Battle of the Mites
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.
Mark Twain (1835 - 1910), Letter to Mrs Foote, Dec. 2, 1887

Mite Hopeful, Senator Ketchup Kerry: Mr. Kerry, of Massachusetts, campaigned this weekend in Southern states that will hold Democratic primary voting on Tuesday, including Texas and Mississippi. Before leaving Mississippi, Mr. Kerry charged that Mr. Bush was resisting federal investigations into the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and the intelligence leading up the invasion of Iraq.

"Why is this administration stonewalling and resisting the investigation into what happened and why we had the greatest security failure in the history of our country?" Mr. Kerry said about the 9/11 inquiry. "And why did I, hedging my political bets, vote to give President Jesus Bush the authority to invade Iraq in the first place when now in hindsight, because I'm a second-guessing political opportunist with the whore of the Ketchup Empire for a wife, I carp on and on about how wrong the invasion was to begin with? Because President Jesus Bush exaggerated the threat and made me soil myself in fear? Certainly! Had I known then what I know now, boy. Whew. I'd have never voted to give President Jesus Bush all that power. Certainly not! Vote for me now because I was hip enough to kill gooks in Vietnam. I'm a big war hero in another idiotic adventure in failed American foreign policy!"

Encumbant Mite, President Jesus Bush :

President Bush on Saturday brushed aside calls to pull political ads that use images of the devastated World Trade Center, and sought to cast himself as the best candidate to grow the economy despite job losses under his watch.

"The economy is getting stronger," Bush said one day after a government report showed the labor market mustered only 21,000 new jobs last month -- as compared to a White House forecast for more than 300,000 new jobs a month this year.

"You are getting very sleepy," Bush said one day after a government report showed the labor market mustered only 21,000 new jobs last month -- as compared to a White House forecast for more than 300,000 new jobs a month this year. "You do not care about jobs. You do not care about all your money going to us. You only care about being saved from those terrible terrorists....only President Jesus Bush can protect you from death...."

Bush hoped to shore up his public standing this week on national security and the economy with his first election campaign ads after John Kerry locked up the Democratic nomination.

But the ads, drawing on images from Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, sparked a backlash from families who lost relatives in the World Trade Center.

The small gain in jobs also disappointed White House officials, who had hoped for stronger evidence of a recovering labor market, and fueled Democratic attacks that Bush should be thrown out of office in the Nov. 2 general election.

Bush rejected criticism on both counts during a joint news conference with Mexican President Vicente Fox at his Crawford, Texas, ranch.

"We've been through a recession, we've been through an attack, we've been through corporate scandals, we've been through war, and yet our economy is getting stronger," Bush told reporters. "If you don't vote for me, the terrorists will kill you! All your little families, DEAD! All your babies will be blown to tiny little pieces if I'm not reelected. So just remember that when you think about voting for Ketchup Kerry. A vote for him is like a vote to slaughter your own babies."