHIA RELIGIOUS HOOLIGANS IN ORDER TO HAVE THE AMERICAN TROOPS HOME IN TIME FOR THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS.
THE ACCOUNT REQUIRED FOR THIS PROJECT CAN EITHER BE PERSONAL, COMPANY OR AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT THAT YOU HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OVER, YOUR AREA OF SPECIALIZATION WILL NOT BE A HINDRANCE TO THE SUCCESSFUL EXECUTION OF THIS TRANSACTION.
ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MESSAGE, SO THAT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FAMILY AS OUR FOREIGN TRUSTED PARTNER WHO SHALL TAKE CHARGE OF
OUR INVESTMENT ABROAD WHERE WE NOW PLAN TO SETTLE. I WANT YOU TO ASSIST US IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT OUR IDENTITY REVEALED. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY PROPERTIES AND STOCKS IN MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE AND NON SPECULATIVE INVESTMENTS. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY AS MANY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AS I CAN GET MY HANDS ON.
WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF HEALTH AND SPIRITUAL TURMOIL, HENCE WILL NEED YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND ASSISTANCE.
MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASIZE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE WHICH WE REPOSE IN YOU. I SHALL PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE OF THIS BUSINESS, I'LL TELL YOU WHERE THE FUNDS ARE CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND ALSO DISCUSS OTHER MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION FOR YOUR SERVICES.
I SHALL INFORM YOU WITH THE NEXT LINE OF ACTION AS SOON AS I RECEIVE YOUR POSITIVE RESPONSE. IS THIS PROPOSITION ATTAINABLE? IF IT IS,PLEASE KINDLY FURNISH ME IMMEDIATELY BY E-MAIL WITH YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS TO ENHANCE THE CONFIDENTIALITY WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS.
BEST REGARDS
MR.SADDAM HUSSEIN
PLEASE REPLY TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL BELOW.
sexysaddam@yahoo.com
"Across most of Iraq, life is already better." Ambassador L. Paul Bremer III, the senior Coalition official in Iraq, addressing the Iraqi people yesterday
DEAR FRIEND,
THROUGH THE COURTESY OF A LOOTING OPPORTUNITY, I TAKE LIBERTY ANCHORED ON A STRONG DESIRE TO SOLICIT YOUR ASSISTANCE ON THIS MUTUALLY BENEFICIAL AND RISK FREE TRANSACTION WHICH I HOPE YOU WILL GIVE YOUR URGENT ATTENTION.
I AM MR. SADDAM HUSSEIN. I AM MOVED TO WRITE YOU THIS LETTER,THIS WAS IN CONFIDENCE CONSIDERING OUR PRESENT CIRCUMSTANCE AND SITUATION, (EATING GARBAGE IN THE STREETS OF BAGHDAD TO STAY ALIVE, FENDING OFF LOOTERS AND MURDERERS WHO ROAM THE STREETS LIKE YOUR AMERICAN SERIAL KILLERS IN SEARCH OF VICTIMS), I ESCAPED WITH MY WIVES AND MY TWO SONS, UDAY AND QUSAY OUT OF OUR BOMBED-OUT UNDERGROUND PALACE TO PARADISE STREET WHERE WE ARE PRESENTLY RESIDING IN UNMITIGATED TERROR BETWEEN THE LOOTERS AND THE TRIGGER-HAPPY AMERICAN MILITIA.
DUE TO THIS SITUATION I DECIDED TO CHANGE MOST OF MY 950 MILLION DOLLARS DEPOSITED IN A LEBANESE BANK AND VARIOUS PALACES IN AND AROUND BAGHDAD INTO OTHER FORMS OF MONEY CODED FOR SAFE PURPOSE BECAUSE AMERICAN TREASURY OFFICIALS ARE TRYING TO EITHER STEAL OR FREEZE ALL MY TREASURES DEPOSITED IN SOME PALACES, HENCE I AND MY WIVES ALONG WITH MY SONS, DECIDED TO LAY LOW IN BAGHDAD TO STUDY THE SITUATION TILL WHEN THINGS GETS BETTER.
SINCE PRESIDENT BUSH HAS TAKEN OVER OUR COUNTRY AND AMERICAN IMPERIALIST FORCES HAVE OVERRUN OUR SAFE HAVENS ONE OF MY CHATEAUX IN SOUTHERN FRANCE WAS CONFISCATED BY THE AMERICAN GOVERNMENT, AND AS SUCH WE HAD TO CHANGE OUR IDENTITY SO
THAT OUR INVESTMENT WILL NOT BE TRACED AND CONFISCATED. I HAVE DEPOSITED THE SUM OF NINE HUNDRED MILLION, FIVE HUNDRED
THOUSAND UNITED STATES DOLLARS (US$900,500,000) WITH A SECURITY COMPANY FOR SAFEKEEPING. THE FUNDS ARE SECURITY CODED TO PREVENT THEM FROM KNOWING THE ACTUAL CONTENTS.
WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO NOW IS TO INDICATE YOUR INTEREST THAT YOU WILL ASSIST ME AND MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY BY RECEIVING THE
MONEY ON OUR BEHALF AND USING IT TO OVERTHROW THE INVADING FORCES OF YANKEE IMPERIALIST PIGS AND THIEVES BEFORE THEY STEAL EVERY LAST DROP OF OIL FROM OUR COUNTRY AND THEN LEAVE US IN RUINS AND IN THE HANDS OF MURDEROUS SHIA RELIGIOUS HOOLIGANS IN ORDER TO HAVE THE AMERICAN TROOPS HOME IN TIME FOR THE NEXT PRESIDENTIAL ELECTIONS.
THE ACCOUNT REQUIRED FOR THIS PROJECT CAN EITHER BE PERSONAL, COMPANY OR AN OFFSHORE ACCOUNT THAT YOU HAVE TOTAL CONTROL OVER, YOUR AREA OF SPECIALIZATION WILL NOT BE A HINDRANCE TO THE SUCCESSFUL EXECUTION OF THIS TRANSACTION.
ACKNOWLEDGE THIS MESSAGE, SO THAT I CAN INTRODUCE YOU TO MY FAMILY AS OUR FOREIGN TRUSTED PARTNER WHO SHALL TAKE CHARGE OF
OUR INVESTMENT ABROAD WHERE WE NOW PLAN TO SETTLE. I WANT YOU TO ASSIST US IN INVESTING THIS MONEY, BUT I WILL NOT WANT OUR IDENTITY REVEALED. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY PROPERTIES AND STOCKS IN MULTI-NATIONAL COMPANIES AND TO ENGAGE IN OTHER SAFE AND NON SPECULATIVE INVESTMENTS. I WILL ALSO WANT TO BUY AS MANY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION AS I CAN GET MY HANDS ON.
WE HAVE BEEN THROUGH A LOT OF HEALTH AND SPIRITUAL TURMOIL, HENCE WILL NEED YOUR UNDERSTANDING AND ASSISTANCE.
MAY I AT THIS POINT EMPHASIZE THE HIGH LEVEL OF CONFIDENTIALITY WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS AND HOPE YOU WILL NOT BETRAY THE TRUST AND CONFIDENCE WHICH WE REPOSE IN YOU. I SHALL PUT YOU IN THE PICTURE OF THIS BUSINESS, I'LL TELL YOU WHERE THE FUNDS ARE CURRENTLY BEING MAINTAINED AND ALSO DISCUSS OTHER MODALITIES INCLUDING REMUNERATION FOR YOUR SERVICES.
I SHALL INFORM YOU WITH THE NEXT LINE OF ACTION AS SOON AS I RECEIVE YOUR POSITIVE RESPONSE. IS THIS PROPOSITION ATTAINABLE? IF IT IS,PLEASE KINDLY FURNISH ME IMMEDIATELY BY E-MAIL WITH YOUR DIRECT TELEPHONE AND FAX NUMBERS TO ENHANCE THE CONFIDENTIALITY WHICH THIS BUSINESS DEMANDS.
BEST REGARDS
MR.SADDAM HUSSEIN
PLEASE REPLY TO MY PRIVATE EMAIL BELOW.
sexysaddam@yahoo.com
donderdag, mei 15, 2003
Spinning The Globe
To relieve the gnawing nausea, ennui and procrastination of the day's events, Desultory Turgescence took the liberty of going through hours of other peoples' blogs at random, trying to find interesting antics and new links:
Canned rattlesnake or canned alligator tonight? Check out the Potted Meat Museum via Fat Buddha.
Kitties in pint glasses via Beer Is For Winners.
Hungry? How about a little infected toe for dinner tonight? via the Wound Gallery.
Ever wonder which Beatles Song you are? via Master of The House.
Hot photos behind the secret love affair between Bush and Blair and the flag via bloggerheads and New Word Order.
Well, it looks like I'm an Atheist. At least according to the Which Enemy of the Christian Faith Are You? test. via i am a donut.
Wondering about the world ending? Here are 20 Ways The World Could End. Personally, I vote for #17, Mass Insanity
"While physical health has improved in most parts of the world over the past century, mental health is getting worse. The World Health Organization estimates that 500 million people around the world suffer from a psychological disorder. By 2020, depression will likely be the second leading cause of death and lost productivity, right behind cardiovascular disease. Increasing human life spans may actually intensify the problem, because people have more years to experience the loneliness and infirmity of old age. Americans over 65 already are disproportionately likely to commit suicide. Gregory Stock, a biophysicist at the University of California at Los Angeles, believes medical science will soon allow people to live to be 200 or older. If such an extended life span becomes common, it will pose unfathomable social and psychological challenges. Perhaps 200 years of accumulated sensations will overload the human brain, leading to a new kind of insanity or fostering the spread of doomsday cults, determined to reclaim life's endpoint. Perhaps the current trends of depression and suicide among the elderly will continue. One possible solution— promoting a certain kind of mental well-being with psychoactive drugs such as Prozac— heads into uncharted waters. Researchers have no good data on the long-term effects of taking these medicines."
via Incoming Signals.
Finally, a 404 page for that file "committing suicide because it has been shamed and Allah will roast its stomach in hell.", via 3 Bruces also leading to Rob's Amazing Poetry Generator which turned Desultory Turgesence content into a poem:
Desultory claim not discuss
Carlyle Group, is writhing in a weapon
against our fiscal crisis. And profitable
businesses, which spreads deterioration of celebrating
a story reads: One
used it
want and a very
valid reasons why the Daffy Busy
War only slightly less
dramatic than Saddam? actually. involved
in Congress. Republican Gov. Rick
Perry called on Spuistraat or
elevated risk, of perfume and
passes by
many of Imperatives which is seeking
from the creationists reading Perfume, bottles shaped
like the
Shadows Of values
and get their fingers into 6.
and turned the White House website into this poem:
Welcome to dream big, to
the institutions and to a
better future. I want to
pray bold, and Growth plan on
Wednesday discussed strengthening the White House
Take a better
future. I want to places around the
same
period for your
abiding hope, for Economic
Security Homeland
Security Iraqi
people build the transcript. Envoy he
will appear on
Ask the White
House this Thursday Our country is proud
of over 90% during the cause
of appeals court nominees
were confirmed
compared to work
hard for
your steadfast faith,
and the
name Nueva Esperanza New
Hope. for your Government |
Appointments | Contact | Text only 53% of
all the cause
of over 90% during
President First Lady | Mrs.
I knew it wouldn't be long coming: The Deck of Republican Chickenhawks. And look who's the Joker. Via blogdex.
A great Dr. Seuss tribute Would You Like To Bomb Iran? from The Best Page in the Universe, a fine discovery this afternoon which included pieces that me gag with pleasure like For Every Animal You Don't Eat, I'm Going To Eat Three and asks the important questions like Who Would Make A Better President, Bush Or A Box of Tic-Tacs?
What does it mean when The Positive Blog hasn't written anything in a week?
To relieve the gnawing nausea, ennui and procrastination of the day's events, Desultory Turgescence took the liberty of going through hours of other peoples' blogs at random, trying to find interesting antics and new links:
Canned rattlesnake or canned alligator tonight? Check out the Potted Meat Museum via Fat Buddha.
Kitties in pint glasses via Beer Is For Winners.
Hungry? How about a little infected toe for dinner tonight? via the Wound Gallery.
Ever wonder which Beatles Song you are? via Master of The House.
Hot photos behind the secret love affair between Bush and Blair and the flag via bloggerheads and New Word Order.
Well, it looks like I'm an Atheist. At least according to the Which Enemy of the Christian Faith Are You? test. via i am a donut.
Wondering about the world ending? Here are 20 Ways The World Could End. Personally, I vote for #17, Mass Insanity
"While physical health has improved in most parts of the world over the past century, mental health is getting worse. The World Health Organization estimates that 500 million people around the world suffer from a psychological disorder. By 2020, depression will likely be the second leading cause of death and lost productivity, right behind cardiovascular disease. Increasing human life spans may actually intensify the problem, because people have more years to experience the loneliness and infirmity of old age. Americans over 65 already are disproportionately likely to commit suicide. Gregory Stock, a biophysicist at the University of California at Los Angeles, believes medical science will soon allow people to live to be 200 or older. If such an extended life span becomes common, it will pose unfathomable social and psychological challenges. Perhaps 200 years of accumulated sensations will overload the human brain, leading to a new kind of insanity or fostering the spread of doomsday cults, determined to reclaim life's endpoint. Perhaps the current trends of depression and suicide among the elderly will continue. One possible solution— promoting a certain kind of mental well-being with psychoactive drugs such as Prozac— heads into uncharted waters. Researchers have no good data on the long-term effects of taking these medicines."
via Incoming Signals.
Finally, a 404 page for that file "committing suicide because it has been shamed and Allah will roast its stomach in hell.", via 3 Bruces also leading to Rob's Amazing Poetry Generator which turned Desultory Turgesence content into a poem:
Desultory claim not discuss
Carlyle Group, is writhing in a weapon
against our fiscal crisis. And profitable
businesses, which spreads deterioration of celebrating
a story reads: One
used it
want and a very
valid reasons why the Daffy Busy
War only slightly less
dramatic than Saddam? actually. involved
in Congress. Republican Gov. Rick
Perry called on Spuistraat or
elevated risk, of perfume and
passes by
many of Imperatives which is seeking
from the creationists reading Perfume, bottles shaped
like the
Shadows Of values
and get their fingers into 6.
and turned the White House website into this poem:
Welcome to dream big, to
the institutions and to a
better future. I want to
pray bold, and Growth plan on
Wednesday discussed strengthening the White House
Take a better
future. I want to places around the
same
period for your
abiding hope, for Economic
Security Homeland
Security Iraqi
people build the transcript. Envoy he
will appear on
Ask the White
House this Thursday Our country is proud
of over 90% during the cause
of appeals court nominees
were confirmed
compared to work
hard for
your steadfast faith,
and the
name Nueva Esperanza New
Hope. for your Government |
Appointments | Contact | Text only 53% of
all the cause
of over 90% during
President First Lady | Mrs.
I knew it wouldn't be long coming: The Deck of Republican Chickenhawks. And look who's the Joker. Via blogdex.
A great Dr. Seuss tribute Would You Like To Bomb Iran? from The Best Page in the Universe, a fine discovery this afternoon which included pieces that me gag with pleasure like For Every Animal You Don't Eat, I'm Going To Eat Three and asks the important questions like Who Would Make A Better President, Bush Or A Box of Tic-Tacs?
What does it mean when The Positive Blog hasn't written anything in a week?
dinsdag, mei 13, 2003
Disappearing Democrats
CNN reports that the Texas Department of Public Safety posted a bulletin Monday on its Web site -- the same one used to alert citizens to missing children and wanted criminals -- asking for help in locating 53 Texas House Democrats "who have disappeared."
The Texas House was back in session Tuesday, but it remained paralyzed by a Democratic walkout that prompted state officials to post a political version of the Amber Alert.
More than 50 House Democrats were holed up in a motel across the state line in Ardmore, Oklahoma, out of reach of state police, whom the House's Republican majority has ordered to bring them back to Austin. The Democrats are hoping to thwart what they call an "undemocratic, unjust, and unprecedented" GOP redistricting plan that could cost them five seats in Congress.
Republican Gov. Rick Perry called the walkout "cowardly and childish," and Craddick said the walkout will make a special session to pass a state budget likely.
"These members were elected to do a job. Hiding out in another state, evading DPS and the Texas Rangers, jeopardizing vital programs and standing up constituents who come to call is inexcusable," Craddick said in a Monday statement. "These 53 Democrats need to get back to Austin and get to work."
Texas Democratic Party chairwoman Molly Beth Malcolm called the rebelling Democrats "heroes."
I can't figure out which is more indicative of our times: that the Republicans sent the Department of Public Safety and the Texas Rangers to hunt down the missing Democrats or that the Democrats had to run away to Oklahoma to avoid capture.
*****
Last week when Our Fearless Leader, on the heels of his gallant fighter pilot charade on board the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, made a visit to California's Silicon Valley. The purpose wasn't to visit the high-tech industry for a morale boost but instead, to rush into the arms of certain, loving supporters at the United Defense Industries.
As Tim Shorrock notes in his recent article Hubris Unbound, United Defense is majority-owned and controlled by the Carlyle Group, the Washington, DC, merchant bank in which, SURPRISESURPRISE, Bush's father, George H.W. Bush, has a direct financial interest and serves as a trusted adviser. Yet the American public was kept in the dark about this relationship by the newspaper of record, along with the Washington Post, CNN and every other major media outlet.
Note however, in yet another hilarious distortion of truth and reality, Chris Ullman, Carlyle's vice president for corporate communications, rejected the idea that because Bush the Elder's relationship with a huge defense lobby group is a clear conflict of interest, he should resign his post as an adviser to the Carlyle Group. "Former President Bush's relationship with his son has nothing to do with Carlyle or our investments," he said in an e-mail. "The former president does not discuss Carlyle matters with his son; the success of our firm rests on the hard work of our investment professionals."
Good one. Bush the Elder and his son are probably too busy spending their free time talking about the dark side of the presidential family, Neil Bush's marital infidelities, cigarette boats and why everyone Bush the Younger insists will be "hunted down" ends up uncaptured and sending periodic messages promoting international terrorism. Bush the Younger is no hunter, let's face it. He's more of a gatherer.
*****
The Al-Madina regional branch of the Saudi religious and morality police, formally known as "The Authority for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vices," recently launched its new website. The site posts news items, citizens' violations, and includes a section that allows citizens to inform anonymously on persons they suspect of violating religious and moral laws. Almost sounds like they're getting their advise from John Ashcroft's Citizen Spy Army.
Warning: 'That Barbie Doll is Jewish!'
Another section of the website, the "Exhibit of Violations," displays confiscated items from the "permanent collection of violations of Islamic law at Authority headquarters in Al-Madina." The section shows photos of perfume bottles shaped like a woman's torso, with text reading: "Perfume, but…! Examples of perfumes with good fragrances for women and evil bottles that harm the honor of the woman and undermine her morality. We must beware. The Prophet Muhammad said, 'Any woman who wears perfume and passes by people so they can smell it is a whore…'" Also shown is a photo of several Barbie dolls, along with the text: "The enemies of Islam want to invade us with all possible means, and therefore they have circulated among us this doll, which spreads deterioration of values and moral degeneracy among our girls." On the photo, under the heading "The Jewish Doll," is a story titled "The Strange Request." The story reads: "One girl said to her mother: 'Mother, I want jeans and a shirt open at the top, like Barbie's!!' The dolls of the Jewish Barbie in her naked garb [sic], their disgraceful appearance, and their various accessories are a symbol of the dissolution of values in the West. We must fully comprehend the danger in them."
Sounds like Congress and Ashcroft had better get busy, there are alot of naked Barbies out there to burn. Save America! Kill Barbie!
CNN reports that the Texas Department of Public Safety posted a bulletin Monday on its Web site -- the same one used to alert citizens to missing children and wanted criminals -- asking for help in locating 53 Texas House Democrats "who have disappeared."
The Texas House was back in session Tuesday, but it remained paralyzed by a Democratic walkout that prompted state officials to post a political version of the Amber Alert.
More than 50 House Democrats were holed up in a motel across the state line in Ardmore, Oklahoma, out of reach of state police, whom the House's Republican majority has ordered to bring them back to Austin. The Democrats are hoping to thwart what they call an "undemocratic, unjust, and unprecedented" GOP redistricting plan that could cost them five seats in Congress.
Republican Gov. Rick Perry called the walkout "cowardly and childish," and Craddick said the walkout will make a special session to pass a state budget likely.
"These members were elected to do a job. Hiding out in another state, evading DPS and the Texas Rangers, jeopardizing vital programs and standing up constituents who come to call is inexcusable," Craddick said in a Monday statement. "These 53 Democrats need to get back to Austin and get to work."
Texas Democratic Party chairwoman Molly Beth Malcolm called the rebelling Democrats "heroes."
I can't figure out which is more indicative of our times: that the Republicans sent the Department of Public Safety and the Texas Rangers to hunt down the missing Democrats or that the Democrats had to run away to Oklahoma to avoid capture.
*****
Last week when Our Fearless Leader, on the heels of his gallant fighter pilot charade on board the aircraft carrier Abraham Lincoln, made a visit to California's Silicon Valley. The purpose wasn't to visit the high-tech industry for a morale boost but instead, to rush into the arms of certain, loving supporters at the United Defense Industries.
As Tim Shorrock notes in his recent article Hubris Unbound, United Defense is majority-owned and controlled by the Carlyle Group, the Washington, DC, merchant bank in which, SURPRISESURPRISE, Bush's father, George H.W. Bush, has a direct financial interest and serves as a trusted adviser. Yet the American public was kept in the dark about this relationship by the newspaper of record, along with the Washington Post, CNN and every other major media outlet.
Note however, in yet another hilarious distortion of truth and reality, Chris Ullman, Carlyle's vice president for corporate communications, rejected the idea that because Bush the Elder's relationship with a huge defense lobby group is a clear conflict of interest, he should resign his post as an adviser to the Carlyle Group. "Former President Bush's relationship with his son has nothing to do with Carlyle or our investments," he said in an e-mail. "The former president does not discuss Carlyle matters with his son; the success of our firm rests on the hard work of our investment professionals."
Good one. Bush the Elder and his son are probably too busy spending their free time talking about the dark side of the presidential family, Neil Bush's marital infidelities, cigarette boats and why everyone Bush the Younger insists will be "hunted down" ends up uncaptured and sending periodic messages promoting international terrorism. Bush the Younger is no hunter, let's face it. He's more of a gatherer.
*****
The Al-Madina regional branch of the Saudi religious and morality police, formally known as "The Authority for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vices," recently launched its new website. The site posts news items, citizens' violations, and includes a section that allows citizens to inform anonymously on persons they suspect of violating religious and moral laws. Almost sounds like they're getting their advise from John Ashcroft's Citizen Spy Army.
Warning: 'That Barbie Doll is Jewish!'
Another section of the website, the "Exhibit of Violations," displays confiscated items from the "permanent collection of violations of Islamic law at Authority headquarters in Al-Madina." The section shows photos of perfume bottles shaped like a woman's torso, with text reading: "Perfume, but…! Examples of perfumes with good fragrances for women and evil bottles that harm the honor of the woman and undermine her morality. We must beware. The Prophet Muhammad said, 'Any woman who wears perfume and passes by people so they can smell it is a whore…'" Also shown is a photo of several Barbie dolls, along with the text: "The enemies of Islam want to invade us with all possible means, and therefore they have circulated among us this doll, which spreads deterioration of values and moral degeneracy among our girls." On the photo, under the heading "The Jewish Doll," is a story titled "The Strange Request." The story reads: "One girl said to her mother: 'Mother, I want jeans and a shirt open at the top, like Barbie's!!' The dolls of the Jewish Barbie in her naked garb [sic], their disgraceful appearance, and their various accessories are a symbol of the dissolution of values in the West. We must fully comprehend the danger in them."
Sounds like Congress and Ashcroft had better get busy, there are alot of naked Barbies out there to burn. Save America! Kill Barbie!
maandag, mei 12, 2003
Weapons of Mass Destruction, Where Art Thou?
Yesterday's Washington Post reported that the group directing all known U.S. search efforts for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is winding down operations without finding proof that President Saddam Hussein kept clandestine stocks of outlawed arms, according to participants.
After all, they checked all the usual hiding places, looked under the Persian rugs, through Uday Hussein's porno collection, broke open all the plaster of paris Saddam statues, what more do you want?
Army Col. Richard McPhee, who will close down the task force next month, said he took seriously U.S. intelligence warnings on the eve of war that Hussein had given "release authority" to subordinates in command of chemical weapons. "We didn't have all these people in [protective] suits" for nothing, he said. But if Iraq thought of using such weapons, "there had to have been something to use. And we haven't found it. . . . Books will be written on that in the intelligence community for a long time."
The hunt will continue under a new Iraq Survey Group, which the Bush administration has said is a larger team. The previous teams in charge of searching for chemical weapons had been busy shedding light on far more important information like how much Uday Hussein was in to gold-plated items, experimenting with high-stakes strip poker with the most wanted Iraqi officials playing cards, tracking down the looted treasures from Iraq's national museum and hunting down Iraqis who proclaim themselves mayor of Baghdad.
Let's take a look in the "way back" machine and recall these quotes from Our Favorite Airman Bush:
Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised, addressing the nation, March 17, 2003
The Iraqi regime has violated all of those obligations. It possesses and produces chemical and biological weapons, addressing the nation, October 8, 2002
Iraqi operatives continue to hide biological and chemical agents to avoid detection by inspectors, addressing the nation, March 6, 2003
Saddam Hussein cannot hide its weapons of mass destruction from international inspectors without the cooperation of hundreds and thousands of Iraqis; those who work in the weapons program and those who are responsible for concealing the weapons, speech to the UN, November 8, 2002.
There could be some very valid reasons why there aren't any weapons of mass destruction. I mean, other than telling blatant lies to the American people in order to get their support for an invasion of Iraq. Very good reasons, I'm sure. Just a handful of them are found in David Letterman's
Top Ten President Bush Excuses For Not Finding Weapons of Mass Destruction
10. "We've only looked through 99% of the country"
9. "We spent entire budget making those playing cards"
8. "Containers are labeled in some crazy language"
7. "They must have been stolen by some of them evil X-Men mutants"
6. "Did I say Iraq has weapons of mass destruction? I meant they have goats"
5. "How are we supposed to find weapons of mass destruction when we can't even find Cheney?"
4. "Still screwed up because of Daylight Savings Time"
3. "When you're trying to find something, it's always in the last place you look, am I right, people?"
2. "Let's face it -- I ain't exactly a genius"
1. "Geraldo took them"
Happy Hunting.
*****
If you're looking for some quick intellectual stimulation, the Gotham Gazette offers you the chance to compare your ability to fix the budget deficit better than Mayor Buffoonberg with the NYC Budget Game. Desultory Turgescence was able to created a $1.8 million surplus and pass out $36,000 apiece to its fifty favorite friends. Sadly, there were no options for repealing the hairbrained anti-smoking law, using Buffoonberg's money to pay off the deficit or building a big statue of Buffoonberg in Times Square so we can all get together and pull it down with the help of CNN reporters and camera crews while declaring the regime "officially" toppled.
Yesterday's Washington Post reported that the group directing all known U.S. search efforts for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq is winding down operations without finding proof that President Saddam Hussein kept clandestine stocks of outlawed arms, according to participants.
After all, they checked all the usual hiding places, looked under the Persian rugs, through Uday Hussein's porno collection, broke open all the plaster of paris Saddam statues, what more do you want?
Army Col. Richard McPhee, who will close down the task force next month, said he took seriously U.S. intelligence warnings on the eve of war that Hussein had given "release authority" to subordinates in command of chemical weapons. "We didn't have all these people in [protective] suits" for nothing, he said. But if Iraq thought of using such weapons, "there had to have been something to use. And we haven't found it. . . . Books will be written on that in the intelligence community for a long time."
The hunt will continue under a new Iraq Survey Group, which the Bush administration has said is a larger team. The previous teams in charge of searching for chemical weapons had been busy shedding light on far more important information like how much Uday Hussein was in to gold-plated items, experimenting with high-stakes strip poker with the most wanted Iraqi officials playing cards, tracking down the looted treasures from Iraq's national museum and hunting down Iraqis who proclaim themselves mayor of Baghdad.
Let's take a look in the "way back" machine and recall these quotes from Our Favorite Airman Bush:
Intelligence gathered by this and other governments leaves no doubt that the Iraq regime continues to possess and conceal some of the most lethal weapons ever devised, addressing the nation, March 17, 2003
The Iraqi regime has violated all of those obligations. It possesses and produces chemical and biological weapons, addressing the nation, October 8, 2002
Iraqi operatives continue to hide biological and chemical agents to avoid detection by inspectors, addressing the nation, March 6, 2003
Saddam Hussein cannot hide its weapons of mass destruction from international inspectors without the cooperation of hundreds and thousands of Iraqis; those who work in the weapons program and those who are responsible for concealing the weapons, speech to the UN, November 8, 2002.
There could be some very valid reasons why there aren't any weapons of mass destruction. I mean, other than telling blatant lies to the American people in order to get their support for an invasion of Iraq. Very good reasons, I'm sure. Just a handful of them are found in David Letterman's
Top Ten President Bush Excuses For Not Finding Weapons of Mass Destruction
10. "We've only looked through 99% of the country"
9. "We spent entire budget making those playing cards"
8. "Containers are labeled in some crazy language"
7. "They must have been stolen by some of them evil X-Men mutants"
6. "Did I say Iraq has weapons of mass destruction? I meant they have goats"
5. "How are we supposed to find weapons of mass destruction when we can't even find Cheney?"
4. "Still screwed up because of Daylight Savings Time"
3. "When you're trying to find something, it's always in the last place you look, am I right, people?"
2. "Let's face it -- I ain't exactly a genius"
1. "Geraldo took them"
Happy Hunting.
*****
If you're looking for some quick intellectual stimulation, the Gotham Gazette offers you the chance to compare your ability to fix the budget deficit better than Mayor Buffoonberg with the NYC Budget Game. Desultory Turgescence was able to created a $1.8 million surplus and pass out $36,000 apiece to its fifty favorite friends. Sadly, there were no options for repealing the hairbrained anti-smoking law, using Buffoonberg's money to pay off the deficit or building a big statue of Buffoonberg in Times Square so we can all get together and pull it down with the help of CNN reporters and camera crews while declaring the regime "officially" toppled.
zaterdag, mei 10, 2003
No Shakespeares, But Perhaps A Jay McInerney In The Bunch
The old theory that if you got together an infinite number of monkeys typing at random eventually they could produce the entire works of Shakespeare has finally been, to some degree, disproven.
Researchers at Plymouth University in England left a computer in the monkey enclosure at the Paignton Zoo for six Sulawesi crested macaques, Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan, for one month, to test out the theory. Instead of Shakespeare, they eventually produced five pages of text, composed primarily of the letter S. Later, the letters A, J, L and M crept in.
"They pressed a lot of S's," researcher Mike Phillips said yesterday. "Obviously, English isn't their first language." At first, said Phillips, "the lead male got a stone and started bashing the hell out of it."
"Another thing they were interested in was in defecating and urinating all over the keyboard," added Phillips, who runs the university's Institute of Digital Arts and Technologies.
The notion that monkeys typing at random will eventually produce literature is often attributed to Thomas Huxley, a 19th-century scientist who supported Charles Darwin's theories of evolution. (Hyperlink added for the sake of the creationists reading this blog). Mathematicians have also used it to illustrate concepts of chance.
Now that the monkeys have mastered the letters S, A, J, L and M, can another Story of My Life be far behind? After all, Phillips said the experiment showed that monkeys "are not random generators; they're more complex than that. They were quite interested in the screen, and they saw that when they typed a letter, something happened. There was a level of intention there." That's probably more than you can say for Jay McInerney's recent works.
The old theory that if you got together an infinite number of monkeys typing at random eventually they could produce the entire works of Shakespeare has finally been, to some degree, disproven.
Researchers at Plymouth University in England left a computer in the monkey enclosure at the Paignton Zoo for six Sulawesi crested macaques, Elmo, Gum, Heather, Holly, Mistletoe and Rowan, for one month, to test out the theory. Instead of Shakespeare, they eventually produced five pages of text, composed primarily of the letter S. Later, the letters A, J, L and M crept in.
"They pressed a lot of S's," researcher Mike Phillips said yesterday. "Obviously, English isn't their first language." At first, said Phillips, "the lead male got a stone and started bashing the hell out of it."
"Another thing they were interested in was in defecating and urinating all over the keyboard," added Phillips, who runs the university's Institute of Digital Arts and Technologies.
The notion that monkeys typing at random will eventually produce literature is often attributed to Thomas Huxley, a 19th-century scientist who supported Charles Darwin's theories of evolution. (Hyperlink added for the sake of the creationists reading this blog). Mathematicians have also used it to illustrate concepts of chance.
Now that the monkeys have mastered the letters S, A, J, L and M, can another Story of My Life be far behind? After all, Phillips said the experiment showed that monkeys "are not random generators; they're more complex than that. They were quite interested in the screen, and they saw that when they typed a letter, something happened. There was a level of intention there." That's probably more than you can say for Jay McInerney's recent works.
vrijdag, mei 09, 2003
Back In The Saddle
"Bush is repellent, a hawk who was a coward, leader of the most corrupt administration since the Twenties. He’s not a legitimate President," - Ken Livingstone, mayor of London, while taking questions from schoolchildren at London's City Hall.
While New York City residents are afflicted by a despotic little mayor who legislates morality, threatens his constituents with "doomsday" budgetary scenarios, nasally whines that he is "not here to run for the polls" and takes part in a fake wedding to Barbara Walters, reminding one of Nero fiddling while Rome burned, the mayor of London, Ken Livingstone delivers the goods on Bush.
As if his insightful take on Bush's presidency wasn't clear enough, he later added about the Bush Regime that: “This really is a completely unsupportable Government and I look forward to it being overthrown as much as I looked forward to Saddam Hussein being overthrown.” When asked to clarify his attack on Bush, Mr. Livingstone said Mr Bush was a coward who had avoided serving in the Vietnam war only through the influence of his father.
"You have got this super-patriotic hawk who was a coward when his country was actually involved in a war which he politically supported." and added that he thought George Bush "is the most corrupt American president since Harding in the Twenties".
President Harding was embroiled in the Teapot Dome Scandal which was a controversy over the leasing and control of oil reserves at Teapot Dome, Wyoming. Harding died in the third year of his first term. Bush is now in the third year of his first term.
Hmmmm.
But perhaps funnier, was that pansophical parrot Ari Fleischer was asked about the mayor's comments during yesterday's press briefing and responded by noting "First of all, I've never heard of the fellow. Second of all, I wouldn't dignify it with a comment."
Never heard of the mayor of the capital city of your biggest ally? Perhaps all those hours boning up on the fiercely cliché-ridden anti-Saddam rhetoric and all the months of polishing lies and evasions for the Administration leaves one with a rather stunted view, dancing from the head of a pin.
While Ari might not have a comment to dignify the mayor's comments with, Desultory Turgescence does:
Bravo, Mr. Livingstone!
*****
Perhaps it is coincidental timing, but Desultory Turgescence, while in the throes of the past two week sabbatical, has officially begun plans for a move to merry ole England sometime in the next two months. While it isn't quite the same as Moving to Florida, the appeal of the Shirley Donkey Derby may be too powerful to resist, not to mention the Fat God's Brewery and the distinct lack of moral monopolists polluting the landscape.
*****
Thanks to Snakeskin for publishing The Young Man's Checklist of Imperatives which first appeared on Desultory Turgenscence a few weeks ago.
*****
Thought of the Day:
"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober."
G. K. Chesterton
"Bush is repellent, a hawk who was a coward, leader of the most corrupt administration since the Twenties. He’s not a legitimate President," - Ken Livingstone, mayor of London, while taking questions from schoolchildren at London's City Hall.
While New York City residents are afflicted by a despotic little mayor who legislates morality, threatens his constituents with "doomsday" budgetary scenarios, nasally whines that he is "not here to run for the polls" and takes part in a fake wedding to Barbara Walters, reminding one of Nero fiddling while Rome burned, the mayor of London, Ken Livingstone delivers the goods on Bush.
As if his insightful take on Bush's presidency wasn't clear enough, he later added about the Bush Regime that: “This really is a completely unsupportable Government and I look forward to it being overthrown as much as I looked forward to Saddam Hussein being overthrown.” When asked to clarify his attack on Bush, Mr. Livingstone said Mr Bush was a coward who had avoided serving in the Vietnam war only through the influence of his father.
"You have got this super-patriotic hawk who was a coward when his country was actually involved in a war which he politically supported." and added that he thought George Bush "is the most corrupt American president since Harding in the Twenties".
President Harding was embroiled in the Teapot Dome Scandal which was a controversy over the leasing and control of oil reserves at Teapot Dome, Wyoming. Harding died in the third year of his first term. Bush is now in the third year of his first term.
Hmmmm.
But perhaps funnier, was that pansophical parrot Ari Fleischer was asked about the mayor's comments during yesterday's press briefing and responded by noting "First of all, I've never heard of the fellow. Second of all, I wouldn't dignify it with a comment."
Never heard of the mayor of the capital city of your biggest ally? Perhaps all those hours boning up on the fiercely cliché-ridden anti-Saddam rhetoric and all the months of polishing lies and evasions for the Administration leaves one with a rather stunted view, dancing from the head of a pin.
While Ari might not have a comment to dignify the mayor's comments with, Desultory Turgescence does:
Bravo, Mr. Livingstone!
*****
Perhaps it is coincidental timing, but Desultory Turgescence, while in the throes of the past two week sabbatical, has officially begun plans for a move to merry ole England sometime in the next two months. While it isn't quite the same as Moving to Florida, the appeal of the Shirley Donkey Derby may be too powerful to resist, not to mention the Fat God's Brewery and the distinct lack of moral monopolists polluting the landscape.
*****
Thanks to Snakeskin for publishing The Young Man's Checklist of Imperatives which first appeared on Desultory Turgenscence a few weeks ago.
*****
Thought of the Day:
"My country, right or wrong," is a thing that no patriot would think of saying except in a desperate case. It is like saying, "My mother, drunk or sober."
G. K. Chesterton
Abonneren op:
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